Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Today’s been pretty chill, all things considered. Missy had a play-date yesterday with her friends Leah and Jacie and Jacie spent the night after CC took all three (and Josh) to a place called Pump It Up (a warehouse filled with Bounce Houses). The Route 56 group from our church went there last night as off campus activity. The kids said they had a great time, though they came back with some small, minor rubber burns from sliding on the vinyl.
CC got me up in time to go to the doctor appt. this morning which was a follow up appt. to my release from the hospital and since my regular doc is on vacation, I saw his colleague instead. Not much came from the appt. except that we learned that it is possible that the methadone may be contributing to my sweats I get throughout the day, though we still don’t really know. The methadone has done me pretty well, but it may serve me to increase the amount I take to see if it will be of further assistance in my managing the day with pain under control.
We took Joshy with us to the doctor appt. since he’s still having a real challenge with separating from CC. Ever since I went into the hospital, Joshy falls to pieces at CC’s even mentioning that she’s going to go on an errand, let alone going to work or otherwise.
We’re (the kids and me) watching The Adventures of Wallace and Gromit on DVD, thanks to my good friend George from L.A. He sent it up with some other videos for me to watch. Good fun.
Prior to Wallace and Gromit was listening to G3 on the computer again. I found their DVDs on sale on Amazon.com for $13.00 each!! I should have them by Friday. They are my birthday present to me. :-o) I’m also hoping for the out of circulation “Rippington’s Live from LA” video, currently up for sale on EBay. I’ve been waiting to find that video for years and the last time it was up for bid was this year a few weeks ago and I went in the hospital and lost the bid. I’m very hopeful to win it this time. I had owned the video a long time ago, but loaned it to a friend and forgot who I gave it to and never saw it again with no way to find it. I’ve been looking ever since ’97 when I loaned it and I was pretty dosed at the time (recovering from back surgery and taking a silly amount of narcotic). Here’s to hoping. The video truly captures the band’s live experience and is a real gem.
Grrrrrrr…Rats. It’s a few hours after I wrote the above paragraph and I was just outbid and money’s FAR to tight to continue. It was a tough justification to begin with, but I was coming at it from the “birthday present” approach, hoping it would stay in the very low figures. No such luck. Better luck next time, I ‘spose.
It’s been a very low key day and that’s been helpful. I’ve been able to relax and rest to the point of nodding off while typing a while ago. I’ve been considering what to do with my Zambia Diary from 2001 and am thinking that I will create a separate blog for it and create it with each day in the journal being a different blog entry. Same kind of deal as this blog, in that I don’t know who or how many would be interested in it but it would be fun to put it out there for folks to read if they want to. It is essentially my writings while on the trip to and from Lusaka, Zambia. I wrote the diary more as separate letters to CC and kids while I was gone, so many entries are clearly to her and referenced in missing her while away. When I put it together and post it, I will post the link in this blog.
I didn’t watch Mission Impossible III last night, too tired. Perhaps I’ll manage to view it tonight before I go to bed. I realized a big part of the reason that the movie last night depressed me and had such an affect is that it was based on truth and a real storyline, not a fictitious plot. The movie effectively and brutally portrayed humanity’s fallen nature on video and reminded me how vicious “we” can be without Him.
I’d like to ask all of you who pray to please be praying for CC and I as we near and reach the weekend which will present us with a decision regarding my work at FOP and my current condition. With the methadone, my pain is pretty much manageable throughout the day and, depending on the degree, I can walk without the use of a cane, however, the possibility of another attack is anything but removed and controlled at this point and my last two attacks were while I was at work. This decision is more than significant; it will likely determine the next several years of my life.
Confession: In honesty, I’ve been existing far more than actively praying although I DO know the importance of seeking God’s will and direction, especially now. Those inclined to intercede on our behalf prayerfully are sincerely appreciated, and besides, only God will know who you are anyway.
It’s the end of the night for me. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will be observing it while at CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs. I hope your day tomorrow is filled with joy, relaxation and good company.
Blessings-
w
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Tuesday Forward
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Today has been a pretty good day over-all and the high point so far is the Cardy meter arrived today! It's far smaller than I thought it would be, a little larger than a cell phone. I received the extra supplies as well and will just need to order more of the testing strips, but these strips should last for quite a while. The calibration has to be done around once a month and I hope to check my levels three times a day for a while, until I feel I have a pretty good handle on what my “normal” range is. I checked it with the meter and I was 4.4 K+. How cool.
To be continued… 4:58 PM
It’s 9:26 PM and I just finished watching what I thought was to be a very good movie called “Lord of War” with Nicholas Cage. It was a very depressing movie as opposed to very good and was far from the mood-setter I was hoping for. All I can do in response to seeing the movie is not to suggest it. My mood has sunk and hopefully will be only for a short time.
Once the movie ended, I checked email and noticed that my lab results from today’s lab draw was in and check it out; my potassium was 4.4 at the lab and it was 4.4 when I checked it here at the house. How cool is that? CC and I just talked about how to make the meter a practical tool for me since I will need to make it as portable as me. I may have to get back into wearing a waist-pack in order to carry it with me all the time.
Bri left a few hours ago to head to his cousin’s place and then for home. I was fading in energy and had to go lay down before he actually left. It was really good to have him visit and hang out. He took me to Kaiser to get my labs done this afternoon as well. He’s like the fusion of a good friend and younger brother as well. Years ago he went through Hell and hung out there for a while medically speaking, while fighting for his life in Stanford’s ICU, during the time I was working for Menlo. It was good to be there with him then and to see his recovery and, though my situation is not as his was, praise God, the ball seems to be on the other foot to some degree and his visits have been very heartwarming and enjoyable. Add to that, the kids love him…heck, even Annie has taken a real liking to him. It was a good visit.
Well, my pursuit of mental distraction has brought me to the “Mission Impossible III” DVD, which I hope will be a better suit for me than furthering a negative mindset such as “Lord of War”, granted a creatively done negative mindset, but a negative one, none the less.
Well, either way, the evening is coming to a close, so Wednesday is up next…Good things came from today; God was in them I think. My heart is thankful for the meter. I’m blessed.
peace
-me
Today has been a pretty good day over-all and the high point so far is the Cardy meter arrived today! It's far smaller than I thought it would be, a little larger than a cell phone. I received the extra supplies as well and will just need to order more of the testing strips, but these strips should last for quite a while. The calibration has to be done around once a month and I hope to check my levels three times a day for a while, until I feel I have a pretty good handle on what my “normal” range is. I checked it with the meter and I was 4.4 K+. How cool.
To be continued… 4:58 PM
It’s 9:26 PM and I just finished watching what I thought was to be a very good movie called “Lord of War” with Nicholas Cage. It was a very depressing movie as opposed to very good and was far from the mood-setter I was hoping for. All I can do in response to seeing the movie is not to suggest it. My mood has sunk and hopefully will be only for a short time.
Once the movie ended, I checked email and noticed that my lab results from today’s lab draw was in and check it out; my potassium was 4.4 at the lab and it was 4.4 when I checked it here at the house. How cool is that? CC and I just talked about how to make the meter a practical tool for me since I will need to make it as portable as me. I may have to get back into wearing a waist-pack in order to carry it with me all the time.
Bri left a few hours ago to head to his cousin’s place and then for home. I was fading in energy and had to go lay down before he actually left. It was really good to have him visit and hang out. He took me to Kaiser to get my labs done this afternoon as well. He’s like the fusion of a good friend and younger brother as well. Years ago he went through Hell and hung out there for a while medically speaking, while fighting for his life in Stanford’s ICU, during the time I was working for Menlo. It was good to be there with him then and to see his recovery and, though my situation is not as his was, praise God, the ball seems to be on the other foot to some degree and his visits have been very heartwarming and enjoyable. Add to that, the kids love him…heck, even Annie has taken a real liking to him. It was a good visit.
Well, my pursuit of mental distraction has brought me to the “Mission Impossible III” DVD, which I hope will be a better suit for me than furthering a negative mindset such as “Lord of War”, granted a creatively done negative mindset, but a negative one, none the less.
Well, either way, the evening is coming to a close, so Wednesday is up next…Good things came from today; God was in them I think. My heart is thankful for the meter. I’m blessed.
peace
-me
Monday, November 20, 2006
Monday Was Here
Monday, November 20, 2006
Well, it’s Monday evening and it’s been a fairly productive day.
Today’s accomplishments included getting some appointments cancelled and making some others. We’re making headway on the UCSF referral but are far from handled. The following is undoubtedly mundane and abore, but it is record of today's progress through the use of the phone.
Call and cancel the CT scan: Since I already had the CT scan while I was admitted this past time, there is no need for another scan. I called and left the message for them on the cancellation line. Theoretically they should receive it and cancel the appt.
Call to schedule an appt. with my primary physician or his covering physician: I scheduled an appt. with a doctor from his group this coming Wednesday. I was to have had a follow up with my primary following my release from the hospital, but he's on vacation and I gues the departmenal ball got droped on scheduling me with someone else, so we are following up on something they should have done. Sound familiar?
Call for an appt. with Nutritionist, Kirsten: I called and left a message for her on her line and got a call from CC that she had spoken to her and scheduled a meeting for next week, though I do not recall the day and time. She told CC that I should be eating more carbs than I am currently, but eating more often as well; the smaller meals approach we have tried to keep up from time to time. I'm looking forward to that meeting/appt.
Call UCSF regarding appt. time-frame: I called them and CC called them and determined that once we have the referral from Kaiser, they will double book me for the doctor as soon as possible to get me in ASAP. This has incredible potential to be a huge ball of red tape with a custom fringe of bickering, but I'm hopeful we will get what we need without too much more issue. I sent an email to Member Services at Kaiser stating that we want the referral now and do not believe we should wait until January (which is when the referral doc within Kaiser will see me for Kaiser's official Second Opinion) to get this done. My email left nothing to the imagination, and though you'll find it hard to believe, I wasn't wordy either.
Bracelet Information: I re-wrote the fax and bracelet information and sent and we need to fax it back to them and mail the bracelet to them for replacement. I will rest more securly once the bracelet has been fixed and I have it returned to me. This causes me some stress until it is completed. We'll try to get it off tomorrow.
Brian made it up safely and we had dinner brought to us by a family in the church. We have been truly blessed by the outpouring of love from different families within the church and we are humbled by it. It is so hard to receive, but such a blessing. Some who have given to us and some who have tried to give to us have shared with me that it is as important if not more important for them to give and us receive than not, in that, God is working with and through them and we are to receive when the gift is offered as an obedient act to help them as they help us.
Also, a good friend, George, returned a couple DVDs I had sent him and in return, sent me some DVDs to watch while convalescing, which is very cool. I watched Genesis Live at Wembley this afternoon with Bri.
Killer show.
Well, I’m tired and it’s time to call this a night. Let’s check out tomorrow, shall we?
peace
w
Well, it’s Monday evening and it’s been a fairly productive day.
Today’s accomplishments included getting some appointments cancelled and making some others. We’re making headway on the UCSF referral but are far from handled. The following is undoubtedly mundane and abore, but it is record of today's progress through the use of the phone.
Call and cancel the CT scan: Since I already had the CT scan while I was admitted this past time, there is no need for another scan. I called and left the message for them on the cancellation line. Theoretically they should receive it and cancel the appt.
Call to schedule an appt. with my primary physician or his covering physician: I scheduled an appt. with a doctor from his group this coming Wednesday. I was to have had a follow up with my primary following my release from the hospital, but he's on vacation and I gues the departmenal ball got droped on scheduling me with someone else, so we are following up on something they should have done. Sound familiar?
Call for an appt. with Nutritionist, Kirsten: I called and left a message for her on her line and got a call from CC that she had spoken to her and scheduled a meeting for next week, though I do not recall the day and time. She told CC that I should be eating more carbs than I am currently, but eating more often as well; the smaller meals approach we have tried to keep up from time to time. I'm looking forward to that meeting/appt.
Call UCSF regarding appt. time-frame: I called them and CC called them and determined that once we have the referral from Kaiser, they will double book me for the doctor as soon as possible to get me in ASAP. This has incredible potential to be a huge ball of red tape with a custom fringe of bickering, but I'm hopeful we will get what we need without too much more issue. I sent an email to Member Services at Kaiser stating that we want the referral now and do not believe we should wait until January (which is when the referral doc within Kaiser will see me for Kaiser's official Second Opinion) to get this done. My email left nothing to the imagination, and though you'll find it hard to believe, I wasn't wordy either.
Bracelet Information: I re-wrote the fax and bracelet information and sent and we need to fax it back to them and mail the bracelet to them for replacement. I will rest more securly once the bracelet has been fixed and I have it returned to me. This causes me some stress until it is completed. We'll try to get it off tomorrow.
Brian made it up safely and we had dinner brought to us by a family in the church. We have been truly blessed by the outpouring of love from different families within the church and we are humbled by it. It is so hard to receive, but such a blessing. Some who have given to us and some who have tried to give to us have shared with me that it is as important if not more important for them to give and us receive than not, in that, God is working with and through them and we are to receive when the gift is offered as an obedient act to help them as they help us.
Also, a good friend, George, returned a couple DVDs I had sent him and in return, sent me some DVDs to watch while convalescing, which is very cool. I watched Genesis Live at Wembley this afternoon with Bri.
Killer show.
Well, I’m tired and it’s time to call this a night. Let’s check out tomorrow, shall we?
peace
w
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sunday Cometh
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It’s Sunday evening and B52’s “Love Shack” is the tune of choice at the moment. Just before it was “The Sign” by Ace of Bass, a pretty vicious write about dumping someone, and not just leaving them but questioning how they could have been foolish enough to have been with them in the first place. That was a nasty inspiration, I’m certain. Anyway, it a tune and band I haven’t heard in quite some time. I liked their debut release but not much after that. Wow, digression so early in the write…
Slept in (again) this morning and have slowly been gaining on my lost sleep. I’m not feeling rested yet, but I’m hopeful I will soon. Angel went home this afternoon after staying with us since Friday. It’s been wonderful having her here and she’s such a help to CC. That was the biggest impact besides the kid’s joy of having her here.
CC wanted to take the family to the Sacramento Library in downtown, so we piled into the van and went down there this afternoon. The library is featuring special events each Sunday afternoon and this afternoon was an A Capella trio representing a 5 person ensemble called “Sovosos” I think…uh oh…memory is fading….oh well. They’re from Oakland and the trio did a great job. Very creative and very fresh. The gent covering the beat-box was exceptional, in my opinion. I really enjoyed their product. Afterwards was a treat for Angel; TCBY yogurt in Arden. I found out that the average smoothie there has from 86 to 116 Grams of Carbs. SERIOUS Carbs. I did not partake. Ya think?
(It’s Prince “When Doves Cry” currently) After yogurt was the trip back home and Missy’s preparation to go to the church tonight for the Agape Feast, which is a church-wide potluck. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been an all-church potluck and this was themed in the “original church”, in the time of the apostles. Sara asked certain folks to dress in old Israel garb and had one person per 3 tables act as host for those tables. She, Don Bowes and a few others played parts and had some lines, but overall, it was just an informal potluck with a theme. At the end of the night Chris directed everyone in communion, which was done separately at each table, and Pastor Henry prayed. 200+ came tonight which is cool on the one and, the hand that looks at the night itself and having a turnout, but it was frustrating on the other hand that the church, FOPC, has over 2000+ members on the roles and a turnout of 200 seems pretty low to me. As the dinner progressed, I began to feel light and started sweating like crazy again, but it mellowed out a little wile later. CC’s amazing; she noticed the sweating and cold hands and asked if I was alright, just after it started. I was pleased to not have to leave the dinner prematurely and by not leaving early I was able to say good evening to my crew who was working the event.
The high point of the night was to see my tech family who I haven’t been able to see since I was hospitalized. These are the folks I miss and love on a weekly-basis. It was so heartwarming to see them and get hugs and handshakes. I try to tell them week in and week out how much I appreciate them and tonight made it very tangible for me, in that I have missed them and not just as colleagues but really as my friends and extended family. Rob, Chris P, Robert P, Scott and Leslie, Madoli and Carl…Blessings to me, each of them. I can write it because I know I’ve said it to them over and over, otherwise I feel writing something like that knowing some of them may or might see it is akin to thanking someone while in prayer to avoid saying in person, on to one, if you understand what I mean. I received a call from Erin Creasey, another of my regular, long suffering tech team, and he said he was calling to see how I am doing. Without a doubt, consider him in the list above as well.
I miss them.
I used the cane most of the day today; I was tired and my right leg still feels weaker and occasionally obnoxious. I don’t like it much but it does make the walking a bit easier and for that, if nothing else, I should shut up. At least I can walk.
(Young MC’s “Bust a Move”) I’ve had my meds now and am typing from the bed. The body is mellowing out as the minutes pass. Last night, this was not the case; I got ready to get into bed and as I was climbing in, I could just feel the vibrations begin within my chest and instantly I was hit with the chills which cause me to become either ridged like a board while I shake almost uncontrollably or I curl into a fetal position to try to maintain some warmth. Last night was ridged and CC was quickly beside me calming me back down and helping me to get warmer. My shirt and sweat pants were soaked through before I knew it and after the chills receded it was very difficult to fall asleep, even though I the chills generally leave me exhausted. I’m pretty sure that those episodes are somehow related to HKPP but I don’t know exactly how. They just destroy me physically when they hit and when they stop, I’m left completely wiped and weak with everything hurting. No fun happening here…
(Paul Revere and the Raiders “Cherokee Nation”…remember that one?) Tomorrow or Tuesday should bring the Cardy! I’m excited to get it and get it into use. It would be great to have in cases like last night, to see if it is potassium related or not.
Also tomorrow, my bud Brian Kunz from Portola Valley is coming for a day to hang, chill at my casa and play with the kids, who are VERY excited to see him, so CC and I can complete some paperwork and get some errands done that would be tough to do with them in tow. Bri was my right hand man when I was at MPPC and is a good and faithful friend of ‘round 8 years now. A very, very good drummer and percussionist with a serious imagination, he is also an exceptional mixing engineer with some skilled live chops. I think he’d refer to himself as “Wacky” on a good day. Bri brings cool, good stuff to the mixing table.
(David Bowie’s “Fame”) Thanksgiving is this week, no it’s no shock, I know, but sometimes I have to be reminded of some of the basic OBVIOUS things, all right? Sheesh. So anyway, before I so rudely interrupted my self, Thanksgiving means my birthday is somewhere nearby. That of course means that, the reason I feel so damn old is, that I am...I ‘spose. Sorry for the brief profane expression…kinda. It was the right word…
I was hoping that 42 was going to be a better year than 41 was, being that 41 began with some major back/muscle/spiritual issues and was tough to get through. 42 looked decent until March when the first of these attacks began. Over half a dozen trips to the ER and 3 hospital admissions since then have rendered this year “unfavorable” at best and my hope is now for 43. Family will be coming next weekend and I’m really looking forward to that, though my niece, Kirsten, is in Hungary and thus the weekend won’t be all it could be, but will be as good as it can without her here. I miss you, hun.
So, on to Monday to see what it holds.
-w
It’s Sunday evening and B52’s “Love Shack” is the tune of choice at the moment. Just before it was “The Sign” by Ace of Bass, a pretty vicious write about dumping someone, and not just leaving them but questioning how they could have been foolish enough to have been with them in the first place. That was a nasty inspiration, I’m certain. Anyway, it a tune and band I haven’t heard in quite some time. I liked their debut release but not much after that. Wow, digression so early in the write…
Slept in (again) this morning and have slowly been gaining on my lost sleep. I’m not feeling rested yet, but I’m hopeful I will soon. Angel went home this afternoon after staying with us since Friday. It’s been wonderful having her here and she’s such a help to CC. That was the biggest impact besides the kid’s joy of having her here.
CC wanted to take the family to the Sacramento Library in downtown, so we piled into the van and went down there this afternoon. The library is featuring special events each Sunday afternoon and this afternoon was an A Capella trio representing a 5 person ensemble called “Sovosos” I think…uh oh…memory is fading….oh well. They’re from Oakland and the trio did a great job. Very creative and very fresh. The gent covering the beat-box was exceptional, in my opinion. I really enjoyed their product. Afterwards was a treat for Angel; TCBY yogurt in Arden. I found out that the average smoothie there has from 86 to 116 Grams of Carbs. SERIOUS Carbs. I did not partake. Ya think?
(It’s Prince “When Doves Cry” currently) After yogurt was the trip back home and Missy’s preparation to go to the church tonight for the Agape Feast, which is a church-wide potluck. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been an all-church potluck and this was themed in the “original church”, in the time of the apostles. Sara asked certain folks to dress in old Israel garb and had one person per 3 tables act as host for those tables. She, Don Bowes and a few others played parts and had some lines, but overall, it was just an informal potluck with a theme. At the end of the night Chris directed everyone in communion, which was done separately at each table, and Pastor Henry prayed. 200+ came tonight which is cool on the one and, the hand that looks at the night itself and having a turnout, but it was frustrating on the other hand that the church, FOPC, has over 2000+ members on the roles and a turnout of 200 seems pretty low to me. As the dinner progressed, I began to feel light and started sweating like crazy again, but it mellowed out a little wile later. CC’s amazing; she noticed the sweating and cold hands and asked if I was alright, just after it started. I was pleased to not have to leave the dinner prematurely and by not leaving early I was able to say good evening to my crew who was working the event.
The high point of the night was to see my tech family who I haven’t been able to see since I was hospitalized. These are the folks I miss and love on a weekly-basis. It was so heartwarming to see them and get hugs and handshakes. I try to tell them week in and week out how much I appreciate them and tonight made it very tangible for me, in that I have missed them and not just as colleagues but really as my friends and extended family. Rob, Chris P, Robert P, Scott and Leslie, Madoli and Carl…Blessings to me, each of them. I can write it because I know I’ve said it to them over and over, otherwise I feel writing something like that knowing some of them may or might see it is akin to thanking someone while in prayer to avoid saying in person, on to one, if you understand what I mean. I received a call from Erin Creasey, another of my regular, long suffering tech team, and he said he was calling to see how I am doing. Without a doubt, consider him in the list above as well.
I miss them.
I used the cane most of the day today; I was tired and my right leg still feels weaker and occasionally obnoxious. I don’t like it much but it does make the walking a bit easier and for that, if nothing else, I should shut up. At least I can walk.
(Young MC’s “Bust a Move”) I’ve had my meds now and am typing from the bed. The body is mellowing out as the minutes pass. Last night, this was not the case; I got ready to get into bed and as I was climbing in, I could just feel the vibrations begin within my chest and instantly I was hit with the chills which cause me to become either ridged like a board while I shake almost uncontrollably or I curl into a fetal position to try to maintain some warmth. Last night was ridged and CC was quickly beside me calming me back down and helping me to get warmer. My shirt and sweat pants were soaked through before I knew it and after the chills receded it was very difficult to fall asleep, even though I the chills generally leave me exhausted. I’m pretty sure that those episodes are somehow related to HKPP but I don’t know exactly how. They just destroy me physically when they hit and when they stop, I’m left completely wiped and weak with everything hurting. No fun happening here…
(Paul Revere and the Raiders “Cherokee Nation”…remember that one?) Tomorrow or Tuesday should bring the Cardy! I’m excited to get it and get it into use. It would be great to have in cases like last night, to see if it is potassium related or not.
Also tomorrow, my bud Brian Kunz from Portola Valley is coming for a day to hang, chill at my casa and play with the kids, who are VERY excited to see him, so CC and I can complete some paperwork and get some errands done that would be tough to do with them in tow. Bri was my right hand man when I was at MPPC and is a good and faithful friend of ‘round 8 years now. A very, very good drummer and percussionist with a serious imagination, he is also an exceptional mixing engineer with some skilled live chops. I think he’d refer to himself as “Wacky” on a good day. Bri brings cool, good stuff to the mixing table.
(David Bowie’s “Fame”) Thanksgiving is this week, no it’s no shock, I know, but sometimes I have to be reminded of some of the basic OBVIOUS things, all right? Sheesh. So anyway, before I so rudely interrupted my self, Thanksgiving means my birthday is somewhere nearby. That of course means that, the reason I feel so damn old is, that I am...I ‘spose. Sorry for the brief profane expression…kinda. It was the right word…
I was hoping that 42 was going to be a better year than 41 was, being that 41 began with some major back/muscle/spiritual issues and was tough to get through. 42 looked decent until March when the first of these attacks began. Over half a dozen trips to the ER and 3 hospital admissions since then have rendered this year “unfavorable” at best and my hope is now for 43. Family will be coming next weekend and I’m really looking forward to that, though my niece, Kirsten, is in Hungary and thus the weekend won’t be all it could be, but will be as good as it can without her here. I miss you, hun.
So, on to Monday to see what it holds.
-w
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
Saturday morning, November 18, 2006
Hi there-
This morning was Joshua’s final soccer game, CC works 6:00 AM to 11:00 AM and Missy has a drama rehearsal for tomorrow night’s Agape Feast…somewhat busy morning.
I got around 9 hours of sleep and feel pretty rested. I got up and woke up Josh, who was sleeping in our bed, apparently after he got up to see CC before she went to work. He’s having a seriously tough time with separation since my hospital stay. CC and I went to dinner last night with a very good friend last night and as we walked down the driveway, Josh kept calling to us from the doorway, telling us goodbye and crying/sobbing that we were leaving him. It was very hard. Our hearts just break for him knowing how real the fear is for him right now. All of that is to explain why he was sleeping in our bed after CC went to work. His thing right now is for her to wake him up before she leaves so he can say goodbye to her. After that, she puts him in our bed for his comfort and to go back to sleep. So that brings us back to this morning, waking up Josh and making breakfast for me and him while Angel does her morning treatments (for living with CF). After breakfast, she drove us to Josh’s soccer game at 9:00 and we hung out there while he played. The game ended in a tie, which is a pretty good way to close the season. Would have been cooler to win, but it’s better than losing. Missy had a rehearsal at 10:00 and Aunt Judy picked her up and took her there for that. Angel, Joshy and I arrived back at the house just before Missy did. Somewhat hectic morning.
CC has now taken Josh to the team party at Round Table Pizza and Angel, Missy and Nana are working on house work. My job was to keep Annie distracted for a bit and to work on computer stuff for the bracelet and a couple other computer items.
While I was tossing the ball for Annie, CC came outside and brought me the phone and to my wonderful surprise, Kirsten was on the line!!! How wonderful! I haven’t gotten to speak to her since she left for Hungary on her AFS excursion. That call TOTALLY made my day and week! She’s doing great, it sounds like, and she’s keeping the Hungarians on their toes I’d bet. I feel so much better having heard her voice. I brought the phone to Missy and she was quite elated to speak to her as well.
I’ve had some good time talking with Angel today as well. She’s such the sweetheart and also a very independent thinker; I love to listen to her and hear what she has to say and what she thinks. I was around when she was still an infant in a car seat, so it’s been wonderful to watch her grow up and become the beautiful young lady that she is.
Well, it’s back to research for the bracelet so we can get that back to them and returned to us as soon as possible. The Cardy meter has been ordered (last night) so we should see it Monday or Tuesday.
If you would, please be praying for CC and me right now as we face some huge decisions for us, ones on a global scale. Your thoughts and prayers are truly coveted.
Talk to you later-
peace
w
Hi there-
This morning was Joshua’s final soccer game, CC works 6:00 AM to 11:00 AM and Missy has a drama rehearsal for tomorrow night’s Agape Feast…somewhat busy morning.
I got around 9 hours of sleep and feel pretty rested. I got up and woke up Josh, who was sleeping in our bed, apparently after he got up to see CC before she went to work. He’s having a seriously tough time with separation since my hospital stay. CC and I went to dinner last night with a very good friend last night and as we walked down the driveway, Josh kept calling to us from the doorway, telling us goodbye and crying/sobbing that we were leaving him. It was very hard. Our hearts just break for him knowing how real the fear is for him right now. All of that is to explain why he was sleeping in our bed after CC went to work. His thing right now is for her to wake him up before she leaves so he can say goodbye to her. After that, she puts him in our bed for his comfort and to go back to sleep. So that brings us back to this morning, waking up Josh and making breakfast for me and him while Angel does her morning treatments (for living with CF). After breakfast, she drove us to Josh’s soccer game at 9:00 and we hung out there while he played. The game ended in a tie, which is a pretty good way to close the season. Would have been cooler to win, but it’s better than losing. Missy had a rehearsal at 10:00 and Aunt Judy picked her up and took her there for that. Angel, Joshy and I arrived back at the house just before Missy did. Somewhat hectic morning.
CC has now taken Josh to the team party at Round Table Pizza and Angel, Missy and Nana are working on house work. My job was to keep Annie distracted for a bit and to work on computer stuff for the bracelet and a couple other computer items.
While I was tossing the ball for Annie, CC came outside and brought me the phone and to my wonderful surprise, Kirsten was on the line!!! How wonderful! I haven’t gotten to speak to her since she left for Hungary on her AFS excursion. That call TOTALLY made my day and week! She’s doing great, it sounds like, and she’s keeping the Hungarians on their toes I’d bet. I feel so much better having heard her voice. I brought the phone to Missy and she was quite elated to speak to her as well.
I’ve had some good time talking with Angel today as well. She’s such the sweetheart and also a very independent thinker; I love to listen to her and hear what she has to say and what she thinks. I was around when she was still an infant in a car seat, so it’s been wonderful to watch her grow up and become the beautiful young lady that she is.
Well, it’s back to research for the bracelet so we can get that back to them and returned to us as soon as possible. The Cardy meter has been ordered (last night) so we should see it Monday or Tuesday.
If you would, please be praying for CC and me right now as we face some huge decisions for us, ones on a global scale. Your thoughts and prayers are truly coveted.
Talk to you later-
peace
w
Friday, November 17, 2006
Friday morning, November 17, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
So the morning started out fairly well, I slept another 11 hours again so I feel like I’m making up for lost time. I’m still able to walk around the house without the cane and am very thankful and encouraged.
After reading an email from a good friend, I re-read my morning email from yesterday and feel that I did not portray my thought very well, as they pertained to me and the kids and discipline, so without getting to far into a proverbial “hole”, I’d like to clarify my thoughts of yesterday.
Our home is the farthest from some kind of rogue military camp/school where the kids obey or are punished. CC also has their complete respect as well as mine and all of us operate very well as a family and CC and I as a team. Since the births of Missy and Joshua, my role has increasingly been the secondary and final stop in the response avenue of communications, in that I seldom interject into conversations that I was not a part of unless I heard phrasing, tone of voice or what I felt to be inappropriate inflection on the part of the children speaking to each other or to CC. I feel that today’s culture and society are increasingly breeding disrespect and creating an environment of desensitization in regards to respect and honor of parents and adults; from schools to family structures.
So with all that being said, my thoughts on the homestead are that our children and children who visit must abide by the respect and honor directed by biblical principles as I know them. I don’t necessarily expect “Sir and Ma’am” but “Mr. and Mrs. or Miss” for visiting adults and such. I do keep in mind that this is not enforced at school where the teachers prefer to be addressed by their first name, which I think is helping to break down the established structures of respect built by preceding generations. I prefer my children to speak to adults as I used to and was brought up to. When kids are visiting I strive for a level of respect but I do understand that their families may not be on the same page as me and thus my expectations can be deemed unreasonable. Some of the kids closest to our family already are used to calling us by our first names and in respect to them, I am watchful of the tone of voice, inflections and the common questioning of “why not?” or “How come” or “Why can’t we” and such like that. I’m a believer in obedience/compliance first then I’m happy to explain my reasoning and intent, but I am not alright with a child not doing something asked of them until they hear the reason why. I hope that makes sense in regards to what I wrote from yesterday and gives better understanding as to my frame of mind. I’m not sitting around waiting for the kids to make a mistake or something like that. I do correct what I feel is out of line or in appropriate and strive to be fair and correctable as well.
Well, I hope that covers that. I feel better about having written it down as well, so that should close that topic.
Our niece, Angel, just arrived and will be here for the weekend to get out of her surroundings for a weekend and help with the house and such for CC. She’s an amazing young lady who was born with Cystic Fibrosis and has chosen life over succumbing to the baggage of the disease. She’s a beautiful young lady who now engaged to a gentleman from her town, wonderfully in love with each other. It will be great to have her here for the few days.
Well, more work needs to be done on the bracelet and Cardy, so I’m off to work on those instead of type my thoughts any more.
peace
w
So the morning started out fairly well, I slept another 11 hours again so I feel like I’m making up for lost time. I’m still able to walk around the house without the cane and am very thankful and encouraged.
After reading an email from a good friend, I re-read my morning email from yesterday and feel that I did not portray my thought very well, as they pertained to me and the kids and discipline, so without getting to far into a proverbial “hole”, I’d like to clarify my thoughts of yesterday.
Our home is the farthest from some kind of rogue military camp/school where the kids obey or are punished. CC also has their complete respect as well as mine and all of us operate very well as a family and CC and I as a team. Since the births of Missy and Joshua, my role has increasingly been the secondary and final stop in the response avenue of communications, in that I seldom interject into conversations that I was not a part of unless I heard phrasing, tone of voice or what I felt to be inappropriate inflection on the part of the children speaking to each other or to CC. I feel that today’s culture and society are increasingly breeding disrespect and creating an environment of desensitization in regards to respect and honor of parents and adults; from schools to family structures.
So with all that being said, my thoughts on the homestead are that our children and children who visit must abide by the respect and honor directed by biblical principles as I know them. I don’t necessarily expect “Sir and Ma’am” but “Mr. and Mrs. or Miss” for visiting adults and such. I do keep in mind that this is not enforced at school where the teachers prefer to be addressed by their first name, which I think is helping to break down the established structures of respect built by preceding generations. I prefer my children to speak to adults as I used to and was brought up to. When kids are visiting I strive for a level of respect but I do understand that their families may not be on the same page as me and thus my expectations can be deemed unreasonable. Some of the kids closest to our family already are used to calling us by our first names and in respect to them, I am watchful of the tone of voice, inflections and the common questioning of “why not?” or “How come” or “Why can’t we” and such like that. I’m a believer in obedience/compliance first then I’m happy to explain my reasoning and intent, but I am not alright with a child not doing something asked of them until they hear the reason why. I hope that makes sense in regards to what I wrote from yesterday and gives better understanding as to my frame of mind. I’m not sitting around waiting for the kids to make a mistake or something like that. I do correct what I feel is out of line or in appropriate and strive to be fair and correctable as well.
Well, I hope that covers that. I feel better about having written it down as well, so that should close that topic.
Our niece, Angel, just arrived and will be here for the weekend to get out of her surroundings for a weekend and help with the house and such for CC. She’s an amazing young lady who was born with Cystic Fibrosis and has chosen life over succumbing to the baggage of the disease. She’s a beautiful young lady who now engaged to a gentleman from her town, wonderfully in love with each other. It will be great to have her here for the few days.
Well, more work needs to be done on the bracelet and Cardy, so I’m off to work on those instead of type my thoughts any more.
peace
w
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Thursday Evening
Thursday, November 16, 2006
So we’ve come to the close of another day and ANY day that is a day away from the hospital is a GRAND day! At least that’s what I think, anyway.
I went with CC to go get the kids from school and then to the medical center to get some labs drawn for my potassium count. That’s another thing we just have to accept until we get the Cardy, which is trips to the lab every 2 days to keep track of my levels. The Cardy will hopefully prove to be a gas saver as well as peace of mind benefit.
While we were out I got hungry, having skipped lunch, and asked if we might stop somewhere to pick up something to eat on our way home, so we went by McDonalds and I found out about 15 minutes later that I had made an error in judgment as to cuisine…I felt pretty sick. We had a couple more places to go then we came back home and I got back on the couch and laid still for the better part of an hour and my system seemed to forgive my idiocy. Lesson learned.
I got up when it was time for dinner and decided to try mobility without the cane and did well, so…maybe no more regular cane use…? We’ll see.
I also got my first shower in several days and that felt great, to say the least.
I’ve been working on my mood, which has been less than fair due to impromptu pity parties and things similar, so I’m trying to maintain a good musical base. Currently is “Stevie Ray Vaughn Live at Austin City Limits”. He’s the epitome of “the other side of the fence” from the boys of G3, which I was listening to just before dinner tonight. Stevie just mesmerizes me in no time at all. He’s got a wealth of chops that I would love to have, more-so than my desire to play like one of the G3 boys. I’m in awe of them and LOVE to listen to them but don’t have the drive to try to learn how to fly like they do on the fret board. John Petrucci from Dream Theater is on their “Live from Tokyo” video and just watching his right hand blows me away; the discipline it takes to move so fast on one string and maintain rhythm at that speed is just beyond me. Also in that concert you have Steve Vai with Tony MacAlpine on rhythm and keys and the seriously incredible bass playing of Billy Sheehan. The ending jam for that show was Hendrix’ “Foxy Lady”, ZZ Top’s La Grange and Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”. As if their sets weren’t incredible enough, they close their show with 3 tunes which stand wonderfully on their own and each player solos in each tune. Billy Sheehan sings “La Grange”; very cool. If you dig guitar, you MUST check one or more of these shows out. I know of three videos of G3; each have Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and the third guitarist is different for each show/concert. 2001 Tokyo has John Petrucci, 2003 Denver has Yngwie Malmsteen and 1996 Minnesota has Eric Johnson (with Satriani’s bassist being the amazing and inspiring Stu Hamm). According to their website, G3, they've toured 6 years so far and are currently in Australia…Hey Neil, DON’T MISS THIS if you can possible help, bro. They've had several guitarists with Satriani, mostly Vai and others but the list of players is a vurtual "who's who" of axe men. The show with Yngwie is very good but Yngwie seems as arrogant as I remember him to be, but the boy has some lethal chops, no doubt.
Wow, I digressed…but then, I guess I can, huh? :-o)
I’ve also been looking at some MPEG clips from Live Aid 1985 (Dire Straights w/Sting, Led Zeppelin reunion) and some other live Zeppelin clips.
We have been checking into the possibility of being seen at San Francisco Medical thanks to my family having taken the initiative and made some calls and we found out tonight that I have to be seen by another Kaiser MD and get the same diagnosis before they will refer me to another medical center other than a Kaiser facility. So we will begin that process as soon as we can. It looks like we will go to Kaiser of Walnut Creek where our Neurologist normally refers his patients for second opinions. Once that’s done we can hopefully receive our referral.
I don’t know what God has in store for me at this point and that uncertainty causes friction within me and un-ease, but I guess I just have to learn to shut up and listen. As most of you know, I don’t shut up well… *sigh*.
So the specific praise for the day appears to be that I can move without the consistent need of the cane and that we know what our next step has to be with Kaiser to move forward. Let’s see what Friday holds…
Peace all
w
So we’ve come to the close of another day and ANY day that is a day away from the hospital is a GRAND day! At least that’s what I think, anyway.
I went with CC to go get the kids from school and then to the medical center to get some labs drawn for my potassium count. That’s another thing we just have to accept until we get the Cardy, which is trips to the lab every 2 days to keep track of my levels. The Cardy will hopefully prove to be a gas saver as well as peace of mind benefit.
While we were out I got hungry, having skipped lunch, and asked if we might stop somewhere to pick up something to eat on our way home, so we went by McDonalds and I found out about 15 minutes later that I had made an error in judgment as to cuisine…I felt pretty sick. We had a couple more places to go then we came back home and I got back on the couch and laid still for the better part of an hour and my system seemed to forgive my idiocy. Lesson learned.
I got up when it was time for dinner and decided to try mobility without the cane and did well, so…maybe no more regular cane use…? We’ll see.
I also got my first shower in several days and that felt great, to say the least.
I’ve been working on my mood, which has been less than fair due to impromptu pity parties and things similar, so I’m trying to maintain a good musical base. Currently is “Stevie Ray Vaughn Live at Austin City Limits”. He’s the epitome of “the other side of the fence” from the boys of G3, which I was listening to just before dinner tonight. Stevie just mesmerizes me in no time at all. He’s got a wealth of chops that I would love to have, more-so than my desire to play like one of the G3 boys. I’m in awe of them and LOVE to listen to them but don’t have the drive to try to learn how to fly like they do on the fret board. John Petrucci from Dream Theater is on their “Live from Tokyo” video and just watching his right hand blows me away; the discipline it takes to move so fast on one string and maintain rhythm at that speed is just beyond me. Also in that concert you have Steve Vai with Tony MacAlpine on rhythm and keys and the seriously incredible bass playing of Billy Sheehan. The ending jam for that show was Hendrix’ “Foxy Lady”, ZZ Top’s La Grange and Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”. As if their sets weren’t incredible enough, they close their show with 3 tunes which stand wonderfully on their own and each player solos in each tune. Billy Sheehan sings “La Grange”; very cool. If you dig guitar, you MUST check one or more of these shows out. I know of three videos of G3; each have Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and the third guitarist is different for each show/concert. 2001 Tokyo has John Petrucci, 2003 Denver has Yngwie Malmsteen and 1996 Minnesota has Eric Johnson (with Satriani’s bassist being the amazing and inspiring Stu Hamm). According to their website, G3, they've toured 6 years so far and are currently in Australia…Hey Neil, DON’T MISS THIS if you can possible help, bro. They've had several guitarists with Satriani, mostly Vai and others but the list of players is a vurtual "who's who" of axe men. The show with Yngwie is very good but Yngwie seems as arrogant as I remember him to be, but the boy has some lethal chops, no doubt.
Wow, I digressed…but then, I guess I can, huh? :-o)
I’ve also been looking at some MPEG clips from Live Aid 1985 (Dire Straights w/Sting, Led Zeppelin reunion) and some other live Zeppelin clips.
We have been checking into the possibility of being seen at San Francisco Medical thanks to my family having taken the initiative and made some calls and we found out tonight that I have to be seen by another Kaiser MD and get the same diagnosis before they will refer me to another medical center other than a Kaiser facility. So we will begin that process as soon as we can. It looks like we will go to Kaiser of Walnut Creek where our Neurologist normally refers his patients for second opinions. Once that’s done we can hopefully receive our referral.
I don’t know what God has in store for me at this point and that uncertainty causes friction within me and un-ease, but I guess I just have to learn to shut up and listen. As most of you know, I don’t shut up well… *sigh*.
So the specific praise for the day appears to be that I can move without the consistent need of the cane and that we know what our next step has to be with Kaiser to move forward. Let’s see what Friday holds…
Peace all
w
Thursday morning
Thursday, November 16, 2006
It’s 11:25 and I slept about 11 hours last night, so I’m catching up night by night. It was harder to go to sleep last night for some reason, plus the muscle jerks are still happening once I get truly relaxed. I’m going to have to do some more research on that aspect, they are alarming and frustrating as well, but at least I know they are coming now, so they don’t catch me completely off guard.
I’m again blessed by the emails coming through; they bring a peace to my heart.
I’m going to pursue ordering the Cardy meter today and have been reading up on its use and calibration technique, which apparently takes some getting used to. Also, we are re-faxing our instructions for the Medic Alert bracelet today as well so we can get that back ASAP. I think I mentioned that it came but that it omitted a significant warning on the engraving so we asked them to re-do it.
I was thinking my parents were coming up today, but CC said they had talked with her this morning and that it makes more sense for them to come when they will have more time instead of today, so, if you guys are reading this, I love you and am looking forward to seeing you in a week or so. I’ll plan to call today as well.
I talked to my sis last night and that was reassuring and a blessing. I found after the fact, that I was starving for certain things while in the hospital and one of those things was family so it was very cool to hear her voice last night.
CC’s (and my) niece Angel is coming up tomorrow to help her with the house and stuff, which is HUGE for CC, since she has not been able to get to much of it at all and now especially with me home she wants it cleaned and such but hasn’t had time to do it, so they both will go after it tomorrow and she’ll feel far better.
We’ve got labs to do today so a trip back up the Kaiser is coming soon. It will be good to get back out and about, even if it is just to do an errand or two.
Since being home, though I’m stuck on the couch to a great extent, the disciplinarian seems to be back at home…the kids have been used to pushing the bar to the max or Joshy having a melt down and such and bringing CC to the point of locking it down or letting it go depending on her energy. It seems when I’m home, it always gets locked down so the kids are also acclimating back to that familiar territory. I’ve grown up caring about the tone of voice, the phrasing and inflection when a child speaks to an adult or parent and that matters to me, so the kids are learning that it will have to matter to them too.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ll check in later-
peace
w
It’s 11:25 and I slept about 11 hours last night, so I’m catching up night by night. It was harder to go to sleep last night for some reason, plus the muscle jerks are still happening once I get truly relaxed. I’m going to have to do some more research on that aspect, they are alarming and frustrating as well, but at least I know they are coming now, so they don’t catch me completely off guard.
I’m again blessed by the emails coming through; they bring a peace to my heart.
I’m going to pursue ordering the Cardy meter today and have been reading up on its use and calibration technique, which apparently takes some getting used to. Also, we are re-faxing our instructions for the Medic Alert bracelet today as well so we can get that back ASAP. I think I mentioned that it came but that it omitted a significant warning on the engraving so we asked them to re-do it.
I was thinking my parents were coming up today, but CC said they had talked with her this morning and that it makes more sense for them to come when they will have more time instead of today, so, if you guys are reading this, I love you and am looking forward to seeing you in a week or so. I’ll plan to call today as well.
I talked to my sis last night and that was reassuring and a blessing. I found after the fact, that I was starving for certain things while in the hospital and one of those things was family so it was very cool to hear her voice last night.
CC’s (and my) niece Angel is coming up tomorrow to help her with the house and stuff, which is HUGE for CC, since she has not been able to get to much of it at all and now especially with me home she wants it cleaned and such but hasn’t had time to do it, so they both will go after it tomorrow and she’ll feel far better.
We’ve got labs to do today so a trip back up the Kaiser is coming soon. It will be good to get back out and about, even if it is just to do an errand or two.
Since being home, though I’m stuck on the couch to a great extent, the disciplinarian seems to be back at home…the kids have been used to pushing the bar to the max or Joshy having a melt down and such and bringing CC to the point of locking it down or letting it go depending on her energy. It seems when I’m home, it always gets locked down so the kids are also acclimating back to that familiar territory. I’ve grown up caring about the tone of voice, the phrasing and inflection when a child speaks to an adult or parent and that matters to me, so the kids are learning that it will have to matter to them too.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ll check in later-
peace
w
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Who are you?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
This one's brief; I just received an email a few minutes ago from an anonymous sender who I guess emailed me through the blog site. It didn't give me any info except "Anonymous user" and I'd really like to know who was saying hi so I can say hi back.
Whoever you are, please email me again, same way if you wish, but include your name and a way to contact you, if you're willing.
Hope to hear back from you-
peace
w
This one's brief; I just received an email a few minutes ago from an anonymous sender who I guess emailed me through the blog site. It didn't give me any info except "Anonymous user" and I'd really like to know who was saying hi so I can say hi back.
Whoever you are, please email me again, same way if you wish, but include your name and a way to contact you, if you're willing.
Hope to hear back from you-
peace
w
Wednesday mornin'
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Good morning-
I slept for 12 hours last night...Go figure. It's hard to describe how it feels to sleep back in familiar surroundings and not be woken up every 3 hours for another poke in the arm or medicine due. It is SO GOOD to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie completely freaked out when she saw me. I had come in from the van and gotten onto the couch while Annie was outside and CC came to the patio doorway and Annie came to greet her and CC said "Where's daddy?" and she said that Annie cocked her head, and BOLTED into the living room where she couldn't control her excitement, licked me, then ran in a couple circles, licked me again ran some more circles and then ran outside to the back yard and ran laps around the hedge, full speed, which is something she does when she's excited. At close to 90lbs, I'm thankful the patio door was Open when she bolted outside. She spent the next number of hours coming and and checking on me, lying down beside the couch, often where I could lower my hand and touch her head. It's so cool to have the love of a pet.
Speechless. A very good and long time friend came by last night and brought us a gift to enable us to afford the Cardy meter. I haven't gotten to see him much just due to life schedules, mostly on my side, and our friendship goes back to my college days where we began a very cool and long lasting friendship. His visit last night just blew me away. He and I will always have a depth to our friendship which will be unlike any other, which is undoubtedly a God-thing and blessing. I'm still humbled to bottom of my heart.
Life for a life, bro.
My job for the next several days is to remember that I cannot do and move like I used to right now and to choose not to be angry and frustrated by that. I don't want to use a cane. I don't want to walk slowly. I don't want to have to ask for help. I know this isn't necessarily forever, but it always feels like it at the time. I have to accept that I cannot be alone for long periods of time or be places that people don't know about, in that I have to let people know where I am going to be so I'm not stuck in a situation where I've got no one knowing where I am. I have to keep my cell phone charged and likely change my quick-dial numbers to include 911, something that makes all kinds of sense, even if you aren't sick or at risk. I don't want my kids or wife scared anymore. Missy and Josh were scared that I wouldn't come home from the hospital, and I know it's not my fault, but I DO feel responsible for their fear of it. Case in point, CC just called and said she had visited Josh at school during lunch time today and had to bring Joshy into his classroom before lunch ended because he would not let her leave without tears and cries that she can't leave him. Much of it is due to age and emotions par for that course, but this has become intense since my attack last Wednesday. It is so hard on them. I don't want my family or friends feeling helpless to do something . I'll get through all this, I know it, but right now it's hard to do.
*Bleh*
Well, that's it for the morning, I guess.
Thank you for your emails; they are healing notes in this time of life.
We shall see what the afternoon holds in store...
peace all-
w
Good morning-
I slept for 12 hours last night...Go figure. It's hard to describe how it feels to sleep back in familiar surroundings and not be woken up every 3 hours for another poke in the arm or medicine due. It is SO GOOD to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie completely freaked out when she saw me. I had come in from the van and gotten onto the couch while Annie was outside and CC came to the patio doorway and Annie came to greet her and CC said "Where's daddy?" and she said that Annie cocked her head, and BOLTED into the living room where she couldn't control her excitement, licked me, then ran in a couple circles, licked me again ran some more circles and then ran outside to the back yard and ran laps around the hedge, full speed, which is something she does when she's excited. At close to 90lbs, I'm thankful the patio door was Open when she bolted outside. She spent the next number of hours coming and and checking on me, lying down beside the couch, often where I could lower my hand and touch her head. It's so cool to have the love of a pet.
Speechless. A very good and long time friend came by last night and brought us a gift to enable us to afford the Cardy meter. I haven't gotten to see him much just due to life schedules, mostly on my side, and our friendship goes back to my college days where we began a very cool and long lasting friendship. His visit last night just blew me away. He and I will always have a depth to our friendship which will be unlike any other, which is undoubtedly a God-thing and blessing. I'm still humbled to bottom of my heart.
Life for a life, bro.
My job for the next several days is to remember that I cannot do and move like I used to right now and to choose not to be angry and frustrated by that. I don't want to use a cane. I don't want to walk slowly. I don't want to have to ask for help. I know this isn't necessarily forever, but it always feels like it at the time. I have to accept that I cannot be alone for long periods of time or be places that people don't know about, in that I have to let people know where I am going to be so I'm not stuck in a situation where I've got no one knowing where I am. I have to keep my cell phone charged and likely change my quick-dial numbers to include 911, something that makes all kinds of sense, even if you aren't sick or at risk. I don't want my kids or wife scared anymore. Missy and Josh were scared that I wouldn't come home from the hospital, and I know it's not my fault, but I DO feel responsible for their fear of it. Case in point, CC just called and said she had visited Josh at school during lunch time today and had to bring Joshy into his classroom before lunch ended because he would not let her leave without tears and cries that she can't leave him. Much of it is due to age and emotions par for that course, but this has become intense since my attack last Wednesday. It is so hard on them. I don't want my family or friends feeling helpless to do something . I'll get through all this, I know it, but right now it's hard to do.
*Bleh*
Well, that's it for the morning, I guess.
Thank you for your emails; they are healing notes in this time of life.
We shall see what the afternoon holds in store...
peace all-
w
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Until I can get some newer music up on Sound Cloud, here is what's up there now, which includes some favorite Forthright demo tunes we r...
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008 I'm behind again on posting...sorry. My focus has been around the house and with family more so than not,...