Sharing 1

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This one is going to take a while to write because it reflects on several days instead of just a 24 or 48 hour period. So, let us begin…

I could feel the presence of their hands on my head, shoulders and back, even through the layers of clothes I was wearing that morning; the presence of their hands, evident from the light but firm pressure you feel when some puts their arm over your shoulder in an expression of comfort or quiet encouragement. This was like that, only multiplied by a few. These saints, who God has placed at the church I grew up in, believe in miracles. They believe in the power of prayer. They believe in the unmistakable touch of the Holy Spirit upon those who know it or not. Though sometimes I feel like little more than a spiritual beggar (poor in respect to spiritual property and sometimes short on blessed memories), I did know that His Spirit touched me that morning as these determined saints fervently interceded prayerfully on my behalf. While they spoke their petitions to Him regarding me and my occasionally raging battles with my disease, they gently had laid their hands on me in obedience to scripture, where the apostles are told to lay their hands on the sick and pray for their healing.
Here is that scripture in context:

Mark 16:14-18:
14Afterward he appeared to the eleven themselves as they were reclining at table, and he rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen. 15And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover."

In Luke 4:40, Jesus exemplified what he preached:
Luke 4:40:
40Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to him (Jesus), and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them.

It is not for me to know whether or not these saints were thinking of Jesus’ commission to His disciples, per se’, in the very moments they were in prayer for me, but I believe with my whole heart that their sincerity in spirit and their humbleness of heart brought His attention to me in that moment and He allowed me a glimpse of His compassion within my mind’s eye and He blessed me with understanding of His care for me as the minutes of the day bore witness to His Touch in me that morning.

Before continuing, I must share that His touch and blessing that morning did not take away my physical disease, nor did it restore my genetic mutations to what they “should” be according to the medical books. His touch that morning, spoke to me right where I was in that moment and I believe was at least two-fold, and I will do all that I can to explain what I mean, but you must know that at some point, you will either have to believe in the possibility of my account being truthful and actual if what I’m sharing is going to make any sense, supernatural or otherwise, or the alternative view that my meds are somehow working overtime, requiring a brief smile and nod while you back away slowly. It is my hope that I do a degree of justice to my experience that morning in sharing this with you.

So, as they were praying that morning and keeping their hands upon me, as if almost to be holding me up and securing my physical or maybe spiritual balance, I sat with my eyes closed and tried diligently to focus on their voices and understand their words of intercession. As they spoke, I could clearly hear the sounds of children playing in another part of the sanctuary and their laughter and squeals of excitement seemed to become like audible static to me as I continued to try to understand all that was being spoken around, but not to me. The louder distracting sounds, the harder I tried to focus on those praying for me; perhaps their presence caused me to diligently focus and listen instead of just sitting on the prayer bus while the others took turns driving. It’s not so much that I should have been trying to drive as much as I should have been actively looking as to where the bus was going and taking in all I could *see* during that time. Yeah, it’s another Wade-ism, I guess. So, as my eyes are closed and I’m choosing not to be actively distracted by the children’s playing, an image comes into my mind, as if drawn in some kind of chrome color. I saw what was a cylinder like chalice, though not hollowed out as to hold anything, but solid, like a metal cylinder would be. The neck and body of it were also not thin or narrow, as a standard chalice or wine glass or goblet might be, but were thick like a weighted dumbbell might be. As it was, it was not the body which ended up holding my attention and thus, focus, it was the head or top of it. Almost as quickly as the image came into view, I saw a crack develop on the face of the top of it and the crack quickly stretched across the face of it and two thirds of it fell away from it, but not down; it was as if they were in space with no gravity and the large broken piece simply pulled away to the right and out of sight, leaving an apparently broken object. In that moment of recognition, a dark grey-colored form, nearly liquid-like, replaced the broken piece that had fallen away and then the object once again had a completed form, though it was very obvious that there was only a fraction of the original solid mass left and that another Mass was completing the object. It was just then that I could almost audibly, in my mind, hear the words “I will complete you.” As I was trying to determine if this was something of my own determination and creation, the next words answered my question; “Why is that so hard for you to believe?” and immediately, I was aware that I was in the process of trying to rationalize away with natural thought, something that is completely supernatural or origin and gift, in effect, discounting an answer to prayer. I knew in that moment that God was letting me know that I need to live my life as a whole person instead of a broken one and that He will make up for that which I have lost. There is a difference between resigning myself to the affects and limitations of what this disease does to me and accepting my condition while living the best life moments I can, not in spite of but in understanding and in light of my knowledge of the disease. Would it matter differently if it was a broken leg, broken back, cancer or even immune deficiency? Could I live my life any better or worse, accordingly? Scripture indicates that the apostle Paul had to contend with some type of physical issue that he wanted God to heal, but he recognized that God had chosen not to heal him of that particular issue, though God had done wondrous miracles and healings in Paul’s life to that point, so Paul knew, unquestionably, that what he was contending with was something that Jesus could simply rebuke and Paul would be healed. For nearly four decades now, I have known personally of God’s healing power; as a child I believed what I read and was taught from the Bible and then was allowed to see spiritual things and beings and personally experience God’s physical and even emotional intervention within my own life. I know that I know that I know that God can heal me. But I now realize and accept that it is truly His choice to do so and not within the grasp of my own efforts, motives or deeds. God is great regardless and He has told me that He will make up for my lack, and that, indeed, is all that I truly need and is no small statement of fact. …and that was just a part of Sunday morning…are you tired of reading yet? No? Then I will share more…

Being able to attend the Sunday morning service at my home church of Trinity Presbyterian Church in San Carlos, was a relief and encouragement to me that morning. I was not feeling the best that morning, as is not uncommon after a busy previous day, but that morning was following three days of nearly non-stop activities for me, an energy outlay that I had not attempted since my diagnosis, three years earlier. In fact, I took a hit two days earlier on Friday afternoon after eating a quesadilla from Uno Mas. I was still recovering from that hit and normally, I would need at least three to five days to noticeably recover. This past Sunday morning was less than two days after the hit so it was understandable that I would feel less than well. (As a matter of fact, I right now am having to stop and take rests from typing and remembering; my hands swell lightly and become very painful to move, as in typing, and I find myself tired from the inside out and needing to simply rest my head for a few minutes before beginning typing again. Writing this is taking longer than I had anticipated it would, but at least I am writing it and remembering.)

Quick notes:
Recent Hits:
• One week ago this past Saturday (caused by exhaustion and stress)
• This past Friday afternoon (caused by sodium from quesadilla at Uno Mas)
• This past Monday, the day before yesterday (caused by a burger not prepared to order at Chili’s)

Recent Activities:
• Trip to the Bay Area last Thursday night and I stayed until late Sunday afternoon.
• Got to see my niece (in the Bay Area) before she left for a 3 month trip to Africa
• Spent good time with family
• Went with my dad to his Saturday morning bible study and got to meet the men who have been praying for me each and every Saturday morning since my dad began attending the study. The bible study was insightful and the morning was humbling to be cared for and loved by them.
• Reunited with 2 of my very good friends, musicians and writing collaborators that I had not seen together in over 26 years. A brief but wonderful time.
• Lunch on Sunday with some dear friends from my days at Menlo Park Pres. Though it drained every last bit of me, it was a real gift to me that they came and had lunch with me. It was a true blessing to be with them.
• Lunch with one of my best buds on Monday (which was interrupted by my attack. He was able to get me back home). It was a real blessing to be with him.
• I went in for a retinal scan and learned that my eyes need new glasses, so we ordered them and I have been over a week, without my glasses which is tiring me out even more in ways I had not anticipated at the time I gave them my frames for them to install the new lenses in. I hope to have them back by this Friday.

This will be installment one of at least a couple, since I am too tired to continue writing at this point.
More soon, I hope.