A Listening Change

Saturday, February 23, 2008:

A couple posts ago I included a list of songs the kids have been listening to, which included a song called “Crank That Soldier boy” which I had not researched or scanned because of the innocuous dance that seemed to be at the heart of the song, but after some digging into the lyrics, the song appears to be sexually based and the dance just fronts the song’s acceptance. So, after all of that, it has been removed from listening options and I have scratched the surface of explanation to the kids so that they understand the purpose of my actions without me having to dissect the song for them, explaining each phrase and its meaning.

It is certainly possible that I have misunderstood the lyricist’s intentions, but if so then let it be my mistake and I’ll live wit knowing that my kids are being deprived of a questionable song.

If I’m right, then shame on the writer for targeting a dance audience for his smut. Period.

Big Uncle Kevin came over this morning and stayed for the day and early evening, bringing with him Brittney (17) and Austin (13). More than just bringing the presence of his family and their love, he brought with him a calm to my internal storm just by sitting and talking with him and laughing with him, remembering with him and receiving his loving hugs as only my little (big) brother can give. You know, I just realized the origin of the comforting familiarity of Kev’s hugs; they remind me of the hugs I used to get from Ben Clanton. Ben was my Youth Pastor for a time while growing up at TPC in San Carlos. Ben was stolen from all of us while he lived in Arizona or Nevada, I can’t remember which one…anyway, he was murdered by knife by a youth he had picked up along the road who had wanted a meal. None of that is particularly relevant to Kevin with the notable exception that his hugs feel like those of my very long, long ago friend and big brother, Ben. Wow. What a revelation to comprehend, yet it is pretty simple at the same time. Kev stayed for dinner and just left a short while ago. He took the kids (his and mine) to John’s Pizza place/arcade but it was packed so they went to Sun Splash and played in the arcade for a few hours while I slept. I began to fade before he and I had lunch and after I ate, my body called it quits and I had to take a nap for a few hours (which he said he was expecting and prepared for, having brought his laptop and work with him in case). I need to catch up on sleep; I’ve lost a bit over the past few days.

My brother. May God richly bless him and keep him safe in ALL that he does. He’s head of security for a hospital out in Sutter so his safety is often on the line on any given day at work.

Please be praying for his wife, Chelle, for her continued recovery from some hospital stuff.

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Strange symptoms;

The past couple days have included hardcore heartburn which has been somewhat tamed by Gelucil.
I have not been able to go to sleep until nearly 2:00 AM the past couple nights.
I’ve gained back all the weight I had lost last year (now I am back up to 247 where I was at 225 at one point)
Same old exhaustion that comes on very quick and leaves me unable to walk and talk.

More later-

Sunday night, Feb. 17, 2008

Sunday, February 17, 2008

No hospital stays or ER visits, of which I'm blessed to avoid.
Bouts of weakness, near fainting spells, complete body fatigue and general body spasms with localized chest soreness and pain are now nearly daily but spread out.
My parents came and visited this past week, leaving for home today. I had some truly wonderful time with both, especially with my dad.
Hero?
yes.

I'm still uncertain as to why I am to carry and contend with this ravaging ailment which leaves no moment of any day un-scarred, but then, I'm not blind am I? I'm not dying on a battlefield. I'm not in a coma. As far as we know, cancer and tumors are not in play with me, yet so many others live through those stated alternatives. Some don't live.
Whatever I have, it has to be reckoned against the truth that I have a wife who does still love me in spite of what seems now to be a "jip-deal" on the husband clause (for better for worse), I have a daughter and a son who I can't possibly treasure more than I do and have done. I have parents who are still married well past 50 years and still in love.

May I have the stamina to write more tomorrow and the good sense to follow through with the urge.

The emails that come to encourage are blessings and warmth to a cold, mixed up constitution and body. Thank you for writing them.

-w

Yes, I'm still here...Sorry for the laps.

It's Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I’ve let a month go by without writing. I’m sorry for the laps.

Seems that I have attacks now on a daily basis toward the late afternoon or evening and being that I usually write in the evening, writing has taken a backseat to my recovering on the couch downstairs or upstairs in our bed. At least these attacks are smaller in nature and have not required ER attention so far but they are debilitating none the less and a tremendous stress on CC and the kids. My energy simply runs out regardless of where I am or who I am with or who is visiting. It is now nearly common that we may have a guest over but I am unable to last through the visit, often requiring a shot of K+ and then being down for the remainder of the visit. Typically, the visits conclude before I wake back up or recover. It used to embarrass me more than it does now. I guess if I was to dwell on it much then I would become angry with it and take even more objection to it than I generally do, however that will get me nowhere and I know it.

On the lighter side, the kids are listening to more and more music from the radio and school dances now so I find myself needing to find the songs they enjoy and then editing them in my audio software to remove or obscure the objectionable words/lyrics. Highest on their lists right now: “Underdog” theme song from Kyle Massey, “The Way I Are” by Timbaland (edited), “Low” by Flow Rida featuring T-Pain (Seriously edited to choruses only…the verses were to full of “stuff”, “Bartender” by T-Pain and Akon and Chipmunk’s version of “Crank That Soldier Boy”. It’s not an official Chipmunks but it’s similar and they like it.

Movies to see (that I think are worthy): “Stranger than Fiction”, “Man of the Year”, “Pirates of the Carribean 1 and 2” (I haven’t seen 3 yet), “Underworld 1 and 2” (not for the faint hearted) and “Batman the beginning”.

We also watch “Trauma: Life in the ER”, “Iron Chef America”, “The Dog Whisperer” and a fair variety of other cable shows.

Well, it seems that I have reached my maximum for sitting and typing. I’ve hung my head to “rest” a few times now with minutes passing while I “rest” so I’ll work my way back to the bed up here and hope that this will suffice as an acceptable blog entry for the time being. More later-

Tuesday January 22 PM

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Still hanging in there.
Bronchial issues have lessened but not given up.
Attacks Thurs, Friday, Sunday and Monday though none landed me in the hospital.
More later...maybe tomorrow...? Energy is low.
Sorry about it being a while since writing.
-w

Continued...

It's Tuesday, January 9, 2008

I get so tired often when I'm working on computer stuff that I simply hang my head down to stretch and rest it but then have difficulty mustering the energy to raise it back up again. Seems silly huh? I was walking up the stairs a few minutes ago when I saw a piece of gum wrapper on the stairs so I stopped, took hold of the railing, reached down and picked it up and as I began to look at it, I began to lose my balance and had to grab the other rail to steady myself before continuing up the remainder of the stairs.

I still have body shocks (Myoclonic jerks) when going to bed or just resting on the bed or after long periods of sitting, like when I’m working at the computer, and to say the least, they are frustrating to experience. FYI, the medical field recognizes that hiccups are Myoclonic jerks of the diaphragm. Learn something new every day.

Now is a time when I wish we had a hot tub or Jacuzzi bathtub so I could sit in it and relax all my muscles at once with the heat but not have to contend with the cold air upon getting out.

It is hard for me to keep my train of thought when typing (like now) and especially when I’m listening to someone. CC sees it immediately that I’m struggling, normally even before I have recognized it myself. One or both of my eyes slowly begin to cross and the eyelid begins to slowly close against my desire to remain focused including eye contact.

There was a situation that happened Sunday night where I nearly passed out from the pain I was experiencing and managed to call out for CC who came and helped me to stand and she called for Missy who came and they both helped me get back onto my bed. It was the worst pain I can recall experiencing, and I don’t wish to recall it. It has come to pass that I have to have my phone with me regardless of the room I go into, just in case. It feels like my independence is ebbing away slowly, and I can’t stop it but only watch it go.

I have a nurse who comes on Mondays or Tuesdays and on Fridays to get my blood draw/sample and check me out, run my vital signs, etc. She was here yesterday and it took three tries to get the lab drawn because the veins in my right arm blow out/collapse under the stress of the draw so she succeeded in drawing it from my Left arm, but it provoked a topic we have discussed which is to pursue having a medical port put into my chest so we can do away with the arm, wrist, back of the hand pokes for the weekly labs. Sometimes I have to have my labs done daily if I have become particularly weak or if I am over-run by HKPP symptoms. So the real consideration now is to have a medical port placed into my left or right chest so all IV’s blood draws and labs and such can be easily accessed with minimal pain to me. CC’s mom has one as does her niece, Angel.

I came to the realization this afternoon while talking to CC just before she left to pick up the kids from school, that many realities are well underway, it’s just that I haven’t accepted a number of them yet because I don’t want them to be true. As I verbalized that, she didn’t say anything, just gave me a hug of confirmation.

I’m going to try taking a bath for a little while, even though I don’t fit into the tub very well; baths have had a relaxing effect on me over the years. We used to vacation in Monterey at a place called The Cypress Tree Inn because they feature a couple rooms which were 2 room suites each with a hot tub IN one of the rooms, including a fridge and cable TV in the room with the hot tub. Their rates are prohibitive now, but there was a time when that was affordable and considered “relaxation”. Now we shoot for a few nights stay in an Embassy Suites hotel with an indoor pool so that the kids can swim night or day and I can melt away in their hot tub if it’s not too hot. Wow. What a digression. Haven’t done that in a while.

One of my best buds gave me a gift of a webcam which I plan to hook up sooner than later and once I do, I’ll make available the contact information so that those who read this, that have the same capability, can connect up for some video chat perhaps.
Yeah, so until later with more energy, peace.

Holiday Pictures: End of 2007

New Year Update

It is Friday, January 04, 2008

I am home and have been home since our outing to the Bay Area but I am still taking punishment from whatever this bronchial illness is; whether it be a bad bronchitis or pneumonia. My muscles ache with movement, though coughing is necessary in order to clear the lungs. The infection shows to be greenish in color at this point.
Let me also share that phenegren (sp?) nausea medicine tastes like sugar water compared to the cough expectorants I now must take daily; nastiness has been redefined. Bleh.

Our main desktop computer crashed yesterday and will not boot up for us now. We need help on this.
It will start up and get to the light blue screen which normally has the log in box, but instead there is the mouse (non-reactive) and just the blue screen. I'm considering calling the Geek Squad but would consider help from anyone local who could come by and see what they can do. If the Geek Squad makes house call, then I may just go that way, I don't know. We MUST get that hard drive working, banking and all lie in the balance.
Help.

Time to go lie down...feeling poorly yet again.
-w

The Day After Christmas

It is Wednesday, December 26 and we are now in the Bay Area at my parents house. We drove in to San Francisco this afternoon to see the 7:00 showing of The Nutcracker Ballet after dinner at California Kitchen, across the street from the Opera House.
The ballet was different from years past and this one was more focused on the dancing per se, than the story or storyline. We found the departure from the story to be kind of a let down for us; Josh complained that there was only one fight scene in the whole thing and that the fight was too short and wimpy. Too funny.

More later. It was good to make it through the day and night with minimal complication. Prayers we will be without issues for the next number of days are coveted.

peace

Wednesday Night Review

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I suppose it should not come as a shock to me, but I got to thinking this morning, while installing some software, that for the time being, I cannot be left alone for any extended period of time. How strange is that? It’s strange to me and uncomfortable but it is reality and something I must accept without angst, or at least with as little angst as possible.

I slept fairly well last night and I believe that is due to changing what had been a modified pill allotment , back to its directed prescription. All that means is that I had been experiencing very slow and groggy mornings for a while and so my doc’s approval of CC’s suggestion to cut two of the night time medicine quantities back by half have been changed back to the original prescription. Wow. Still verbose even WITH effort.

*Sigh*

Annie no longer barks at my Aunt and Uncle when they come over and let themselves in; no issues at all with their entrance even through the front door. Same as for my parents too. Speaking of Annie, I’ve now watched a couple episodes of “The Dog Whisperer” and I have learned a lot and become more resolute in my convictions of how to walk Annie and treat her as well as how the rest of the family should be treating her because it will take all 4 of us to treat her the same for her to come more inline with her nature as a pack animal and human companion.

I’ve been working with Joshua on his D&D characters (he now has 2 of them and plans to create 1 more) for the game I wish to begin with him and Missy. Both of them expressed great interest in playing the game and my hopes include the probability of having some fun, family time with them. CC would rather watch the game take place or will use the “found” or created free time to do things she wants to do without worrying about where the kids are and what they’re doing.

Having played the game from the middle of my high school years through all of my college years, often playing with as many as 8 to 10 players (Seriously FUN games with much action and activity) or as few as 3 or 4 players, I have wonderful memories of the many campaigns we went on in the games seeking adventure, fun and mayhem, all within the walls of our creative minds. We never took the games seriously, though we were passionate about how we played. There was a friend of mine from my high school years who was very serious about the game, so much so that it became uncomfortable to play the game with him involved because everything was personal and real in a sense for him, it seemed. At one point, we had around 8 of us playing at one of my friend’s houses (we took over the house for the weekend when his parents left for the 3 day holiday so we played a 36 hour campaign without stopping…ingesting caffeine by the tablet (nodoze) and by the can and two liter. Anyway, partway into the game on the Friday night, the phone rang at the house and it was this other friend I was mentioning who took things in the game too seriously, and he wanted to be allowed into the game over the phone. Seems he wanted to “get even” with one of the group that was gathered and playing with us that night, so he wanted to be allowed into the game for the express purpose of killing that person’s main character. The Dungeon Master was aware of intent and wanted nothing to do with the scenario but the friend would just call back over and over to get into the game. It was suggested that the next time he called, allow his character into the came and then have the DM kill off his character via a bolt of lightening from the rainy sky and that would close the books with the guy. That was what we did and the friend went nearly crazy on the phone afterward, threatening us for what we had done to his character. After that weekend, our friendship had reached an impasse; I saw the game as fun and a way of enjoying one another creatively, but he saw the game as an extension of his reality and his character was another facet of his own personality, as in he was living out aspects of life he was uncomfortable with, as the character instead of himself.

Also, some time before that, some real rich kid in college back East couldn’t cope and convinced himself that he had indeed become one with his made up character and to everyone’s great heartbreak, his character had the ability to fly…however he did not after stepping off of 4^th story dorm room building in an effort to prove to those who didn’t believe. There will always be those folks, but the group that I cavorted with and played many, many games with, never took the game more seriously than we did take seriously who drank the last Diet Coke, know what I mean?

I’m feeling exhausted now, end of a long day of staying down for the most part. Lots of body jumps, jerking me out of my skin, almost. I think they happen when I am most tired and bodily drained.

That’s it for now-

-peace

Monday night...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Officially, our relationship with Comcast has ended, and to their credit, one of their supervisors called me regarding a letter I sent them sharing my shock and complete frustration in response to a phone conversation with one of there “Customer Service” representatives…nonetheless, it is done and our active email addresses are now, ONLY:

Audiopilot@surewest.net

V12pilot@surewest.net

WCOdum@surewest.net

Bachie77@surewest.net

Missymae@surewest.net

Joshuado@surewest.net

Think that’s enough email addresses? I’m thinking they’ll do for now…

I’ve been resting and staying down for the whole day (so far) which is much harder than one would think it is, at least for me anyhow. Even with remaining down and eating a very specific diet, I’m still experiencing intense sweats, so much so that my glasses fog and have to be wiped off, as well as my mouth becoming salty from the sweat coming from below my eyes; probably more info than most would want to know, but the original goal of this blog is to chronicle my experiences instead of just being a generic family update so I hope you’ll bear with me.

Since I’m on the topic, it’s worth mentioning, even again if I have already done so, that when I sweat, it’s not from feeling hot as one would think, I feel very cold and skin-wise am cold and clammy to the touch; something NONE of the doctors have even TRIED to share a thought on. Right now, I’m sitting on our bed, typing away, while I’m wearing a long sleeve shirt, Emu moccasins/slippers, silk long johns (they breathe better than any other long john fabric I know) and my pull on cap, yet I’m very cold to the touch and feel as close to “normal” as I can. You’d say, “Take off the cold weather stuff, once you’re indoors (especially if the over-all temp is about 70 degrees) and your body will level out.” But unfortunately for me, I become even colder and chills (violent muscle spasms) start up when I dress “normally”. If I go outside now in this pretty cold season, I have to dress twice as warm as anyone else. Those of you whom I got to see during the Summer and Autumn months where the temps were in the 90’s, will probably remember that I was wearing long sleeves, vests, hats etc, which would “normally” be unbearable in that heat. Either my body’s thermostat is just as whacked as my muscle make-up is or I’m fighting some kind of virus which is causing fevers that my system addresses normally, except that I take a fair amount of Tylenol each day that will mask any fever temperature. Personally, I think my system has begun to glitch, either due to some kind of virus or genetic disease.

I had BBQ pork for dinner with steamed rice, a small sweet potato and some salad, but it wasn’t until I ate 1/3^rd of a sugar cookie that my back began to ache painfully. Definite reaction to the sugar.

That’s it for tonight.