Back after a While: Two days in one entry...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Today’s been a hard day.
I’ve allowed the realities to become my primary focus and depression became quite tangible.
The privilege to drive has been such an escape for me that losing it struck deep and hard. Of everyone who reads this, I know more than all to look up and not get bogged down, but there are days…indeed, like this one, where it is almost a fresh shock to accept that I have a disease that laid relatively dormant for over 40 years and now has moved into a gear that affects me every single day. I was sharing with CC that I’m grateful that I was given a “free” pass, so to speak, for the past 40 years but now, I seem to pay a daily price for each day of my youth that I escaped the pain, the spasms and the fear. No more escaping. No more refuge. In a matter of weeks we will have to move out of our home because I can no longer bring in the money necessary to pay the mortgage. Rental agencies want proof of employment to show them that we will pay our rent in a timely manner and I cannot give them that proof.
We leave in a minute to go see a possible rental…back soon.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Challenges abound. After returning from looking at a 5 bedroom home with a pool and such, we came back home to drop me off so CC could go get the kids from school. My legs gave out as I got out of the car and CC was there to help keep me vertical and get into the house and onto the couch. Medicine and then rest/sleep for a while.
We had a wonderful visit with my bro Keith Nesja and his mom for dinner time. Keith is in town because of his dad’s heart surgery at Sutter Medical, as was his mom. We had dinner with them and reminded each other of stories and such. It was very cool.
Before they left they had the unfortunate opportunity to witness me losing my ability to stand while we were all in the kitchen talking and petting Annie. Once again, CC was right there and I didn’t hit the floor. I think Keith followed suit in supporting me and they brought me to the couch where our visit soon ended.

We’ve decided not to go to Florida.
We both feel it is too risky to fly that long in a plane, especially with nearly daily hits, like they have been.
We DO hope to make some kind of vacation out of the time CC has off from work. We’ll have to see about that.
Waiting for a call back from the doc offices regarding getting an appt. today. Pray for no office attacks.