Sunday, March 25, 2007 - Continued…

Sunday, March 25, 2007
Continued…

On the way home from lunch today, after attending the 10:30 service at New Life Community, I found a CD with worship music on it and put it in. Jars of Clay began and the second track on the CD was also Jars tune, but this one was their tune called “Flood” and once again, as typical for me, I was impacted by a revelation, again, and this time it was from the lyric in the song ”…to keep me from drowning again…”. It became an instant reminder that we will often die some each day, like the metaphor for death by drowning in our troubles, sorrows, depressions, angers, drugs, etc. In a way, it conveys His grace that we will dies some each day and that we can reach out to Him for new life again…that it doesn’t have to be final if we reach. If we call. Check out the lyrics in complete form:

"Flood"

[Verse 1]
Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

[Chorus:]
But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

[Verse 2]
Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground
[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

[Ending Chorus]
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Me?
Once again, in the midst of my current overwhelming trials and stresses, God reminds me, using the lyrics from another’s pen, that He DOES know and He DOES care and He has allowed others to experience such hells as the ones I am experiencing. This song encapsulates my daily emotional ride, nearly each day. I don’t write this from some kind of relationship expectancy, wherein I want someone to feel what I feel or think what I think and thus relate to me and thusly feel some pity, but write it to vent it, to illustrate it, to visualize it and clearly identify it and then ultimately master it, whatever it may have been at the beginning. If you followed that, bravo…I think I did too.
God gives words to writers in order to have them write of those who can’t and or won’t or simply are unable to articulate their emotional state. In this case, the author of “Flood” knew the depths of his/her (I’m pretty certain it’s a him, though) despair and was able to write rhythmically and poetically in such a way that music could then provide the divine vehicle to bring the message to those who need to hear it, even several years after it was penned.

I am the chorus.
Verses 1 and 2 are also painfully accurate.
Stress levels feel like they are at flood warning levels every day now.

Notes on the service from this morning.
Missy wasn’t ready to leave in time for us to be there on time, so since the church is close to home, CC drove her mom, Joshy and me to the church as we went in and then CC went back home to pick up the finishing Missy and then head back to the church.
They kept the doors closed being that the previous service had not come to a conclusion at the time that we had arrived, so the three of us waited outside the sanctuary, in the lobby area, for the doors to open. Once they opened, we entered the room and sat about half way forward, center area; a location that I thought would make it easier for CC to find me, which she did.
The worship time was actually split between the beginning of the service and the end of the service with the message in the middle and prayer and worship following the message. The volume for the worship was very workable, but the room and system EQ was painfully EAW (their sound system cabinet manufacturer), upper mid-rangey without a full bottom end and much lower mid frequencies. I was instantly distracted and mentally trying to problem-solve. Bummer.
The pastor then got up and proved to be very dynamic but apparently without the use of a compressor at his disposal. He distorted when he got loud and excited and he got loud when he could have stayed at a nominal level. It was painful to go through the process of listening to him straight through the system. Again, completely distracted even though I tried to stay focused on his message. Certainly a couple cool things were that he used a music video which lyrically tied dead on with his message; he used dynamic lighting (turning off/on the house lighting, no fades) on the stage as well and used a monologue voice-over in a dramatic moment with a bedroom staging. He used video background clips within the message as he addressed location visuals to his advantage, but the video loops were more clips instead of loops. For definition purposes, a video clip has a definitive beginning, middle and end, even if they seem attached to each other, where as a loop will have nearly identical beginning and end with a consistent middle, so that the loop can be repeated once or more without the viewer noticing the transition between the end of the clip and the beginning of the clip. They used clips which abruptly restarted when they had reached their short end.
Joshy was distracted and bored all service long, regardless of the multimedia usage. Missy was very emotional and cried most of the service through, cuddling into her mom while I held a wiggly 7 year old boy. CC, who I think locked on with Missy’s emotional location, shared with me her feelings on Missy’s state, which is that Missy will likely continue to be unhappy as long as she is not locked into a stronger relationship with her God and it is our responsibility to help her locate her spiritual home, so to speak. By that I mean that CC and I must locate the church that God now wants us to be at and then get the kids plugged in there so that they can begin to grow spiritually. I believe, as does CC, that Missy’s in a very formative time right now and is very emotionally and spiritually aware that she has been starving for her relationship with God, but unable to verbalize it. CC saw it, though.
The hunt is on. We must find the church we are to be at, then find a home near it and then locate the school they should be at; especially if it means that we are going to be moving away from Citrus Heights. Time to lock it down and think bigger and more accurately about what we need to do.
I have come to the point where I am wondering, maybe God has brought on this disease to re-focus and repurpose me and my family.
If so, so be it.
Prayers for less pain are greatly appreciated.

Oh, and also...
Oh, and also, I ran into a couple of the college guys from FOP that I had worked with a bit while there and I’m hoping to have lunches with each of the two gents this coming week. Really neat guys who have a heart for ministering with Media Technologies and that’s just cool.

Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, I’m going to remove the Prayer website since it does not appear to be of any real blessing to anyone, and I will just continue to use my blogs (here) to ask for prayers for me or my family and friends.
The Zambia Chronicles will remain since they are static and simply another journal from another time and not something to keep current.
I’m over due on the pics blog and will add some more before the next couple of days pass, I hope.
peace