Friday, December 29, 2006
Another couple days have past and it seems that I have gotten out of my writing habit on-line. Not helpful, under the circumstances. Now that I am maintaining a single blog again, my focus will change slightly so that I don’t find myself regretting having said “this” or “that”. I don’t that that is bad, necessarily, but one of the original intents was to just mentally unload someplace where I could reflect on my thoughts while sharing them with folks I trust, not just keep a running track of daily activities, but it has taken on a life of its own, to some extent, and so I’m following that out in a manner of speaking.
Over the past several days I have had some very tough bouts with nausea that often hit while we are traveling in the car. I’m not usually driving now and though that’s been uncommon for us, so has this nausea. I’ve always been a passenger who could look back while the car is being driven and not get sick. I could read while someone else drove no problem. Now? Not a chance. Spend the bulk of our travels now with my eyes closed and the window slightly open to feel the fresh air on my head in hopes of minimizing the sick feeling that seems inescapable. I also get this feeling at home occasionally as well and simply have to lie down until it lets up. Some times I can sleep, other times I just close my eyes and listen to life go on around me. I’d love to have some answers to this one. Of course, I should also remember that each time I’ve asked for answers in the past year, I’ve been given them and I’ve nearly always wanted to give them back, so maybe I’m better off not knowing…feeling somewhat damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
Missy was gone yesterday (Thursday) until around 4ish when we picked her up from a sleep over/play date with one of her best friends. Wednesday night, after dropping her off, Josh said he wanted to play Twister when we got home…not sure where that came from, but when we got home, we got the game down from the shelf and all three of us played a couple games of Twister and a game of Trouble. I found it amazing that I won the two games of Twister I played, not having played it in several years and not confident that I’d be even able to actually play it to begin with.
To recall Wednesday, one of Missy’s girlfriends had spent Tuesday afternoon, evening and night with us and so come Wednesday, the girls wanted to go to the friend’s house for a night as well, taking turns, so to speak, so after talking amongst ourselves a bit and to her mom, we agreed to the second overnight and the girls prepared for the trek to the other house. When Missy has play dates, depending on who they are, Joshy sometimes feels and/or is left out of the bulk of the playing and it becomes our responsibility to pick up the slack there and keep him occupied if he’s not enjoying a computer game or watching a video during the play date and this week was no exception. A good part of my time was spent being referee and equalizer so that he wasn’t feeling left out while also trying to safeguard the girl’s time together, something they referred to as “quality time together”…a phrase not learned here, unfortunately, and not necessarily a preferable description of their time playing together, but I suspect I know it’s origin and if I’m correct in my assumption then it’s understandable to have become part of the shared language. I just kept an open ear to its use and toned it down when I felt it was becoming a common phrase.
Missy needed to get measured and sized for a dress for her cousin Angel’s wedding in April on Easter weekend so we went to the Roseville Galleria where a dress outlet is for the wedding dress and bride’s maids dresses, and we had her measured there. I waited with Joshy in the car as the girls went with CC into the shop and proceeded to pick out future prom and formal dresses…CC thought it was cute…I on the other hand…never mind.
Anyway, we went to the Galleria for that purpose and found that the store was not IN the mall but ACROSS from the mall, but since we were all hungry and I was sick from the ride, we went to the food court and grabbed a late lunch. Food does seem to calm my nausea, weirdly enough. I ate food from a Japanese grill and found it very tasty and more healthy than most of my food choices there. After eating we ventured over to the afore mentioned bridal shop, got the measurement done and headed over to the friend’s house for Missy to spend the afternoon and night. I always have a hard time when she’s away from us; I’m uncomfortable, somewhat on-edge and listening for the phone to ring so we can go get her. As it was, she had a very good time and stayed up late talking and playing and my concern was for naught. But let’s also keep in mind that if Missy is spending the night at someone’s house that means that Joshy will have to sleep in their room alone…only furthering his current need to not be alone, must be with Mommy, must sleep and cuddle in Mom’s bed. I decided not to fight this particular evening’s battle and told Josh he could sleep in our bed with us and as expected, he slept great and CC and I woke up continually. I woke up yesterday around 8ish and CC was gone already on errands, one of which was taking the van to the repair shop to see if they would fix the heater fan which had stopped working fairly recently and given how cold it has now become up here in the mornings, a heater is as much a necessity as an air conditioner is in the summer. So she took it to them and it cost about $45 for them to locate the disconnected wire and re-connect it. At least she has a warm vehicle again. It’s averaging about 30 degrees in the mornings here, and though I know many of you are experiencing much colder temps than that, it’s generally pretty relative. Cold is cold in my book.
Anyway, she got her morning errands done which also included taking Shadow in for a bath, cleaning and nail-clipping. We got Shadow in our first year of marriage. If I recall correctly, CC brought her home one day after work in November/December of 1989, the year we were married. If you do the math, Shadow’s in her 17th year. She’s become pretty frail, as would be expected, and is a bit more on the irritable side than had been her life’s disposition. Her fur had become somewhat matted on both sides and they had to spend some extra time getting it combed through since it looks like she can no longer clean and care for herself as she used to. It’s going to require us to step up our attention to her cleanliness and coat and such instead of expecting her to keep it up, as most all younger cats do. I’m not sure how long we’ll have her, given her age, but if it was up to us, well you know how pets are…you want to keep them forever and you don’t like to think about the inevitable. I’ve talked to both kids and the wife, for that matter, about the normal longevity of a house cat so that there is some preparation for what we will undoubtedly face eventually. It’s not a favorite topic but it does get addressed from time to time.
While she was gone and Joshy was still asleep, I made a small breakfast and chilled on the couch and watched some of the History Channel. The program finishing was on the very end of the 2nd World War and Hitler’s bunker and subsequent suicide and the following program was on Uday and Qusay Hussein, Saddam Hussein’s two sons. They were unquestionable living proof that monsters do exist. Though Qusay was monstrous as his father was monstrous, Uday was near demonic and fairly early in life had become one I would perceive as unredeemable. His passion for wanton violence and unquestioned control fed his madness past the point of his father’s influence and restraint. His father even had him jailed twice for killing family and close friends of the family loyal to his father. The documentary was painfully loaded with information about the lives of these two men who were ultimately killed by Task Force 20, a specially designed unit of the military created to find and bring down the Husseins and their regime.
There’s a scary thought; the US military creates a special, single focus task force of professionals for the sole purpose not of fighting a war or battling armies, but of hunting down less than 50 people and bringing them to justice, one way or another. I do not believe that anyone could fully fathom or expect the level of attention these people had brought on themselves to this end. As leaders and sons of the regime, they were guaranteed political glory and success in the succession of their father’s authority as “president” of Iraq. Qusay has been the son widely perceived as most likely to have succeeded Saddam. He was put in charge of four key areas, including Baghdad and Tikrit, his family's tribal home. When the Iraq war began, he was and had been in charge of the country's intelligence network, the 80,000-strong Republican Guard and 15,000-member Special Republican Guard, which was responsible for protecting Saddam and his family.
Uday ran the Saddam Fedayeen security force, also considered the Iraqi special police. They were to the Iraqi people as the Gestapo was to the Germans and the KGB was to the Russians. By the way, in a moment of true digression, I always wondered what KGB stood for. It stands for Komitét gosudárstvennoĭ bezopásnosti or in English, “Committee for State Security”.
How whacked was Saddam? He put Uday in charge of Iraq’s Olympic committee. The very origin of that designation is an oxymoron. Uday had the athlete’s sign guarantees that they would finish First, Second and Third in all events they participated in and when they did not, once they returned to Iraq they were jailed, beaten and tortured, in the spirit of sportsmanship, I’m sure, of course…. Uday was also the editor of the nation’s leading newspaper, “Babel”, and was head of Youth TV, the country's most popular channel.
When Task Force 20 got the tip, a tip worth a cool $30 million collectively ($15 million for each son), they headed to the home/palace where the brothers were staying and took small arms fire initially. Once the fight was on, Task Force 20 kicked up the odds by bringing in 200 troops from the Army’s 101st Airborne including an apache helicopter loaded with rockets. The fighting had lasted a number of hours before the Apache fired a TOW missile into the building and according to eyewitnesses, “shredded a large portion of the complex”. Prior to the Apache’s participation, troops who were involved in the battle described the fighting as intense, with moments that seemed "like all hell had broken loose." according to a CNN correspondent. They died as they lived, by the sword. Qusay’s teenage son was also killed during the battle that killed his father and, harsh as it may seem, I can only imagine that the world was spared another monster in the making. That sounds and reads so heartless and harsh, yet look at the family lineage and I guess, ultimately draw your own conclusions.
Wow…guess I had THAT on my mind, huh? Sorry if I bored you or if you already knew it. Hmmm, let’s see, back to the end of 2006.
Oh yes, after her errands in the morning by herself, she had some more to do before going to pick up Missy in the afternoon, so Joshy and I went with her on her next trek. We picked out frames for her needed lens prescription, a new thing for her…glasses. Something she was successfully putting off until fairly recently when her eyes began to hurt terribly when trying to read gift boxes while shopping and then hurting when driving and such and after a recent doctor appointment, she learned that the whole ”CC needs glasses” thing was not a “suggestion” any longer. SO we picked out a nice frame for her and then headed to Mel’s Diner to have some late lunch again and to meet Missy returning from her play date. Lunch was good and we got Missy back (happy daddy) and we headed to the pet shop to pick up Shadow and then to home in anticipation of my parent’s impending arrival. I should have mentioned earlier that my parent’s were coming up yesterday (Thursday) after their respective different appointments in the Bay Area. They arrived about an hour after we did, though just after getting home, CC and the kids headed back out to pick up a couple videos for them to watch as promised earlier.
A fair amount of dialog and catching up was had during the evening yesterday and then it was time for bed. I’ve got a medium length list of things to accomplish for the day so I’d better get to it. I’ve been up since about 3:50 AM and wrote 2 sets of lyrics and this blog since then, so it’s time to get out of bed and begin knocking out the list.
Seriously worthy of note is that I am TOTALLY behind in my getting Christmas emails out to those in my address book, so hopefully you’ll see one from me sooner than later if you haven’t already. There are some reading this who’s address I don’t have, and to you I do apologize and hope you will take form this writing a warm regard from my family to yours for the Christmas holiday.
Kari and John, I’ll be trying to find you again today as will I try to be reaching you, Mr. Scott Rose!
Be blessed.
Peace-
Friday, December 29, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Christmas Collection: Thurs-Monday
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Well, more time has passed than I had anticipated. I was hoping to have better kept a log going than the past few days represents. It hasn’t been avoidance so much as it has been not allocating the time.
I’m going to try and remember the past few days’ activities…
Thursday:
Today it was raining all day. Though I love the rain, today was just a bad day waiting to happen. I woke up angry and didn’t try very hard to shake the mood. I guess I was just tired and was in the place of throwing up my hands in disgust at life. Anyway, at my wife’s request, I went to the Tire place that needed to re-bleed the braking system on the van and had them finish that job. Across the street from that place is a Red Robin so I went there and waited for the job to be completed and had fish and chips for lunch. While there I spoke to my mom for quite some time as we spoke about the current circumstances, the “what if’s” and what not and I found myself regaining some clarity and perspective as well as some resolve. After the tire shop was done, they called me and I went over and picked up the van and decided to drive to Best Buy to buy CC’s Christmas present. She has asked for only one thing which is a car stereo for the van since the one now in the van has been dying every day and dying painfully and frustratingly. I found my self in the place of saying that regardless of everything going on, I’m GOING to get CC the ONE present she’s asked for, though I knew without a doubt she would like to pull her request back due to our ongoing situation. I went and picked out the stereo I thought she’d want and would enjoy and that was that. Most all of the monies we have received have gone straight to bills regardless of the notations and sentiments on the cards or emails; we have had to put the money towards the obligations. I wanted to make sure she received a gift from me this year and a gift she’d use and enjoy daily rather than be one she’d see or use on occasion. Needless to say, she was happy to receive the stereo, but her knowledge of our situation over-rode her happiness and I was back in my funk. That’s certainly NOT to say she was the responsible one for my mood, I believe that moods are choices more than not. I didn’t need much of an invitation to be bummed; I’ve got that disposition on speed dial, so to speak. Anyway, I was hoping for the night to be more “up” but it ended back in stress and I held the keys to the bulk of the necessary chains.
Friday:
After picking up the kids from school, some folks within the school staff blessed us with some gift certificates to some of the local stores so we could go and buy presents for the kids and buy some groceries! It is so hard to describe the feeling of being cared for; being loved at a different level than we are used to and than we are comfortable with. Thanks to the gift cards, the kids will have presents from us this Christmas and we will be able to get some presents for some family and friend’s children, which otherwise we could not even consider. On the way home from picking the kids up from school, we made the poor choice of take the kids with us to ToysRUs to help us know what they wanted, but we should have just taken them home and fed them, which is usually what we do. By going to the store and NOT getting them food first, we set them up for a stressful shopping trip and we set ourselves up for an unfruitful excursion. We stayed in the store for about 30 minutes until we realized our mistake at which point we left and took them home and made them some food.
Obviously, there are some significant struggles we are facing right now and so we find ourselves reacting far more often than responding. Another major blessing today was receiving a call from one of the folks within the choir who was working in coordination with a shop owner from Orangevale who wanted to give turkey dinners to families who could use them or is in need and our name was given to him. I was called and asked if we would be willing to receive the gift of a dinner (complete). I was almost speechless, again. I shared the news with CC and we were both just floored. We accepted his off and he said the dinner would be brought to us on Sunday night. Speechless again…
After dinner, CC and I went back out and we were very successful and better focused and even able to use a couple of the ideas that the kids had shared with us during the first attempt. This was one of the few time in recent past that she and I have had some one on one time to go out together. I had shared with her that I wanted the opportunity to shop this Christmas, something I have not been able to do in many years. As a matter of fact, this is the first Christmas that both CC and I are off Christmas Eve and Christmas since before Joshua was born. Hard to believe. As long as Joshua has been alive, I have not been home for a Christmas Eve.
Saturday:
Today was the most special day of the Winter for me so far because my brother of many, many years came up to see me and the family. Harry Reynolds and I have been brothers since Jr. High and the last time I saw him was in July of this year, during my trip to Long Beach, where he lives, and he and I had dinner together, just a few short hours before I drove all night to be back in time for Missy’s Fire Camp Finale which then landed me in Kaiser for a while again…Anyway, he drove up yesterday morning and joined me and CC and the kids as we went to CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs for Brunch. I cannot begin to share to what extent it was a blessing to my heart to see him and have a few hours with him. Hearing his voice, listening to his views and observations as only Harry does. After leaving Chris’s house and heading back we stopped by our house to give him the five cent tour then he and I took off in my truck to head to the parking lot where he met us and left his truck when he joined up with us earlier that morning. I put the stereo up to a comfy volume and we listened to Santana’s “Open Invitation” and “Only Want to Be With You” and then Scorpions ‘The Zoo”. For a moment in time, it was like it had been 20 to 25 years ago when he and I would ride places and just crank music and sing as we drove. It did my soul good. What was especially cool was the kids excitement to see him and get loves from him. Joshy asked some more about him after I got home from taking Harry to his truck and when I told Josh that Harry was going back to the Bay Area to see his parents and family, Joshy was confused and asked how Harry could be my brother but have other parents…how honestly cool is that for him to believe in his heart of hearts that Harry was my flesh and blood brother, regardless of our skin color differences. Harry has always been and will always be my brother and the kids uncle. Joshy got pretty sad when it was time for Harry to leave. I was blessed; rejuvenated in some ways within.
After our time with Harry, I received a call from one of the folks at church who asked if he could stop by in the evening and bring us a full scale turkey dinner for the family. He had noted that the dinner was to be brought Sunday night, but that they were able to get a good start on the dinner deliveries and wanted to know if they could deliver Saturday night instead of Sunday night.
An hour later, or so, there was a knock at the door and two of “Santa’s Elves” were there holding a big grocery bags loaded with food. Again, we were nearly speechless at this immense kindness which was unprovoked, so to speak. Each day has brought an impressive range of emotions and circumstance which has lead us to understand a meaning of “church” than I’m sure many others already know, but we had totally forgotten and had lost the realization of and appreciation of.
Well, after blessing our family with such an incredible gift of food and kindness, I was in a position to have CC’s Christmas present installed in the van for her, something I was not able to afford prior to the Elves coming by. I took Joshy with me and we went to Best Buy and had the car stereo installed. The only thing she had asked for this whole year, was to have a car stereo to replace the dying one in the van. Case in point; yesterday, as we traveled to Shingle Springs and back, the stereo proceeded to begin to scan a CD backwards with no control and then stop suddenly and begin to go up in volume uncontrollably. To preserve sanity, it was shut off several times as we drove. Immensely frustrating.
Of course, we have been battling the whole “priority” issue as to what should be bought and what isn’t necessary and such and I knew that the one gift I could giver her would be the one gift that would be hard to be comfortable with purchasing due to the starting costs of decent decks. Anyway, the one I gave her was reasonably priced (in my opinion) and was definitely on less expensive side but was still money and money is forever tight. Anyway, Joshy and I got some nice time together during the installation time frame but I suffered from my decision to wear cowboy boots for the day. I had not anticipated the price and after being at Best Buy for an hour and a half I could not walk well or fast even with the cane. Friday had been a cane-less day and today had too until around 2:00 PM at my brother-in-law’s place. By tonight, walking slowly was my only option and I was trying to avoid any unnecessary travels if I could help it.
Thanks to the kindness and giving of others, CC and I have been able to pursue a very wonderful Christmas for our family, something I feel would have been nearly impossible in practicality without the help of others, as there has been.
Sunday, Christmas Eve:
I woke this morning around 5ish to the sound of Joshy in the hall, trying to get ready to leave with CC and Nana. He went with them as CC took Nana to meet her sister Kim in Fairfield, I think, so that Kim could take Nana for the Holiday week. Joshy had a VERY hard night going to sleep and eventually talked Missy into letting him cuddle with her for a while so he could go to sleep. He wasn’t going to bed or staying in bed as we were asking of and instructing him to do. It is more unusual for him to behave in irrational manners like that; usually I can speak logic to him and have him lock up with it, but in the past few months, he has resisted logic in favor of fear. I think it will be in our family’s best interest to see about someone professional helping us get past the immense fear he currently has. So I digressed again…the point was that CC’s mom is now with CC’s oldest sister in Pacifica and that Joshy got some wonderful one on one time with his mommy this morning.
Also, on the seriously weird and strange front, I had a dream this morning of having an HKPP attack and I was unaware it was a dream until I realized that the EMTs weren’t here and that I was actually in bed asleep. That’s never happened before this. It was truly scary and strange. I’m not sure that there was much of a message within the dream itself other than the fact that an attack lies just out of site. It was truly alarming to wake up from; though I’m thankful it was just a dream this time.
A call came through this morning around 9:20 AM and it was Madoli and Leslie from my tech team at work calling to say I and share with me that they missed us and wanted to know if we would be coming to services this morning or tonight. To this point, I had not been thinking so much of anyone else dealing with this stuff, which I know is way selfish and yet understandable…blah, blah, blah. I felt badly that I have not kept in better contact with my crew since all this has happened. We’ve tried to do a gathering at our house a few times now for the crew but each time has been thwarted by illness or just physical pain.
CC had a doctor appt this morning that she bailed on because they had way-over-booked the appointments for this morning to get as many people in as they could and she was going crazy just waiting infinitely in the reception room with the several other folks who had the same appointment as her. She’s been lying down since then, just resting and watch some TV, something she’s not been able to do. The kids and I have just been hanging out in the front room, they’ve been watching Christmas TV shows/cartoons and I’ve been typing and sampling some MP3’s. Currently checking out “Regulate” by Warren G and Nate Dogg; serious rhyming with an irresistible melodic groove. The lyrics are pretty much ‘hood-based and such from that life style, but the tune is so well done. It’s not a tune I can play for the kids at this point.
Prior to putting the kids to bed, I asked everyone to go to our room and I gather a couple books about the true Christmas story and we all took turns reading pages for a short time then I read it the rest of the way. It helped re-orient us as a family and it prepared the way for Joshy to go to sleep. He grew very tired as we read, which was one of the hopes. After reading, we got the kids down for bed and began wrapping as quickly as we could so we could get to bed sooner than later. Joshy only got up once during the wrapping because he didn’t know that I was THAT serious about them staying in bed and in the room. Both kids had a very tough time getting to sleep in anticipation for tomorrow morning. Missy set out a small dish with a couple cookies for Santa and a Tupperware container she put cornmeal in for the reindeer. After both of them watched “The Polar Express” movie about a child who no longer believes in Santa and is taken on a magical train ride Christmas Eve night to Santa’s crib and ends up believing in the “magic”, both kids now find themselves identifying with the characters in the movie/animation and decided the true test for Santa’s authenticity would be if the cookies will be gone and if the cornmeal was taken. :-o)
Monday, December 25, 2006, Christmas Day
I woke up at 6:00 AM and after listening carefully determining no one else was up, was able to go back to sleep for a couple hours when Missy came in and woke us up around 9:00.
She went in and woke up Joshy and the morning was on…
We walked into the entryway and there was a cornmeal trail leading from the couch, where Missy had placed the Tupperware container, to the fireplace which was open…the cookies were gone as well and the plate was empty. The kids were thrilled as I was frustrated that I had to clean up after a messy Santa. Oh well.
The kids opened their gifts with much delight and were so excited with each gift they opened; different from some Christmases past where there seemed to be an expectation of gifts and such, this Christmas was anything but that, and both kids were joyous. My gift was being here and not in a hospital someplace and Joshy bought me a medium and a small size paint brush since he didn’t remember seeing me using anything like them and thought I didn’t have any. That was a gift that really warmed my heart as well. *sigh*
Annie was given her gift from Joshy, two small teddy bears (which I figure we can zip tie to her crate), but with all the toys and dolls on the floor, Annie paid no mind to anything but the two little teddy bears that we said were hers. It was just amazing to me that she wouldn’t touch the kid’s toys whatsoever but she licked and nibbled at her two dolls and placed them between her two front paws while the rest of the presents were opened, as if she was thinking “these are my two toys and the rest belong to you guys. It was hard to believe.
To heartwarming phone calls today; my brother of many years now, Neil, calling from the Land Down Under (it’s the day after Christmas now over there, ‘round 8-something in the morning.) and my niece Kirsten (Hi hun!) Everyone got to talk to Kirsty and CC and I had a wonderful talk with Neil.
It’s about time to get ready to go to my aunt and uncle’s in Roseville for Christmas afternoon and evening, so I’ll conclude and will try to include a couple pics as well…
Peace, Merry Christmas.
Well, more time has passed than I had anticipated. I was hoping to have better kept a log going than the past few days represents. It hasn’t been avoidance so much as it has been not allocating the time.
I’m going to try and remember the past few days’ activities…
Thursday:
Today it was raining all day. Though I love the rain, today was just a bad day waiting to happen. I woke up angry and didn’t try very hard to shake the mood. I guess I was just tired and was in the place of throwing up my hands in disgust at life. Anyway, at my wife’s request, I went to the Tire place that needed to re-bleed the braking system on the van and had them finish that job. Across the street from that place is a Red Robin so I went there and waited for the job to be completed and had fish and chips for lunch. While there I spoke to my mom for quite some time as we spoke about the current circumstances, the “what if’s” and what not and I found myself regaining some clarity and perspective as well as some resolve. After the tire shop was done, they called me and I went over and picked up the van and decided to drive to Best Buy to buy CC’s Christmas present. She has asked for only one thing which is a car stereo for the van since the one now in the van has been dying every day and dying painfully and frustratingly. I found my self in the place of saying that regardless of everything going on, I’m GOING to get CC the ONE present she’s asked for, though I knew without a doubt she would like to pull her request back due to our ongoing situation. I went and picked out the stereo I thought she’d want and would enjoy and that was that. Most all of the monies we have received have gone straight to bills regardless of the notations and sentiments on the cards or emails; we have had to put the money towards the obligations. I wanted to make sure she received a gift from me this year and a gift she’d use and enjoy daily rather than be one she’d see or use on occasion. Needless to say, she was happy to receive the stereo, but her knowledge of our situation over-rode her happiness and I was back in my funk. That’s certainly NOT to say she was the responsible one for my mood, I believe that moods are choices more than not. I didn’t need much of an invitation to be bummed; I’ve got that disposition on speed dial, so to speak. Anyway, I was hoping for the night to be more “up” but it ended back in stress and I held the keys to the bulk of the necessary chains.
Friday:
After picking up the kids from school, some folks within the school staff blessed us with some gift certificates to some of the local stores so we could go and buy presents for the kids and buy some groceries! It is so hard to describe the feeling of being cared for; being loved at a different level than we are used to and than we are comfortable with. Thanks to the gift cards, the kids will have presents from us this Christmas and we will be able to get some presents for some family and friend’s children, which otherwise we could not even consider. On the way home from picking the kids up from school, we made the poor choice of take the kids with us to ToysRUs to help us know what they wanted, but we should have just taken them home and fed them, which is usually what we do. By going to the store and NOT getting them food first, we set them up for a stressful shopping trip and we set ourselves up for an unfruitful excursion. We stayed in the store for about 30 minutes until we realized our mistake at which point we left and took them home and made them some food.
Obviously, there are some significant struggles we are facing right now and so we find ourselves reacting far more often than responding. Another major blessing today was receiving a call from one of the folks within the choir who was working in coordination with a shop owner from Orangevale who wanted to give turkey dinners to families who could use them or is in need and our name was given to him. I was called and asked if we would be willing to receive the gift of a dinner (complete). I was almost speechless, again. I shared the news with CC and we were both just floored. We accepted his off and he said the dinner would be brought to us on Sunday night. Speechless again…
After dinner, CC and I went back out and we were very successful and better focused and even able to use a couple of the ideas that the kids had shared with us during the first attempt. This was one of the few time in recent past that she and I have had some one on one time to go out together. I had shared with her that I wanted the opportunity to shop this Christmas, something I have not been able to do in many years. As a matter of fact, this is the first Christmas that both CC and I are off Christmas Eve and Christmas since before Joshua was born. Hard to believe. As long as Joshua has been alive, I have not been home for a Christmas Eve.
Saturday:
Today was the most special day of the Winter for me so far because my brother of many, many years came up to see me and the family. Harry Reynolds and I have been brothers since Jr. High and the last time I saw him was in July of this year, during my trip to Long Beach, where he lives, and he and I had dinner together, just a few short hours before I drove all night to be back in time for Missy’s Fire Camp Finale which then landed me in Kaiser for a while again…Anyway, he drove up yesterday morning and joined me and CC and the kids as we went to CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs for Brunch. I cannot begin to share to what extent it was a blessing to my heart to see him and have a few hours with him. Hearing his voice, listening to his views and observations as only Harry does. After leaving Chris’s house and heading back we stopped by our house to give him the five cent tour then he and I took off in my truck to head to the parking lot where he met us and left his truck when he joined up with us earlier that morning. I put the stereo up to a comfy volume and we listened to Santana’s “Open Invitation” and “Only Want to Be With You” and then Scorpions ‘The Zoo”. For a moment in time, it was like it had been 20 to 25 years ago when he and I would ride places and just crank music and sing as we drove. It did my soul good. What was especially cool was the kids excitement to see him and get loves from him. Joshy asked some more about him after I got home from taking Harry to his truck and when I told Josh that Harry was going back to the Bay Area to see his parents and family, Joshy was confused and asked how Harry could be my brother but have other parents…how honestly cool is that for him to believe in his heart of hearts that Harry was my flesh and blood brother, regardless of our skin color differences. Harry has always been and will always be my brother and the kids uncle. Joshy got pretty sad when it was time for Harry to leave. I was blessed; rejuvenated in some ways within.
After our time with Harry, I received a call from one of the folks at church who asked if he could stop by in the evening and bring us a full scale turkey dinner for the family. He had noted that the dinner was to be brought Sunday night, but that they were able to get a good start on the dinner deliveries and wanted to know if they could deliver Saturday night instead of Sunday night.
An hour later, or so, there was a knock at the door and two of “Santa’s Elves” were there holding a big grocery bags loaded with food. Again, we were nearly speechless at this immense kindness which was unprovoked, so to speak. Each day has brought an impressive range of emotions and circumstance which has lead us to understand a meaning of “church” than I’m sure many others already know, but we had totally forgotten and had lost the realization of and appreciation of.
Well, after blessing our family with such an incredible gift of food and kindness, I was in a position to have CC’s Christmas present installed in the van for her, something I was not able to afford prior to the Elves coming by. I took Joshy with me and we went to Best Buy and had the car stereo installed. The only thing she had asked for this whole year, was to have a car stereo to replace the dying one in the van. Case in point; yesterday, as we traveled to Shingle Springs and back, the stereo proceeded to begin to scan a CD backwards with no control and then stop suddenly and begin to go up in volume uncontrollably. To preserve sanity, it was shut off several times as we drove. Immensely frustrating.
Of course, we have been battling the whole “priority” issue as to what should be bought and what isn’t necessary and such and I knew that the one gift I could giver her would be the one gift that would be hard to be comfortable with purchasing due to the starting costs of decent decks. Anyway, the one I gave her was reasonably priced (in my opinion) and was definitely on less expensive side but was still money and money is forever tight. Anyway, Joshy and I got some nice time together during the installation time frame but I suffered from my decision to wear cowboy boots for the day. I had not anticipated the price and after being at Best Buy for an hour and a half I could not walk well or fast even with the cane. Friday had been a cane-less day and today had too until around 2:00 PM at my brother-in-law’s place. By tonight, walking slowly was my only option and I was trying to avoid any unnecessary travels if I could help it.
Thanks to the kindness and giving of others, CC and I have been able to pursue a very wonderful Christmas for our family, something I feel would have been nearly impossible in practicality without the help of others, as there has been.
Sunday, Christmas Eve:
I woke this morning around 5ish to the sound of Joshy in the hall, trying to get ready to leave with CC and Nana. He went with them as CC took Nana to meet her sister Kim in Fairfield, I think, so that Kim could take Nana for the Holiday week. Joshy had a VERY hard night going to sleep and eventually talked Missy into letting him cuddle with her for a while so he could go to sleep. He wasn’t going to bed or staying in bed as we were asking of and instructing him to do. It is more unusual for him to behave in irrational manners like that; usually I can speak logic to him and have him lock up with it, but in the past few months, he has resisted logic in favor of fear. I think it will be in our family’s best interest to see about someone professional helping us get past the immense fear he currently has. So I digressed again…the point was that CC’s mom is now with CC’s oldest sister in Pacifica and that Joshy got some wonderful one on one time with his mommy this morning.
Also, on the seriously weird and strange front, I had a dream this morning of having an HKPP attack and I was unaware it was a dream until I realized that the EMTs weren’t here and that I was actually in bed asleep. That’s never happened before this. It was truly scary and strange. I’m not sure that there was much of a message within the dream itself other than the fact that an attack lies just out of site. It was truly alarming to wake up from; though I’m thankful it was just a dream this time.
A call came through this morning around 9:20 AM and it was Madoli and Leslie from my tech team at work calling to say I and share with me that they missed us and wanted to know if we would be coming to services this morning or tonight. To this point, I had not been thinking so much of anyone else dealing with this stuff, which I know is way selfish and yet understandable…blah, blah, blah. I felt badly that I have not kept in better contact with my crew since all this has happened. We’ve tried to do a gathering at our house a few times now for the crew but each time has been thwarted by illness or just physical pain.
CC had a doctor appt this morning that she bailed on because they had way-over-booked the appointments for this morning to get as many people in as they could and she was going crazy just waiting infinitely in the reception room with the several other folks who had the same appointment as her. She’s been lying down since then, just resting and watch some TV, something she’s not been able to do. The kids and I have just been hanging out in the front room, they’ve been watching Christmas TV shows/cartoons and I’ve been typing and sampling some MP3’s. Currently checking out “Regulate” by Warren G and Nate Dogg; serious rhyming with an irresistible melodic groove. The lyrics are pretty much ‘hood-based and such from that life style, but the tune is so well done. It’s not a tune I can play for the kids at this point.
Prior to putting the kids to bed, I asked everyone to go to our room and I gather a couple books about the true Christmas story and we all took turns reading pages for a short time then I read it the rest of the way. It helped re-orient us as a family and it prepared the way for Joshy to go to sleep. He grew very tired as we read, which was one of the hopes. After reading, we got the kids down for bed and began wrapping as quickly as we could so we could get to bed sooner than later. Joshy only got up once during the wrapping because he didn’t know that I was THAT serious about them staying in bed and in the room. Both kids had a very tough time getting to sleep in anticipation for tomorrow morning. Missy set out a small dish with a couple cookies for Santa and a Tupperware container she put cornmeal in for the reindeer. After both of them watched “The Polar Express” movie about a child who no longer believes in Santa and is taken on a magical train ride Christmas Eve night to Santa’s crib and ends up believing in the “magic”, both kids now find themselves identifying with the characters in the movie/animation and decided the true test for Santa’s authenticity would be if the cookies will be gone and if the cornmeal was taken. :-o)
Monday, December 25, 2006, Christmas Day
I woke up at 6:00 AM and after listening carefully determining no one else was up, was able to go back to sleep for a couple hours when Missy came in and woke us up around 9:00.
She went in and woke up Joshy and the morning was on…
We walked into the entryway and there was a cornmeal trail leading from the couch, where Missy had placed the Tupperware container, to the fireplace which was open…the cookies were gone as well and the plate was empty. The kids were thrilled as I was frustrated that I had to clean up after a messy Santa. Oh well.
The kids opened their gifts with much delight and were so excited with each gift they opened; different from some Christmases past where there seemed to be an expectation of gifts and such, this Christmas was anything but that, and both kids were joyous. My gift was being here and not in a hospital someplace and Joshy bought me a medium and a small size paint brush since he didn’t remember seeing me using anything like them and thought I didn’t have any. That was a gift that really warmed my heart as well. *sigh*
Annie was given her gift from Joshy, two small teddy bears (which I figure we can zip tie to her crate), but with all the toys and dolls on the floor, Annie paid no mind to anything but the two little teddy bears that we said were hers. It was just amazing to me that she wouldn’t touch the kid’s toys whatsoever but she licked and nibbled at her two dolls and placed them between her two front paws while the rest of the presents were opened, as if she was thinking “these are my two toys and the rest belong to you guys. It was hard to believe.
To heartwarming phone calls today; my brother of many years now, Neil, calling from the Land Down Under (it’s the day after Christmas now over there, ‘round 8-something in the morning.) and my niece Kirsten (Hi hun!) Everyone got to talk to Kirsty and CC and I had a wonderful talk with Neil.
It’s about time to get ready to go to my aunt and uncle’s in Roseville for Christmas afternoon and evening, so I’ll conclude and will try to include a couple pics as well…
Peace, Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Wednesday Evening, December 20th
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I feel like writing more today. Yesterday, it seems like the emotional ingredients all came together simultaneously after speaking to the woman from the insurance company at 7:30 yesterday morning. I managed to hold it together and drive the kids to school without getting into any fights with any motorists and without jumping on the kids (I asked Joshy last night if he remembers my being angry or stressed in the morning [yesterday]) and he said no. He wanted me to tell him what had made me angry but I didn’t know how to explain it without losing it again, so I told him it was something that mommy and I were dealing with.) but when I got back home I simply lost it for a few hours. No emotional control. After managing to “get a grip” so to speak, I decided to move forward on building a medium-sized closet organizer I had imagined to put on top of the right shelving in my closet. I had drawn it out yesterday and had bought the lumber after calculating the measurements according to space.
I put on my In Ears and plugged them into my Axim and began about an 8 hour therapeutic process of cutting, sawing, building and such. I started it after 9-something and was done before 6:00. I didn’t paint it except for some primer on places. I think when we pick up some paint for the bathroom and such, I’ll make sure we have enough for the shelving as well.
At any rate, as it turns out, I can’t get it up onto the shelving because there’s a strip, kind of a mid way molding about 5’ up from the floor that runs the interior of the closet, left to right and I didn’t take it into consideration in my measurements since it wasn’t in the location of the shelving, but since my other measurements were in good shape I couldn’t actually fit the unit up into place. I think I growled…or something similar. I may have muttered some “Words Of Healing”, as Chris calls them, in my realization of my new-found constraints. CC suggested using it lower in the closet instead of cutting it into two pieces that would have fit individually, one at a time. I built a 16” riser out of existing scrap lumber and the shelving is now oriented at 90° from it’s intended design, but it still works out and now holds some of my foldable clothes. It was therapeutic. I didn’t lose it for the rest of the day. I felt like hell at the end of the day and hurt pretty bad, but it was worth it and at least I had something to show for my pain this time. I’m so used to simply having pain and nothing to show for its presence, at least this time I can look in the closet and see why I feel like I do. Today continues the payment for yesterday but I’ll get through. I’ve felt worse.
I feel like writing more today. Yesterday, it seems like the emotional ingredients all came together simultaneously after speaking to the woman from the insurance company at 7:30 yesterday morning. I managed to hold it together and drive the kids to school without getting into any fights with any motorists and without jumping on the kids (I asked Joshy last night if he remembers my being angry or stressed in the morning [yesterday]) and he said no. He wanted me to tell him what had made me angry but I didn’t know how to explain it without losing it again, so I told him it was something that mommy and I were dealing with.) but when I got back home I simply lost it for a few hours. No emotional control. After managing to “get a grip” so to speak, I decided to move forward on building a medium-sized closet organizer I had imagined to put on top of the right shelving in my closet. I had drawn it out yesterday and had bought the lumber after calculating the measurements according to space.
I put on my In Ears and plugged them into my Axim and began about an 8 hour therapeutic process of cutting, sawing, building and such. I started it after 9-something and was done before 6:00. I didn’t paint it except for some primer on places. I think when we pick up some paint for the bathroom and such, I’ll make sure we have enough for the shelving as well.
At any rate, as it turns out, I can’t get it up onto the shelving because there’s a strip, kind of a mid way molding about 5’ up from the floor that runs the interior of the closet, left to right and I didn’t take it into consideration in my measurements since it wasn’t in the location of the shelving, but since my other measurements were in good shape I couldn’t actually fit the unit up into place. I think I growled…or something similar. I may have muttered some “Words Of Healing”, as Chris calls them, in my realization of my new-found constraints. CC suggested using it lower in the closet instead of cutting it into two pieces that would have fit individually, one at a time. I built a 16” riser out of existing scrap lumber and the shelving is now oriented at 90° from it’s intended design, but it still works out and now holds some of my foldable clothes. It was therapeutic. I didn’t lose it for the rest of the day. I felt like hell at the end of the day and hurt pretty bad, but it was worth it and at least I had something to show for my pain this time. I’m so used to simply having pain and nothing to show for its presence, at least this time I can look in the closet and see why I feel like I do. Today continues the payment for yesterday but I’ll get through. I’ve felt worse.
I realized last night that since my diagnosis, I’ve only really reacted to my circumstance and pain and such but can’t recall actually responding emotionally to what has happened and is happening. Yesterday may have been that boiling point being surpassed. I couldn’t imagine or fathom the possibility that the claim would either not be accepted or would turn out to be unhelpful. Now we know why we didn’t hear from them within the usual 10 day acceptance window. If the claim had been for Short Term Disability then we would have been set within the 10 day period, but since the claim is for Long Term Disability (God knows why) then they have 90 days to set up the account and get through the 90 day waiting period. Incredible still. All of the paperwork stated that I would be targeting to return to work within February yet THAT is when the claim would begin it’s journey.
In-frickin-credible. I’m doing a little better today than yesterday; I would have been less polite any time yesterday.
I’m still very, very angry with yet ANOTHER situation that is beyond my influence and manipulation and it leaves us financially vulnerable AGAIN and STILL. Anyone with any insight as to our trials and their meaning is welcome to shoot me an email suggesting their interpretation and I promise NOT to flame on you if you do and I don’t like what you have to say; I just want to have some clue as to why we are going through this emotional and fiscal meat-grinder so s-l-o-w-l-y so that each piece of internal dignity seems to be reduced in size with each grinding turn. How’s that for a mental picture? Profanity rests on the tip of my tongue, balancing on the emotional rubble within. I’m so angry. Time to stop writing.
Okay, a few minutes later now…composure apparently restored.
Annie was great yesterday; she stayed pretty close to me while I was working outside on the shelving and cutting and drilling and such. I placed an old quilt on the ground at the end of the cutting surface I had constructed, so that any pieces of lumbar would fall onto the quilt/comforter instead of dropping onto the cement and though I had pulled Annie’s outside dog house over to near where I was, she only spent part of her time in the doghouse but spent the better part of her time lying next to me on the quilt, rendering its original intent useless, but bringing another level of comfort, so to speak, by having her want to be near me while I was in the mind-frame I was. It wasn’t frustrating at all and the times when I needed to cut, she was off in the yard barking out her challenges to the 2 squirrels who torment her from near-by trees when possible. CC was gone for most of the day, like today, so I was alone for most the whole day except for Annie. I was using the Axim on the Media Player and have close to a Gig’s worth of MP3s stored in it, so I put it on “shuffle” (a feature that will randomly select songs and play them) and locked myself in my own mind’s room, so to speak, turned up the proverbial stereo and recessed into the songs which addressed my emotions every 4 to 5 minutes as each song would begin.
Today I have to try to make headway on Nana’s medical coverage via the phone with the participating care giving insurance companies (ha, there’s an f’n oxymoron; care-giving insurance company). Anyway, before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was saying that my afternoon will likely be sent on the phone with folks regarding Nana’s medical coverage. Fun, huh?
All of the darkness of yesterday overshadowed some letters from close friends who have written loving and caring thoughts and have blessed us immeasurably, especially now due to the current reality having come to light. This by no means is a “thank you” to them; I’m not certain who reads what as far as blogs go anyway. I will be writing out responses of appreciation and receipt of blessing today as well. A Marinership that my aunt and uncle belong too have stepped into the battle on our behalf and have been a blessing to us, even within the past 24 hours. I would MUCH rather be the one in the position of providing support of another family than be the family needing the support. Wow. That reads somewhat with an arrogant tone and yet simplistic. I’m not being arrogant at all…I’m certainly do not want to convey that, at all. Please capture from that gist of it that our heart as a family is taking pleasure in helping others and we (I) have not found it “pleasurable” to be on the other side of that dichotomy. That still doesn’t read right. I guess, instead of just deleting and re-writing, I want to keep the original thoughts there in hoped of painting a truer picture of my heart and disposition. That being said or written, I also have the benefit of walking away from the computer and thought in mid-write to better clarify my wording and yet, hopefully as one reads, there’s no inference or particular reference to actual time taken in writing other than my confessional notations that I’m stopping AGAIN to regain my frame of mind; granted, it’s a dented and scratched frame, but it is after all, mine.
So now it is 4 hours later and my mood has fluctuated some but not much. I guess it’s just a darker time for now.
I just fielded a call for one of our two mortgage companies asking for the mortgage payment plus the late fee. When I told the guy that I had called previously and that the payment had already been sent, he reminded me of the payment due date and the grace period. After he did this for the third time and after he asked if I had a reason for “falling behind”, I remained “polite” but my tone changed significantly. I explained that we have not “fallen behind” and that I was opposed to that perspective and he once again stated that the money is due on the first, etc…Debt collector positions, while logical, suck. They absolutely suck. I have YET to speak to a compassionate or even remotely “caring” collector. Doesn’t seem to matter; credit cards or whatever.
We are severely screwed if our credit report shows a late mortgage payment and I have tried more than passionately to prevent those circumstances from prevailing in the current scenario. This recent call has me questioning my level of success in those efforts.
More kindness from one of the church’s Marinerships in the form of a dinner tonight. Dinners make such a difference in a family’s evening and afternoon timely budget. It’s an attitude boost for most every time. Around 4 today, after not having eaten properly in my timely manner, I made nachos for myself figuring the sodium in the chips would be countered by the protein in the ground beef, cheese and the refried beans. I guess I’ll know more tonight around bed time if I am correct or not. Let’s be hoping so.
I hooked up the TV Sean gave us in our bed room so we can veg before going to sleep, but the temptation to watch for far too long is now, ever-present again. I’m not sure its “pros” outweigh its “cons”. I’ll be checking with CC tonight if I remember to. CC seldom gets any time to just sit and unwind and while the TV offers a number of other distractions and attractions, it often offer her the opportunity to just have some lone down-time before going to sleep.
Two major targets I’d like to accomplish are sanding and painting our bathroom, installing a fan in our bathroom ceiling and painting our bed room. I’m pretty sure I can do the sanding and painting if I’m careful, but the fan installation will require more ladder-work and possibly attack crawling which I cannot manage. The painting is chipping now in the bathroom due to the wrong paint having been used to make it look “nice” before we moved in. Wrong paint type in a bathroom will yield chipping and flaking in the paint after a period of time in the moist air and surroundings and it’s pretty bad now. I know it will make a big difference to CC as well as to me to get that done.
Stresses are pretty high for the time being. I’d like to stop typing on a more positive note, but I’ve not got one for now.
We’ll see about tomorrow-
peace
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tuesday
The claim was for long term disability not short term disability so we won't be seeing any financial help from the insurance before the time frame that I am scheduled to be back at work.
I am essentially, simply off work without pay until I can return, unless I have to be off past February at which point we would begin to receive benefits beginning in March.
I'm less than numb.
I am essentially, simply off work without pay until I can return, unless I have to be off past February at which point we would begin to receive benefits beginning in March.
I'm less than numb.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday's Beginnings
Monday, December 18, 2006
A quick pic this morning before they went off to school...Though it is early, it is a killer time of the day with them...Sunday, December 17, 2006
Sunday Night Collection
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Writing again- Today’s approach is likely to be scattered…apologies in advance.
Sorry to have been absent for a couple days; I’ve been very tired and the energy I had went to other things and it was clearly time to sleep before I got another burst of energy to write.
Today is Sunday and due to the later evening last night and just flat-out being tired, I slept in. My parents came up Friday night late and stayed until this afternoon. What a huge blessing. My dad too me up to Auburn to a church up there that he and I had done a sound system install for in late October, very early November and I needed to train the folks that they had gotten together. My issue was that I haven’t been able to drive for a while again due to the severe motion-nausea and thus I have not been able to get up there to take care of it. Dad specifically came up with the intention of helping me accomplish this task and we were successful and out to there within 2 hours on site. We left a bit before 8:00AM to head over to Kinko’s to make copies of the 9 page operating manual I wrote for them, only to find that Kinko’s was closed and didn’t open until 9:00 AM…weird. I was certain that Kinko’s was 24 hours. I was wrong. So we left a little after 8:00 and stopped at a Denny’s in Auburn and I scored some eggs and some hashbrowns and that did me very well for the morning. I battled the nausea all the way up there though and wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to eat alright, though I knew that I HAD to eat in order to take my morning pills. I was able to eat and Denny’s did themselves proud with very quick service and we were in and out of there within 20-25 minutes. After getting to the church we kicked into gear and got the teaching underway and concluded. Coming home was the same nausea-wise and the trip was not much fun, though I get through it by just closing my eyes and trying to focus elsewhere if I can. I will be ESCTATIC when this condition is done.
-We had a friend call CC tonight and one of her points of sharing was that our household appears to be under some massive spiritual attack right now. It’s helpful to get a does of reality every once in a while and have your winds restored, so to speak. When you’re busy getting your butt kicked, I’ve found it easy to miss the obvious. I’m appreciative for the quick reminder of wisdom.
A good buddy of mine, Erin, needed to borrow my truck last week so he could have a truck that had a tow package to move some trailers for the week, so I warmed the truck up for him on Monday before he arrived and when he got there, it died in my driveway. After fussing with it for a short bit we jumped it and he was on his way. Throughout the week he had it (last week), he called to let me know that he checked the fluids and took care of that stuff but that the truck still isn’t behaving properly and that the battery isn’t charging via the alternator. Long story short, he accomplished what he wanted to and brought it back with a couple alternators and regulators he had found in his garage in case one of them might work for the truck. So dad worked on the truck yesterday after Auburn and this morning as well and the alternator tested positive/working at Kragen’s but the battery still wasn’t charging. He took it over to my cousin’s place off Antelope and he measured it there at my cousin’s place and found it was putting out 30 volts output (it should put out 14 – 16 volts). Winchester Mystery Truck.
So, after replacing the regulator the truck seems to still be in the same condition so I’m charging the battery with an AC battery charger and hope to take it out tomorrow.
Any ideas anyone?
I’ve none.
We can’t afford a mechanic or shop so I need some “home remedies” if at all possible.
I worked in the Music room for an hour or so and got it cleaned up and looking pretty good. CC feels better I’m sure.
Also this afternoon, Joshy showed me a Styrofoam snowman he was making as a present for someone and was talking about it surfing (he was remembering he and me watching the surfing DVD my good buddy George from LA sent me to borrow) and I suggested that he and I make a surfboard for the snowman to be on and in no time, we were off. I went to the garage and found some scrap flooring we had used from in the dining room and then came back in and pulled up a JPEG of an image of a surfboard and sketched a surfboard in a similar size for the snowman and Joshy and went outside, set up the saw horses and began to get it done. About 30 minutes later we were done and Joshy was stoked. It felt very cool and very good to go out there and just do something; think it, draw it, cut it and then sand it down. He was very happy and had the snowman surf the whole house so the snowman could know what the house looked like while surfing. So very cool.
Last night was the Church staff Christmas party at the Cliff House. It was great to see the different folks I haven’t seen in a while, but Pastor Josh Flood wasn’t there and that left a hole in my evening. It would have been great to see him. I’m looking forward to seeing him when he returns. The evening consisted of a rear room at the Cliff House with a beautiful view of Lake Natomas, cheese and cracker appetizers, a very tasty salad and a main course of either chicken, fish or prime rib. It was very cool to see folks again and catch up, albeit briefly. CC and I sat next to Rob on my left and Craig and Beth Fetter on CC’s right.
I hadn’t gotten to see Mark from Facilities since I’ve been out and seeing him last night was very cool as well. He’s one of God’s true blessings to FOP. The pic is of Mr. Mark. :-o)
After the dinner, we took Rob home to his new home he just bought and we got the cool tour. It’s a beautiful home, nice size for him and really nice layout. He’s missing quite a bit of furniture but has it on order, though he’s got the sound system hooked up with the plasma! He rocks. CC and I are stoked for him. I enjoyed the evening as much as I did because I was able to hook up with him, primarily. The significant piece of this whole disability puzzle that frustrates me most is missing out on his life and the lives of my other friends there because when you simply aren’t there, life happens without you and folks move on. Not that that is wrong or anything of that sort, but it is frustrating, sincerely.
Back here on the home front, I’ve been listening to quite a bit of Tchaikovsky and some to Mozart as well. It helps when I am writing, emailing and such. Even the other night, to go to sleep, I brought the laptop into the bedroom and played most of the cuts from “The Nutcracker” and found it more then pleasant to go to sleep by. Even now, as I type away, more Tchaikovsky through the headphones. I had shared with CC that I would like to go to a symphony again to just take it in now, since I’m in such a different place than I’ve ever been. If we can figure it out, we would like to try to take Missy and Josh to a performance of the Nutcracker before it closes this winter. Either in Sacramento or in San Francisco.
It looks like we will stay up here for Christmas and not be heading to the Bay Area as we had thought we might. This Christmas will be the first Christmas that CC and I are both going to be home for in over 8 years. How cool is that. Another resulting blessing of an un-preferred condition.
I found an adapter that I need in order to run my mic though my guitar processor which will give me some heavy duty cool effects vocally. I’m hoping that will inspire my desire to try some vocal things soon. I haven’ written any more lyrics but will see if any are there tonight after I finish this.
Annie says "Good Night..."
Time to conclude and get on to the rest of tonight.
-peace
Writing again- Today’s approach is likely to be scattered…apologies in advance.
Sorry to have been absent for a couple days; I’ve been very tired and the energy I had went to other things and it was clearly time to sleep before I got another burst of energy to write.
Today is Sunday and due to the later evening last night and just flat-out being tired, I slept in. My parents came up Friday night late and stayed until this afternoon. What a huge blessing. My dad too me up to Auburn to a church up there that he and I had done a sound system install for in late October, very early November and I needed to train the folks that they had gotten together. My issue was that I haven’t been able to drive for a while again due to the severe motion-nausea and thus I have not been able to get up there to take care of it. Dad specifically came up with the intention of helping me accomplish this task and we were successful and out to there within 2 hours on site. We left a bit before 8:00AM to head over to Kinko’s to make copies of the 9 page operating manual I wrote for them, only to find that Kinko’s was closed and didn’t open until 9:00 AM…weird. I was certain that Kinko’s was 24 hours. I was wrong. So we left a little after 8:00 and stopped at a Denny’s in Auburn and I scored some eggs and some hashbrowns and that did me very well for the morning. I battled the nausea all the way up there though and wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to eat alright, though I knew that I HAD to eat in order to take my morning pills. I was able to eat and Denny’s did themselves proud with very quick service and we were in and out of there within 20-25 minutes. After getting to the church we kicked into gear and got the teaching underway and concluded. Coming home was the same nausea-wise and the trip was not much fun, though I get through it by just closing my eyes and trying to focus elsewhere if I can. I will be ESCTATIC when this condition is done.
-We had a friend call CC tonight and one of her points of sharing was that our household appears to be under some massive spiritual attack right now. It’s helpful to get a does of reality every once in a while and have your winds restored, so to speak. When you’re busy getting your butt kicked, I’ve found it easy to miss the obvious. I’m appreciative for the quick reminder of wisdom.
A good buddy of mine, Erin, needed to borrow my truck last week so he could have a truck that had a tow package to move some trailers for the week, so I warmed the truck up for him on Monday before he arrived and when he got there, it died in my driveway. After fussing with it for a short bit we jumped it and he was on his way. Throughout the week he had it (last week), he called to let me know that he checked the fluids and took care of that stuff but that the truck still isn’t behaving properly and that the battery isn’t charging via the alternator. Long story short, he accomplished what he wanted to and brought it back with a couple alternators and regulators he had found in his garage in case one of them might work for the truck. So dad worked on the truck yesterday after Auburn and this morning as well and the alternator tested positive/working at Kragen’s but the battery still wasn’t charging. He took it over to my cousin’s place off Antelope and he measured it there at my cousin’s place and found it was putting out 30 volts output (it should put out 14 – 16 volts). Winchester Mystery Truck.
So, after replacing the regulator the truck seems to still be in the same condition so I’m charging the battery with an AC battery charger and hope to take it out tomorrow.
Any ideas anyone?
I’ve none.
We can’t afford a mechanic or shop so I need some “home remedies” if at all possible.
I worked in the Music room for an hour or so and got it cleaned up and looking pretty good. CC feels better I’m sure.
Also this afternoon, Joshy showed me a Styrofoam snowman he was making as a present for someone and was talking about it surfing (he was remembering he and me watching the surfing DVD my good buddy George from LA sent me to borrow) and I suggested that he and I make a surfboard for the snowman to be on and in no time, we were off. I went to the garage and found some scrap flooring we had used from in the dining room and then came back in and pulled up a JPEG of an image of a surfboard and sketched a surfboard in a similar size for the snowman and Joshy and went outside, set up the saw horses and began to get it done. About 30 minutes later we were done and Joshy was stoked. It felt very cool and very good to go out there and just do something; think it, draw it, cut it and then sand it down. He was very happy and had the snowman surf the whole house so the snowman could know what the house looked like while surfing. So very cool.Last night was the Church staff Christmas party at the Cliff House. It was great to see the different folks I haven’t seen in a while, but Pastor Josh Flood wasn’t there and that left a hole in my evening. It would have been great to see him. I’m looking forward to seeing him when he returns. The evening consisted of a rear room at the Cliff House with a beautiful view of Lake Natomas, cheese and cracker appetizers, a very tasty salad and a main course of either chicken, fish or prime rib. It was very cool to see folks again and catch up, albeit briefly. CC and I sat next to Rob on my left and Craig and Beth Fetter on CC’s right.
I hadn’t gotten to see Mark from Facilities since I’ve been out and seeing him last night was very cool as well. He’s one of God’s true blessings to FOP. The pic is of Mr. Mark. :-o)After the dinner, we took Rob home to his new home he just bought and we got the cool tour. It’s a beautiful home, nice size for him and really nice layout. He’s missing quite a bit of furniture but has it on order, though he’s got the sound system hooked up with the plasma! He rocks. CC and I are stoked for him. I enjoyed the evening as much as I did because I was able to hook up with him, primarily. The significant piece of this whole disability puzzle that frustrates me most is missing out on his life and the lives of my other friends there because when you simply aren’t there, life happens without you and folks move on. Not that that is wrong or anything of that sort, but it is frustrating, sincerely.
Back here on the home front, I’ve been listening to quite a bit of Tchaikovsky and some to Mozart as well. It helps when I am writing, emailing and such. Even the other night, to go to sleep, I brought the laptop into the bedroom and played most of the cuts from “The Nutcracker” and found it more then pleasant to go to sleep by. Even now, as I type away, more Tchaikovsky through the headphones. I had shared with CC that I would like to go to a symphony again to just take it in now, since I’m in such a different place than I’ve ever been. If we can figure it out, we would like to try to take Missy and Josh to a performance of the Nutcracker before it closes this winter. Either in Sacramento or in San Francisco.
It looks like we will stay up here for Christmas and not be heading to the Bay Area as we had thought we might. This Christmas will be the first Christmas that CC and I are both going to be home for in over 8 years. How cool is that. Another resulting blessing of an un-preferred condition.
I found an adapter that I need in order to run my mic though my guitar processor which will give me some heavy duty cool effects vocally. I’m hoping that will inspire my desire to try some vocal things soon. I haven’ written any more lyrics but will see if any are there tonight after I finish this.
Annie says "Good Night..."
Time to conclude and get on to the rest of tonight.
-peace
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Thursday Re-Cap
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Boy. The hits keep coming. CC took Joshy in to Kaiser tonight because in a matter of a few minutes, he went from “I don’t feel so good” which is how he was all day to passed out on the couch and his temp kicked to over 103. Turns out that he doesn’t have Strep, but had Croup and now has joined me and Nana in the pneumonia category. If it wasn’t actually happening in my house, I’d be having a difficult time believing all of this happening to one family in one small frame of time. He’s a pretty sick boy and I spent a good 20 minutes calming Missy down who is scared by all the sickness and seeing Joshy’s face looking so helpless.
Please be praying for our collective health and for CC’s as well; that she STAYS well.
We went to Walnut Creek this morning for my appointment with the neurologist for the second opinion and he was not convinced that I am contending with HKPP, but doesn’t know what else it would be, either. End result, no immediate referral to UCSF as we had been hoping for, so the question is “What now?” It feels to me like I am nearly back at the beginning where we didn’t know what was going on, though with what I know now, I know that these attacks are related and are linked with potassium.
My buddy Scott Shuford called me to let me know that he had just heard on the radio that Genesis is re-uniting after 15 years and is planning a 2007 European large arena tour. Check it out here: http://www.genesis-music.com/
So it’s 8:48 and I’m in bed and calling it. CC’s sleeping next to Joshy on the hide-a-bed in the family room to keep an eye on him.
As if you’re not tired of hearing this, any prayers are coveted.
peace
Boy. The hits keep coming. CC took Joshy in to Kaiser tonight because in a matter of a few minutes, he went from “I don’t feel so good” which is how he was all day to passed out on the couch and his temp kicked to over 103. Turns out that he doesn’t have Strep, but had Croup and now has joined me and Nana in the pneumonia category. If it wasn’t actually happening in my house, I’d be having a difficult time believing all of this happening to one family in one small frame of time. He’s a pretty sick boy and I spent a good 20 minutes calming Missy down who is scared by all the sickness and seeing Joshy’s face looking so helpless.
Please be praying for our collective health and for CC’s as well; that she STAYS well.
We went to Walnut Creek this morning for my appointment with the neurologist for the second opinion and he was not convinced that I am contending with HKPP, but doesn’t know what else it would be, either. End result, no immediate referral to UCSF as we had been hoping for, so the question is “What now?” It feels to me like I am nearly back at the beginning where we didn’t know what was going on, though with what I know now, I know that these attacks are related and are linked with potassium.
My buddy Scott Shuford called me to let me know that he had just heard on the radio that Genesis is re-uniting after 15 years and is planning a 2007 European large arena tour. Check it out here: http://www.genesis-music.com/
So it’s 8:48 and I’m in bed and calling it. CC’s sleeping next to Joshy on the hide-a-bed in the family room to keep an eye on him.
As if you’re not tired of hearing this, any prayers are coveted.
peace
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Wednesday is pneumonia day
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
So now I know why I’ve been feeling so badly for the past few days;
Pneumonia.
On to new antibiotics.
There doesn’t seem to be much of a break in the barrage.
Tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM, CC and I meet with the neurologist in Walnut Creek for the second opinion. We leave by 5:00 AM with Joshy, who is also battling strep, and head down to the Walnut Creek Kaiser.
Please be praying for our travels to and from and for the appointment to be favorable in our progress for getting treatment and knowledge. Please also be praying for healing as we seem to keep busy going from one bacterium to another while sampling a virus here and there.
More tomorrow-
So now I know why I’ve been feeling so badly for the past few days;
Pneumonia.
On to new antibiotics.
There doesn’t seem to be much of a break in the barrage.
Tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM, CC and I meet with the neurologist in Walnut Creek for the second opinion. We leave by 5:00 AM with Joshy, who is also battling strep, and head down to the Walnut Creek Kaiser.
Please be praying for our travels to and from and for the appointment to be favorable in our progress for getting treatment and knowledge. Please also be praying for healing as we seem to keep busy going from one bacterium to another while sampling a virus here and there.
More tomorrow-
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Writing again from the music room, I'm pretty tired and didn't begin this prior to being tired, so...this one will likely be short, though I wrote an article on serving within a changing church and figured to include that as part of this blog entry. Given this medium, if you'd care to, I'd really like to know what your thoughts are on the article, so in this case, please do leave a comment regarding the article if you have the urge.
I may look at adding another blog address for the articles I've done as well, though those are often well over a thousand words, so the blog posting sizes will be pretty good size. I haven't decided what to do with that yet.
Anyway, we got more work done around and in the house today, though not much to "write home about" so to speak. Success was our in selling the three bar stools we have moved from home to home for a years now. We didn't make a lot of money on them, but we sold them on Craig's List and had action within 2 days of posting. CC's searching the house now for things for me to post and sell...I've kept her OUT of the music room.
Another neat thing from today was the conclusion of a Phil Collins MPEG download of his last concert in Paris. The quality is exceptional as is the audio on it. It's only 55 minutes long, but a great selection of songs beginning with "In The Air Tonight". His ace staple players, Daryl Streumer (guitar) and Chester Thompson (drums) and on bass was good friend Leland Sklarr joining him for the concert. Very good short show.
*****
Two HUGE praises have been a indescribable blessing to CC and I, and they are gifts from a church family and from the Deacons in the church. Thanks to them, we should be able to make our mortgage payment this month. I reads to impressivley trite, but all I have are these little letters on these little keys in front of me to use in an attempt to declare our appreciation.
*****
Not much more I can say and not much follows that up, so with that, here is the article titled "Transitional Stability"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Transitional Stability
-by wade odum
What happens when a guy like me, an audio engineer, is hired to work in a church directly underneath a Minister of Music and then, that Minister of Music moves on to another calling. What is my role now? Who do I answer to, from a creative point of view? What are my priorities to be when the new Minister or Pastor of Worship is hired?
Transitional Stability seems like a good working title…Let’s go with it for the time being, we don’t want anything too permanent, no? We’ll see…
My case and background is not as common as it could I, I suppose, having been an audio engineer since my very early teens, learning a love for it by my late teens and now in my forties having right about 30 years experience of running sound for “somebody else”. I bring a fair amount to the sound and media plate in regards to the scenario suggested above, so my intent here is to share some wisdom from the years and perspective from the tech to find some common grounding and fruitful soil.
If you’ve read some of my perspectives prior to now, you’ll likely know that I believe the role of a sound tech within a church structure is to provide audio excellence to the Lord. In like pursuit, we provide to the congregation by providing it first to the leadership, so that Sunday mornings (Saturday and Wednesday nights too) are the best offerings we can bring corporately before God and to Him as well. That is to say that the engineer provides the best service he or she can to the leaders within the service and they lead the congregation before the Lord in Worship and Praise and we then look to God to make Himself tangible and “real” in a sense, as the pastor brings The Word. The sound tech’s job, within that structure or frame, is to give the leadership an audible platform to be seen, heard and recorded in most cases. Now, having said that, I will take it further and suggest that the “style” of Worship has little bearing on the goals of a dedicated technician. It shouldn’t matter whether or not the Worship is organ-based, band-based, orchestra enhanced, drum-driven, a capella, acoustic, chant or just spoken word; whatever the platform pursued, it is our job as sound people to provide the leadership with the “sound vehicle” to get to the congregation.
In some very blessed churches, much technology has been given and I believe much is expected. In Luke 12, verses 40 through 48, Jesus is speaking to His disciples about being ready for the Son of Man’s imminent return, and though I’m certain he did not have this situation in mind, I do believe that we can pull some worthy tools from the passage:
Luke 12:40-50: 40You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." 41Peter asked, "Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?"
42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers. 47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
So, am I silly enough to be suggesting folks be beaten if they aren’t ready for downbeat…well…uh, let’s not ask that question, let’s address some of the relevant points, shall we?
First, I believe that God does expect much from those he has given much to and I believe that includes the church, its technologies and its personnel. I also believe, as in the parable, it doesn’t matter the nature of the master, it matters the disposition of the servant. I take from that observation that the master is equivalent with the church, and the servant is the equivalent of the leader in the church service, i.e. the director, worship leader, sound person, etc. We are to be ready each and every time called on to provide the service we’ve been pledged to, some would argue whether we are paid or not, and it does not matter as to the style of Worship we bring unto God, only that we bring our very best in talents and offerings. Granted, the biblical equivalence takes some wide “interpretation” but I hope the message is pretty clear; whether you are directing a choir, an organist or a pianist (or both), a 5 piece band with amps and acoustic drums or an acoustic guitarist, and whether or not you are miking each of the above or only one of the above, you are to do your job with all that you have in your own offering to the Lord. Would we behave differently if we knew that Jesus was going to be visiting our church that morning? We would all first want to say “No, not at all!” however, given a moment to reflect, I believe in all reality that, yes, we would behave differently (and likely the stress over what songs to choose and in what order they should be done would likely bring early graves to some of us). The point is, though, that we should not be bringing anything differently and we should be clear of conscience that we are offering our very best gifts each time we step up. The real world brings about a clash between “Spiritual Satisfaction” and the “Physical Church”. “Spiritual Satisfaction”, in this case, is a term interpreted to convey simply that we have indeed offered and done our best on Sunday morning. The “Physical Church” is essentially the embodiment of the waiting comparison to the church down the block (or nearby city) who has more numbers than we do and they had more this past Sunday which means they somehow brought something better to God than we did and we better figure out how to do what they did instead of being concerned with God and what He wants and if we brought it to Him. If we lose focus on our goals as servants and choosing not to be concerned with “The Church of the Joneses” and give our best in service then it truly shouldn’t matter which style of Worship is done as long as it is done to the very best of our skills, musically or technically.
Copyright © 2006
Writing again from the music room, I'm pretty tired and didn't begin this prior to being tired, so...this one will likely be short, though I wrote an article on serving within a changing church and figured to include that as part of this blog entry. Given this medium, if you'd care to, I'd really like to know what your thoughts are on the article, so in this case, please do leave a comment regarding the article if you have the urge.
I may look at adding another blog address for the articles I've done as well, though those are often well over a thousand words, so the blog posting sizes will be pretty good size. I haven't decided what to do with that yet.
Anyway, we got more work done around and in the house today, though not much to "write home about" so to speak. Success was our in selling the three bar stools we have moved from home to home for a years now. We didn't make a lot of money on them, but we sold them on Craig's List and had action within 2 days of posting. CC's searching the house now for things for me to post and sell...I've kept her OUT of the music room.
Another neat thing from today was the conclusion of a Phil Collins MPEG download of his last concert in Paris. The quality is exceptional as is the audio on it. It's only 55 minutes long, but a great selection of songs beginning with "In The Air Tonight". His ace staple players, Daryl Streumer (guitar) and Chester Thompson (drums) and on bass was good friend Leland Sklarr joining him for the concert. Very good short show.
*****
Two HUGE praises have been a indescribable blessing to CC and I, and they are gifts from a church family and from the Deacons in the church. Thanks to them, we should be able to make our mortgage payment this month. I reads to impressivley trite, but all I have are these little letters on these little keys in front of me to use in an attempt to declare our appreciation.
*****
Not much more I can say and not much follows that up, so with that, here is the article titled "Transitional Stability"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Transitional Stability
-by wade odum
What happens when a guy like me, an audio engineer, is hired to work in a church directly underneath a Minister of Music and then, that Minister of Music moves on to another calling. What is my role now? Who do I answer to, from a creative point of view? What are my priorities to be when the new Minister or Pastor of Worship is hired?
Transitional Stability seems like a good working title…Let’s go with it for the time being, we don’t want anything too permanent, no? We’ll see…
My case and background is not as common as it could I, I suppose, having been an audio engineer since my very early teens, learning a love for it by my late teens and now in my forties having right about 30 years experience of running sound for “somebody else”. I bring a fair amount to the sound and media plate in regards to the scenario suggested above, so my intent here is to share some wisdom from the years and perspective from the tech to find some common grounding and fruitful soil.
If you’ve read some of my perspectives prior to now, you’ll likely know that I believe the role of a sound tech within a church structure is to provide audio excellence to the Lord. In like pursuit, we provide to the congregation by providing it first to the leadership, so that Sunday mornings (Saturday and Wednesday nights too) are the best offerings we can bring corporately before God and to Him as well. That is to say that the engineer provides the best service he or she can to the leaders within the service and they lead the congregation before the Lord in Worship and Praise and we then look to God to make Himself tangible and “real” in a sense, as the pastor brings The Word. The sound tech’s job, within that structure or frame, is to give the leadership an audible platform to be seen, heard and recorded in most cases. Now, having said that, I will take it further and suggest that the “style” of Worship has little bearing on the goals of a dedicated technician. It shouldn’t matter whether or not the Worship is organ-based, band-based, orchestra enhanced, drum-driven, a capella, acoustic, chant or just spoken word; whatever the platform pursued, it is our job as sound people to provide the leadership with the “sound vehicle” to get to the congregation.
In some very blessed churches, much technology has been given and I believe much is expected. In Luke 12, verses 40 through 48, Jesus is speaking to His disciples about being ready for the Son of Man’s imminent return, and though I’m certain he did not have this situation in mind, I do believe that we can pull some worthy tools from the passage:
Luke 12:40-50: 40You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." 41Peter asked, "Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?"
42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers. 47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
So, am I silly enough to be suggesting folks be beaten if they aren’t ready for downbeat…well…uh, let’s not ask that question, let’s address some of the relevant points, shall we?
First, I believe that God does expect much from those he has given much to and I believe that includes the church, its technologies and its personnel. I also believe, as in the parable, it doesn’t matter the nature of the master, it matters the disposition of the servant. I take from that observation that the master is equivalent with the church, and the servant is the equivalent of the leader in the church service, i.e. the director, worship leader, sound person, etc. We are to be ready each and every time called on to provide the service we’ve been pledged to, some would argue whether we are paid or not, and it does not matter as to the style of Worship we bring unto God, only that we bring our very best in talents and offerings. Granted, the biblical equivalence takes some wide “interpretation” but I hope the message is pretty clear; whether you are directing a choir, an organist or a pianist (or both), a 5 piece band with amps and acoustic drums or an acoustic guitarist, and whether or not you are miking each of the above or only one of the above, you are to do your job with all that you have in your own offering to the Lord. Would we behave differently if we knew that Jesus was going to be visiting our church that morning? We would all first want to say “No, not at all!” however, given a moment to reflect, I believe in all reality that, yes, we would behave differently (and likely the stress over what songs to choose and in what order they should be done would likely bring early graves to some of us). The point is, though, that we should not be bringing anything differently and we should be clear of conscience that we are offering our very best gifts each time we step up. The real world brings about a clash between “Spiritual Satisfaction” and the “Physical Church”. “Spiritual Satisfaction”, in this case, is a term interpreted to convey simply that we have indeed offered and done our best on Sunday morning. The “Physical Church” is essentially the embodiment of the waiting comparison to the church down the block (or nearby city) who has more numbers than we do and they had more this past Sunday which means they somehow brought something better to God than we did and we better figure out how to do what they did instead of being concerned with God and what He wants and if we brought it to Him. If we lose focus on our goals as servants and choosing not to be concerned with “The Church of the Joneses” and give our best in service then it truly shouldn’t matter which style of Worship is done as long as it is done to the very best of our skills, musically or technically.
Copyright © 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Monday's Remembrance
Monday, December 11, 2006
The concert was within 2 minutes of finishing and he passed out, done. Cute, but heavy.
I forgot to include a few pics from our (Mommy, Joshy and me) outing yesterday to the Sacramento Library.
Here's a camera-phone shot of Mommy and Joshy just as the symphony began
Here's a shot of the symphony from the balcony(2nd floor) from behind a guy who was video taping the concert, so his camera is in the shot...
...and here's a shot of Joshy and me at the end of the 30 minute concert...
The concert was within 2 minutes of finishing and he passed out, done. Cute, but heavy.
The concert itself was quite nice and at the very beginning, the conductor asked the front row to move back a little so the kids could come and sit up on the floor in the very front, which I thought was magnificent. Also, at the end of the concert, with one more song to play, he asked the children if any of them ever wanted to be a conductor and those that raised their hands in affirmation were asked up, one at a time, onto the conductor's stand, and after he had the first child up there with the baton in her hand, he had her count to 4 with the baton and the musicians began to play. Each of the 3 children who raised their hands got a turn conducting the orchestra while the conductor stood over next to the wall and applauded them and the musicians as the audience clapped along to the final song. It was more than heart-warming to see the children given the opportunity to participate.
peace
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Sunday Night Lights
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Here's what I worked on all afternoon and evening...nothing is impossible...I guess.
At least it's something to feel good about, you know?
-peace
Here's what I worked on all afternoon and evening...nothing is impossible...I guess.
At least it's something to feel good about, you know?
-peace
Sunday Morning: 12.10.06
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Time to write again-
I didn’t write yesterday because I wasn’t sure what I could write; I was and am dealing with our reality and don’t want to reiterate anything or dwell, but my heart and mind have been there, so writing would have simply reflected my heart and mind.
I went to sleep a little earlier than I have in the past, this time before midnight, and tried reading one of the books on the life of the Apostle Paul that I was loaned, but the book was very thick in verbiage that is difficult for me. I tried scanning a bit but it was difficult for me still, so I bailed o that one and will see if the other book will be readable for me.
That being said, and to make that understandable, I have a form of dyslexia which is very problematic when it comes to reading (in particular) and writing (not so much now with personalized spell check). It takes me probably 4x as long for me to read a “college-word” paragraph as it would the average person, due to me having to re-read longer words and forcing the sentences to be logical. I’m VERY thankful that the writing software I use (Word) has the personalized spell check which knows to question words like “Form” and “From” which I nearly always reverse the “O” and the “R”, not mattering whether or not I was trying to write from or form, I almost always write the opposite. There are several words which are problems for me but Word generally catches them. I have to re-read sentences, some times 3 times in a row, to make certain I am reading them correctly. I have to do this same thing when I type these blogs which is why it takes me so long to type them. This was something that didn’t get identified until I was in college and I believe explains my pretty abysmal grades while in Jr. High and High School. It’s not just letters, but can be words and often numbers. In college I had an English/Writing Prof who identified my issue within a couple days of being in his class, prior to a test or much of anything. He asked me to stay after a class early on and explained what he thought I was dealing with and ever since then, with his coaching and instruction, I was confident to write and try math again. I began writing poems then went quickly to lyrics and have loved writing ever since.
We noticed that Missy was having a pretty tough time reading and writing in school and often she reverses letters when she’s spelling and she reverses numbers and words as well…hmm. I told her teacher at this last parent conference to look out for that in her work and if she see’s it to bring it to our attention and to Missy’s attention so we can deal with it. I’ve already shared my experience with Missy, so she knows of it and that it might be something she’s dealing with too.
I was successful in getting the Christmas decorations down a couple mornings ago and got some of the front yard décor put out, but was wiped shortly thereafter and crashed out on the couch for a few hours. THAT just irritates me to no end. CC was thrilled to have them down so she could begin to decorate which made me feel good and it was worth the fatigue to have her smile like that. Today’s goal is to get the lights up and the interior decorations up and out. That, of course, will also include some real cleaning as well.
Last night, Joshy and I played guitar together while I was watching some G3 on the DVD. He was quickly inspired to play when he saw the guitarists going full steam and was quite impressed with their skills, repeating over and over “Wow. Now THAT’S hard to do.” each time one of them would pull of an impossible riff or play as fast as a DeWalt drill with a pick in it (Speaking of, I think Eddie Van Halen was the only guitarist to actually have an endorsement from Makita for his use of the drill during their last tour. Crazy.). We had a great time sitting on the couch with him playing his plastic electric guitar and me on my white Ibanez. I noticed that the neck on his plastic guitar was bending pretty heavily from the tension of the 3 remaining strings on it, so I took the strings off to remove the threat of his getting hurt by a snapping string and he asked if he could play the white guitar, so I had him sit up straight on the couch and put that guitar on him then I went and got my purple Ibanez and we played along together with him trying different sounds and such with the whammy bar and my glass slide. I was able to learn the missing chorus progression for “Smoke on the Water” (Now one of Joshy’s favorite songs) as well as the bridge for La Grange. Both are very “easy” except when you don’t know what they are and are not playing against the song to figure it out. I’m happy to have them in my head now.
Time to write again-
I didn’t write yesterday because I wasn’t sure what I could write; I was and am dealing with our reality and don’t want to reiterate anything or dwell, but my heart and mind have been there, so writing would have simply reflected my heart and mind.
I went to sleep a little earlier than I have in the past, this time before midnight, and tried reading one of the books on the life of the Apostle Paul that I was loaned, but the book was very thick in verbiage that is difficult for me. I tried scanning a bit but it was difficult for me still, so I bailed o that one and will see if the other book will be readable for me.
That being said, and to make that understandable, I have a form of dyslexia which is very problematic when it comes to reading (in particular) and writing (not so much now with personalized spell check). It takes me probably 4x as long for me to read a “college-word” paragraph as it would the average person, due to me having to re-read longer words and forcing the sentences to be logical. I’m VERY thankful that the writing software I use (Word) has the personalized spell check which knows to question words like “Form” and “From” which I nearly always reverse the “O” and the “R”, not mattering whether or not I was trying to write from or form, I almost always write the opposite. There are several words which are problems for me but Word generally catches them. I have to re-read sentences, some times 3 times in a row, to make certain I am reading them correctly. I have to do this same thing when I type these blogs which is why it takes me so long to type them. This was something that didn’t get identified until I was in college and I believe explains my pretty abysmal grades while in Jr. High and High School. It’s not just letters, but can be words and often numbers. In college I had an English/Writing Prof who identified my issue within a couple days of being in his class, prior to a test or much of anything. He asked me to stay after a class early on and explained what he thought I was dealing with and ever since then, with his coaching and instruction, I was confident to write and try math again. I began writing poems then went quickly to lyrics and have loved writing ever since.
We noticed that Missy was having a pretty tough time reading and writing in school and often she reverses letters when she’s spelling and she reverses numbers and words as well…hmm. I told her teacher at this last parent conference to look out for that in her work and if she see’s it to bring it to our attention and to Missy’s attention so we can deal with it. I’ve already shared my experience with Missy, so she knows of it and that it might be something she’s dealing with too.
I was successful in getting the Christmas decorations down a couple mornings ago and got some of the front yard décor put out, but was wiped shortly thereafter and crashed out on the couch for a few hours. THAT just irritates me to no end. CC was thrilled to have them down so she could begin to decorate which made me feel good and it was worth the fatigue to have her smile like that. Today’s goal is to get the lights up and the interior decorations up and out. That, of course, will also include some real cleaning as well.
Last night, Joshy and I played guitar together while I was watching some G3 on the DVD. He was quickly inspired to play when he saw the guitarists going full steam and was quite impressed with their skills, repeating over and over “Wow. Now THAT’S hard to do.” each time one of them would pull of an impossible riff or play as fast as a DeWalt drill with a pick in it (Speaking of, I think Eddie Van Halen was the only guitarist to actually have an endorsement from Makita for his use of the drill during their last tour. Crazy.). We had a great time sitting on the couch with him playing his plastic electric guitar and me on my white Ibanez. I noticed that the neck on his plastic guitar was bending pretty heavily from the tension of the 3 remaining strings on it, so I took the strings off to remove the threat of his getting hurt by a snapping string and he asked if he could play the white guitar, so I had him sit up straight on the couch and put that guitar on him then I went and got my purple Ibanez and we played along together with him trying different sounds and such with the whammy bar and my glass slide. I was able to learn the missing chorus progression for “Smoke on the Water” (Now one of Joshy’s favorite songs) as well as the bridge for La Grange. Both are very “easy” except when you don’t know what they are and are not playing against the song to figure it out. I’m happy to have them in my head now.
Anyway, he and I had a great time playing together and then we moved into the Music Room where he wanted to learn about my effects processor, (Boss GT-3) so I let him mess around with switching the patches and explained the banks and programs within the banks and he understood. His favorite to switch settings on was the Human Wah patch which can make the guitar sound like it is saying “Hey” if the pedal is moved a certain way and speed after a strum. He was very entertained by it, big smile and laughing most of that time. 
It’s now Sunday morning and he’s wearing a set of my headphones plugged into the computer, playing the CD he got from his cousin Kirsten, and has my white guitar on his lap while he strums away and sings to the songs on the CD. So cool. Last night, he asked if I would record some guitar stuff for him to listen to on his MP3 player so he could write some words for it!!!! How cool is that? Don’t you KNOW that WILL get recorded if for no other reason than he simply wants to do it. I’m stoked by his interest, though I believe he will probably end up being a percussionist or drummer more likely due to his attention to rhythm and musical inflection. He generally strums or pats to the rhythm of the words and such. He’s VERY dramatic when it comes to listening/singing along with songs. He becomes the artist and his face shows the intent and determination and often the emotion of the song’s lyrical point, though he loves the hard rock and loves to do his best Billy Idol disposition or complete straight-face as he does Will Smith’s “Wild, Wild West.”. Dig it.Well, this afternoon, turns out, we (Mommy, Joshy and I) are heading down to Downtown Sac for the Library’s afternoon event of a Youth Symphony/Orchestra beginning at 1:30. That should be pretty cool. CC was making the point that if we don’t take Joshy and Missy to these things, they’ll never know of them. Missy spent yesterday and last night with a friend and then is heading over to another friend’s house now to spend the afternoon, so she won’t be with us for the Library trip. I miss her when we do family things or outings, if she’s not with us. Seems like she truly misses us too.
Tonight is FOP’s big Christmas program. I’m very hopeful that it goes very well and that the tech crew has a blast doing the show. I’m not sure I’ll go or not.
Well, time to do some cleaning up before CC gets back and we have to leave for the library.
-peace
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Saturday Beginnings
Saturday, December 9, 2006
I can safely say that this is the single most awkward and uncomfortable time in my life, that I can recall.
Maybe more later, don't know.
I can safely say that this is the single most awkward and uncomfortable time in my life, that I can recall.
Maybe more later, don't know.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Friday's Cry For Help
Friday, December 8, 2006
Okay…challenging topic. I’ve broken it into sections because word has it I’m a little verbose, and some folks just want the facts…which I eventually get to…eventually…:
Preface:
Since we have had to accept the route of disability, we knew we would not be able to make our bills for the next 3 months and we have been racking our brains trying to creatively figure out a way to meet our living expenses. We have exhausted just about everything on our list and down towards the bottom of the list was something called a benevolent or trust account, something a friend suggested to us to pursue. A benevolent account is one where the account is set up as a trust, and folks can “donate” to the trust and end up with some kind of write off. We found out today that the cost to open such an account is $1000.00 so that’s out of the question, unfortunately.
Cutting To The Chase:
Our bottom line is that my income from work stopped in mid-November and we are in serious need of financial help to get through the next 3 months, until I can resume full time work with a full time wage. Anyone reading this is in a position to help us please pray about it and see if that is workable. I’ve asked my parent’s to be the point of contact for any help that may come from this.
Their phone number is 650-591-6812 and their email addresses are l.odum@comcast.net and d.odum@comcast.net and any help you might be able to send can go to them and they will see to its deposit on our behalf.
I’m uncomfortable to my core asking for help.
Immediate Concern:
Our mortgage payment this month is due by the 15th (in 7 days) and even IF the insurance company accepts the claim (they should have a decision made by the 15th), the insurance payments won’t begin until some time after the 15th.
Though this is not generally a topic of conversation, for reasons pertaining to our cry for help I am including it. Our monthly mortgage payment is roughly $2,750.00 of which we have $0.00 due to my lack of income from the second half of November.
Insurance payments should total 60% of my normal pay and my checks went to mortgage, gas and groceries while CC’s checks from her part time position with Kaiser go to bills, utilities and groceries, etc. Due to the fact that she is the only stable driver for the family and is the care giver for her mother who lives with us, she cannot go full time with Kaiser at this point in our lives.
Wade’s Clarification and State of Mind:
I do realize that I did not bring on this medical scenario myself and that life happens. I have some friends and family who feel pretty strongly that giving money simply to help folks out of situations is senseless because the real answer to is teach them how not to find themselves in the needing circumstance or situation. Though I am familiar and agree with the analogy that “it is better to teach hungry folks how to fish instead of just supplying fish for their meals”, these circumstances are not commonplace in our lives and our situation unfamiliar to us; we were unprepared for this turn of events.
I don’t know how to continue this entry at this point. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write in the first place, only that I felt I needed to write something instead of trying to individually ask certain people that I perceive might be in a position to help. I don’t even want to ask ANYONE in the first place.
Lastly and importantly:
If you feel my (this) approach is inappropriate in any way, please forgive me, I can honestly say and write that I don’t know what else to do.
Seriously, if you have any practical suggestions for us, please email me at v12.pilot@comcast.net or call me on my cell, which you should have.
peace-
w
Okay…challenging topic. I’ve broken it into sections because word has it I’m a little verbose, and some folks just want the facts…which I eventually get to…eventually…:
Preface:
Since we have had to accept the route of disability, we knew we would not be able to make our bills for the next 3 months and we have been racking our brains trying to creatively figure out a way to meet our living expenses. We have exhausted just about everything on our list and down towards the bottom of the list was something called a benevolent or trust account, something a friend suggested to us to pursue. A benevolent account is one where the account is set up as a trust, and folks can “donate” to the trust and end up with some kind of write off. We found out today that the cost to open such an account is $1000.00 so that’s out of the question, unfortunately.
Cutting To The Chase:
Our bottom line is that my income from work stopped in mid-November and we are in serious need of financial help to get through the next 3 months, until I can resume full time work with a full time wage. Anyone reading this is in a position to help us please pray about it and see if that is workable. I’ve asked my parent’s to be the point of contact for any help that may come from this.
Their phone number is 650-591-6812 and their email addresses are l.odum@comcast.net and d.odum@comcast.net and any help you might be able to send can go to them and they will see to its deposit on our behalf.
I’m uncomfortable to my core asking for help.
Immediate Concern:
Our mortgage payment this month is due by the 15th (in 7 days) and even IF the insurance company accepts the claim (they should have a decision made by the 15th), the insurance payments won’t begin until some time after the 15th.
Though this is not generally a topic of conversation, for reasons pertaining to our cry for help I am including it. Our monthly mortgage payment is roughly $2,750.00 of which we have $0.00 due to my lack of income from the second half of November.
Insurance payments should total 60% of my normal pay and my checks went to mortgage, gas and groceries while CC’s checks from her part time position with Kaiser go to bills, utilities and groceries, etc. Due to the fact that she is the only stable driver for the family and is the care giver for her mother who lives with us, she cannot go full time with Kaiser at this point in our lives.
Wade’s Clarification and State of Mind:
I do realize that I did not bring on this medical scenario myself and that life happens. I have some friends and family who feel pretty strongly that giving money simply to help folks out of situations is senseless because the real answer to is teach them how not to find themselves in the needing circumstance or situation. Though I am familiar and agree with the analogy that “it is better to teach hungry folks how to fish instead of just supplying fish for their meals”, these circumstances are not commonplace in our lives and our situation unfamiliar to us; we were unprepared for this turn of events.
I don’t know how to continue this entry at this point. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write in the first place, only that I felt I needed to write something instead of trying to individually ask certain people that I perceive might be in a position to help. I don’t even want to ask ANYONE in the first place.
Lastly and importantly:
If you feel my (this) approach is inappropriate in any way, please forgive me, I can honestly say and write that I don’t know what else to do.
Seriously, if you have any practical suggestions for us, please email me at v12.pilot@comcast.net or call me on my cell, which you should have.
peace-
w
Thursday Reflections Finsihed
Thursday, December 7, 2006 pt. 2
So, let’s take another look at the list of tasks for today:
call on the disability claim to find out its status (Done)
Drink a silly amount of water/fluid (Done)
contact Member Services regarding reimbursing us for the Cardy Meter (Not done)
prepare a writing (Not done)
see if I can turn out an article on Media Technologies for a magazine (Not done)
Drink more silly amounts of water/fluid (Done)
Clean up the “Music Room” from its initial setting up (started but unfinished)
see if last night’s lyrical outburst is a fluke (Done)
Call on 0% cards for a balance transfer (Done)
Drink more silly amounts of water/fluid (Done)
And some more things that aren’t coming to mind yet…
I did pretty well with progress today but got overwhelmed with the 0% cards thing; So much small writing, paragraphs nearly impossible to read, similar wording with minor changes in details. It was hard to keep it all logical. I made pretty good progress; learned that AmEx doesn’t offer 0% on transfers and that some on-line credit card companies don’t even have phone numbers listed for contact. You are to get their number from your billing statement.
Right.
I moved the stereo system, that I’d had in my office, to my house for the party that didn’t happen on my birthday and it has been just sitting, taking up space in the living room since then and tonight I got the drive to move it, one speaker at a time, over to the TV area and hook it up to the DVD player so I can listen in reasonable fidelity. I had tried to watch a Dream Theater DVD through the TV and the audio was distorted, so that called for immediate measures to be considered. It’s not forever, it may not even be for the weekend, but it is for right now. :-o)
It’s a little after midnight and I need to call it pretty soon.
Let’s see…Oh yeah, I wrote another set of lyrics tonight…I’m pretty stoked about the inspiration coming back. I also took another musical idea from this morning and embellished on it to create a decent idea to consider. I had received a new down load of some very cool loops that I was pleased to check out and put to use. Cool loops and the use of laptop recording has brought about a new flame in my musical fire that had been all but snuffed. I honestly had resigned myself to its death and so this is very cool within the hell that seems to be haunting.
I didn’t need the cane so much today. Pretty cool. Also, my buddy from yesterday’s breakfast had come by last night to drop off a couple books on the Apostle Paul for me to check out and see if I can do a study on him by myself. We have tried to get ourselves into a small bible study with friends and even colleagues, but nothing has ever taken shape, so it is time for me to see if I can be disciplined enough to get it done.
I’d like to ask for prayer again; a situation is present and CC and I need to figure out how we can approach it and deal with it; we need to know how to address it and if we are doing the right thing. This reads pretty cloak and dagger and this is nothing of that sort, but we have a challenge in front of us and we have to deal with it.
Please pray for guidance and His comfort in our hearts and for both of us to be of one mind.
As you probably know, we need prayers ALL THE TIME and this is just a “one off” because a deadline is inovled.
Nearing 12:30, I’m done.
More tomorrow when I can think straighter, remember more and type better (Praise God for Spell Check)…
-Peace
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Thursday Morning Reflections
Thursday, December 7, 2006
What a difference a night makes, as well as antibiotics. I slept most of the way through the night with no real issues and woke up this morning with some fair congestion coating the sore throat, but at least the throat’s not killing me. I feel fairly rested as well and a like I’m a good distance from yesterday’s anxiety. My head’s more level at least. Stomach hates me but my heads more level...
There’s work to be done today for sure;
- call on the disability claim to find out its status
- Drink a silly amount of water/fluid
- contact Member Services regarding reimbursing us for the Cardy Meter
- prepare a writing
- see if I can turn out an article on Media Technologies for a magazine
- Drink more silly amounts of water/fluid
- Clean up the “Music Room” from its initial setting up
- see if last night’s lyrical outburst is a fluke
- Call on 0% cards for a balance transfer
- Drink more silly amounts of water/fluid
And some more things that aren’t coming to mind yet…
So, I’ll begin my advance on the list and see how I do. I feel pretty badly sick-wise, but my mind is in a better place for the time being.
We just had two Watchtower gals come by offering a us a book to read for the holidays. Annie was outside in the back so they were greeted by CC and then me. I was telling CC that they don’t deserve to be greeted by Annie (through the steel and Plexiglas storm door) unless they are hesitant to take “No thank you. I work for Fair Oaks Presbyterian Church and am pretty set on my reading materials.” for an answer. If they are persistent, then I feel it is fine for them to be greeted by the largest of our four-legged family members. No need this time.
Digression: It brings to mind one day a week or so ago when I was going to leave for someplace and had noticed a “youth” being dropped off by a black Camaro, down and across the street (It’s not uncommon for “kids” or youths to be dropped off in neighborhoods and then monitored by the “sponsor” in the car who makes sure that the kids go from house to house soliciting whatever they have. Sometimes these are totally good kids and the vehicle is a large van with lots of kids or youths to canvas an area, and then there are times like the one I’m recounting where the look and feel of it is pretty shady.) and since I was going to be gone when this kids likely came by, I locked the storm door but left the front door open and left Annie in the house with Nana. I instructed Nana not to open the door for any reason, or we’d be sued, but to leave Annie inside with her so that a clear message was sent in advance of the youth’s actual approach at the door (When Annie is inside, she normally hears or sees folks on the street and generally on the walkway and begins to bark rather ferociously.). When I returned I asked if anything had happened and she said that it went down as I had suggested it might; The youth came up the driveway and Annie began to bark but as he approached the front door Annie became very concerned and barked accordingly. Nana Said she told the guy that we were not interested in buying anything and that the guy became upset and telling her that she should buy something and when she said “no” he threw his arms up in the air in frustration and kinda yelled at her about not evening looking at what he was selling so she suggested she open the door and he began to back down the walkway and swore at her. The scary thought is what would he have been trying to do if Annie wasn’t there? I felt very good about the message he received and hope that if he was on the up and up, that he would learn to take “no” as an answer more graciously, especially if he wants to continue cold-calling potential customers like homeowners or renters.
Anyway, on to the day and a few Ritz crackers and some water…fun, fun, fun.
-w
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Wednesday Evening, December 6th
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Well, as you may or may not know from my previous post, today has been a tough day on many fronts, but there have been a couple victories. I noted in a previous blog from today that my appointment for the second opinion has been moved up to next week on Thursday at 8:30 AM in Walnut Creek. That is a definite praise. Also, from out of the blue, I was inspired to write some lyrics again; first time in 8 years. I had watched a video on Phil Collins and his retrospective look at the making of one of his first albums “Face Value”, and in fact, it may have been his first album/solo work. The video chronicles each song’s origin both lyrically and musically and is a telling of his life at that time through his own words as well as the words of the musicians who played for and with him on the album, his long time engineer and former band-mates from Genesis. As it turns out, it was very inspiring on many levels for me and, though I have no clue as to whether or not the two penned stories from tonight will ever see the light of day in a recorded or performed sense, just to be able to embrace the mindset to vent in that manner is a gift without measure. I suppose pain truly is an incredible motivator.
To back-track briefly to this afternoon’s premature post, I feel the need to apologize again to the 5 or so folks who unfortunately came upon my written vent from earlier. I actually embarrassed that I posted it in a moment of pretty sincere anger and fear and though eventually I will address the bulk of it, I will address it accordingly and with control. For those who are reading this thinking that you must have missed out on something, you didn’t really. If I hadn’t done it I wouldn’t have to apologize. Enough said.
Strep has weakened me and it began to do so when I was at breakfast with my friend this morning. I feel like I’m several steps backs from the progress I had made physically in that I’m weaker and very tired. The nausea has been nasty and is quite frustrating.
Okay, well it’s 11:12 PM and I’m absolutely wiped out.
Prayers for healing are coveted (still…)
Peace
w
Well, as you may or may not know from my previous post, today has been a tough day on many fronts, but there have been a couple victories. I noted in a previous blog from today that my appointment for the second opinion has been moved up to next week on Thursday at 8:30 AM in Walnut Creek. That is a definite praise. Also, from out of the blue, I was inspired to write some lyrics again; first time in 8 years. I had watched a video on Phil Collins and his retrospective look at the making of one of his first albums “Face Value”, and in fact, it may have been his first album/solo work. The video chronicles each song’s origin both lyrically and musically and is a telling of his life at that time through his own words as well as the words of the musicians who played for and with him on the album, his long time engineer and former band-mates from Genesis. As it turns out, it was very inspiring on many levels for me and, though I have no clue as to whether or not the two penned stories from tonight will ever see the light of day in a recorded or performed sense, just to be able to embrace the mindset to vent in that manner is a gift without measure. I suppose pain truly is an incredible motivator.
To back-track briefly to this afternoon’s premature post, I feel the need to apologize again to the 5 or so folks who unfortunately came upon my written vent from earlier. I actually embarrassed that I posted it in a moment of pretty sincere anger and fear and though eventually I will address the bulk of it, I will address it accordingly and with control. For those who are reading this thinking that you must have missed out on something, you didn’t really. If I hadn’t done it I wouldn’t have to apologize. Enough said.
Strep has weakened me and it began to do so when I was at breakfast with my friend this morning. I feel like I’m several steps backs from the progress I had made physically in that I’m weaker and very tired. The nausea has been nasty and is quite frustrating.
Okay, well it’s 11:12 PM and I’m absolutely wiped out.
Prayers for healing are coveted (still…)
Peace
w
Wednesday: More tunnels clarified
I have edited the former entry from today, removing some witten concerns which need not be vented on this platform, so if you've not read anything until now, cool. If you're having a second look, then it's different from earlier, appropriately so.
-w
-w
Wednesday: More tunnels so far...
Wednesday, December 6, 2006 *Edited*
Once again I woke up around 4:00 with brutal sore throat and headache, but cannot take anything because I was fasting for a lab test later this morning. Talk about tough and unpleasant.
The kids got up and going, Missy even before me and before CC left for work, because Missy is now at the age where she has to shower every day, wash her hair daily, so she’s up around 5ish each morning. Josh is also up before CC leaves but is brought in to our bed where is has a hard time with CC’s departure and needs some consoling before he goes back to sleep for the 45 minutes or so before I have to wake him up again to get ready for school. Our morning system needs some serious tweaking.
After getting them ready for school, I traded my truck for A friend’s car for the day because he needed to tow a trailer of stuff from one place to another and has a few trips to do, so he came by around 8ish to change vehicles and then Derald came by around 8:25 to pick me up and take me to a doctor’s appointment and lab test in Roseville. Turns out that the Diabetes Retinal screening is actually a class over and hour long and they put a couple medicines in your eyes and then gauge the condition of the eyes, so you can’t drive yourself home from the appointment. No doubt about that, my head hurt when I left and my eyes were far from happy about the forced dilation. Derald and I left the appointment, went to the lab where it took the tech a few tries to succeed in finding the vein…I’ll not go into my feelings about that…you can likely guess as to my frame of mind thereafter. We left Kaiser and went to eat at a place called Annie’s in Orangevale. We enjoyed the meal and I felt had a very cool and in depth dialog on a variety of topics, as is our norm. During the breakfast, I received a call from Kaiser and answered it (when the cell phone rang, I had to hand it to Derald for him to read who the call was from because I couldn’t see/focus for anything; the display was a small blur) and after speaking to the nurse on the line, learned I am positive for Strep (Sorry Derald) and that the meds will be called in shortly. During our breakfast, I was increasingly feeling worse and after he brought me home, I’ve been down on the couch ever since. Lord knows that I am in no way comparing myself to Job, but I am questioning a possible family connection…I mean, come on. Now Strep? The temptation to swear is overwhelming at points, currently. Add to this the new issue of finding out AFTER I got horizontal on the couch that the internal DVD player on this laptop is now no longer working…it worked fine a couple days ago…but not now.
With all that is going on, CC has been driving steadily since 11:00 this morning, it’s now 2:10, and during her last travel, went up to Kaiser before coming home sp she could pick up my antibiotics, only to be told that they won’t be ready until after 5:00 PM “Sorry, Ma’am, you should have been informed that when you received the call. It’s not our fault; you simply have to wait your turn. Come back after 5:00.” Uh…to say she was “unhappy” doesn’t quite capture her mood or disposition at that moment and I know because she called me from the pharmacy to let me know she was on her way home without them.
...
Some of you may have read past this earlier, but I was uncomfortable with the post and have regretted having posted it in its entirety, so it will end here with uncertainty in the lead.
Perhaps more tonight.
peace-
-w
Once again I woke up around 4:00 with brutal sore throat and headache, but cannot take anything because I was fasting for a lab test later this morning. Talk about tough and unpleasant.
The kids got up and going, Missy even before me and before CC left for work, because Missy is now at the age where she has to shower every day, wash her hair daily, so she’s up around 5ish each morning. Josh is also up before CC leaves but is brought in to our bed where is has a hard time with CC’s departure and needs some consoling before he goes back to sleep for the 45 minutes or so before I have to wake him up again to get ready for school. Our morning system needs some serious tweaking.
After getting them ready for school, I traded my truck for A friend’s car for the day because he needed to tow a trailer of stuff from one place to another and has a few trips to do, so he came by around 8ish to change vehicles and then Derald came by around 8:25 to pick me up and take me to a doctor’s appointment and lab test in Roseville. Turns out that the Diabetes Retinal screening is actually a class over and hour long and they put a couple medicines in your eyes and then gauge the condition of the eyes, so you can’t drive yourself home from the appointment. No doubt about that, my head hurt when I left and my eyes were far from happy about the forced dilation. Derald and I left the appointment, went to the lab where it took the tech a few tries to succeed in finding the vein…I’ll not go into my feelings about that…you can likely guess as to my frame of mind thereafter. We left Kaiser and went to eat at a place called Annie’s in Orangevale. We enjoyed the meal and I felt had a very cool and in depth dialog on a variety of topics, as is our norm. During the breakfast, I received a call from Kaiser and answered it (when the cell phone rang, I had to hand it to Derald for him to read who the call was from because I couldn’t see/focus for anything; the display was a small blur) and after speaking to the nurse on the line, learned I am positive for Strep (Sorry Derald) and that the meds will be called in shortly. During our breakfast, I was increasingly feeling worse and after he brought me home, I’ve been down on the couch ever since. Lord knows that I am in no way comparing myself to Job, but I am questioning a possible family connection…I mean, come on. Now Strep? The temptation to swear is overwhelming at points, currently. Add to this the new issue of finding out AFTER I got horizontal on the couch that the internal DVD player on this laptop is now no longer working…it worked fine a couple days ago…but not now.
With all that is going on, CC has been driving steadily since 11:00 this morning, it’s now 2:10, and during her last travel, went up to Kaiser before coming home sp she could pick up my antibiotics, only to be told that they won’t be ready until after 5:00 PM “Sorry, Ma’am, you should have been informed that when you received the call. It’s not our fault; you simply have to wait your turn. Come back after 5:00.” Uh…to say she was “unhappy” doesn’t quite capture her mood or disposition at that moment and I know because she called me from the pharmacy to let me know she was on her way home without them.
The ONLY light in this mass of uncertainty is that Member Services called and they got me a sooner appointment with the doc on Walnut Creek, an appointment for next week. As cool as that is, it is drowned out by the rest of today's realities. Sucks.
At the heart of our concerns and stresses, non-medically (since we have that column filled completely currently) is the reality now that I am on disability from work and we have not been contacted by the insurance company as to whether or not they have accepted the claim....
Some of you may have read past this earlier, but I was uncomfortable with the post and have regretted having posted it in its entirety, so it will end here with uncertainty in the lead.
Perhaps more tonight.
peace-
-w
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Tuesday and Monday, two days for the price of one...
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Nothing remotely witty to think of as a starting point, so…skip it.
I just realized that I didn’t write anything for yesterday…I guess I was tired.
Yesterday was working on some music for part of the morning and then heading over to Mr. Fetter’s for some down-time away from the phones and computer and home front. He and I chilled at his place, ate some home made skillet-queso (CC’s recipe) which meant I consumed some tortilla chips with mild regret, and we watched the G3 video from Denver and then one of the discs from Rush R30 DVD package. He’s got a killer sound set up in his casa and a lazy-boy couch which will kickback and recline, no less. A good time was had by all involved…er, uh, both of us. It was very cool to just hang out and watch some concert footage with another musician as well as someone who shares similar tastes.
I came home from there and shortly there after was aware that my system was pissed off at me for having eaten the chips (both corn and salt, in particular). I noticed while at Craig’s that I was having muscle spasms in both feet, legs and hips for the better part of the time I was there, after I ate the chips. Once I got home, I was feeling pretty poorly and just wanted to lie down and have it all go away. I went to sleep fairly early…That’s why no blog last night…Duh. I remember now.
This morning started initially at 4:00 Am when I woke up from a viscous sore throat and immediately thought “Missy had strep a week plus ago…uh oh.” And CC was up and going getting ready for work, so she went and got me some Tylenol and some water and I was able to retreat back to slumber after the drug kicked in.
I woke up when Missy came in the room and I told her that I would not be getting them ready to go this morning and that they would need to take care of it themselves, which they did; I was very proud. Missy even made French Toast for Joshua. I did get up prior to them leaving and finished making Joshua’s lunch in time for him to pack it and be ready to leave. One of our friends has been picking them up and taking them in the mornings when I have not been able to.
After they got off to school I began working on some music again and got a decent patter down to play with, vaguely along the lines of “All I Ever Wanted” by Santana…and I do mean vaguely. Anyway, it was fun to work on and listen to it take form over time.
– side note here to the one and only Bass Monkey; so you going to come visit me or what, or just heckle me from cyberspace…though I know that is likely more fun… :-o)
I had an appointment with the Nephrologist this morning and met CC there for the appointment. He discussed his thoughts and feelings on where we are now, having diagnosed the Hyperaldosteronism and finding it a correct diagnosis and treating is accordingly; we all feel good about that. He is still very skeptical regarding the diagnosis of HKPP AND Hyperaldosteronism, two very rare conditions that he feels is against the odds of my having both. I told him that we’ll have to see as time goes on. I’m scheduled for the second opinion which he believes will prove him correct and my Neurologist believes will confer with the diagnosis of HKPP. In spite of his skepticism, I really like the Nephrologist and believe he is sincerely trying to do right by me as his patient. Following that appointment, I went to Kaiser Roseville to my appointment with my primary doctor regarding my sore throat and requested refill of some meds. The refill was handled fine and my throat didn’t look like Strep, but he ran a culture anyway to verify one way or the other.
Both he and the Nephrologist are scratching their medical heads trying to figure out why I have these periods each and every day where I sweat like crazy and feel ice cold in my feet and hands, simultaneous with the sweating. Neither has a real clue, though the Nephrologist has some recollection of reading of a patient with Hyperaldosteronism and heavy sweats. I almost forgot that he had also mentioned that I am by far, the furthest from a “normal, every day patient” that he has seen. He says he’s grateful because my conditions have caused him to think much harder and do more research than his “average, boring” patients…his words. He claims that I am certainly not boring. Under the circumstances, I think I’d rather be boring…*sigh*
After the appointments, I went to Pastor Chris’s house to watch him climb a tree in the hopes of completing a Christmas tree lighting of his front yard tree. I envied him, not. It is worthy of noting that he was cable-tying them to the tree; a statement of permanence, I assure you. Anna wanted me to meet the cat that had adopted them and Noah wanted me to check out his new hand held game (Nintendo or Gameboy, I’m not certain which). Anyway, both were proud of their sharing and I was pleased that they did share those moments with me. It was cool to see Chris outside the campus trappings, so to speak. It always is. When I got home I had an email waiting from the webcam company that I had written regarding missing software and they sent me the link so I now have a functioning webcam…not much to do with a functioning webcam, but I have one, anyway.
I worked more on the tune from this morning and it has taken shape pretty well…though we’ll see if I still have interest in it tomorrow morning or not. Speaking of tomorrow morning, I have to head back to Kaiser Roseville AGAIN, this time for ANOTHER appointment and a lab draw (joy, joy, joy…). I have to have my eyes checked due to the diabetes and I am having more tests run in search of the elusive cause of the sweating and such. The strep test should show by tomorrow morning some time.
I had a heart to heart with my mother in law tonight regarding some concerns I’ve been having and thought I did not go into some of the topics I had considered, the ones I addressed seemed to be received fairly well. Not much more to say on that at this point. Time will tell.
It’s night time now and the throat is really acting up again and becoming quite annoying. Grrr. We shall see if unhindered sleep is in my immediate future. I expect this is a virus of some sort considering the congestion and headache. Blah. Rats.
*sigh*
So, on to tomorrow to see what it has.
peace
Nothing remotely witty to think of as a starting point, so…skip it.
I just realized that I didn’t write anything for yesterday…I guess I was tired.
Yesterday was working on some music for part of the morning and then heading over to Mr. Fetter’s for some down-time away from the phones and computer and home front. He and I chilled at his place, ate some home made skillet-queso (CC’s recipe) which meant I consumed some tortilla chips with mild regret, and we watched the G3 video from Denver and then one of the discs from Rush R30 DVD package. He’s got a killer sound set up in his casa and a lazy-boy couch which will kickback and recline, no less. A good time was had by all involved…er, uh, both of us. It was very cool to just hang out and watch some concert footage with another musician as well as someone who shares similar tastes.
I came home from there and shortly there after was aware that my system was pissed off at me for having eaten the chips (both corn and salt, in particular). I noticed while at Craig’s that I was having muscle spasms in both feet, legs and hips for the better part of the time I was there, after I ate the chips. Once I got home, I was feeling pretty poorly and just wanted to lie down and have it all go away. I went to sleep fairly early…That’s why no blog last night…Duh. I remember now.
This morning started initially at 4:00 Am when I woke up from a viscous sore throat and immediately thought “Missy had strep a week plus ago…uh oh.” And CC was up and going getting ready for work, so she went and got me some Tylenol and some water and I was able to retreat back to slumber after the drug kicked in.
I woke up when Missy came in the room and I told her that I would not be getting them ready to go this morning and that they would need to take care of it themselves, which they did; I was very proud. Missy even made French Toast for Joshua. I did get up prior to them leaving and finished making Joshua’s lunch in time for him to pack it and be ready to leave. One of our friends has been picking them up and taking them in the mornings when I have not been able to.
After they got off to school I began working on some music again and got a decent patter down to play with, vaguely along the lines of “All I Ever Wanted” by Santana…and I do mean vaguely. Anyway, it was fun to work on and listen to it take form over time.
– side note here to the one and only Bass Monkey; so you going to come visit me or what, or just heckle me from cyberspace…though I know that is likely more fun… :-o)
I had an appointment with the Nephrologist this morning and met CC there for the appointment. He discussed his thoughts and feelings on where we are now, having diagnosed the Hyperaldosteronism and finding it a correct diagnosis and treating is accordingly; we all feel good about that. He is still very skeptical regarding the diagnosis of HKPP AND Hyperaldosteronism, two very rare conditions that he feels is against the odds of my having both. I told him that we’ll have to see as time goes on. I’m scheduled for the second opinion which he believes will prove him correct and my Neurologist believes will confer with the diagnosis of HKPP. In spite of his skepticism, I really like the Nephrologist and believe he is sincerely trying to do right by me as his patient. Following that appointment, I went to Kaiser Roseville to my appointment with my primary doctor regarding my sore throat and requested refill of some meds. The refill was handled fine and my throat didn’t look like Strep, but he ran a culture anyway to verify one way or the other.
Both he and the Nephrologist are scratching their medical heads trying to figure out why I have these periods each and every day where I sweat like crazy and feel ice cold in my feet and hands, simultaneous with the sweating. Neither has a real clue, though the Nephrologist has some recollection of reading of a patient with Hyperaldosteronism and heavy sweats. I almost forgot that he had also mentioned that I am by far, the furthest from a “normal, every day patient” that he has seen. He says he’s grateful because my conditions have caused him to think much harder and do more research than his “average, boring” patients…his words. He claims that I am certainly not boring. Under the circumstances, I think I’d rather be boring…*sigh*
After the appointments, I went to Pastor Chris’s house to watch him climb a tree in the hopes of completing a Christmas tree lighting of his front yard tree. I envied him, not. It is worthy of noting that he was cable-tying them to the tree; a statement of permanence, I assure you. Anna wanted me to meet the cat that had adopted them and Noah wanted me to check out his new hand held game (Nintendo or Gameboy, I’m not certain which). Anyway, both were proud of their sharing and I was pleased that they did share those moments with me. It was cool to see Chris outside the campus trappings, so to speak. It always is. When I got home I had an email waiting from the webcam company that I had written regarding missing software and they sent me the link so I now have a functioning webcam…not much to do with a functioning webcam, but I have one, anyway.
I worked more on the tune from this morning and it has taken shape pretty well…though we’ll see if I still have interest in it tomorrow morning or not. Speaking of tomorrow morning, I have to head back to Kaiser Roseville AGAIN, this time for ANOTHER appointment and a lab draw (joy, joy, joy…). I have to have my eyes checked due to the diabetes and I am having more tests run in search of the elusive cause of the sweating and such. The strep test should show by tomorrow morning some time.
I had a heart to heart with my mother in law tonight regarding some concerns I’ve been having and thought I did not go into some of the topics I had considered, the ones I addressed seemed to be received fairly well. Not much more to say on that at this point. Time will tell.
It’s night time now and the throat is really acting up again and becoming quite annoying. Grrr. We shall see if unhindered sleep is in my immediate future. I expect this is a virus of some sort considering the congestion and headache. Blah. Rats.
*sigh*
So, on to tomorrow to see what it has.
peace
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