Thursday's Daytime Posting

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Well I'm back to using the hand recorder for today.

I got to thinking about a scripture that I read on Tuesday from 1 John and it was specifically talking about fear and how fear is not a part of love, but that fear is of fearing punishment and that love does not have punishment and...I need to go and look it up correctly. Okay, it is 1 John 4:18 and it says: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out here because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." That was the verse that was on my Facebook page as a verse of the Day for Tuesday and then, when I went to physical therapy, Mark shared with me that he read the exact same verse that morning on a completely different daily devotional that he gets and it was just mind blowing to see God so tangibly at work, sharing a topic with both Mark and I, which is so relevant, in particular to me, and it was very, very helpful to get a handle on. I came home and thought about it for quite a while and realized that I've been living in fear, certainly for the last two years if not more and reading this scripture helped a great deal to get my eyes open to that and realize that, because I have been holding on to and living in a mindset of fear, that I was putting my family in the exact same mindset. No, I didn't mean to do it and I fully understand that and I'm not beating myself up over it, but I am now aware of what was going on and can now make the change so that we don't continue to live as we have. It is very freeing to not be fearful anymore. Even though it has only been a couple of days, I'm very hopeful to keep this perspective fresh so that I don't forget it and I don't laps back into how things were. Living with the disease is a very easy and understandable out for living fearfully but I don't think that's what God wants for me. I certainly don't want that for myself, and even more so, I don't want that for my wife and I don't want that for my children or for the rest of my family. So, the goal is to not be afraid of this disease, but to stay on top of it and respect it and treat it accordingly.
Just in the last week or so, I've been trying to throw the ball to Joshua, whether it be a tennis ball or a soccer ball or a basketball; I've tried to toss those around with him and I have found that I can't throw hardly at all and that what was second nature to me as far as throwing a ball and even catching, are no longer second nature, but require much thought and concentration in order to do correctly. I kind of figured that I'd have to deal with that maybe in my 90s are or when I turn 100, but I wasn't thinking that I was going to have to contend with this in my 40s. Be that as it may, I simply have to take it all one step at a time and concentrate and re-teach myself how to throw and how to catch so that I can continue to play with my kids and enjoy their sports with them and not close up, become a self pitying...uh...thing.

I'm not sure if I noted this before or not, but I believe that you can click on "Subscribe to Posts", located on the right side of the blog page, under my profile and under the history of posts. When you click that link, it will open another page where you can specifically subscribe to my blog and, if you do this, theoretically, each time I post something onto the blog, you should receive an e-mail letting you know that I have posted to the blog so that you aren't checking the blog during the time frames that I'm down or unable to post. I'm hopeful that that will help ease any frustrations during the time frames that I don't post. Obviously, it's my desire and intend to post every day, but as you have noticed recently, that doesn't always happen.

Major sweats are hitting again...time to go rest, horizontally.