Well, I got up this morning after less than 5 hours of sleep and saw the kids off to school, but was very aware that my body was very unhappy with me; not only feeling terribly tired from the inside out, but also stomach hurting and cramping. After the kids left, I ate a breakfast of 3 scrambled eggs with about 2 or 3 ounces of Trader Joe’s low-sodium turkey combined into it along with a few sprinkles of mild cheddar cheese as well. Normally I don’t eat 3 eggs at a time (typically only 2) but I thought I might be feeling hunger pains so I made a larger breakfast. After finishing, I was very aware that I was not and had not been dealing with hunger issues because the discomfort remained and increased, not decreased. About 8:45 I got in my black chair and tried to let everything settle but was not successful. I did manage to sleep restlessly for a couple hours, but was constantly waking up to my own snoring/gasps to breathe. I should have gone upstairs to bed and used my CPAP machine and oxygen there, so after checking in with CC on her break (via phone; she calls to check in with me on her work break everyday), I went upstairs and tried again. this time, I woke up around 2:15 pm this afternoon (about an hour ago) and I do feel somewhat better than I did, but I have not regained my lost sleep yet. I’m drinking lots of water to help flush out whatever might be in my system.
As I was going to sleep last night, I got to thinking about the vocalist from Molly Hatchet, Danny Joe Brown, and the fact that he died of complications of his diabetes, and here I am, snacking on sweets when I get the “sweet” craving which is a common and regular side effect of the methadone I take, and I think, “I don’t want to go out like that in the next 10 years! To die in my 50’s from diabetic complications…” so I am writing this down in hopes of keeping myself accountable to only eating natural sweets from fruits and such instead of small candies that I rationalize away everyday. I know this will be very hard because I don’t feel that the kids or CC should have to forego those pleasures and thus we will have candies and cookies and ice cream in stock all the time. I just have to be stronger and NOT stress about it. …right….*sigh*
Please be praying for me in this long-haul battle. I know that I cannot do it on my own but I DO believe that I can accomplish ANYTHING through my God and His Love, support and care of me and I believe that intercession by prayerful warriors will be key in any victories I may see in my lifetime. There have been many who have been praying for God to heal me from this disease and though I have not experienced that healing as of yet, that does not mean He is not answering those prayers; it just means that He is in control of it and knows that…well…He is God and I am not and He will heal when and where He wants to for His reasons and not necessarily mine and I need to take refuge in that confidence and not wonder why I’m not getting “what I want when I want it”, so to speak. I cannot serve somebody without trusting them, so, to call myself a Christian or a follower of Christ, means that I need to and have to trust Him and that includes trusting Him with my health, completely. Now, with all of that being said, I’m going to continue to ask for prayers for healing and for acclimation and adaptation to the “rules of engagement” with this war against my disease, so I will know how to combat it correctly and successfully while awaiting God’s next step in my life. I want to be healthy and I want to be restored. I also know that He knows that too and He loves me more than to give-in to my own selfish desires, which have a physically restricted comprehension of my own life’s plans; He sees that entire picture of my life as a whole and I do not, so I must trust His decisions in regard to His acts of healing within me.
Okay. I’ve listened to myself think out and type the above paragraph and I don’t know that what I wrote was meant for anyone else but me, but it makes sense to me and I good with that.
I’m still tired, so I am going to close this out and go after a smaller victory (and some cold water too.)
peace
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