Wednesday March 14, 2007

Wednesday March 14, 2007

So, it’s 4:14 AM and I’ve been awake now since 3:30 when I awoke from a troubling dream. I don’t know that I could refer to it as a nightmare; I was not fearful or in fear. I woke up “troubled” would be the best way to put it. I feel the dream was revealing; describing vividly here would be awkward due to the nature of it dealing with particular cancerous folks within what could have been, at one time, a somewhat healthy "place".

The dream dealt with the need to put particular conduits down for some aspect of a new campus to be built and everyone including me, was trying to troubleshoot why the building had not begun, though those in charge had said it was underway. Somewhere in that melee of curiosity, I found myself approached by a leader who stated that certain stuff needed to be done in this certain way, simply because he said so and when someone close to me shared their factual opinion as to why conduit needed to be run a certain way for necessary purposes, he responded condescendingly with how even though I may perceive the worship be one thing and for one reason, it was supposed to be for another reason and done very differently which negated the need in his eyes, for the new conduits. As this argument began, I could actually see the fabric of the words being spoken, leaving the person’s mouth and slowly floating on air towards the other person and the fabric was transparent and porous coming from the “leader” but was solid dark grey in color coming from the person I was with and I felt that you could literally see right though the lies of the leader even as he spoke. This continued for some time and the conduits, though now in the ground were up-ending within the trench with their ends exposed in an unfinished manner and cables and wires frayed and cut, un-terminated at the open end of the piping, unable to reach its destination which caused enough grief within me to wake me up, I guess. I don’t need to name who was in my dream, I know and will remember who they were.

At 4:50 AM my K+ is 4.4 which is higher than previous days. My last visit to the lab was day before yesterday and though most of the labs were “normal” my K+ was within “normal range, but was 3.9. That was Monday and after my first PT appointment and I was walking very slow and feeling poorly, physically. When we arrived at the labs, I was hungry and just feeling like crap, but functional, as I went in for the labs to be drawn. When my name was called, Joshy went in with me, as is his custom to “be with me” and support me, and I noticed when I sat down at the white counter top with the little cloth pad for your arm, that the lab tech had 7 labels sitting in front of her, which, of course, meant that 7 tubes will be drawn and away we went. I was truly thankful that she was skilled at her craft because I barely felt the needle itself. When she was done, I was feeling more weak than I normally do, but then, I don’t “normally” have 7 tubes drawn either. I got up to walk and realized that I was now going to be even slower than I was before due to weakened balance skills and feeling very tired. CC held my hand as we walked out and back to the van, for had she not, I would not have made it on my own. Sucky reality.
Note to self; don’t go get your labs done by yourself anymore. Note received.
This weakened feeling lasted for the next hour or so and made life more uncomfortable than it already had been; nice, huh? We went to Costco to pick up her mom’s meds and since we all said we were hungry, we got some food at Costco and after that, I began to feel better. After returning home, I went straight into the bedroom and laid down for the rest of the evening, if I remember correctly. I think I posted that night too, I cannot remember at the moment. Oh yeah, I think it was that morning. Anyway, Monday was a long day.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I woke up somewhere around 6:30 to 6:45, got Joshy up (he had migrated to our bed again…) and saw Missy off to her ride that came as I walked down the hall. Her ride came right about 6:45 or so and got her to school early because of her field trip to China Town in San Francisco, yesterday. She had a good time, so she said upon returning yesterday afternoon about 3:30.
Anyway, yesterday was a better day in that I didn’t need or use my cane all day. It was a brief (?) reminder of what life was like without the need for assistance. My K+ was still on the lower side of the fours, but I felt better which I attribute directly to the physical therapy. Speaking of, I have another appointment this afternoon as well. I feel very encouraged by this new aspect in my life; very hopeful.

Next month is NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) in Vegas and Craig and I are planning on going; we have been since last year. This year, though, will be completely different, in that, I will be renting an electric scooter from a company called Scoot Around, the same company I am renting from later this year in October for the PPA conference in Orlando. Along with the scooter, the other difference will be focus and attention. Typically when I attend shows, I have a mental or written list of manufacturers or field of equipment that I am going to research and make contacts on, but this year I will be going to re-connect with those within the industry that I have not seen or hooked up with since the latter beginning of last year when all this HKPP began happening and I began to be affected by the attacks. The disease definitely dampened my work relations and I feel it is important to reconnect with those folks with whom I ordered from and communicated with. Besides just getting there, which will now require a wheelchair, to and from the terminals, other changes will be in my attention to my state of being so I can hopefully avoid meeting ANYONE in the Vegas Paramedics Union, not that they aren’t nice folks….I’ll be testing more than daily and will take supplements if even in question. CC assured me that she will be on the next plane if something does happen, so the prayers IN ADVANCE are for safe travels throughout the entire trip and that, if my body MUST experience another attack, that it will WAIT until I return home, but preferably that there would be NO ATTACKS anymore. That’s God’s call, not mine; I get it.
I’ll have to be even smarter about what and when I eat and how oftern. We are planning to fill a smaller suitcase with waters, Propels, health/protein bars and the like, so I can be set for eating when necessary.
Joshy just walked (or better said, stumbled) in to me in the Music Room where I’m writing from. It’s 6:15 AM now. His body clock is apparently set. I need to be with him now, so I’ll post this and see about more later-
peace