Early & Honest

Friday Morning, October 31, 2008

It's been shamefully long since my last legit posting, and thankfully, it is not because of regular attacks, but because of accomplishment-filled days and evenings, wherein I don't sit down to write out my thoughts and recent history, but to socialize on Facebook and connect with others in a limited, small cybercafe, if you will, where folks "come by" and stay for a *chat* or two then leave to get on with their day. It is often my only real connection with folks, other than my family.

My last attack was Wednesday night, beginning while we were eating at Fresh Choice. Actually, I began to suffer confusion (and realize it) shortly before CC picked me up to take us all to Fresh Choice for dinner. I felt like I was getting slower and slower but didn't want to cut the kids dinner time short, so I would let CC know when different things would begin to happen or I would realize them and we went from there. Eventually, CC walked me to the car and I rested in there until she and the kids came out to leave. After we got back home, CC helped me upstairs and got me to bed and my meds in me as well. About that time things went South a bit faster. I woke up the next morning (yesterday) feeling VERY sore and very slow. I made it to PT but after that outing, I went to bed and stayed there for the rest of the day/evening. I did come down and have a little dinner with CC and the kids while we watch political ads interspersed with brief moments of "news" and we talked a bit to the kids about the political advertisements and what they are created for and such. Shortly thereafter, I went back upstairs to bed. I have done a little bit of FB today, but for the most part, have been lying down, feeling like I was beat up again.

The rain is here and I'm very happy! It was suggested that the change in the weather may be the key factor in my reduction of daily attacks...and I think they are correct. Since the heat dropped down below 85 degrees and now regularly stays in the 70's, or so, my attacks have been far from daily; Praise God.
I have been still suffering from exhaustion and heavy drowsiness during my mornings, afternoon and evenings. It seems that no part of the day is exempt from this overwhelming urge to just drop my head/or lean my head back on a headrest and just close my eyes "for just a few minutes"...or an hour or so...this one I have little clues for. I know that I don't sleep regularly so it is quite possible that my lack of nighttime sleep may be encroaching on my daylight hours, but no one's able to offer me any substantive medical suggestions, other than I'm battling depression...uh...yep. Memory issues have not gotten better. Still trying to lose some weight. Nothing's really changed on my personal medical side/front.

This past Saturday, after Joshy's soccer game, my dad took me (at my request) to the Cordova Gun Range off of Sunrise and Douglas in Rancho Cordova. I shot about 150 .22 rounds and probably 20 or so shells with my 16 gauge shotgun. Dad didn't shoot due to his shoulder hurting him, but we had a blast together while I shot and he spotted for me. When we went over to the shotgun range, he sat out near me and pushed the button to fire off the bright orange clay discs (also called clay pigeons) for me to shoot at. I hit 2 out of 12 or so, which I was THRILLED with, being that I hadn't really shot my shotgun since last hunting with my dad when I was around 14 years old...that would be 31 years ago...the last time he and I went duck hunting together (the last time I went hunting, period, really). Saturday was a very special time for me; very special time. It costs around $15.00 to go and shoot for as long as you want to, so I'm hoping to stock up on ammo and then become a regular to the range, so I can get back into something I really enjoy doing. I love shooting.

God has blessed me with the desire to create, record and play some music again and even pursue some vocal work as well. This is totally out of the blue for me and I know it is surely a God thing, for I am empty without Him. My current effort is called "Tunnels" which you can here by clicking on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcWTXtmzulc

At this point, the words are obscured by the vocal effect, however, I kinda like the over-all package sound, though I may still add some more discernible vocals to it, plus it needs a chorus (vocally) so I need to do some more work to it. I play everything on it except for the drum-loop I found via Loopology. I'm open to opinions and encouragement, if you are intrigued to check the some out. The only real bummer is that through Youtube the music is incredibly compressed and most of the fidelity and low-end is greatly compromised. *sigh*
My effort before getting into bed tonight was to pick out a drum beat and guitar sound for a song I wrote 16 years ago called "Goodbye to Graceland". I'm not sure why that song is now up for revision, but I'm planning on following where I am lead.

Closing, there is something I believe I am to share, specifically; Read 1 Samuel 8:7-20 (I'm pretty sure I have that correct). My heart and spirit have been grieved and greatly troubled over this election with all of the name calling, bitterness and faultfinding, and not just that between the political parties, but between friends, families and colleagues. It just grieves me. Some time ago, God brought the book of Jude and then 1 Samuel into my head to read, so I read them (I'm now into 1 Kings) and I cannot convey strongly enough that I am in great fear that God may just pull His hand of protection from over us (as a nation that used to be "under God" but has pushed itself off of His path so far). He may have seen to raise up a "leader" who "the people" are wanting to lead them, all the while as they continue to reject God's leadership and His commands. Throughout history, God has risen up leaders to overthrow His chosen people because of their lack of moral and Godly obedience and their contempt for His laws. In the Bible, it is referred to as "judgment". I'm scared that we have pushed God to this point. If we elect a leader that stands against most, if not all, of the biblical principles and moral values which are continually being stripped away from our nation's foundations, then we will have no one, NO ONE to call or cry out to when we suffer the reaping of that which we sowed. In that portion of 1 Samuel, God says that He"...will not listen to them in that time".

Pray that I'm wrong. Pray that this will not come to pass, but above all and most importantly, pray that God will seat the president HE wants over America; any other candidate will bring sorrow, suffering and judgment.

I'm tired now. It's 1:30 am...AGAIN!