Wednesday Evening, January 24, 2007 - Inspiration

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Pretty interesting moment this afternoon when CC and I sat down and watched a movie documentary called "Paper Clips" about a school in Tennessee that learned about the Holocaust and collected paper clips in honor of all of the people murdered by the Nazis in the death camps. The school even received a cattle car (one of the actual rail cars that carried the Jews to the camps) to make a memorial of with and to contain the over 29 million paper clips they collected.

It was an emotional documentary; very much worth your time to view, if you get the chance.
Here's a strange reality. What came from the movie was a moment when I hear myself think, "Don't disappear" and my thoughts instantly went to my father. He's not ill or sick or anything of that sort and I'm not certain why the inspiration was so clear and so strong, but it was and I sat down and wrote and titled the following moment in my mind.
My best understanding is that so many families were decimated and destroyed with no lineage, no history, no memories to carry on, no grandparents, no aunts, no uncles. Just death, absence and silence. My heart broke for them and yet was found reaching desperately for my family, to hold and to have as an actual blessing; to have as something invaluable that I don't want to conceive being without.
Maybe that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. I guess it does for me and the bottom line is, when I hit the "publish" button to post this entry, I suppose that's all that really matters at this point.
He hasn't read it before this post. No one has. Strange to share like this.

Dedicated to my dad and my family.

Don’t Disappear

There’s so much to learn and so much I want to know
I want to sit at your feet while you share your heart
I look in your eyes and I see the past, it’s so clear
I see you smile as you remember your family so dear

Tell me again about your days growing up
I love to hear about all the family I’ve seen
The pictures black and white, discolored by age
My aunts and uncles, your sisters and brothers all on the same page

Don’t disappear, don’t go away
Please say you’ll stay with me for just another day
Don’t lose your words or let them fall quiet
Share the world with me, don’t be silent

It scares me so to think of the time
When I won’t have you, when I can’t keep what’s mine
So talk to me please and tell me all about
The life you’ve lived, don’t leave anything out

Don’t disappear, don’t go away
Please say you’ll stay with me for just another day
Don’t lose your words or let them fall quiet
Share the world with me, don’t be silent

Have you ever wondered where you’d be
Had you not moved out to this side of the country
What if you’d stayed and lived in the days
of your family’s thoughts and your family’s learned ways

Don’t disappear, don’t go away
Please say you’ll stay with me for just another day
Don’t lose your words or let them fall quiet
Share the world with me, don’t be silent

I close my eyes and think of how it would have been for me
Should I have been born into another family
But I thank my God for the family I love
For my sister and mother, my dad and my father above

The treasures I would miss exchanging time for a time
Only guessing I’d have no care for the rhyme
Would I have a sister and parents still married in love
Or a broken home or broken heart; the broken wings of the dove

Don’t disappear, don’t go away
Please say you’ll stay with me for just another day
Don’t lose your words or let them fall quiet
Share the world with me, don’t be silent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll write more later tonight or tomorrow; there's a fair amount more to say.
Medication changes, creative idea with a buddy, doctor visit from today, etc.
I can't tell if I'm in the place to share more of my writings (songs) or not...Hhmmm...I'll have to wait and see. I'm still uncertain.
Today was a cane day.
Potassium was 4.2 yesterday and about the same today.
Lower 4s and any 3s bring pain with them, so I'm learning.
peace