Monday, May 28, 2007

Monday, May 28, 2007

Pain in my right shoulder is sufficient to withstand the medication I am to take at night to help/make me sleep. That said, I’ll waiting an hour till 12:30 AM and then will take another full dose to see if I can avoid another night without sleep. Those attacks, though less scarier, are more debilitating and emotionally devastating to me. I think that the now identified different attacks hold the same hard if not terrifying effects on each of my family, regardless of nature of attack.

Potassium attacks are scarier because the numbness progresses and can make it hard to breath and swallow. These other Phosphorus/muscle attacks are just outright painful and wear me down with each rolling wave of exhausting spasms and close following weakness.

I want to be admitted into a hospital for a week or two to like Stanford or someplace where they are hungry for answers and understanding, different from Kaiser who simply wants you to fit into their pre-described from of answers and if you don’t, hell if they’re going to pay to see you get fixed correctly someplace else; they’d rather you simply return each crisis to treat the crisis and send me home being that it is cheaper that way than to send me someplace that they’ll have to subsidize. I don’t want to be away from my family for ANYTHING but I cannot continue to live like this, with this…this unknown problem that Kaiser says IS INDEED my problem.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but I do know this;
This condition/disease has cost me a good/promising career, it has cost me professional relationships and opportunities, it has and is risking my wife’s job due to time off she’s had to take, it has terrified both of my children, it has aged both my parents greatly as they cut their own corners to make multiple visits to come up and help us and work here doing work I cannot, friends are gifting us money of their hard earned wages to help us. The likelihood of loosing our home becomes closer each and every day, we need layers we cannot afford to help us with SSDI, with probable bankruptcy, with potential malpractice suite, we need help with direction and guidance and just simply someone to come along side and help hold our arms up during a battle we hope God will bring as a victory to us, but we are too overwhelmed and beaten and tired ti continue withstanding these oceanic mortal waves which buffet me/us each day and each night.

I don’t know how to close. it's 12:14 AM
Those of you who are helping us, may God show you the riches of your kindness so you may know the depth of the good you do and have done for us.
Pleaase pray for us; pray for me. That I may sleep and truly rest tonight, able to withstand tomorrow at least standing and with more dignity than I have now.
We need some miracles. Lord God please hear me; we need Your miracles even now. Even now.