Thursday's Daytime Recollections

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Last night, I began writing a blog entry while I was working on Facebook and, instead of recording it on the tape like I am now, I went ahead and just typed straight into the blog application in Facebook and didn't think twice about it. Unfortunately, as it turned out, there was a glitch in the posting procedure, so that when I hit post, it showed an error message and then reset back to a blank document; everything I wrote was lost. It was significantly frustrating. So, okay...moving on now. Grrrrrr.

Tuesday's manifestation of an attack happened after I came back from physical therapy. After returning home, I had gone around the house and completed several different small chores and tasks that I wanted to get done; I was even able to get the laundry finished which, typically, I'm not able to do with any regularity. So, since I was feeling like I could accomplish stuff at this time, I wanted to get it done and see if I can step up to the plate a bit further on a regular basis. So with that in my head, I was trying to accomplish what I could. CC got off work at one o'clock and let me know that she was on her way home; I was still in mid-process of getting things done and after hanging up with her, shortly thereafter, I realized that my hands were beginning to shake and once I was distracted by that, I hadn't realized that I had been sweating for some minutes by then and that my shirt and my sweatpants and my socks had become very damp with sweat. Normally that doesn't last for a very long time; I will sweat for a period of a few minutes or so and then it goes on from there, but this time, the sweating continued and continued, so much so, that I had to change everything that I was wearing, once I was able to get upstairs. But before that, as I realized the shakes were starting, I went into the kitchen and I was able to pour myself a "potassium cocktail" and CC came home while I was in process of getting that done. She helped me make it over to the couch and what I thought was going to be a full-blown attack did not manifest as a full-blown attack in the normal sense, this time it manifested with pretty severe eye pain in my eye lids and behind my eyes. My eyes moving left to right or up and down was causing significant pain and then I realized that my shoulders hurt as well. My hands hurt; they felt like they were swollen, but they weren't. It was very difficult for me to make a fist with either hand. They just hurt a lot, and my upper and lower abdomen was cramping as well; it would cramp for 5 to 7 minutes and then it would release, almost in a cycle type of motion, but without any predictable form to it. This went on from 1:30 in the afternoon until 8:00 - 8:30 pm that night. When it finally let up, it took me awhile to be able to go to sleep afterwards and my body felt like I was just trashed.

Come Wednesday morning, and Wednesday afternoon, I definitely felt like I was recovering from an attack but it was a different kind of pain and it was spread out over most of my body; it didn't feel like the other attacks have felt, so, I realized on Wednesday that the attack that happened the day before was similar to what has happened a couple of times in the past month and I now think that that's a different manifestation of an attack. Wednesday night brought very much the same type of thing, but not as intense as Tuesday's was, however, it was very difficult for me to see and read; my eyes could not focus. It hurt to have them opened and it hurt to have them closed. I would have to squint in order to be able to see anything somewhat clearly. Also, I noticed that when my eyes were closed, that it would seem like things were flashing in front of me and I was seeing dark and light rapidly changing. Of course, there isn't anything like that happening in the rooms that I'm in at the time, so something's going on with my eyes and with the muscles in my eyes, and that is worrisome. Even though I know I'm not supposed to be worried, all of this stuff has been one huge learning curve for me and for my family, and while dealing with that, I had not considered the possibility that I would have problems with my vision, so that scares me a bit.

Today being Thursday, this morning CC took me to physical therapy, and she got her time of PT and then I had my time of PT and Mark noticed that many of my muscles were tight again, and not all the same typical muscles of the past, but some different ones that had tightened up, also further indicating that I'd had an attack. So, that let me know that things are definitely happening. I came home from PT and was feeling not as well as I normally do when I'm done at PT; this time muscles were definitely sore and I'm still feeling like I've been beat up and not beat up from physical therapy, but beat up from what's going on in the muscular sense within my system. I'm spending my time today primarily just laying down on the bed and trying to rest.

I have been reading more in Scripture, due to the spiritual things happening in the house, and it's been a real blessing to get back into reading again. I had prayed and asked God to instill in me a desire to read His Word more often, let alone just more, and it would appear that He's, once again, answered prayer and I'm now trying to figure out how I can re-work the desk in my office so that I can get my concordance down and have my bibles down and resources down on the table with me, so that I can study more effectively and be able to communicate better with my children and be the leader that I'm supposed to be; I have been called to be and I currently am by title and position, but I'm not so much by wisdom and knowledge. I really would like to become more informed, more learned and just a better steward in Scripture and His Word. I'm kind of excited about that, actually. It's been a long time. My children need to know what kind of Christian I am and hopefully they will be able to see a strong father, rather than a sleepy, tired father that doesn't know the Word.

Currently, the kids are struggling a little bit with some of the changes that I'm instituting in the house. As we have been battling with some spiritual things that have been going on, I have become aware that we have, what I consider to be, spiritual doorways in the house that don't belong. We have some things that appear to be innocent and, of course, are marketed to children, however, when you dig into them and learn their roots, you find that they are often tied to Eastern philosophies and Eastern gods (gods with a little "g"), and I'm a believer that, if you have in your home, things that are associated or directly related to occultic beliefs and/or deities, then there is a spiritual doorway in your home, allowing spirits that you don't want to associate with, access to take up residence in your home. They will mess around with your head, with your mind and with your dreams and I believe that, other than having people strong in the Lord come and pray for you and pray for your home and dedicate your home to God, you need to flush your home of the different items, cards, posters, books, games, whatever they are, that have their roots in Eastern mysticism, Eastern idol worship, magic, occultic or otherwise. It has surprised me to realize how much stuff we've had in our home that does not belong. So, I have been on the cleansing journey to remove those items from the house. Since the bulk of those items belong to the kids (and they appear to be harmless, and “…everybody at school reads them.” and “…everybody at school has them.”), it makes it very difficult for the kids to let them go. I could certainly use your prayer; that both children would be comforted and be at peace with the positive changes that are taking place, and that, even though it hurts to lose some things that you have held onto and been comfortable with, that God will replace them with things of His own and things that are healthy to have. We are going through that, along with everything else that's happening, but I believe that is something that has been orchestrated by God and I believe that I am supported in this process as well. I am doing what I believe is the right thing and CC and I are on the same page regarding our views about this as well.

So once again, I ask for your prayers for healing, comfort, rest, the children's comfort and confidence, and the will and drive for all of us to read the Bible as a choice.