A Listening Change

Saturday, February 23, 2008:

A couple posts ago I included a list of songs the kids have been listening to, which included a song called “Crank That Soldier boy” which I had not researched or scanned because of the innocuous dance that seemed to be at the heart of the song, but after some digging into the lyrics, the song appears to be sexually based and the dance just fronts the song’s acceptance. So, after all of that, it has been removed from listening options and I have scratched the surface of explanation to the kids so that they understand the purpose of my actions without me having to dissect the song for them, explaining each phrase and its meaning.

It is certainly possible that I have misunderstood the lyricist’s intentions, but if so then let it be my mistake and I’ll live wit knowing that my kids are being deprived of a questionable song.

If I’m right, then shame on the writer for targeting a dance audience for his smut. Period.

Big Uncle Kevin came over this morning and stayed for the day and early evening, bringing with him Brittney (17) and Austin (13). More than just bringing the presence of his family and their love, he brought with him a calm to my internal storm just by sitting and talking with him and laughing with him, remembering with him and receiving his loving hugs as only my little (big) brother can give. You know, I just realized the origin of the comforting familiarity of Kev’s hugs; they remind me of the hugs I used to get from Ben Clanton. Ben was my Youth Pastor for a time while growing up at TPC in San Carlos. Ben was stolen from all of us while he lived in Arizona or Nevada, I can’t remember which one…anyway, he was murdered by knife by a youth he had picked up along the road who had wanted a meal. None of that is particularly relevant to Kevin with the notable exception that his hugs feel like those of my very long, long ago friend and big brother, Ben. Wow. What a revelation to comprehend, yet it is pretty simple at the same time. Kev stayed for dinner and just left a short while ago. He took the kids (his and mine) to John’s Pizza place/arcade but it was packed so they went to Sun Splash and played in the arcade for a few hours while I slept. I began to fade before he and I had lunch and after I ate, my body called it quits and I had to take a nap for a few hours (which he said he was expecting and prepared for, having brought his laptop and work with him in case). I need to catch up on sleep; I’ve lost a bit over the past few days.

My brother. May God richly bless him and keep him safe in ALL that he does. He’s head of security for a hospital out in Sutter so his safety is often on the line on any given day at work.

Please be praying for his wife, Chelle, for her continued recovery from some hospital stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Strange symptoms;

The past couple days have included hardcore heartburn which has been somewhat tamed by Gelucil.
I have not been able to go to sleep until nearly 2:00 AM the past couple nights.
I’ve gained back all the weight I had lost last year (now I am back up to 247 where I was at 225 at one point)
Same old exhaustion that comes on very quick and leaves me unable to walk and talk.

More later-

Sunday night, Feb. 17, 2008

Sunday, February 17, 2008

No hospital stays or ER visits, of which I'm blessed to avoid.
Bouts of weakness, near fainting spells, complete body fatigue and general body spasms with localized chest soreness and pain are now nearly daily but spread out.
My parents came and visited this past week, leaving for home today. I had some truly wonderful time with both, especially with my dad.
Hero?
yes.

I'm still uncertain as to why I am to carry and contend with this ravaging ailment which leaves no moment of any day un-scarred, but then, I'm not blind am I? I'm not dying on a battlefield. I'm not in a coma. As far as we know, cancer and tumors are not in play with me, yet so many others live through those stated alternatives. Some don't live.
Whatever I have, it has to be reckoned against the truth that I have a wife who does still love me in spite of what seems now to be a "jip-deal" on the husband clause (for better for worse), I have a daughter and a son who I can't possibly treasure more than I do and have done. I have parents who are still married well past 50 years and still in love.

May I have the stamina to write more tomorrow and the good sense to follow through with the urge.

The emails that come to encourage are blessings and warmth to a cold, mixed up constitution and body. Thank you for writing them.

-w

Yes, I'm still here...Sorry for the laps.

It's Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I’ve let a month go by without writing. I’m sorry for the laps.

Seems that I have attacks now on a daily basis toward the late afternoon or evening and being that I usually write in the evening, writing has taken a backseat to my recovering on the couch downstairs or upstairs in our bed. At least these attacks are smaller in nature and have not required ER attention so far but they are debilitating none the less and a tremendous stress on CC and the kids. My energy simply runs out regardless of where I am or who I am with or who is visiting. It is now nearly common that we may have a guest over but I am unable to last through the visit, often requiring a shot of K+ and then being down for the remainder of the visit. Typically, the visits conclude before I wake back up or recover. It used to embarrass me more than it does now. I guess if I was to dwell on it much then I would become angry with it and take even more objection to it than I generally do, however that will get me nowhere and I know it.

On the lighter side, the kids are listening to more and more music from the radio and school dances now so I find myself needing to find the songs they enjoy and then editing them in my audio software to remove or obscure the objectionable words/lyrics. Highest on their lists right now: “Underdog” theme song from Kyle Massey, “The Way I Are” by Timbaland (edited), “Low” by Flow Rida featuring T-Pain (Seriously edited to choruses only…the verses were to full of “stuff”, “Bartender” by T-Pain and Akon and Chipmunk’s version of “Crank That Soldier Boy”. It’s not an official Chipmunks but it’s similar and they like it.

Movies to see (that I think are worthy): “Stranger than Fiction”, “Man of the Year”, “Pirates of the Carribean 1 and 2” (I haven’t seen 3 yet), “Underworld 1 and 2” (not for the faint hearted) and “Batman the beginning”.

We also watch “Trauma: Life in the ER”, “Iron Chef America”, “The Dog Whisperer” and a fair variety of other cable shows.

Well, it seems that I have reached my maximum for sitting and typing. I’ve hung my head to “rest” a few times now with minutes passing while I “rest” so I’ll work my way back to the bed up here and hope that this will suffice as an acceptable blog entry for the time being. More later-