Monday, April 30, 2007 (parts 1 & 2)

Monday, April 30, 2007 (parts 1 and 2...scroll down for part 2)

Probably brief at the moment; it’s 12:09 PM and I came back, not too long ago, from my appointment at PT and worked out just a little less than “typical;” I suppose.
My attitude is just crappy and I’m feeling oddly anxious. I’m intentionally searching for “good” thoughts and “happy” thoughts and even what seem now to be kind of ridiculous “thoughts of contentment” in hopes of adopting ANY aspect of any of the above.

CC had to take her mom in to the ER yesterday right after church time because her back is hurting her more and more and the current meds don’t apparently help. She came back home at 2:00 AM this morning. Everybody loses out in that situation because the kids and I don’t have any time with her and her mom appears to be in enough pain that she needs to go to the hospital, but there isn’t anyone else taking her in but CC, so there you go. Sounds selfish of me, huh?
I just live in it, I guess. See why I’m looking for something positive to focus on? Being that I’m aware of my thoughts and all, it makes for incredible discontentment when I interpret my own motivations as being selfish or cynical, which mean there’s much discontentment running rampant. Maybe I’ll vent more later.

Echo Cardiogram today at Kaiser because…well, I think it’s because I asked for more investigation of my heart after reading my chart reports and noticing 8 of 12 EKGs as being abnormal to some extent with “enlarged left side of the heart” catching my eye but not catching anyone at Kaiser’s eye. Should my healthcare require THIS MUCH work from me? I only have faith in my primary and my Nephrologist, that’s it. All the others would prefer I just get the hell out of their hair and stop complaining about poor care and poor patient attention, especially the ER folks in Roseville. CC said the ER folks at Morse Ave hospital (a week ago last Friday) were very kind, attentive and even…caring [SHOCK].

Some family from the East coast have chosen to step into our hurricane and have blessed us beyond measurable scale, literally casting light into what feels like a shrouding darkness. Because of their care, they have given us an opportunity to “breath” under circumstances that would have eventually snuffed our chances to “breath” otherwise. I can only imagine the brilliance of the jewel to be added to their heavenly crown for the care and mercy they’ve shown us.

Time to head out to the Echo Cardiogram…I’ll share my heart from yesterday’s events at FOPC’s 9:30 service that we, as a family, attended.

yeh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, April 30, 2007 pt. 2

Sunday was an emotional rollercoaster, though that expression is annoyingly overused. Chris has invited me and the family to come to church, on any weekend that would work for us, so that he could express his appreciation to us in front of the congregation and ask the congregation to recognize my efforts in and for the church. During the 9:30 service, he did just that after Sara finished doing the announcements/Life of the Church segment.
He shared that a few staff members have left and expressed the sadness in seeing them go and then shared that another member was leaving as well and then he asked me to stand, and as I did a number of the congregation applauded and some in the choir stood up as they applauded. My concentration was on keeping my composure and not giving in to the mourning that was swirling around inside of me as he spoke. His words were very, very kind and, thanks to the recording Cookie gave me of the service, I’ll not forget them. He then asked my family to stand and when we did they applauded again. During their applause, Missy, who was sitting beside me on my left, clutched my arm and side very tight, in a half-embraced hug of support and love. It wasn’t until afterwards, after the focus resumed back to the front of the platform that I began to weep and nearly sob in a somewhat final recognition of leaving my post as director, servant, engineer, colleague, co-worker and friend of a number of staff there at FOPC. Towards the end of Chris’s public words to me, he asked me to forgive them (the church) for the times I was not supported/treated fairly, if I recall correctly. It was very kind of him and exemplary as a leader as well, in my damaged opinion.
Tears followed me throughout the remainder of my morning, on campus and off, as I thought through the finality of my undesired and un-preferred transition from being employed at FOP. I’ve shared before that this was not how I imagined “going out” and leaving my position at FOP. The love that some of the folks expressed and showed to me and my family in the few moments after service are moments I won’t forget and I will value as long as I have capability.

The echo cardiogram was done a couple hours back and was relatively painless except for the pressure points the technician had to press in order to accomplish the ultra sound of my heart. Another test finished. We wait now for another week or so for the results to be returned.

I’m hoping to go to dinner with CC tonight as a date if we can secure the dinners and homework with my mom to cover while we are (hopefully) out to dinner.

Prayers for strength, encouragement, uplifted attitude, help, rest and restoration – please.

peace

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The last couple of days have been catastrophe free for the most part, I think in part to the fact that my parents are both up here with us and when they are here, I feel even more supported and relieved that CC is not battling on her own, outnumbered.

The past four or five days have been emotional roller coasters, worthy of some of the world's most incredible theme parks it would seem. I don't get off the ride unscathed; no one does. Communication is the key to surviving the trips, highs and low, peaks and valleys.

4:03 PM

peace

Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

Yesterday morning reached a pretty low point for me and it was tough just keeping "composure", which I failed to do most of the morning while CC and I were together eating breakfast. I asked CC if we could go and see my Primary Care about a medicine change up or something, so we left and spent the morning in the waiting room then saw him for 45 minutes or so and have a form of a game plan for medicine modifications.

It's now Friday and I need to head off to Physical Therapy and then back again. Perhaps more chronicalling after that...
peace

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

2:45 PM
To say I’m struggling is simple and understated. I just wrote to my sister in more depth in hopes of satisfying my need to scream out at someone over what is happening to me and to us as a family. I guess I’ll know how well that worked as I continue to write until I feel done.

My mom left earlier this morning after seeing the kids off to school. She was a huge help to CC and I since this past Friday night. I’m not sure how we would have gotten through these past few days without her help. For sure, CC would have had to been off work, which we cannot afford.

Before leaving for PT this morning, my primary doc called to say that the labs from yesterday’s single draw for my potassium level came back high at 6.0 but my meter, taken at the same time as my lab showed 4.6. One of them is impressively wrong. I went in to get labs done again today after making it through an abbreviated version of my PT and it took them two tries; one on the back of my left hand which they were unsuccessful in finding and then successfully getting a draw after searching around briefly with the needle on the back of my right hand. The veins in my arms are too weak and recessed for them to use for blood draws now. It’s taken nearly 3 hours for the swelling to go down on my right hand after the draw. Both hands hurt.

The sweating and weakness have been more present today. Hard for us to understand. Doctors have no clues or ideas. They have no suggestions or solutions. I feel like there is an “emotional” sniper and a “physical strength” sniper, both working together in tandem, taking critical shots, one at a time and sometimes both at once, just picking me apart each time I stand up.

I’m wanting this blog to be a collection of facts and observations of this battle but I cannot help venting.
CC began a daily food and activity log after this past attack last Friday. Also, I’ve striving to eat “wheat free” as much as I possibly can to see if that has any affect on me; positive or negative.

I wish I could just stop all the medicines all together and be free from this hell that has encamped around and about me and my family. Maybe one day, but not today. Today’s physical and emotional rollercoaster just leaves me battered and bruised. I feel exhausted and outnumbered. There are far more “doctors” who feel that I’m not suffering from HKPP and any that do now, but not one of them has been able to constructively help us understand, anticipate or even prevent these attacks nor have any of them been able to suggest what it is that IS happening if it is not HKPP. How can a doctor, who admits that he/she knows little to nothing about HKPP, and has not actually seen a patient with confirmed HKPP, make ANY sort of educated presumptions or assumptions about HKPP as it may or may not relate to me? They admit that they know crap about HKPP but suggest that it is unlikely that I am suffering from it because I’m not an Asian male, the stereo-typical candidate for having HKPP according the Kaiser’s medical journals.

Boom, it’s 3:22 PM and after not having had the sweats for nearly two hours, they begin with a subtle burning type of sensation across the skin of my forehead, arms and legs and now I begin to sweat. I did nothing but type. I drank nothing, not even water at the time. I don’t normally feel it start like this; I normally just become aware that water is dripping off my chin or glasses, or eyebrows or that my shirt is stuck to chest and back.

Sweating does not seem to be consistently symptomatic with HKPP folks, though it is not uncommon either; some folks seem to deal with it while others are spared. But the weakness, the numbness, the paralysis, the muscle spasms, muscle cramps, muscle jumps at night and at rest, the attacks after high carb intake and intense or extensive physical exertion are ALL common factors with the dozens of others on the HKPP list serve.

For some unsolicited education, there is something called Myoclonus or Myoclonic jerks and they are described in Dorland's Medical Dictionary for Health Consumers as “myoclonus” /my·oc·lo·nus/ (mi-ok´lo-nus) – shock-like contractions of a muscle or a group of muscles. Myoclon´ic. Also noted in the same section and directly related are the following types of myoclonus:
- Essential myoclonus: myoclonus of unknown etiology, involving one or more muscles and elicited by excitement or an attempt at voluntary movement.
- Intention myoclonus: that occurring when voluntary muscle movement is initiated.
- Nocturnal myoclonus: nonpathological myoclonic jerks occurring as a person is falling asleep or is asleep.

I deal with Nocturnal myoclonus. It took me days of looking up symptoms to learn that there is a name for what I experience, something I have brought up to my collection of doctors that NONE of them have diagnosed. Should they have diagnosed it? I suppose not, actually, because none of them are specialists in ANY of the issues I’m contending with, with exception to Doctor Stewart of Nephrology who accurately diagnosed my case of Hyperaldosteronism, which is solidly within his scope of professional focus. In fact, he is one of two of the plethora of doctors I have seen who acknowledges that it IS possible for me to actually suffer from more than one single diagnosis; Dr. Fujioka is the second of the two and he is my primary doctor. All the rest of the docs refuse to accept the possibility that there are multiple diagnoses involved, so much so, that a couple of the referred doctors suggested that I be seen by the psychiatry department in case what I’m experiencing is not entirely physical. One of the folks on line in the HKPP List serve had shared that she received the same suggestion while she was seeking a diagnosis and that after she was seen by the behavioral science department, the presumptions from the psychiatrist were used to prevent her from obtaining a literal diagnosis and she was deemed, more or less, unstable. She then went to check out the docs in the local Muscular Dystrophy clinic and found that she was not unstable but was suffering from a rarely diagnosed disease called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis and that she was exhausted emotionally from battling her previous physicians for the past several months.

7:00 PM
Dinner was some regular pasta with chicken parmesan and a salad.
CC just went out with the kids to get some Baskin Robbins for dessert for all of us. My desserts now are very small portions of whatever they get. Moderation is the next key to abstention.
I still feel poorly and am worn down from what feels like a very long day. My emotional state is combustible and fairly fragile with memories, “what ifs”, “maybes” and regrets and mourning of activities I did not want to conclude but have been removed from.
Time to stop writing and space out in the TV direction since I don’t want to read or write anymore tonight.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Today is better than yesterday.
Labs came back from yesterday (10 tubes taken) and my K+ is riding high now at 5.3, the very top end of the K+ acceptable meter (the range is considered 3.5 to 5.3). More labs to be done this morning as well.
Muscle jumps prevent any consistent sleep; they seem to hit every 15 to 30 minutes or so. Some are pretty harsh while others are less obtrusive.
Still dealing with sweats and cold clammy skin; I changed clothes twice yesterday and I will change again this morning as well.

At this point, CC and I plan on being at FOPC this coming Sunday for both services. Lord willing, we’ll be able to see this through and be there on Sunday.

Our first night for the 40 days of community was to have been last Friday night, but due to the attack that morning, we didn’t go. Now we have to play “catch up ball” to get to where the rest of the group is.

My mom has been here since late Friday night, helping with me, the kids and CC’s mom. We are blessed to have the help.

I’ll plan to write more later. 9:21 AM
peace

It's been a rough day.

It's been a rough day.
Sweats and pain.
Weak and fatigued.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. Prayers for healing coveted.

Been a hard day. muscle

Been a hard day. muscle pains and spasms every so many minutes. Still need help to walk.
-texting from my bed.
Hurts.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Glucose is 118
K+ is 4.8
Another attack yesterday. I went to my endocrinology appointment and CC met me there after she got off work and the attack came at the end of the appointment. I started to feel very poorly and then went to lay down on their bed and then spasms hit almost like convulsions. I was trying to hold on to the bed while everything tightened up and locked up instead of going limp and paralytic. This attack was distinctly different from most of my previous ones.

I have memory of seeing the ceiling in the ER and looking up at CC, but they gave me some different meds to fight what was going on and I don’t even remember the ride home or getting home. My mom was here when I woke up this morning so that must have been arranged sometime yesterday since CC has to work today.

Lot and body aches and muscle pain today, difficult to walk or stay standing for very long.
Very tough ride yesterday. This sucks.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Today will be shorter, at least for now.
I need to head to the recycling center to drop off our plastics and aluminum and then the dry cleaners then to physical therapy then to another cleaners then to my old office to pick up more of my stuff in there then back home. Likely in bed after that, if today tracks like the last week has been.
CC observed me, yesterday, while I was talking with my friend Josh who had come to have lunch with me, and CC noted that I was struggling to keep my eyes focused and open, something which is physical for me not mental, meaning, I was very much listening to what was going on but my body was exhausted and was trying to rest since I was sitting down.
I didn’t know it was obvious, though I suspect things are more clear to those who know me than they are to me since I can’t see the signs and often I argue with the signs because I don’t want them to be an accurate synopses of my current state at that moment. I didn’t want to be tired so I refused to accept that I was, however CC made it clear that I wasn’t going to drive anywhere after lunch and she explained to me why after Josh left and though embarrassed, I understood and agreed.

The shooting at Virginia Tech broke my heart. I was watching the new LITERALLY when the news flash hit the screen and I was speechless as I listened in to the story as it developed.

I watched part of a movie on Comcast Select last night called Flesh and Blood with Rutger Hauer, an actor I have appreciated. I could only make it part way through due to the carnality of it. It screwed up my disposition for the remainder of the night. That sucked.

Still haven’t heard from Cap Christian regarding our participating in a small group…I’m almost done with it which is a bummer. We are falling through the cracks, AGAIN.

I’m not at NAB and that sucks supremely too.

Not very uplifting today. Sorry.
peace

Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday, April 13, 2007

I bugs me to go days without writing much, but at the same time, sometimes it is difficult to write due to how I feel or the time it takes to write out my thoughts and not really having that time, conveniently.

I haven’t said anything officially on here as of yet regarding my job, but it’s pretty official at this point; I no longer work for FOPC; as of March 31, there would be no more insurance coverage and that pretty well closed the deal. Reality shows itself in many different forms, depending on the circumstance and in this case, the realities were that I haven’t worked since November 8 of last year and there was/is no end in sight. If I could think of manners in which I would want to transition from employment, this would not come up on the list, but it would certainly be in front of termination.
I was not terminated.
I simply was unable to return to work as work would and did describe the position I would have returned to. I’m still in mourning over it and have been now for some time. It’s impressively hard to “move on” when you don’t have something to move on to, and I don’t at this point.

Rob, who was my colleague and Chief Technician, is now and has been handling my role’s responsibilities since my absence, and he’s been doing a grand job which is without dispute. I consider him a true and good friend and am blessed by our friendship. Geoff was brought in to cover Rob’s role when Rob needed to step into my role, so, even though the department didn’t move forward in any really substantive step by bringing on another tech because my absence still leaves two techs in the department, Geoff’s work ethic and abilities allow the two of them to accomplish more than just Rob and I. I realize that reads like I couldn’t pull my own weight and I realize that there are some there at FOPC who think that is true, but there are different degrees of weight which had to be pulled and what I was limited to in the physical, I wasn’t limited to in the realms of leadership, political and business, though I have very little affection for the last two. Every church, regardless of size, has a political system and is a business operating with a budget; sometimes that budget is well into the millions of dollars and must be handled incredibly delicately and that requires business people to take care of business matters and those often conflict in the real word of ministry. I think that’s very unfortunate, but I think it is true nonetheless. I was once “complimented’ by a pastor at another church; “It’s really good you are here, Wade. You allow the rest of us to do ministry and not have to get caught up in and take care of the technical.” I accepted his heart on the intended compliment, but was angered by the perspective that my crew and I were little more than technical custodians. He saw me as being a business element necessary to “help” his ministry. I saw then, and see now, our ministry and our association (http://www.cmma.us) as a MINISTRY that helps and aids other ministries, not to mention directly ministers to those who attend a service, an event, or any other function where sound, lighting, computer graphics and or video use utilized. We are the front line players you aren’t supposed to see and are often the ones forgotten when “Thank You” speeches are written or spoken “off the cuff” after an event. Those who work in the Media Tech industry, especially in the House of Worship’s Media Tech industry, don’t become part of it because they want recognition or to be known. Hopefully, they are answering a call of God on their lives and as such, simply are doing what they are called to do. That doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be thanked; more often than not, if it wasn’t for them, there’d be only acoustical sound and natural or architectural light to illuminate any from of production; be it a Sunday Worship service, a memorial service, a wedding, a play, theater, a drama or even a meeting where one or more people want to communicate to more people than can hear them acoustically. No radio, no TV, no movies, no rock/country/blues/metal/pop/etc. concerts can generally take place without someone controlling sound, using a microphone, aiming a light and turning it on/up/down/off and or projecting any supportive/informative images on some screen someplace.
We do a lot.
And I’m proud of what I did and what my crew does and has done.
I’m proud of what our industry provides and even more often, of how we provide it.

In a church environment in particular, there are three universal departments that, daily, handle last minute calls for help and last minute requests; Media Technologies, Facilities and Hospitality. Each of these departments provides services that enable other departments to hold and carry out functions and gatherings, regardless of the base. Some churches may not officially have these departments, but I feel confident that they have at least one person who is responsible to set out a microphone and attach it to a mixer someplace, set up a table and chairs, make note that someone wants to use a room in a building someplace and prepares that room for its use. One way or another, these services are provided either by those who need it done or by those who are helping those in need. Media Technologies, Facilities and Hospitality are each departments of the “Helps” ministry. We don’t JUST help enable others to perform ministry; we minister too.
Hhmmm…I guess I have some opinion on the topic…

Due to the obvious change in my life and the lives of my family, my emotions are all over the place and while I was out today, I stopped by FOPC to pick up more of my stuff from what was my office and that reality just stung for a while, though my thoughts often went in the direction of my crew and how much I enjoy(d) them. I plan to come by on a particular Sunday to see them again and also hope to set up some kind of dinner or something with all of them some time sooner than later. This part of the forced transition is more than painful.
I miss my friends.

I’ve been reading over the past couple weeks about the Imus situation from radio and now that he’s been fired from CBS because of his comment during an off the cuff segment/bit. I suppose you end up eventually reaping what you sow and because I’m unfamiliar with his show and his humor, I cannot speak to my thoughts regarding it being appropriate to fire him for what he said. I can, however, speak to my thoughts regarding Al Sharpton’s and Jesse Jackson’s participation and I think they are little more than opportunists who use their title as Reverend to give them political and social clout. They strike me as two folks who lie in wait for someone to give them an opportunity to have their voice heard and then they take up the cause as if they had passionately been involved in the cause from the beginning. I know that both are old school guys from the Martin Luther King days and that they may have, at one time, actually stood for something other than their own face getting into the media, so to possibly give credit where credit may be due, here’s to them for the early days. Now, as for today, they both seem to do little more than be the same as the ambulance chasing attorneys, only now for a long standing cause of bigotry that they focus on being more of a conspiracy theory than not. Again, I think Imus has to play out the hand he dealt and I don’t agree with the kind of humor he’s reportedly made a living entertaining, but I do also think that there are far more DJ’s of other ethnicities than those merely Caucasian, that use bigotry and racist language within their own cultures and joke about the same thing that Imus did, only they don’t have the notoriety and publicity that he has and it is not in Sharpton’s or Jackson’s “best interests” to go after those folks.
Just thinking about Sharpton makes my stomach hurt.

A week ago, last Tuesday, I suffered another medium sized attack that I had briefly alluded to on that Tuesday’s blog entry. That morning I hadn’t felt very good and was just trying to keep my head up and hang on to a somewhat reasonable attitude, but as the morning progressed, my body became very cold and I began to sweat like crazy again. It is a very strange physiological sensation to feel very cold and clammy and then find pools of sweat wherever my arms rest and my T shirt soaks through, enough that I can actually wring it out after taking it off. There’s a visual image you didn’t want, huh? Me either. I went outside to sit in the sun to dry off and warm up if I could and while out there I felt that incredible panic that I had felt months back while in the FLC at work just before the attack hit there, only this time, I was terrified that I wouldn’t see CC and the kids again…that one was more vicious than the attack in the FLC. CC came home while I was sitting outside and we talked briefly about how I was feeling and then CC said I got up and kind of stumbled along with the use of the cane, back into the living room and collapsed on the couch. She gave me some liquid K+ and about 30 minutes later I was able to look around and began to feel like someone had kicked the crap out of me again; a feeling I have begun to be far more familiar with than I would care to be.

Next attack was Friday night during the rehearsal dinner when I became disoriented during dinner and had a difficult time keeping my bearings and felt weak and sweaty. We exited without incident or drawing attention to my and my situation, which was definitely preferable.
Saturday morning I changed clothes once before even leaving the hotel room, due to soaking through my clothes. I felt very fatigued and simply hoped to postpone any incident until after the wedding and reception and, praise God, there was not incident to speak of. We were out until after 11 PM that night and I ran out of steam a bit before that, but the night was a great night and was not marred by anything that I was aware of.

This past Wednesday, CC picked me up after I worked out at Physical Therapy and we went to Penny’s to return some of the clothes that we’d bought for the wedding. While we were waiting for the supervisor to make the exchanges, I began to feel weak and had to lean against the counter to stay upright. CC helped me walk back to the car and then I felt like I was crashing again by the time we got home. She got me to the couch and then more liquid K+ and it began to subside. It was after this attack that she talked fairly directly about her confidence (actually, lack thereof) in my attending the NAB convention in Vegas next week, which I had already bought my plane ticket for and had reserved an electric scooter for.
I’m now not going to go and have cancelled my reservations and am looking to see if I can get a refund for my plane fare or not, being it’s because of medical reasons. I’m way sad not to go, but would be in worse shape if something happened while away from her.

Here are some pics of a scene from our front yard after we returned from Hollister.
A swarm of honey bees took up residence in our front yard pine tree which branches over our walkway. I could not begin to guess how many bees were in this swarm, but it was impressive. Yesterday, I called a bee keeper in Sacramento and he and a colleague came and brought a bee hive box out, held it up under the swarm and then jolted the branch holding the swarm and 95% of them fell onto and into the waiting bee box while a few fell to the ground in a daze and a few took to the air to get their bearings.
After this, he placed the bee box directly below the branch they were on and the rest of the bees seemed to find their way into their new home by nightfall. By this morning, they were all gone. No more bees in our yard.

More over the weekend at some point.
peace

A longer post will be

A longer post will be coming after I get home from picking up the kids from school...probably around 4ish or so.
peace

Another smaller attack this afternoon.

Another smaller attack this afternoon.
Sore and tired.
More to write tomorrow. Tired tonight.

Waiting at Kaiser to get

Waiting at Kaiser to get my labs done again; they called because they felt my K+ was off and wanted to check it again...>

Monday, April 9, 2007

Monday, April 9, 2007

There will be more today, at least I plan on writing more today, but for now it will be a quick catch up.

Thursday went well though our stay at the Crown Plaza Hotel was marginal and I would not choose them again, at this point. Friday we drove to Hollister and then into San Juan Buetista (sp?) and stayed there through the wedding on Saturday evening and checked out Sunday morning and drove back.
I had another minor attack Friday night while at the rehearsal dinner, but it didn't take off on us, though we had to leave the dinner earlier than anyone else. The trigger, we think, was the marinated salmon I had; chills began, weakness, brain fog/disorientation and the next day (Saturday) was definitely a cane day.

The wedding was awesome and looked to be everything that Angel wanted it to be and had hoped it would be; I could not have been happier for her and Stephen, in complete honesty.
The drive back went pretty well, though I began having issues shortly after arriving at my parent's house to pick up our "puppy". I need to share (in the next entry) about our ride home and Annie's behaviour during the ride. It was a trip.

Today is physical therapy and I plan to dial it back a little from last week to see about avoiding another attack come Tuesday...

peace for now, back this afternoon or evening...
peace

Thursday morning, April 5, 2007

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Life is better today than yesterday and certainly far better than the day before.
We are getting ready for Angel's wedding so any posts for the next few days will be likely be short, from my phone for updating purposes. 160 characters per message.

We had my labs done yesterday and thanks to taking the K+ supplements, my K+ was higher than it has been in several weeks. We learned that the reason we couldn't view certain labs on line (through Kaiser) was that the labs were abnormal or better said, out of the normal range and those are not generally released for the patient to see lest they "become concerned about their levels". Ya think? So, now I know that when I have a lab done and it is not available for me to view, then I know that is is problematic, per their own protocol. I guess we learn one way or another.

Time to keep moving...
peace

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Another attack this morning. It came on just as CC was getting home from work. She was able to stave it off because she caught it before it got too far. Hellish and frightening for me and them, I'm sure. I'm very slow now after having been down since before noon, but we have stuff that must be done before Thursday morning, so there's no time to stay idle if intelligent movement is an option.
More to do

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Sunday, April 1, 2007

First off: Welcome back brother Art; I’ve missed you and am glad you have returned safe and sound. I rest easier now.

Progression and Pain:
Yesterday, Saturday, CC and I went to Penny’s (among other errands) to look for some appropriate clothing for next weekend’s wedding. We had also gone Friday late morning but Missy called from school saying she felt badly, so our visit to the store was short-lived; plus our moods weren’t compatible with effective shopping. So, we set out yesterday with a mission; to find at least one outfit each, matching color-wise, for the wedding. We were very successful, even in spite of and in the midst of the mall weekend shoppers. When we take pics at the wedding, I’ll be sure to post them on here because CC found some really beautiful outfits (30% to 40% off) and I put a charcoal gray suit together with matching colors in ties and a shirt, depending on which outfit CC chooses.
We both came out satisfied with what we got, especially considering it was on significant sale. I made it through the point of finding my clothes (we looked for CC’s first so I could match her color choice), but the pain was slowly escalating from the beginning of the trip and when CC had found her and I found mine, I was nearly unable to walk on my own. A familiar sight; we arrived back home and I was nearing tears and had to be helped back to my bed to lie down and get some pain meds going. By night time I was under control, but while shopping, I had allowed myself to get behind the pain “power curve”, the apparent price to keep the shopping momentum up so that we could find what we needed and I’m very familiar with grin and bearing it until I can’t any longer. Some would argue that it was stupid of me to do that but they don’t know our lives or our history to know that we get so very few opportunities to ever go shopping together, let a lone just shopping wherein we can spend casual time looking around for and trying on pieces or outfits without multiple trips to the bathroom, snacks, escalating boredom and demanded attention by 7, 12 and 60+ year olds. If the price is me shutting up and dealing with “it” in order to have CC successfully spend time finding necessary clothing, then watch me shut up. End result? CC has a couple outfits that look beautiful on her and I have some nice clothes that actually fit me correctly. How cool.

PT and the Dog:
I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to have physical therapy now for over 3 weeks and have made some very cool progress. I have moved up in weight capacity for lifting and longevity while on the bike machine. I started out at less than 30 minutes per session and now am close to 45 - 50 minutes. More reps and more weights are building up my strength and endurance from a pathetic starting level of simple exhaustion where I began. I have since also begun walking Annie with the leader harness on so she doesn’t pull against me or run away on me, especially since I am still walking with a cane most every day. This leader harness, called the “Gentle Leader”, is more than impressive on controlling larger dogs and making them submissive and obedient to a 85% to 95% success rate. Even Joshua can walk Annie without her running off on him or pulling away from him; he weighs in at 45 lbs and Annie at 92 lbs. She’s been great, especially since I’ve begun walking her routinely and I too, have felt much better and stronger getting out and walking, even with the cane. The harness is specially designed to temper the canine aggression and give them subconscious comfort messages simultaneously by placing one harness strap over their nose/snout (tempering the aggression as a dominant dog would do in a pack situation by applying light pressure to the upper portion of the nose and under jaw, like a dominant dog would do with its mouth over the submissive dog’s mouth) and placing another strap up behind the ears on the back of the neck where a dominant female would grab her cubs/puppies by while carrying them by the scruff of the neck. It doesn’t hurt them, but in contrast, gives them confidence and a secure feeling, more or less. All I can attest to is that it works.

I’ve gained back about 10 pounds, which I truly don’t need, so I am tightening the diet again, back to proteins and salads with very, very few carbs. I’ll feel better once that weight is gone again. No more ice cream at night before going to bed; a not-so-new routine of ours. Tasty, convenient and a difficult habit to stop. *sigh*

Today & church:
Church this morning was back to Capital Christian Center for their 11:15 service again, but this time we took Joshy into the classroom/gymnasium area where his age-range meets. We walked into this very large, very high ceiling auditorium/multiuse room and noted not one, but two huge bounce house slides at the far end of the room, a stage with props, backdrop and appropriate stage lighting and we were amazed. Long story short, we met the pastor of youth and children and liked him and both Missy and Joshy said that really enjoyed their time in there (we left Missy with Joshy for acclimation purposes which worked out great) and we then went into worship in the main sanctuary.
The message was on community and what can happen when someone falls out of community and identifying with others and he very effectively noted Ted Kazinski (Uni Bomber). The church is pursuing the 40 days of Community and will be starting that up in two weeks, so we signed up to participate; looks like we may have finally found a potential church home for us where each of us feels connected at they family level. While at MPPC in the Bay Area and the same at FOPC to some similar extent, it was my JOB to connect with the operations of the services and their planning and equipping, but not my opportunity to connect on a family level or sit with my wife or kids during a service, let alone actually having a few Sunday’s off without being in the hospital or home because of an HKPP issue. At Cap Christian I have been sitting with my wife and family, hearing the Word in a way that hits me where I am and worship, though louder than comfortable (actually today was better than the past has been), has been right up my alley musically. Yay for us.
It brings feeling of conflict within me because of the level of church we have now been exposed to at FOPC, a level we haven’t seen since I’ve worked there, which we feel indebted to for their love ad caring and concern which we’ll never be able to repay, even if the opportunity was presented to us. We have been seeking God’s direction for church and teaching and we feel and believe at this point that He has led us to Capital Christian Center. We have visited a number of other churches, all without any feeling of connection or direction, so our unified feeling of agreement with this church is a welcomed thing and we’ll simply have no choice but to hope and pray that we will continue to be loved by those at FOPC even though we won’t been on campus with much consistency. What matters above all else is that we are where God wants us to be, end of story. We think we have found that place.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (ala David Bowie):
I’m beginning to go through my musical play lists and change them over to Christian choices rather than the secular I have been absorbing. Within reason; garbage in, garbage out. One of my good friends strongly encouraged me to be very selective about what I focus on and dwell on and in a sense, what I use for an environment (musically in my case) and his (Ray’s) words are solid and true. Thanks bro, for the push. Greatly loved and appreciated are you braddah.

Pain is setting back in after a longer day of being up, so I’m going to call it for today. I’m sorry I don’t get to writing daily. For what it's worth, it annoys me too.

Peace-