Of Course It’s After 1:00 AM…!

 

Isn’t this my normal time?  Oh well…

Bullets again:

• Last Wednesday I had a crash with no spasms but paralysis (I think…)
• Last Thursday I went to my 9:30 AM PT appt and did not exercise but did the stretching and massage and faired well.  Following that at 1:30 PM, I had another dentist appt, but this appt was for 3 fillings on my front upper teeth.  This was my first experience of having dental work like this done in the office and though it did not go as planned, it went very well and I did not have an attack while at the dentist’s office.  After getting home from there, I did crash pretty substantially, but the triggers were likely stress from the appt as well as after-affects from the oral sedation they gave me in pill form and the pain meds I took prior.  When I woke up, my body felt like I had danced with a train again, so I knew it was HKPP related.
• Last Friday we picked up Joshy from school after he returned from a 3 day/2 night field trip to Columbia.  He had a great time and all went well while waiting for him at school, except the heat began to slowly take me out.  By the time we were on our way home from school, I was beginning an attack which ended up closing out my afternoon as well as evening.  *sigh*
• Saturday began great but we got less sleep than desired with Joshy sleeping with us…The day remained low key and one of Missy’s friends came over in the late morning and spent the night with her.  We went to a good friend’s open house/house warming that evening around 6-ish but learned that day that his AC unit was fritzed, so it was humid and hot inside and just plain old hot outside.  I lasted nearly 2 hours before I began to struggle to breath (muscles in my chest began to seize, followed by arms, legs and hips, then face and neck.) [The feeling and recognition of slowly suffocating is a feeling of terror that is almost indescribable, other than translating it as the most basic of panics.]  As I was recognizing this, CC came back to where I was sitting and asked “is it time to go?” and I nodded.  We got part way home before having to stop and get the meds into me.  CC wheeled me into the house and got me into my black chair (THE chair) which is when the muscle chills/spasms hit because of my very sweaty and wet clothing connecting with the cold leather of the air conditioned house.  CC got me awake enough to get upstairs to go to bed, but once in bed, I was then awake and the room was stuffy and Joshy was, once again, lying in between us .  I didn’t go to sleep until after 3:00 AM.  Turns out that Missy’s friend who’s dad was having the house warming asked if she could sleep over at our house too, so Missy ended up with 2 friends spending the night and having a small slumber party.  That was cool for her.
• Sunday we did not go to church, AGAIN, which caused grief within me, but I knew at 3:00 that morning that it was NOT a very realistic outing, considering the previous day’s events and bodily condition.  The day remained low key and I chose to work on repairing the bent frame and pulled rivet in our hide-a-way bed in our couch.  It took about an hour, but I fixed it!!  These kind of small victories do my self esteem wonders; choosing a task, figuring it out and then not just working on it, but completing it too.!  I had to spend a little while in the garage looking for the right stray hardware and such and could tell that the incubator, er, I mean garage had become surprisingly hot very quickly and I needed to get back into the house before I would drop.  THAT annoyed me.  anyway, I finished fixing the couch and began to pick up my tools when I realized that I had spent too much time in the garage heat combined with the stress of hyper-focusing on repairing the couch.  I went down, but not before I got myself into my chair.  This attack hurt my chest again and also brought nausea as well and the paralysis set in very quickly.
• Lastly, and maybe most importantly, I am beginning to scope out putting together a fund raiser for this summer and I need all the help I can get, at the moment.   My first priority is to find someone who can be my coordinator and action person, who has event planning and hopefully fund raising experience.  I know that I cannot do this by myself and CC is already overwhelmed without me adding anything new to her HUGE plate.  If you think you can help me or know someone who can and would be willing to take this proverbial “bull by the horns”, please email me at v12pilot@surewest.net or audiopilotfopc@gmail.com and we can see what can work out.
• I guess I should include as well that we also need help with our back yard before June 6th.  We need to either build a deck where our current gravel box is or relocate the current gravel from the existing location to other locations, yet to be determined.  We also need some help with our sprinklers in the backyard; a couple are broken and one needs to be dug up and fixed. 

It’s a daily battle that I wage with myself and, regardless of how badly I want to be well enough to fulfill my own physical expectations, in the end, I simply cannot do these things and I have no choice but to call out for help.

I will share more about the fundraiser, the more it begins to look like a possible reality and, I will then, again, need lots of help and prayer support; heck, I need prayer support NOW!  I know that God does not want us to be worried or worrisome…but I’ve gotten good at it; forgive me.

2:20 AM…time to stop.

peace to each of you reading this, truly.