Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sunday, February 25, 2007

It’s now 2:50 PM and fortunately, today is better than yesterday.
I slept pretty hard all night but was in pain for the better part of the night and awoke in pain as well. CC got up earlier than not, I think, and we talked about how I was feeling and she went and made something for me to eat and also brought me my meds to take earlier than later.
I was able to get myself out of bed and into the bathroom more easily than I was yesterday, and I also got myself into the shower and out but began to loose strength shortly thereafter.
I made myself some lunch (reheating dinner) and am on the couch now resting. Again.
It is so frustrating to be so weak when I know I could be so much stronger than I am.
All morning and afternoon, there has not been but a minute when different muscles throughout my body literally vibrate in spasms, as if in response to some sort of neurological muscular role call taking place within my body. Parts of my lips begin to spasm, my tongue, my eyes, my eyelids, my fingers, my hands, arms, legs, toes etc.
Thursday must have been hell day for my abs in particular since they are the most painful, still.
This is surreal to me. It’s hard to believe that this is really happening sometimes.
I was planning on seeing my buddies, David and Brian from the Bay Area this week, but now need to postpone because of the need to convalesce here and I wouldn’t be able to really enjoy their company feeling like this.
I couldn’t drive if my life depended on it, more than likely. My legs are very uncooperative currently.

Kaiser, according to their most recent denial letter, is basing their denial on Dr. Gibb’s 35 minute appointment with me. Never mind the 4 plus appointments I had with Dr. Iyengar of Neurology, where he declared and medically justified his diagnosis with an EMG test for muscle myopathy, apparently Dr. Gibbs opinion trumps Dr. Iyengar’s opinion as far as Kaiser’s Member Services Board is concerned. Not only is the board denying my request, but they are also stating to us what our only options are, as far as they are concerned. They are kindly giving us until Tuesday to file an appeal, which will be reviewed by the same folks and perhaps some of their close, departmental friends, at which point we should be confident that they will approach my appeal without bias, right? I mean, I shouldn’t have to worry that our appeal will be treated as the past appeals have been, right?
Amazing, huh?
My current thought is that Channel 4’s “On Your Side” or Channel 7’s “On Your Side” would consider taking an interest in our situation and current plight, if we were to bring it to there attention, since it involves the ever confident Kaiser Permanente. I feel strongly that what is happening within the Kaiser system itself, is political and financially motivated in some manner and we are simply caught in the company’s riptide of results as different doctors apparently sound-off in some sort of posturing for departmental status, position or power, and thus by default, we are some type of medical pawn which, if left up to the committees, will be forgettable and unremarkable in terms of the big “Kaiser” picture. Perhaps I’m wrong and perhaps I am not seeing the “greater good” in the whole picture…but I doubt it. I sincerely doubt it.
What matters to me most? To secure current and future medical care that I can be confident in, that I can trust and rely on to make medical decisions and suggestions in my best interests. To date, regrettably, that care is not through Kaiser and that saddens and frustrates me.

Life here in the house seems to be “normal” in as much as we live that anymore. CC’s niece Angel, came up to help CC and us keep some cleanliness in the home, but had to leave today to head back home to Hollister.

It's now 4:40 PM and because I'm still having pain in my legs and hips as well as weakness, we're going to go in and have my labs drawn now. Back later-