Coming back...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Lots of darkness in these past few months combined with very bright lights of family, friendships, histories and even some ideas. The darkness is always there, perhaps it has always been there, just less pronounced, awaiting its opportunity to obscure one's global/spiritual view.

As real as the darkness is, more real and tangible are the bright lights, distracting, if you will, me from the daily oppression.

I guess I didn't begin on a very telly-tubby note, huh? Live by the scope, see by the scope and continue to pray for better vision and sights.

My energy is pretty low these past days.

A few days have passed since I started this entry; now it is Friday, December 14, 2007 and I have had 2 or 3 more hard attacks, I think one per day. One of them scared me bad, like the fear from when I was in the Rec Hall at work last year. This time though, we didn’t go in but CC and my aunt took care of me here.

I have a walker now as well and have needed its use a number of times since its arrival. I never imagined that I would need the use of a handicap placard or cane or even walker by the age of 44.

We have been waiting (until last night) for a call or appointment with the Endocrinologist from Kaiser SFO, who we saw a couple months back and who had promised to do a very inclusive and thorough examination of me and my history…last night she called (after CC had scheduled an appointment with her following no replies or correspondence from our phone calls and emails, but I was too weak to travel to SFO and back in one day trip, so a phone appointment was arranged instead) and the bottom line of her call was to suggest that I might be taking “some *other* medications that neither she nor the doctor may know about” and essentially that whatever I’m enduring is not an Endocrinology problem, regardless that Neurology and EVERY other department I’ve seen says it is. She wants nothing to do with me or my care. Sound familiar?

I’m beginning to get angry, so I’m going to stop this entry and begin a new one later-