Monday EARLY Morning: Pay tp Play

Monday, January 19, 2009

It seems that the weekend has come and gone without any formed attacks, and to say that I am grateful or relieved is simply an understatement. I don’t know what today holds, but I DO know Who holds today…yeah, it’s cliché, but it’s also true, and THAT is the key to me. To my knowledge, the HKPP attacks are going to come and go, more than likely, with increased frequency as I get older, but I must remember that it is MY responsibility to endure them, learn from them and persevere to the next minute, hour, day and/or week, depending on the severity of the hit. Just today, I received an email from Washington state, encouraging me to persevere and stay strong or even stronger. Their words were such a gift from God to me; needless to say, I know that God did not email me, but I do believe that God prompts each of us, daily even, to move on something or act on something and thus He deserves the credit, just as the writer does as well. The encouraging words warmed my soul and spirit, which had grown cool over the past number of days due to stress, aches and pains (we have lowered my methadone intake which opens the door to recognizing the pains that I have been medicating) and most recently, not making it to church yesterday morning due to a pretty late night. If I may, let me encourage you to never deny that inner voice or motivation that suggests emailing, texting, phoning or even stopping by and visiting someone that all of a sudden appears on your heart or spiritual radar; that “someone” is likely in need of something you have to give, even if you don’t know in the moment what it is you have to offer. God will take care of the rest of it, I’m confident. Hmmm…doggone soapbox keeps getting under my feet in the most unexpected times…it’s not like I PUT it there or anything like that…

I also wanted to share that my PT appointment on this past Thursday, not only went well, but I was able to do some supervised, increased working-out on the weight training equipment; we increased the lift amounts from the previous Tuesday, which ignited more hope within me and boosted my self esteem a few points. I think I actually loathe my current body condition and shape and am clearly impatient regarding the slow rebuild process currently underway to restore my body’s muscle conditions to be the best they can be; even now, we don’t know what that may be or will look like, but Lord willing, it will not be at my current weight or physique.

Saturday morning, I had a unique opportunity before me, regarding my son and Xbox “Shooter” games, where the player finds themselves in military, political or survival scenarios where they have to shoot their way through the game, taking out “bad guys”, being stealthy and even formulating strategies to keep their character alive while dispatching as many “bad guys” as possible and reaching the next level or chapter in the game. Both Joshy and I like these kinds of games; I suppose it is the inner warrior within us. Anyway, when Joshy and I would play a game together (Star Wars Battle Front, Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Vegas, etc.), it was not unusual for him to just burst into the action and begin firing away, mostly because most games have a feature called “Re-spawn” (begin again from where you left off) wherein, when your character gets killed during the game, within 10 seconds or less, the character is restarted, often near where they were dispatched and thus they can continue to play with often, little knowledge or wisdom gained from the previous concluding moment. They get to just keep on going, knowing that their character will “come back to life”, essentially. Well, earlier that morning, I had come across some YouTube videos from the war in Iraq, one of those videos actually followed a small group of marines who were having to fight there way though some enemy-occupied homes/buildings. The video was shot by soldier from their platoon, so very little was edited out in terms of their realities. I moved on the opportunity to show Joshy what the facts are in regards to firefights and going room to room and stairwell to stairwell with an unseen, un-digitally created unpredictable enemy. The video was roughly 9 minutes or so and it ended with some brief images of the “rubbelled” remains of two enemy fighters who were on the receiving end of a barrage of .50 caliber rounds which decimated the earthen building they were attacking from. The video had a clear impact on him regarding life and death, aspects of what war is, even realizing that it is perceivable that we are, in spirit and theory, showing elements of disrespect to those fighting for their lives and the lives of others by approaching such type games (where your character is playing the part of a Special Forces or Elite Military personnel character) with a reckless abandon resulting in that character’s inevitable death. Some of you are likely rolling your eyes right now while others might be trying to remember the name of that reputable psychotherapist for me, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. My issue is making ABSOLUTELY certain that Joshua perceives and understands the true and actual reality and responsibility of our armed forces and the wars they have fought and are fighting even now, even to an extent, regardless of why we got into the war in the first place; if our fighters are involved, we need to respect, honor, lift up and stand behind them until they come back home. I think that many shooter games are simply an outlet for stress and entertainment; good vs. evil and the like. But when it comes to shooter games wherein you play a character of our military and are “re-fighting” a World War II battle or such, I think we should approach the game a bit differently than if we are playing some future alien battle/war or some kill or be killed good vs. bad fight; I think our armed forces have long, long ago earned that respect, even if it is only perceived and recognized while we play a glorified computer game. I want Joshy to play those characters with a higher level of respect and dignity than to simply run out and begin killing any and all with no concern for his comrades’ fight or approaching his character with a “It’s no big deal; I’ll just re-spawn and keep going” attitude, which nearly all shooter games promote, as far as I can tell. I guess I’m a real “hoot” to play Xbox with, huh?

Well, here I am again, sitting in my office, typing away at 1:52 AM on Monday morning…I feel good sharing my heart, but I know I’ll be hurtin’ come later morning time, plus I’ll be extra tired as well.
I pay to play just like everyone else.

May God be with you.
Peace-