Saturday, March 31, 2007
Out shopping for appropriate wedding
Out shopping for appropriate wedding apparel for CC and me for Angel's long awaited wedding next weekend.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007 - Brief
Friday, March 30, 2007
Life has gotten better from where it was and my spirits have lifted as often as they have descended, so there is some semblance of balance, I suppose.
Wednesday and today were Physical Therapy days and I have been progressing there, which is very cool in my book. Definite work out and closely monitored work out, at that.
Tuesday night and Wednesday nights saw the full body chills happen again. Tuesday night the chills happened while I was sleeping; a first to my knowledge and very disconcerting to awaken to I can tell you. Wednesday night’s chills happened as I was getting into bed and my feet and legs went under the cool covers and “boom”, it was on. CC quickly got the heating pad and turned it on and placed it under my shaking feet and held them there against the pad while it heated up.
Potassium has been staying between 3.8 and 4.0, so I’ve taken some K+ pills in the past couple days and have noticed a difference immediately (about 20 minutes or so) following taking them.
Tuesday was particularly brutal at one point as I was over come by a orrific and deep fear that I was not going to see my kids and wife again, but after about 30 minutes that feeling passed, but not before it caused me incredible stress and worry. Way hard and strange. I’ve been reading more scripture in the past couple days as well as well as walking Annie each day to keep the PT going. Always with the cane at my side.
Angel’s wedding is next weekend so we are gearing up for that while figuring out our living situation for the next year plus (huge life change as a result of my situation)
More tonight or maybe tomorrow if family activities will permit.
I miss my friends at work; Rob, Darrell, Geoff, Scott & Les, Carl & Madoli and everyone else.
*sigh*
peace
Life has gotten better from where it was and my spirits have lifted as often as they have descended, so there is some semblance of balance, I suppose.
Wednesday and today were Physical Therapy days and I have been progressing there, which is very cool in my book. Definite work out and closely monitored work out, at that.
Tuesday night and Wednesday nights saw the full body chills happen again. Tuesday night the chills happened while I was sleeping; a first to my knowledge and very disconcerting to awaken to I can tell you. Wednesday night’s chills happened as I was getting into bed and my feet and legs went under the cool covers and “boom”, it was on. CC quickly got the heating pad and turned it on and placed it under my shaking feet and held them there against the pad while it heated up.
Potassium has been staying between 3.8 and 4.0, so I’ve taken some K+ pills in the past couple days and have noticed a difference immediately (about 20 minutes or so) following taking them.
Tuesday was particularly brutal at one point as I was over come by a orrific and deep fear that I was not going to see my kids and wife again, but after about 30 minutes that feeling passed, but not before it caused me incredible stress and worry. Way hard and strange. I’ve been reading more scripture in the past couple days as well as well as walking Annie each day to keep the PT going. Always with the cane at my side.
Angel’s wedding is next weekend so we are gearing up for that while figuring out our living situation for the next year plus (huge life change as a result of my situation)
More tonight or maybe tomorrow if family activities will permit.
I miss my friends at work; Rob, Darrell, Geoff, Scott & Les, Carl & Madoli and everyone else.
*sigh*
peace
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday March 27, 2007
Tuesday March 27, 2007
It’s now 8:02 AM and my K+ is 3.8.
Hot/cold symptoms were especially prominent yesterday evening, so much so that I remained in bed from before dinner time to try to maintain some consistent balance of body temp. it didn’t work very well; I still dealt with being very cold to touch and yet sweating like I was in a sauna. Add foot shocks to that and you have the very definition of discomfort. In case I haven’t delved into explaining what foot shocks are, here you go:
Back in late ’95, October to be precise, I broke my lower back (L5 in 3 places/pieces) while working in a warehouse and ended up having 2 surgeries; one in ’96 to fuse the L5/S1 location by putting some metal plates in my back and then one in ’97 to remove the metal plates and subsequently check the fusion. The promise from the surgeons was that they would do their best. In deed, they did their best and the fusion was successful however the pain I was experiencing was not bone pain (any longer) but was now just nerve damage from the break and then from the surgeries. One of the symptoms of pain was something I called “shocks”, sometimes in my right foot. These “shocks” are like mini electrocutions of certain areas; in this case, they are in my right foot, near the right side of the bottom of my right foot. They last anywhere from milliseconds to a full 2 or 3 seconds in duration and my life stops each moment they hit. They are between painful and incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve dealt with these on occasion, ever since the surgery; when they explained that I would likely have nerve damage for the remainder of my life and that they would happen as the nerves sound off due to who knows what trigger. They began last night again, but this time, not just one for the night, but increasing from one an hour from around 4 PM to 10:30 PM when they were happening nearly every few minutes making it terribly difficult to sleep. They are now about every 30 to 90 seconds and are vicious.
So now, to try to figure out why. Are they due to diet? Are they due to K+ levels? Are they due to my physical therapy? Is it simply my turn to suffer like a wounded dog? I don’t have a fricken clue. Another night of little to no sleep because every minute or so, I feel like someone sticks a cattle prod on the right side of my right foot. It’s got nothing to do with foot position or body position, because they happen regardless of my physical location and position; lying down, sitting, reclined, standing walking.
Stop. Listening to Michael W. Smith’s “Missing Person” and I’m having my ass kicked again, this time from the inside out. Damn! Can’t a guy catch a break? God used this same tune back on May 3 of 1998 when I had strayed far to far from “Home”. My anger, pain and bitterness simply made a haven for themselves within me and I lost all joy…like now.
I wish I had a sanctuary. A place I could just be. A place to cry and scream and think and sob and survive without being internally alone. My headphones are the only privacy, sanctuary I get now. My home has no comfort.
It’s like I’ve hidden from this song. I used to have the lyrics of it up on my office wall as a reminder. But I’ve forgotten.
The foot shocks have ceased as if they can’t be in the same place as me now.
How does He know? Why the hell does He care?
Just like Him to do something while I’m writing. Anger and bitterness are so, so toxic; they eat away the very fabric of joy and happiness; so slowly, so deliberately.
Am I infested; infected by a disease? Still? Perhaps. But it doesn’t matter much to me now, in this moment. The rest of the day will be new now.
Here are the lyrics to MWS’s “Missing Person”:
“Missing Person”
Another question in me
One for the powers that be
Its got me thrown and so
I put on my poker face
And try to figure it out
This undeniable doubt
A common occurrence
Feeling so out of place
Guarded and cynical now
Cant help but wondering how
My heart evolved into a
Rock beating inside of me
So I reel, such a stoic ordeal
Where’s that feeling that I don’t feel?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Under a lavender moon
So many thoughts consume me
Who dimmed that glowing light
That once burned so bright in me
Is this a radical phase
A problematical age
That keeps me running
From all that I used to be
Is there a way to return
Is there a way to unlearn
That carnal knowledge
That’s chipping away at my soul
Have I been gone too long
Will I ever find my way home?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
- ooohs -
Ending Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching…
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
I’ve been searching (Where are you?)
For that person (Where are you?)
Where are you?
__________________________
9:17 AM - It’s the end of the song that hurts more than other parts, though the other parts are locked on site.
Hearing Him call out “Where are you?” though the voice of another. Just like he did nearly 9 years ago.
Maybe this isn’t for anyone but me, but then maybe it is, so I’ll leave it in and post it like I have the rest of my thoughts, feelings and realizations. I’ve repeated the song several times now in some sort of cleansing routine, playing it then his version of Agnus Dei (I believe he wrote it, actually).
I was set up. I just realized it. The songs “I” picked for the morning were, in order: “Tea and Sympathy” by Jars of Clay, “Hey You, It’s Me!” by Michael W. Smith, “Missing Person” by Michael W. Smith and then finally “Agnus Dei” by Michael W. Smith.
Music is the freeway to the soul and spirit; at least within me.
The shocks have stopped.
Completely.
Explain that to me and try NOT to include God into the equation. You’ll fail.
To make my point, here are the 4 song’s lyrics in order so you might read them all the way through see what I mean by a spiritual set up:
Lyrics to “Tea and Sympathy”
Fare thee well
Trade in all our words for tea and sympathy
Wonder why we tried, for things that could never be
Play our hearts lament, like an unrehearsed symphony
Not intend
To leave this castle full of empty rooms
Our love the captive in the tower never rescued
And all the victory songs
Seem to be playing out of tune
But it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
You begin
And all your words fall to the floor and break like china cups
And the waitress grabs a broom and tries to sweep them up
I reach for my tea and slowly drink in
[Chorus:]
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
So fare thee well
Words the bag of leaves that fill my head
I could taste the bitterness and call the waitress instead
She holds the answer, smiles and asks one teaspoon or two
[Chorus x 2]
Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it outDon't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyrics to “Hey You, It’s Me”
Hey you
Things to do
Live the life for faith and family
It’s tough
With all that stuff
Filling your head
We know
The undertow
Could get us so we don’t remember, but
Lest we ever
Lest we ever forget
Hey you, it’s me
True lovers are we
Children under the sun
Two spirits in the name of one
Hey me
Got to be
Places to go and people there to see
No space
For back to base
And no time at all
We talk
Walk the walk
Run the race
And climb the ladder, but
If we ever
If we ever should fall
Hey you, it’s me
True lovers are we
Children under the sun
Two spirits in the name of one
Bridge:
Sometimes the smoke clears
And I see things how they are
I see how we have come so far
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Missing Person”
Another question in me
One for the powers that be
Its got me thrown and so
I put on my poker face
And try to figure it out
This undeniable doubt
A common occurrence
Feeling so out of place
Guarded and cynical now
Cant help but wondering how
My heart evolved into a
Rock beating inside of me
So I reel, such a stoic ordeal
Where’s that feeling that I don’t feel?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Under a lavender moon
So many thoughts consume me
Who dimmed that glowing light
That once burned so bright in me
Is this a radical phase
A problematical age
That keeps me running
From all that I used to be
Is there a way to return
Is there a way to unlearn
That carnal knowledge
That’s chipping away at my soul
Have I been gone too long
Will I ever find my way home?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person...
for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
- ooohs -
Ending Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching…
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
I’ve been searching (Where are you?)
For that person (Where are you?)
Where are you?
____________________________________________________
“Agnus Dei” (Live version)
Alleluia, alleluia
For the lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia, alleluia
For the lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia
Holy, holy are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
You are holy, holy are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Amen
-repeats in various orders-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What will the rest of the day hold?
Some shocks just now returned (10:14 AM)...the reprieve was a blessing while it was mine.
I’m done for now.
-w
It’s now 8:02 AM and my K+ is 3.8.
Hot/cold symptoms were especially prominent yesterday evening, so much so that I remained in bed from before dinner time to try to maintain some consistent balance of body temp. it didn’t work very well; I still dealt with being very cold to touch and yet sweating like I was in a sauna. Add foot shocks to that and you have the very definition of discomfort. In case I haven’t delved into explaining what foot shocks are, here you go:
Back in late ’95, October to be precise, I broke my lower back (L5 in 3 places/pieces) while working in a warehouse and ended up having 2 surgeries; one in ’96 to fuse the L5/S1 location by putting some metal plates in my back and then one in ’97 to remove the metal plates and subsequently check the fusion. The promise from the surgeons was that they would do their best. In deed, they did their best and the fusion was successful however the pain I was experiencing was not bone pain (any longer) but was now just nerve damage from the break and then from the surgeries. One of the symptoms of pain was something I called “shocks”, sometimes in my right foot. These “shocks” are like mini electrocutions of certain areas; in this case, they are in my right foot, near the right side of the bottom of my right foot. They last anywhere from milliseconds to a full 2 or 3 seconds in duration and my life stops each moment they hit. They are between painful and incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve dealt with these on occasion, ever since the surgery; when they explained that I would likely have nerve damage for the remainder of my life and that they would happen as the nerves sound off due to who knows what trigger. They began last night again, but this time, not just one for the night, but increasing from one an hour from around 4 PM to 10:30 PM when they were happening nearly every few minutes making it terribly difficult to sleep. They are now about every 30 to 90 seconds and are vicious.
So now, to try to figure out why. Are they due to diet? Are they due to K+ levels? Are they due to my physical therapy? Is it simply my turn to suffer like a wounded dog? I don’t have a fricken clue. Another night of little to no sleep because every minute or so, I feel like someone sticks a cattle prod on the right side of my right foot. It’s got nothing to do with foot position or body position, because they happen regardless of my physical location and position; lying down, sitting, reclined, standing walking.
Stop. Listening to Michael W. Smith’s “Missing Person” and I’m having my ass kicked again, this time from the inside out. Damn! Can’t a guy catch a break? God used this same tune back on May 3 of 1998 when I had strayed far to far from “Home”. My anger, pain and bitterness simply made a haven for themselves within me and I lost all joy…like now.
I wish I had a sanctuary. A place I could just be. A place to cry and scream and think and sob and survive without being internally alone. My headphones are the only privacy, sanctuary I get now. My home has no comfort.
It’s like I’ve hidden from this song. I used to have the lyrics of it up on my office wall as a reminder. But I’ve forgotten.
The foot shocks have ceased as if they can’t be in the same place as me now.
How does He know? Why the hell does He care?
Just like Him to do something while I’m writing. Anger and bitterness are so, so toxic; they eat away the very fabric of joy and happiness; so slowly, so deliberately.
Am I infested; infected by a disease? Still? Perhaps. But it doesn’t matter much to me now, in this moment. The rest of the day will be new now.
Here are the lyrics to MWS’s “Missing Person”:
“Missing Person”
Another question in me
One for the powers that be
Its got me thrown and so
I put on my poker face
And try to figure it out
This undeniable doubt
A common occurrence
Feeling so out of place
Guarded and cynical now
Cant help but wondering how
My heart evolved into a
Rock beating inside of me
So I reel, such a stoic ordeal
Where’s that feeling that I don’t feel?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Under a lavender moon
So many thoughts consume me
Who dimmed that glowing light
That once burned so bright in me
Is this a radical phase
A problematical age
That keeps me running
From all that I used to be
Is there a way to return
Is there a way to unlearn
That carnal knowledge
That’s chipping away at my soul
Have I been gone too long
Will I ever find my way home?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
- ooohs -
Ending Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching…
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
I’ve been searching (Where are you?)
For that person (Where are you?)
Where are you?
__________________________
9:17 AM - It’s the end of the song that hurts more than other parts, though the other parts are locked on site.
Hearing Him call out “Where are you?” though the voice of another. Just like he did nearly 9 years ago.
Maybe this isn’t for anyone but me, but then maybe it is, so I’ll leave it in and post it like I have the rest of my thoughts, feelings and realizations. I’ve repeated the song several times now in some sort of cleansing routine, playing it then his version of Agnus Dei (I believe he wrote it, actually).
I was set up. I just realized it. The songs “I” picked for the morning were, in order: “Tea and Sympathy” by Jars of Clay, “Hey You, It’s Me!” by Michael W. Smith, “Missing Person” by Michael W. Smith and then finally “Agnus Dei” by Michael W. Smith.
Music is the freeway to the soul and spirit; at least within me.
The shocks have stopped.
Completely.
Explain that to me and try NOT to include God into the equation. You’ll fail.
To make my point, here are the 4 song’s lyrics in order so you might read them all the way through see what I mean by a spiritual set up:
Lyrics to “Tea and Sympathy”
Fare thee well
Trade in all our words for tea and sympathy
Wonder why we tried, for things that could never be
Play our hearts lament, like an unrehearsed symphony
Not intend
To leave this castle full of empty rooms
Our love the captive in the tower never rescued
And all the victory songs
Seem to be playing out of tune
But it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
You begin
And all your words fall to the floor and break like china cups
And the waitress grabs a broom and tries to sweep them up
I reach for my tea and slowly drink in
[Chorus:]
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
'Cause it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
So fare thee well
Words the bag of leaves that fill my head
I could taste the bitterness and call the waitress instead
She holds the answer, smiles and asks one teaspoon or two
[Chorus x 2]
Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it outDon't trade us for tea and Sympathy
We can work it out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyrics to “Hey You, It’s Me”
Hey you
Things to do
Live the life for faith and family
It’s tough
With all that stuff
Filling your head
We know
The undertow
Could get us so we don’t remember, but
Lest we ever
Lest we ever forget
Hey you, it’s me
True lovers are we
Children under the sun
Two spirits in the name of one
Hey me
Got to be
Places to go and people there to see
No space
For back to base
And no time at all
We talk
Walk the walk
Run the race
And climb the ladder, but
If we ever
If we ever should fall
Hey you, it’s me
True lovers are we
Children under the sun
Two spirits in the name of one
Bridge:
Sometimes the smoke clears
And I see things how they are
I see how we have come so far
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Missing Person”
Another question in me
One for the powers that be
Its got me thrown and so
I put on my poker face
And try to figure it out
This undeniable doubt
A common occurrence
Feeling so out of place
Guarded and cynical now
Cant help but wondering how
My heart evolved into a
Rock beating inside of me
So I reel, such a stoic ordeal
Where’s that feeling that I don’t feel?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Under a lavender moon
So many thoughts consume me
Who dimmed that glowing light
That once burned so bright in me
Is this a radical phase
A problematical age
That keeps me running
From all that I used to be
Is there a way to return
Is there a way to unlearn
That carnal knowledge
That’s chipping away at my soul
Have I been gone too long
Will I ever find my way home?
Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person...
for that missing person
for that missing person
for that missing person
- ooohs -
Ending Chorus:
There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching…
He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
Its been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
I’ve been searching (Where are you?)
For that person (Where are you?)
Where are you?
____________________________________________________
“Agnus Dei” (Live version)
Alleluia, alleluia
For the lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia, alleluia
For the lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia
Holy, holy are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
You are holy, holy are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Amen
-repeats in various orders-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What will the rest of the day hold?
Some shocks just now returned (10:14 AM)...the reprieve was a blessing while it was mine.
I’m done for now.
-w
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007 - Continued…
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Continued…
On the way home from lunch today, after attending the 10:30 service at New Life Community, I found a CD with worship music on it and put it in. Jars of Clay began and the second track on the CD was also Jars tune, but this one was their tune called “Flood” and once again, as typical for me, I was impacted by a revelation, again, and this time it was from the lyric in the song ”…to keep me from drowning again…”. It became an instant reminder that we will often die some each day, like the metaphor for death by drowning in our troubles, sorrows, depressions, angers, drugs, etc. In a way, it conveys His grace that we will dies some each day and that we can reach out to Him for new life again…that it doesn’t have to be final if we reach. If we call. Check out the lyrics in complete form:
"Flood"
[Verse 1]
Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud
[Chorus:]
But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again
[Verse 2]
Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me
[Ending Chorus]
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again
Me?
Once again, in the midst of my current overwhelming trials and stresses, God reminds me, using the lyrics from another’s pen, that He DOES know and He DOES care and He has allowed others to experience such hells as the ones I am experiencing. This song encapsulates my daily emotional ride, nearly each day. I don’t write this from some kind of relationship expectancy, wherein I want someone to feel what I feel or think what I think and thus relate to me and thusly feel some pity, but write it to vent it, to illustrate it, to visualize it and clearly identify it and then ultimately master it, whatever it may have been at the beginning. If you followed that, bravo…I think I did too.
God gives words to writers in order to have them write of those who can’t and or won’t or simply are unable to articulate their emotional state. In this case, the author of “Flood” knew the depths of his/her (I’m pretty certain it’s a him, though) despair and was able to write rhythmically and poetically in such a way that music could then provide the divine vehicle to bring the message to those who need to hear it, even several years after it was penned.
I am the chorus.
Verses 1 and 2 are also painfully accurate.
Stress levels feel like they are at flood warning levels every day now.
Notes on the service from this morning.
Missy wasn’t ready to leave in time for us to be there on time, so since the church is close to home, CC drove her mom, Joshy and me to the church as we went in and then CC went back home to pick up the finishing Missy and then head back to the church.
They kept the doors closed being that the previous service had not come to a conclusion at the time that we had arrived, so the three of us waited outside the sanctuary, in the lobby area, for the doors to open. Once they opened, we entered the room and sat about half way forward, center area; a location that I thought would make it easier for CC to find me, which she did.
The worship time was actually split between the beginning of the service and the end of the service with the message in the middle and prayer and worship following the message. The volume for the worship was very workable, but the room and system EQ was painfully EAW (their sound system cabinet manufacturer), upper mid-rangey without a full bottom end and much lower mid frequencies. I was instantly distracted and mentally trying to problem-solve. Bummer.
The pastor then got up and proved to be very dynamic but apparently without the use of a compressor at his disposal. He distorted when he got loud and excited and he got loud when he could have stayed at a nominal level. It was painful to go through the process of listening to him straight through the system. Again, completely distracted even though I tried to stay focused on his message. Certainly a couple cool things were that he used a music video which lyrically tied dead on with his message; he used dynamic lighting (turning off/on the house lighting, no fades) on the stage as well and used a monologue voice-over in a dramatic moment with a bedroom staging. He used video background clips within the message as he addressed location visuals to his advantage, but the video loops were more clips instead of loops. For definition purposes, a video clip has a definitive beginning, middle and end, even if they seem attached to each other, where as a loop will have nearly identical beginning and end with a consistent middle, so that the loop can be repeated once or more without the viewer noticing the transition between the end of the clip and the beginning of the clip. They used clips which abruptly restarted when they had reached their short end.
Joshy was distracted and bored all service long, regardless of the multimedia usage. Missy was very emotional and cried most of the service through, cuddling into her mom while I held a wiggly 7 year old boy. CC, who I think locked on with Missy’s emotional location, shared with me her feelings on Missy’s state, which is that Missy will likely continue to be unhappy as long as she is not locked into a stronger relationship with her God and it is our responsibility to help her locate her spiritual home, so to speak. By that I mean that CC and I must locate the church that God now wants us to be at and then get the kids plugged in there so that they can begin to grow spiritually. I believe, as does CC, that Missy’s in a very formative time right now and is very emotionally and spiritually aware that she has been starving for her relationship with God, but unable to verbalize it. CC saw it, though.
The hunt is on. We must find the church we are to be at, then find a home near it and then locate the school they should be at; especially if it means that we are going to be moving away from Citrus Heights. Time to lock it down and think bigger and more accurately about what we need to do.
I have come to the point where I am wondering, maybe God has brought on this disease to re-focus and repurpose me and my family.
If so, so be it.
Prayers for less pain are greatly appreciated.
Oh, and also...
Oh, and also, I ran into a couple of the college guys from FOP that I had worked with a bit while there and I’m hoping to have lunches with each of the two gents this coming week. Really neat guys who have a heart for ministering with Media Technologies and that’s just cool.
Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, I’m going to remove the Prayer website since it does not appear to be of any real blessing to anyone, and I will just continue to use my blogs (here) to ask for prayers for me or my family and friends.
The Zambia Chronicles will remain since they are static and simply another journal from another time and not something to keep current.
I’m over due on the pics blog and will add some more before the next couple of days pass, I hope.
peace
Continued…
On the way home from lunch today, after attending the 10:30 service at New Life Community, I found a CD with worship music on it and put it in. Jars of Clay began and the second track on the CD was also Jars tune, but this one was their tune called “Flood” and once again, as typical for me, I was impacted by a revelation, again, and this time it was from the lyric in the song ”…to keep me from drowning again…”. It became an instant reminder that we will often die some each day, like the metaphor for death by drowning in our troubles, sorrows, depressions, angers, drugs, etc. In a way, it conveys His grace that we will dies some each day and that we can reach out to Him for new life again…that it doesn’t have to be final if we reach. If we call. Check out the lyrics in complete form:
"Flood"
[Verse 1]
Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud
[Chorus:]
But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again
[Verse 2]
Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me
[Ending Chorus]
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again
Me?
Once again, in the midst of my current overwhelming trials and stresses, God reminds me, using the lyrics from another’s pen, that He DOES know and He DOES care and He has allowed others to experience such hells as the ones I am experiencing. This song encapsulates my daily emotional ride, nearly each day. I don’t write this from some kind of relationship expectancy, wherein I want someone to feel what I feel or think what I think and thus relate to me and thusly feel some pity, but write it to vent it, to illustrate it, to visualize it and clearly identify it and then ultimately master it, whatever it may have been at the beginning. If you followed that, bravo…I think I did too.
God gives words to writers in order to have them write of those who can’t and or won’t or simply are unable to articulate their emotional state. In this case, the author of “Flood” knew the depths of his/her (I’m pretty certain it’s a him, though) despair and was able to write rhythmically and poetically in such a way that music could then provide the divine vehicle to bring the message to those who need to hear it, even several years after it was penned.
I am the chorus.
Verses 1 and 2 are also painfully accurate.
Stress levels feel like they are at flood warning levels every day now.
Notes on the service from this morning.
Missy wasn’t ready to leave in time for us to be there on time, so since the church is close to home, CC drove her mom, Joshy and me to the church as we went in and then CC went back home to pick up the finishing Missy and then head back to the church.
They kept the doors closed being that the previous service had not come to a conclusion at the time that we had arrived, so the three of us waited outside the sanctuary, in the lobby area, for the doors to open. Once they opened, we entered the room and sat about half way forward, center area; a location that I thought would make it easier for CC to find me, which she did.
The worship time was actually split between the beginning of the service and the end of the service with the message in the middle and prayer and worship following the message. The volume for the worship was very workable, but the room and system EQ was painfully EAW (their sound system cabinet manufacturer), upper mid-rangey without a full bottom end and much lower mid frequencies. I was instantly distracted and mentally trying to problem-solve. Bummer.
The pastor then got up and proved to be very dynamic but apparently without the use of a compressor at his disposal. He distorted when he got loud and excited and he got loud when he could have stayed at a nominal level. It was painful to go through the process of listening to him straight through the system. Again, completely distracted even though I tried to stay focused on his message. Certainly a couple cool things were that he used a music video which lyrically tied dead on with his message; he used dynamic lighting (turning off/on the house lighting, no fades) on the stage as well and used a monologue voice-over in a dramatic moment with a bedroom staging. He used video background clips within the message as he addressed location visuals to his advantage, but the video loops were more clips instead of loops. For definition purposes, a video clip has a definitive beginning, middle and end, even if they seem attached to each other, where as a loop will have nearly identical beginning and end with a consistent middle, so that the loop can be repeated once or more without the viewer noticing the transition between the end of the clip and the beginning of the clip. They used clips which abruptly restarted when they had reached their short end.
Joshy was distracted and bored all service long, regardless of the multimedia usage. Missy was very emotional and cried most of the service through, cuddling into her mom while I held a wiggly 7 year old boy. CC, who I think locked on with Missy’s emotional location, shared with me her feelings on Missy’s state, which is that Missy will likely continue to be unhappy as long as she is not locked into a stronger relationship with her God and it is our responsibility to help her locate her spiritual home, so to speak. By that I mean that CC and I must locate the church that God now wants us to be at and then get the kids plugged in there so that they can begin to grow spiritually. I believe, as does CC, that Missy’s in a very formative time right now and is very emotionally and spiritually aware that she has been starving for her relationship with God, but unable to verbalize it. CC saw it, though.
The hunt is on. We must find the church we are to be at, then find a home near it and then locate the school they should be at; especially if it means that we are going to be moving away from Citrus Heights. Time to lock it down and think bigger and more accurately about what we need to do.
I have come to the point where I am wondering, maybe God has brought on this disease to re-focus and repurpose me and my family.
If so, so be it.
Prayers for less pain are greatly appreciated.
Oh, and also...
Oh, and also, I ran into a couple of the college guys from FOP that I had worked with a bit while there and I’m hoping to have lunches with each of the two gents this coming week. Really neat guys who have a heart for ministering with Media Technologies and that’s just cool.
Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, I’m going to remove the Prayer website since it does not appear to be of any real blessing to anyone, and I will just continue to use my blogs (here) to ask for prayers for me or my family and friends.
The Zambia Chronicles will remain since they are static and simply another journal from another time and not something to keep current.
I’m over due on the pics blog and will add some more before the next couple of days pass, I hope.
peace
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
So, I’m done ranting about Kaiser again…Like it makes a difference, you know?
CC emailed the doc, whose nurse called us and he didn’t recognize the frustration from CC’s email and thus didn’t really respond to it other then indicating that his calendar had us scheduled for some reason.
Whatever.
Friday:
Friday was fishing day for Darrell and me and I even came out of the entire day (5:00 AM to 2:00 PM) with rainbow trout! Very cool. I was using bait, Power Bait (floating) with a 3’ leader from the weight and we were up at Skunk Hollow.
I cannot begin to express how good it was to just go fishing, even just from the shore instead of boat, and especially with a close buddy who I can be real with and not coat my thoughts and words with. I managed the whole time out with him with no cane until around 2ish when the body kicked back in to weak-mode. After I got home, my body communicated its displeasure with me for having been out so long walking without a cane and navigating rocks and hills. By night time I could barely walk. You would think that I would have the following day to recuperate, but in my zeal from the day’s fishing, I offered to take Joshy fishing the next morning…yeah…not much “thinking through” going on at that point.
Saturday:
The next morning came and I was preparing to take Joshy after I taught a guitar lesson, but the lesson cancelled so we went a bit earlier than planned, though I could barely walk. A promise is a promise and pain is to be endured.
Joshy and I went to Hazel and the dam, near 50 and Hazel and I took the truck out on the rocks and drove all the way to the water’s edge…just because I could in a truck of that size…and because I doubt I could have walked it if my life had really depended on it…Joshy and I played around with the water; he didn’t have the patience to cast and wait nor the skill yet for shore casting in rocks with a lure. I put a non-hooked frog lure on a line and he wanted to be in the water and see if he could catch the lure as I cast it out and reeled it back in. It became a game for him and he had a great time doing it. We were out there for probably 3 or 4 hours and then called it quits and I came back home and got on the bed to recoup. He said he had a great time and I kept my promise with little more pain than I began with. He said he was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t catch any fish and I explained that we would have had to actually fish in order to catch any…he understood the dilemma in that very moment. *bing* light bulb went on…
Sunday (today):
This morning we are going to New Life Community Church (AOG) located at the corning of Sunset Ave. and Fair Oaks Blvd. Looks like we are all going and the services are at 10:30 and then again at 6:00 PM tonight. It’s 9:53 AM and we should make this one on time. This was the church we were going to go to back at the time change when I forgot to change the home clocks…oh yeah…that one.
Time to finish getting ready.
peace
So, I’m done ranting about Kaiser again…Like it makes a difference, you know?
CC emailed the doc, whose nurse called us and he didn’t recognize the frustration from CC’s email and thus didn’t really respond to it other then indicating that his calendar had us scheduled for some reason.
Whatever.
Friday:
Friday was fishing day for Darrell and me and I even came out of the entire day (5:00 AM to 2:00 PM) with rainbow trout! Very cool. I was using bait, Power Bait (floating) with a 3’ leader from the weight and we were up at Skunk Hollow.
I cannot begin to express how good it was to just go fishing, even just from the shore instead of boat, and especially with a close buddy who I can be real with and not coat my thoughts and words with. I managed the whole time out with him with no cane until around 2ish when the body kicked back in to weak-mode. After I got home, my body communicated its displeasure with me for having been out so long walking without a cane and navigating rocks and hills. By night time I could barely walk. You would think that I would have the following day to recuperate, but in my zeal from the day’s fishing, I offered to take Joshy fishing the next morning…yeah…not much “thinking through” going on at that point.
Saturday:
The next morning came and I was preparing to take Joshy after I taught a guitar lesson, but the lesson cancelled so we went a bit earlier than planned, though I could barely walk. A promise is a promise and pain is to be endured.
Joshy and I went to Hazel and the dam, near 50 and Hazel and I took the truck out on the rocks and drove all the way to the water’s edge…just because I could in a truck of that size…and because I doubt I could have walked it if my life had really depended on it…Joshy and I played around with the water; he didn’t have the patience to cast and wait nor the skill yet for shore casting in rocks with a lure. I put a non-hooked frog lure on a line and he wanted to be in the water and see if he could catch the lure as I cast it out and reeled it back in. It became a game for him and he had a great time doing it. We were out there for probably 3 or 4 hours and then called it quits and I came back home and got on the bed to recoup. He said he had a great time and I kept my promise with little more pain than I began with. He said he was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t catch any fish and I explained that we would have had to actually fish in order to catch any…he understood the dilemma in that very moment. *bing* light bulb went on…
Sunday (today):
This morning we are going to New Life Community Church (AOG) located at the corning of Sunset Ave. and Fair Oaks Blvd. Looks like we are all going and the services are at 10:30 and then again at 6:00 PM tonight. It’s 9:53 AM and we should make this one on time. This was the church we were going to go to back at the time change when I forgot to change the home clocks…oh yeah…that one.
Time to finish getting ready.
peace
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Cont.3 We are also pissed
Cont.3
We are also pissed off by her accusations and attitude and considering all with Kaiser right now, we won't accept it
We are also pissed off by her accusations and attitude and considering all with Kaiser right now, we won't accept it
Cont.2 From what we could
Cont.2
From what we could tell, her name is Anita or Onita. Both CC and I are nearly speechless by this woman's attitude.
From what we could tell, her name is Anita or Onita. Both CC and I are nearly speechless by this woman's attitude.
Cont. so now I have
Cont.
so now I have to write an email in complaint of her attitude and rude disposition to correct this kind of garbage...
so now I have to write an email in complaint of her attitude and rude disposition to correct this kind of garbage...
We just took a call
We just took a call from one of my doc's nurses ACCUSING us of no-showing an appt. yesterday. She was rude and misinformed.
Thursday morning, March 22, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Yesterday was an interesting day, all in all, with the only real drama being that my mother in law, Nana, apparently decided that she wasn’t going to speak to me and didn’t until about 2:30ish, which was just before CC was going to return with the kids from school. Head games. Anybody want ‘me? I don’t. I said to her, around 9:00ish in the morning that I was noting that she was pretty quiet this morning and she quipped “Well, I guess I don’t feel like talking or something like that.” And, from there, it was done. She didn't talk to me after that until just about when CC came home. It's too small of a house to play the slient game. Bleh.
Besides that rendition of a small-town drama, the two really cool parts of the day came around noon when David from work, came and picked me up for a lunch at Friday’s. and then around 5:00 when (Pastor) Josh Flood and his family came over for grilled salmon and grilled chicken dinner and we had a great time. As for lunch, I really enjoyed just hanging with David without the trappings of the offices and campus and to spend time with him in that environment has always been more enjoyable to time spent on campus where the everyday pressures are more than evident and inescapable for me. I had some quality time with David, which I haven’t had in several months and I have truly missed.
As for our time with the Floods, I told CC that I felt like an idiot that I hadn’t asked them over years ago when I first met him. “Late off the ball and tending to regret” is me, in a nutshell. Besides the evident regret of history missed, I really enjoyed his company and the company of his bride and children who were spot-on well behaved, which I feel shows more about the parents than the children. We only had, like, 3 hours with them, but it was a condensed 3 hours and really fun, filled with quite a bit of laughter and story telling from all of us. Dinner was grilled salmon (no marinade, just some melted butter once plated) and chicken that had a short marinade of Newman’s Balsamic Vinaigrette and ½ a clove of freshly minced garlic. I though the chicken ended up more garlic-y than I had hoped for, but CC felt it was fine, so I’m adopting her opinion as my own and shutting up about it.
I’ve been emailing back and forth with some friends of old, as of lately and I’ll share more on them later today, if I get back here in plenty of convenient time. This morning, though, CC has to drop her mom off someplace for something (helpful, aren’t I?) and I’m going to go with her so we can simply be together. The only real time during the day when we can be together and have a remotely free conversation, is when we are in the car together, driving to or from something. Other than that, we don’t have much privacy at all and cannot even carry on adult conversations for fear of either the kids or her mom participating and becoming opinionated regarding or in the conversation.
This has to change. Patience is running out.
Speaking of running out, I have to go-
See ya.
peace
Yesterday was an interesting day, all in all, with the only real drama being that my mother in law, Nana, apparently decided that she wasn’t going to speak to me and didn’t until about 2:30ish, which was just before CC was going to return with the kids from school. Head games. Anybody want ‘me? I don’t. I said to her, around 9:00ish in the morning that I was noting that she was pretty quiet this morning and she quipped “Well, I guess I don’t feel like talking or something like that.” And, from there, it was done. She didn't talk to me after that until just about when CC came home. It's too small of a house to play the slient game. Bleh.
Besides that rendition of a small-town drama, the two really cool parts of the day came around noon when David from work, came and picked me up for a lunch at Friday’s. and then around 5:00 when (Pastor) Josh Flood and his family came over for grilled salmon and grilled chicken dinner and we had a great time. As for lunch, I really enjoyed just hanging with David without the trappings of the offices and campus and to spend time with him in that environment has always been more enjoyable to time spent on campus where the everyday pressures are more than evident and inescapable for me. I had some quality time with David, which I haven’t had in several months and I have truly missed.
As for our time with the Floods, I told CC that I felt like an idiot that I hadn’t asked them over years ago when I first met him. “Late off the ball and tending to regret” is me, in a nutshell. Besides the evident regret of history missed, I really enjoyed his company and the company of his bride and children who were spot-on well behaved, which I feel shows more about the parents than the children. We only had, like, 3 hours with them, but it was a condensed 3 hours and really fun, filled with quite a bit of laughter and story telling from all of us. Dinner was grilled salmon (no marinade, just some melted butter once plated) and chicken that had a short marinade of Newman’s Balsamic Vinaigrette and ½ a clove of freshly minced garlic. I though the chicken ended up more garlic-y than I had hoped for, but CC felt it was fine, so I’m adopting her opinion as my own and shutting up about it.
I’ve been emailing back and forth with some friends of old, as of lately and I’ll share more on them later today, if I get back here in plenty of convenient time. This morning, though, CC has to drop her mom off someplace for something (helpful, aren’t I?) and I’m going to go with her so we can simply be together. The only real time during the day when we can be together and have a remotely free conversation, is when we are in the car together, driving to or from something. Other than that, we don’t have much privacy at all and cannot even carry on adult conversations for fear of either the kids or her mom participating and becoming opinionated regarding or in the conversation.
This has to change. Patience is running out.
Speaking of running out, I have to go-
See ya.
peace
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
When I text from my
When I text from my cell, like I am now, I can only send 160 characters per message, so they are short & fragmented
The kids show complete respect
The kids show complete respect for Sensei, but not for his student teachers, which just bugs me to no end.
It bothers me more and
It bothers me more and more when I watch kids show little to no respect for those in leadership (at Karate right now)...
Tuesday March 20, 2007
Tuesday March 20, 2007
It’s now 9:41 AM and I have recovered from the long day yesterday. Before going into yesterday morning and all, when we returned, I had some left over Chinese food and felt sooo tired afterwards that I went and got on the bed and stayed there from 3:00ish yesterday afternoon until this morning…pretty crazy tired apparently. I also slept on the way home from the Bay Area as well. It’s like when the body wants sleep, it simply takes it from you, end of story.
I have a few minutes before going to PT (Physical Therapy) at 10:30…
So yesterday we got up early, got the kids ready for school and split around 7:30 or thereabouts.
We made good time, of course simply due to the driving of my bride. She gets where she wants to go, usually in her timing as well.
My parents met us at the UCSF hospital and our appointment was across the street in their 8 story business/clinic building. The hospital itself was like 20 floors…HUGE.
We were there about 30 minutes early per their request and I had only gotten half way through the standard “who are you and what have you done to yourself” form, when Dr. Ralph came out personally and called my name and took us back to his exam room where the appointment was to take place. It is apparently their policy that the doctor comes out and retrieves the patient from the waiting room instead of the nurse. I was trippin’.
The appointment lasted about 90 minutes and he went through my family history (which is why my parents were there) and he put me through a very thorough series of nerve and muscle sensation tests, tests which I am familiar with from my surgeries back in the 90’s; same things.
End result is that he, also, does not know what I’m dealing with specifically but figures that I am dealing with a multiple diagnosis scenario. He has asked that I be available to return within he next two weeks for him to do some exhaustive muscle and nerve tests himself. He said that he would reduce the costs if it is going to simply be us paying for it, which we all know is likely to be the case because Kaiser wouldn’t pay for anything they don’t do themselves, regardless if it is in the patient’s best interest to not. Bitter? Me? Let’s move on, shall we?
So the plan is that we will be called by his staff and they will give us a return date and we will head back for those tests. I have atypical symptoms from HKPP, which we knew was the case, which includes my eyes closing and my inability to focus and see while during an attack and he feels also that the “numbness” is not par for the course but that folks who suffer HKPP still have feelings but cannot move as well as the vicious pain that follows the attacks. I need to check that out on the list to see what I learn. The spasms are also not par for everyone’s course, however, others do deal with it on-list. Time to conclude for now; it’s 10:10 AM and I need to be ready to leave in 5.
Peace- more later.
It’s now 9:41 AM and I have recovered from the long day yesterday. Before going into yesterday morning and all, when we returned, I had some left over Chinese food and felt sooo tired afterwards that I went and got on the bed and stayed there from 3:00ish yesterday afternoon until this morning…pretty crazy tired apparently. I also slept on the way home from the Bay Area as well. It’s like when the body wants sleep, it simply takes it from you, end of story.
I have a few minutes before going to PT (Physical Therapy) at 10:30…
So yesterday we got up early, got the kids ready for school and split around 7:30 or thereabouts.
We made good time, of course simply due to the driving of my bride. She gets where she wants to go, usually in her timing as well.
My parents met us at the UCSF hospital and our appointment was across the street in their 8 story business/clinic building. The hospital itself was like 20 floors…HUGE.
We were there about 30 minutes early per their request and I had only gotten half way through the standard “who are you and what have you done to yourself” form, when Dr. Ralph came out personally and called my name and took us back to his exam room where the appointment was to take place. It is apparently their policy that the doctor comes out and retrieves the patient from the waiting room instead of the nurse. I was trippin’.
The appointment lasted about 90 minutes and he went through my family history (which is why my parents were there) and he put me through a very thorough series of nerve and muscle sensation tests, tests which I am familiar with from my surgeries back in the 90’s; same things.
End result is that he, also, does not know what I’m dealing with specifically but figures that I am dealing with a multiple diagnosis scenario. He has asked that I be available to return within he next two weeks for him to do some exhaustive muscle and nerve tests himself. He said that he would reduce the costs if it is going to simply be us paying for it, which we all know is likely to be the case because Kaiser wouldn’t pay for anything they don’t do themselves, regardless if it is in the patient’s best interest to not. Bitter? Me? Let’s move on, shall we?
So the plan is that we will be called by his staff and they will give us a return date and we will head back for those tests. I have atypical symptoms from HKPP, which we knew was the case, which includes my eyes closing and my inability to focus and see while during an attack and he feels also that the “numbness” is not par for the course but that folks who suffer HKPP still have feelings but cannot move as well as the vicious pain that follows the attacks. I need to check that out on the list to see what I learn. The spasms are also not par for everyone’s course, however, others do deal with it on-list. Time to conclude for now; it’s 10:10 AM and I need to be ready to leave in 5.
Peace- more later.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Potassium is 4.2 this morning. *sigh*
Have to take the kids to school this AM, hopefully the truck will continue to behave until TK can work on it this coming weekend.
I'll write more when I return regarding yesterday's doctor appt. in SFO. It went well, all things considered.
Potassium is 4.2 this morning. *sigh*
Have to take the kids to school this AM, hopefully the truck will continue to behave until TK can work on it this coming weekend.
I'll write more when I return regarding yesterday's doctor appt. in SFO. It went well, all things considered.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Continued prayers for safety in
Continued prayers for safety in our travels as we will be returning after we finish our lunch here.
In SFO: Just finished the
In SFO:
Just finished the appt. and the doc thinks I have more going on than just HKPP. Wants to do more testing soon.
Just finished the appt. and the doc thinks I have more going on than just HKPP. Wants to do more testing soon.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Today is the day that we travel to San Francisco for the appointment with a doctor at UCSF that we have been fighting Kaiser to refer us to for over 6 months.
6 Freackin MONTHS.
It's now 5:55 AM and we leave at 7:30 AM.
Our omnipresent concerns are that he might say "Wade, you don't have HKPP, but like Dr. Gibbs, I don't knwo what you're dealing with, either." and we are back where we started, over 6 months ago.
Yesterday, my left hand remained mostly to totally numb nearly the entire day. It scared me. It never prgoressed and my fatigue remained "normal".
So, I need to finish packing up and will write when I return, or will write tomorrow morning or so.
peace
Today is the day that we travel to San Francisco for the appointment with a doctor at UCSF that we have been fighting Kaiser to refer us to for over 6 months.
6 Freackin MONTHS.
It's now 5:55 AM and we leave at 7:30 AM.
Our omnipresent concerns are that he might say "Wade, you don't have HKPP, but like Dr. Gibbs, I don't knwo what you're dealing with, either." and we are back where we started, over 6 months ago.
Yesterday, my left hand remained mostly to totally numb nearly the entire day. It scared me. It never prgoressed and my fatigue remained "normal".
So, I need to finish packing up and will write when I return, or will write tomorrow morning or so.
peace
Sunday, March 18, 2007
My K+ is 4.0 and
My K+ is 4.0 and my left hand is still numb from waking up this morning; still wet from sweat.
Things are not alright.
Things are not alright.
Sadness: I just read that
Sadness:
I just read that Brad Delp, vocalist of Boston, died from suicide. His quote was "I am a lonely soul."
I just read that Brad Delp, vocalist of Boston, died from suicide. His quote was "I am a lonely soul."
I am sad.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Need to be praying for
Need to be praying for my buddy Mark whose family can certainly use some intercession right now.
God will know what it is.
God will know what it is.
Texting from errands: A friend
Texting from errands:
A friend interpreted my dream a God calling me to pray for certain people; not something 2 blow off.
A friend interpreted my dream a God calling me to pray for certain people; not something 2 blow off.
Thursday March 15, 2007
Thursday March 15, 2007
It’s 9:17 AM and I got better sleep last night, though I wake up each night now with numbness in my hands and wrists, a sensation that causes me to fully come to and figure out how to roll over and re-position myself in hopes of returning to sleep. My shoulders tend to hurt the most in the mornings because I use them, more than not, to move my arms which don’t respond to my instructions. Talk about frustrating.
Not enjoyable.
I tried to fix our ½ bathroom sink which needed a trap and the simpler it looked, the more stuff I needed. I don’t think it is correct now, though it was holding when I was done, and will likely need the attention of my dad on his next visit up here. Wouldn’t it be a marvel idea to have my parents ACTUALLY visit instead of come and help/fix what I cannot? I think so.
Another day of PT is done and I feel a bit more sore today than I did last Tuesday, following Monday’s appointment. Perhaps my body was “ramping up” so to speak for the work out.
I was reading a blog of another HKPP person. Here it is: http://hkpplistserv.blogspot.com/ read Friday March 9’s entry. It’s worth reading about and of others who deal with the same as me and this one entry will stop and make you think as well.
I’m anxious to go fishing, but I can’t until I have a functioning vehicle so patience is the key here until mine can be fixed. It’s a matter of me being anxious and not really anything else. Fishing helps me relax and focus. Sometimes it’s a great time of just non-stop prayer while I think I’m only fishing.
I’m constructing a brochure to convey that I’m beginning guitar teaching for beginners and intermediates and hope to have it out in some different locations sooner than later. It’s something I can do from home and schedule fairly conveniently.
It’s funny to me that I recently post that I generally post in the evenings and night times and then, the following few days, I post in the mornings and afternoons…I suppose even I don’t know when I’ll post. I try not to let more than 24 hours go by without noting life in some from here.
Enough for now.
peace
It’s 9:17 AM and I got better sleep last night, though I wake up each night now with numbness in my hands and wrists, a sensation that causes me to fully come to and figure out how to roll over and re-position myself in hopes of returning to sleep. My shoulders tend to hurt the most in the mornings because I use them, more than not, to move my arms which don’t respond to my instructions. Talk about frustrating.
Not enjoyable.
I tried to fix our ½ bathroom sink which needed a trap and the simpler it looked, the more stuff I needed. I don’t think it is correct now, though it was holding when I was done, and will likely need the attention of my dad on his next visit up here. Wouldn’t it be a marvel idea to have my parents ACTUALLY visit instead of come and help/fix what I cannot? I think so.
Another day of PT is done and I feel a bit more sore today than I did last Tuesday, following Monday’s appointment. Perhaps my body was “ramping up” so to speak for the work out.
I was reading a blog of another HKPP person. Here it is: http://hkpplistserv.blogspot.com/ read Friday March 9’s entry. It’s worth reading about and of others who deal with the same as me and this one entry will stop and make you think as well.
I’m anxious to go fishing, but I can’t until I have a functioning vehicle so patience is the key here until mine can be fixed. It’s a matter of me being anxious and not really anything else. Fishing helps me relax and focus. Sometimes it’s a great time of just non-stop prayer while I think I’m only fishing.
I’m constructing a brochure to convey that I’m beginning guitar teaching for beginners and intermediates and hope to have it out in some different locations sooner than later. It’s something I can do from home and schedule fairly conveniently.
It’s funny to me that I recently post that I generally post in the evenings and night times and then, the following few days, I post in the mornings and afternoons…I suppose even I don’t know when I’ll post. I try not to let more than 24 hours go by without noting life in some from here.
Enough for now.
peace
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wednesday March 14, 2007
Wednesday March 14, 2007
So, it’s 4:14 AM and I’ve been awake now since 3:30 when I awoke from a troubling dream. I don’t know that I could refer to it as a nightmare; I was not fearful or in fear. I woke up “troubled” would be the best way to put it. I feel the dream was revealing; describing vividly here would be awkward due to the nature of it dealing with particular cancerous folks within what could have been, at one time, a somewhat healthy "place".
The dream dealt with the need to put particular conduits down for some aspect of a new campus to be built and everyone including me, was trying to troubleshoot why the building had not begun, though those in charge had said it was underway. Somewhere in that melee of curiosity, I found myself approached by a leader who stated that certain stuff needed to be done in this certain way, simply because he said so and when someone close to me shared their factual opinion as to why conduit needed to be run a certain way for necessary purposes, he responded condescendingly with how even though I may perceive the worship be one thing and for one reason, it was supposed to be for another reason and done very differently which negated the need in his eyes, for the new conduits. As this argument began, I could actually see the fabric of the words being spoken, leaving the person’s mouth and slowly floating on air towards the other person and the fabric was transparent and porous coming from the “leader” but was solid dark grey in color coming from the person I was with and I felt that you could literally see right though the lies of the leader even as he spoke. This continued for some time and the conduits, though now in the ground were up-ending within the trench with their ends exposed in an unfinished manner and cables and wires frayed and cut, un-terminated at the open end of the piping, unable to reach its destination which caused enough grief within me to wake me up, I guess. I don’t need to name who was in my dream, I know and will remember who they were.
At 4:50 AM my K+ is 4.4 which is higher than previous days. My last visit to the lab was day before yesterday and though most of the labs were “normal” my K+ was within “normal range, but was 3.9. That was Monday and after my first PT appointment and I was walking very slow and feeling poorly, physically. When we arrived at the labs, I was hungry and just feeling like crap, but functional, as I went in for the labs to be drawn. When my name was called, Joshy went in with me, as is his custom to “be with me” and support me, and I noticed when I sat down at the white counter top with the little cloth pad for your arm, that the lab tech had 7 labels sitting in front of her, which, of course, meant that 7 tubes will be drawn and away we went. I was truly thankful that she was skilled at her craft because I barely felt the needle itself. When she was done, I was feeling more weak than I normally do, but then, I don’t “normally” have 7 tubes drawn either. I got up to walk and realized that I was now going to be even slower than I was before due to weakened balance skills and feeling very tired. CC held my hand as we walked out and back to the van, for had she not, I would not have made it on my own. Sucky reality.
Note to self; don’t go get your labs done by yourself anymore. Note received.
This weakened feeling lasted for the next hour or so and made life more uncomfortable than it already had been; nice, huh? We went to Costco to pick up her mom’s meds and since we all said we were hungry, we got some food at Costco and after that, I began to feel better. After returning home, I went straight into the bedroom and laid down for the rest of the evening, if I remember correctly. I think I posted that night too, I cannot remember at the moment. Oh yeah, I think it was that morning. Anyway, Monday was a long day.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I woke up somewhere around 6:30 to 6:45, got Joshy up (he had migrated to our bed again…) and saw Missy off to her ride that came as I walked down the hall. Her ride came right about 6:45 or so and got her to school early because of her field trip to China Town in San Francisco, yesterday. She had a good time, so she said upon returning yesterday afternoon about 3:30.
Anyway, yesterday was a better day in that I didn’t need or use my cane all day. It was a brief (?) reminder of what life was like without the need for assistance. My K+ was still on the lower side of the fours, but I felt better which I attribute directly to the physical therapy. Speaking of, I have another appointment this afternoon as well. I feel very encouraged by this new aspect in my life; very hopeful.
Next month is NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) in Vegas and Craig and I are planning on going; we have been since last year. This year, though, will be completely different, in that, I will be renting an electric scooter from a company called Scoot Around, the same company I am renting from later this year in October for the PPA conference in Orlando. Along with the scooter, the other difference will be focus and attention. Typically when I attend shows, I have a mental or written list of manufacturers or field of equipment that I am going to research and make contacts on, but this year I will be going to re-connect with those within the industry that I have not seen or hooked up with since the latter beginning of last year when all this HKPP began happening and I began to be affected by the attacks. The disease definitely dampened my work relations and I feel it is important to reconnect with those folks with whom I ordered from and communicated with. Besides just getting there, which will now require a wheelchair, to and from the terminals, other changes will be in my attention to my state of being so I can hopefully avoid meeting ANYONE in the Vegas Paramedics Union, not that they aren’t nice folks….I’ll be testing more than daily and will take supplements if even in question. CC assured me that she will be on the next plane if something does happen, so the prayers IN ADVANCE are for safe travels throughout the entire trip and that, if my body MUST experience another attack, that it will WAIT until I return home, but preferably that there would be NO ATTACKS anymore. That’s God’s call, not mine; I get it.
I’ll have to be even smarter about what and when I eat and how oftern. We are planning to fill a smaller suitcase with waters, Propels, health/protein bars and the like, so I can be set for eating when necessary.
Joshy just walked (or better said, stumbled) in to me in the Music Room where I’m writing from. It’s 6:15 AM now. His body clock is apparently set. I need to be with him now, so I’ll post this and see about more later-
peace
So, it’s 4:14 AM and I’ve been awake now since 3:30 when I awoke from a troubling dream. I don’t know that I could refer to it as a nightmare; I was not fearful or in fear. I woke up “troubled” would be the best way to put it. I feel the dream was revealing; describing vividly here would be awkward due to the nature of it dealing with particular cancerous folks within what could have been, at one time, a somewhat healthy "place".
The dream dealt with the need to put particular conduits down for some aspect of a new campus to be built and everyone including me, was trying to troubleshoot why the building had not begun, though those in charge had said it was underway. Somewhere in that melee of curiosity, I found myself approached by a leader who stated that certain stuff needed to be done in this certain way, simply because he said so and when someone close to me shared their factual opinion as to why conduit needed to be run a certain way for necessary purposes, he responded condescendingly with how even though I may perceive the worship be one thing and for one reason, it was supposed to be for another reason and done very differently which negated the need in his eyes, for the new conduits. As this argument began, I could actually see the fabric of the words being spoken, leaving the person’s mouth and slowly floating on air towards the other person and the fabric was transparent and porous coming from the “leader” but was solid dark grey in color coming from the person I was with and I felt that you could literally see right though the lies of the leader even as he spoke. This continued for some time and the conduits, though now in the ground were up-ending within the trench with their ends exposed in an unfinished manner and cables and wires frayed and cut, un-terminated at the open end of the piping, unable to reach its destination which caused enough grief within me to wake me up, I guess. I don’t need to name who was in my dream, I know and will remember who they were.
At 4:50 AM my K+ is 4.4 which is higher than previous days. My last visit to the lab was day before yesterday and though most of the labs were “normal” my K+ was within “normal range, but was 3.9. That was Monday and after my first PT appointment and I was walking very slow and feeling poorly, physically. When we arrived at the labs, I was hungry and just feeling like crap, but functional, as I went in for the labs to be drawn. When my name was called, Joshy went in with me, as is his custom to “be with me” and support me, and I noticed when I sat down at the white counter top with the little cloth pad for your arm, that the lab tech had 7 labels sitting in front of her, which, of course, meant that 7 tubes will be drawn and away we went. I was truly thankful that she was skilled at her craft because I barely felt the needle itself. When she was done, I was feeling more weak than I normally do, but then, I don’t “normally” have 7 tubes drawn either. I got up to walk and realized that I was now going to be even slower than I was before due to weakened balance skills and feeling very tired. CC held my hand as we walked out and back to the van, for had she not, I would not have made it on my own. Sucky reality.
Note to self; don’t go get your labs done by yourself anymore. Note received.
This weakened feeling lasted for the next hour or so and made life more uncomfortable than it already had been; nice, huh? We went to Costco to pick up her mom’s meds and since we all said we were hungry, we got some food at Costco and after that, I began to feel better. After returning home, I went straight into the bedroom and laid down for the rest of the evening, if I remember correctly. I think I posted that night too, I cannot remember at the moment. Oh yeah, I think it was that morning. Anyway, Monday was a long day.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I woke up somewhere around 6:30 to 6:45, got Joshy up (he had migrated to our bed again…) and saw Missy off to her ride that came as I walked down the hall. Her ride came right about 6:45 or so and got her to school early because of her field trip to China Town in San Francisco, yesterday. She had a good time, so she said upon returning yesterday afternoon about 3:30.
Anyway, yesterday was a better day in that I didn’t need or use my cane all day. It was a brief (?) reminder of what life was like without the need for assistance. My K+ was still on the lower side of the fours, but I felt better which I attribute directly to the physical therapy. Speaking of, I have another appointment this afternoon as well. I feel very encouraged by this new aspect in my life; very hopeful.
Next month is NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) in Vegas and Craig and I are planning on going; we have been since last year. This year, though, will be completely different, in that, I will be renting an electric scooter from a company called Scoot Around, the same company I am renting from later this year in October for the PPA conference in Orlando. Along with the scooter, the other difference will be focus and attention. Typically when I attend shows, I have a mental or written list of manufacturers or field of equipment that I am going to research and make contacts on, but this year I will be going to re-connect with those within the industry that I have not seen or hooked up with since the latter beginning of last year when all this HKPP began happening and I began to be affected by the attacks. The disease definitely dampened my work relations and I feel it is important to reconnect with those folks with whom I ordered from and communicated with. Besides just getting there, which will now require a wheelchair, to and from the terminals, other changes will be in my attention to my state of being so I can hopefully avoid meeting ANYONE in the Vegas Paramedics Union, not that they aren’t nice folks….I’ll be testing more than daily and will take supplements if even in question. CC assured me that she will be on the next plane if something does happen, so the prayers IN ADVANCE are for safe travels throughout the entire trip and that, if my body MUST experience another attack, that it will WAIT until I return home, but preferably that there would be NO ATTACKS anymore. That’s God’s call, not mine; I get it.
I’ll have to be even smarter about what and when I eat and how oftern. We are planning to fill a smaller suitcase with waters, Propels, health/protein bars and the like, so I can be set for eating when necessary.
Joshy just walked (or better said, stumbled) in to me in the Music Room where I’m writing from. It’s 6:15 AM now. His body clock is apparently set. I need to be with him now, so I’ll post this and see about more later-
peace
Wednesday morning, March 14, 2007
Wednesday morning, March 14, 2007
New post on its way, still typing and thinking...it's 5:49 AM...
New post on its way, still typing and thinking...it's 5:49 AM...
Monday, March 12, 2007
Monday March 12, 2006
Monday March 12, 2006
1:09 PM
I realize that some folks read during the morning, but I usually post at night or in the evening, so if you don't see anything new during the day, check back after dinner or before bed and see if something is new.
This morning was my first visit to the PT clinic and things went very well. My body’s in such a pathetic state…I’m working with a gent named Eric and we did some low-scale bike for about 5 minutes , some crunches (3 sets of 5) and then some leg press (3 sets of 10, I think.) and my legs are PISSED at me for the time being, which I expected. I’m going to go roughly three times a week for 45 minutes to an hour and take baby steps to get me back to where I can be.
I explained the 911 protocol for me and feel very good that I am in exceptional hands down at this clinic. A friend has gifted this to me so I can participate, otherwise it would simply be something else that I cannot afford. His generosity and kindness leave me humbled and grateful.
I won’t be driving to or from because of the effect the therapy has on my legs. I despise losing my independence but I will treasure it when I get it back.
We’ll be off to get some errands done in a little while, so time to get to working in those things I need to do before then.
Again, just wanting to let you know that I typically post at night, sometimes late at night more than I do during the daytime. If I’m down for any reason and can physically handle typing, then I’ll likely be posting day and evening, both.
peace
1:09 PM
I realize that some folks read during the morning, but I usually post at night or in the evening, so if you don't see anything new during the day, check back after dinner or before bed and see if something is new.
This morning was my first visit to the PT clinic and things went very well. My body’s in such a pathetic state…I’m working with a gent named Eric and we did some low-scale bike for about 5 minutes , some crunches (3 sets of 5) and then some leg press (3 sets of 10, I think.) and my legs are PISSED at me for the time being, which I expected. I’m going to go roughly three times a week for 45 minutes to an hour and take baby steps to get me back to where I can be.
I explained the 911 protocol for me and feel very good that I am in exceptional hands down at this clinic. A friend has gifted this to me so I can participate, otherwise it would simply be something else that I cannot afford. His generosity and kindness leave me humbled and grateful.
I won’t be driving to or from because of the effect the therapy has on my legs. I despise losing my independence but I will treasure it when I get it back.
We’ll be off to get some errands done in a little while, so time to get to working in those things I need to do before then.
Again, just wanting to let you know that I typically post at night, sometimes late at night more than I do during the daytime. If I’m down for any reason and can physically handle typing, then I’ll likely be posting day and evening, both.
peace
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
We forgot, correction, I forgot to set the clocks ahead last night so we missed the 10:30 service we were planning on hitting, and instead went to Capital Christian’s 11:15 AM service again. I took my SPL meter this time:
Worship portion averaged about 107 dB with peaks at 110
Spoken word was an even 80 dB or so.
Guest musician was a lead guitarist and his band that played one tune “Our God is an Awesome God” and averaged about 98 dB to 100 dB.
I spoke to a pastor after service, trying NOT to sound like a complainer or “know it all”, but wanted to bring it to his attention intelligently. He explained first off that he knows nothing of the sound or its parameters and that the person in charge of it is the Worship/band leader. He also shared that the volume is intentional for a particular target audience; something that I had anticipated was the case.
Sermon was dead on for me, taken from Psalms 51 and King David’s cries for reconciliation and perspective. I wouldn’t buy the tape because I feel like I drew from it what was there to be taken, but it was also very good “food” for conversation while at lunch with all of us at Applebee’s, while Missy and I conversed about what she retrieved from his sermon. As usual, she and I tracked point for point, only hers were far simpler and mine more convoluted, but in a good way, I think.
After lunch was a quick trip home to drop off her mom (who went with us this time), and then back out to Wal-Mart for some much needed groceries and some clothing for the kids field trips coming up that we have had not bought clothing for them or us in quite some time, go figure.
I scored on getting one of the store’s few electric carts and then we were good to go for the next 90 or so minutes.
After finding more than we needed and putting much of it back, we exited and headed home to begin making dinner and getting the kids going on their respective homework. I grilled 2 salmon fillets, for the first time ever, and they came out quite good. I was very pleased with my freshman effort. Here’s hoping for my next effort…
TK and Lindy and the kids stopped by just a few minutes ago and stayed for a few and we got to chat for a little while, which was nice. We don’t see them often so the visit was fun to catch up and let the kids all platy for a few while the adults gabbed a little. TK is planning on repairing the transmission in the Ramcharger next weekend, and then after that, hopefully we’ll go after the gaskets which need replacing, no small task, so I’m told.
Everybody is getting ready for bed now so I’ll not go on too much longer…
My K+ has been holding at 4.0 to 4.2 all week long and I’ve been feeling it, for sure.
Yesterday was particularly frustrating in that my K+ was lower than I’d like and my neighbor suggested that, instead of me paying an arborist some $400 to remove a 3 trunk tree in our front driveway, his grandson could come over and do it for $25 or so.
Long, painful story short, the grandson cut down ¾’s of one of the trunks, I’m out $100 that I suggested paying him for removing ALL THREE trees (misunderstanding or miscommunication, whatever) and to top it off, I arrogantly refused to heed CC’s requests that I not help with the tree removal, and I hurt very badly because of and am still walking very slowly today because of my stupidity yesterday. A brief, familiar pity party of one over fairness and the lack of it and all and I was off to the bed, hot pad and isolation for while since I couldn’t walk, stand or move much at all. Stupid AND defiant. The price wasn’t just mine, I mess everyone else up when I end up in pain, and I know it. This morning I had a dream that I woke myself from, which was of me falling down while trying to place reflectors or cones on a traveled road and realizing folks were wanting me to go to the ER ad I did not want to go, so I woke myself up to keep from going (around 5:00 AM) and realized I could barely move in bed because my lower back, right hip and right side hurt so much and had no strength. I thought for sure I would wake CC up trying to roll onto my back with the sounds I was making in my efforts to move positions. My hands were painfully stiff, as if swollen (but they aren’t and weren’t). Long, painful day that methadone, Percocet and Darvocet DON’T touch at all. Any ideas? No Oxy-anythings; they’re too addicting.
Does anyone know where I can buy a decent cane anywhere? I hate the one I got from the hospital; it LOOKS like I got it at a hospital.
I hooked my Talk Box up to my guitar rig and it works! So cool. The kids dig it too. Talkbox is a one-of-a-kind tool that is great for a “wah”-effect gone wild. Think of some of the following songs which have the signature sound in them:
“Sweet Emotion” by Aerosmith
“Rocky Mountain Way” by Joe Walsh
“Those Shoes” by The Eagles (off of Long Run) This tune uses the Talk Box as the main melodic instrument behind Don Henley’s vocals. Joe Walsh at his best writing, in my opinion. Tastefully done. Saweet.
“Do You Feel Like We Do” by Peter Frampton (Live)
“Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi
“Kick Start My Heart” by Crűe, as in Mőtley Crűe…is there any other? I think not.
I fell in love with the sound the very first time I heard it and I wanted to know how it was done and if I could learn it and, low and behold, I have a box and know how to use it. Lots of creative fun.
Speaking of the Eagles, another SERIOUS tune is “Too Many Hands” off the album “One of These Nights”. Check out the vocals, harmonies and guitar work, let alone the slicing message. I absolutely LOVE their stuff, especially their early work. *sigh*
Tomorrow brings my first visit to some Physical Therapists in Rancho Cordova and I’m looking forward to it , though I know more pain awaits, regardless.
Time to call it.
peace
We forgot, correction, I forgot to set the clocks ahead last night so we missed the 10:30 service we were planning on hitting, and instead went to Capital Christian’s 11:15 AM service again. I took my SPL meter this time:
Worship portion averaged about 107 dB with peaks at 110
Spoken word was an even 80 dB or so.
Guest musician was a lead guitarist and his band that played one tune “Our God is an Awesome God” and averaged about 98 dB to 100 dB.
I spoke to a pastor after service, trying NOT to sound like a complainer or “know it all”, but wanted to bring it to his attention intelligently. He explained first off that he knows nothing of the sound or its parameters and that the person in charge of it is the Worship/band leader. He also shared that the volume is intentional for a particular target audience; something that I had anticipated was the case.
Sermon was dead on for me, taken from Psalms 51 and King David’s cries for reconciliation and perspective. I wouldn’t buy the tape because I feel like I drew from it what was there to be taken, but it was also very good “food” for conversation while at lunch with all of us at Applebee’s, while Missy and I conversed about what she retrieved from his sermon. As usual, she and I tracked point for point, only hers were far simpler and mine more convoluted, but in a good way, I think.
After lunch was a quick trip home to drop off her mom (who went with us this time), and then back out to Wal-Mart for some much needed groceries and some clothing for the kids field trips coming up that we have had not bought clothing for them or us in quite some time, go figure.
I scored on getting one of the store’s few electric carts and then we were good to go for the next 90 or so minutes.
After finding more than we needed and putting much of it back, we exited and headed home to begin making dinner and getting the kids going on their respective homework. I grilled 2 salmon fillets, for the first time ever, and they came out quite good. I was very pleased with my freshman effort. Here’s hoping for my next effort…
TK and Lindy and the kids stopped by just a few minutes ago and stayed for a few and we got to chat for a little while, which was nice. We don’t see them often so the visit was fun to catch up and let the kids all platy for a few while the adults gabbed a little. TK is planning on repairing the transmission in the Ramcharger next weekend, and then after that, hopefully we’ll go after the gaskets which need replacing, no small task, so I’m told.
Everybody is getting ready for bed now so I’ll not go on too much longer…
My K+ has been holding at 4.0 to 4.2 all week long and I’ve been feeling it, for sure.
Yesterday was particularly frustrating in that my K+ was lower than I’d like and my neighbor suggested that, instead of me paying an arborist some $400 to remove a 3 trunk tree in our front driveway, his grandson could come over and do it for $25 or so.
Long, painful story short, the grandson cut down ¾’s of one of the trunks, I’m out $100 that I suggested paying him for removing ALL THREE trees (misunderstanding or miscommunication, whatever) and to top it off, I arrogantly refused to heed CC’s requests that I not help with the tree removal, and I hurt very badly because of and am still walking very slowly today because of my stupidity yesterday. A brief, familiar pity party of one over fairness and the lack of it and all and I was off to the bed, hot pad and isolation for while since I couldn’t walk, stand or move much at all. Stupid AND defiant. The price wasn’t just mine, I mess everyone else up when I end up in pain, and I know it. This morning I had a dream that I woke myself from, which was of me falling down while trying to place reflectors or cones on a traveled road and realizing folks were wanting me to go to the ER ad I did not want to go, so I woke myself up to keep from going (around 5:00 AM) and realized I could barely move in bed because my lower back, right hip and right side hurt so much and had no strength. I thought for sure I would wake CC up trying to roll onto my back with the sounds I was making in my efforts to move positions. My hands were painfully stiff, as if swollen (but they aren’t and weren’t). Long, painful day that methadone, Percocet and Darvocet DON’T touch at all. Any ideas? No Oxy-anythings; they’re too addicting.
Does anyone know where I can buy a decent cane anywhere? I hate the one I got from the hospital; it LOOKS like I got it at a hospital.
I hooked my Talk Box up to my guitar rig and it works! So cool. The kids dig it too. Talkbox is a one-of-a-kind tool that is great for a “wah”-effect gone wild. Think of some of the following songs which have the signature sound in them:
“Sweet Emotion” by Aerosmith
“Rocky Mountain Way” by Joe Walsh
“Those Shoes” by The Eagles (off of Long Run) This tune uses the Talk Box as the main melodic instrument behind Don Henley’s vocals. Joe Walsh at his best writing, in my opinion. Tastefully done. Saweet.
“Do You Feel Like We Do” by Peter Frampton (Live)
“Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi
“Kick Start My Heart” by Crűe, as in Mőtley Crűe…is there any other? I think not.
I fell in love with the sound the very first time I heard it and I wanted to know how it was done and if I could learn it and, low and behold, I have a box and know how to use it. Lots of creative fun.
Speaking of the Eagles, another SERIOUS tune is “Too Many Hands” off the album “One of These Nights”. Check out the vocals, harmonies and guitar work, let alone the slicing message. I absolutely LOVE their stuff, especially their early work. *sigh*
Tomorrow brings my first visit to some Physical Therapists in Rancho Cordova and I’m looking forward to it , though I know more pain awaits, regardless.
Time to call it.
peace
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Brief again tonight-
Long and frustrating day. Potassium is been staying around 4.0 to 4.2 essentially and my body feels it. It is interesting now to have something that follows the “feelings’ with science.
CC’s mom has been in her room all day not feeling well. Don’t believe she ever left her room since 5 this AM when she was up with the rest of us.
Reasonable victory was completely re-doing my music area and I feel MUCH better about it. All my old rack gear is now out and in use; Forthright rig and SBG stuff. I’m kind of excited for the new tones to be discovered and the old tones to be resurrected. I’d spent weeks on finding the old tones so it’s cool that they are there at the touch of a button.
It’s just been a stupid, long day and I’m done with it.
We FINALLY received our referral letter from Kaiser today. It’s only been 6 MONTHS!!! How screwed up is that?! 6 freakin’ months to secure a “simple” referral. Asinine.
Another breakdown of sorts again today. Emotions are just packed full at points and they just work their way out.
Missy’s dealing with some of the similar issues with emotions as well and unfortunately, we have not successfully instilled in her, the restorative habit of going to the Bible for balance. We don’t do it either and we pay the same price, only multiplied by each issue.
Lesson learned? I hope so, but I guess we will find out soon enough.
Disability pay was held up because of confusion between Nov 8, 14 or 15 being my official date of non-work status. Well after the 90 days, they’ve concluded and agreed it was Nov. 8th, like we had said in the beginning.
More tomorrow, I’m tired and in pain.
yeah.
Brief again tonight-
Long and frustrating day. Potassium is been staying around 4.0 to 4.2 essentially and my body feels it. It is interesting now to have something that follows the “feelings’ with science.
CC’s mom has been in her room all day not feeling well. Don’t believe she ever left her room since 5 this AM when she was up with the rest of us.
Reasonable victory was completely re-doing my music area and I feel MUCH better about it. All my old rack gear is now out and in use; Forthright rig and SBG stuff. I’m kind of excited for the new tones to be discovered and the old tones to be resurrected. I’d spent weeks on finding the old tones so it’s cool that they are there at the touch of a button.
It’s just been a stupid, long day and I’m done with it.
We FINALLY received our referral letter from Kaiser today. It’s only been 6 MONTHS!!! How screwed up is that?! 6 freakin’ months to secure a “simple” referral. Asinine.
Another breakdown of sorts again today. Emotions are just packed full at points and they just work their way out.
Missy’s dealing with some of the similar issues with emotions as well and unfortunately, we have not successfully instilled in her, the restorative habit of going to the Bible for balance. We don’t do it either and we pay the same price, only multiplied by each issue.
Lesson learned? I hope so, but I guess we will find out soon enough.
Disability pay was held up because of confusion between Nov 8, 14 or 15 being my official date of non-work status. Well after the 90 days, they’ve concluded and agreed it was Nov. 8th, like we had said in the beginning.
More tomorrow, I’m tired and in pain.
yeah.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 6, 2007 - Night Time
Monday, March 6, 2007
This will be very brief. I chose to email some family instead of writing my thoughts here. I will probably review that for tomrrow (which is actually now, Tuesday, since it is 12:33 AM Tuesday morning) and see about entering my thoughts of tomorrow combined with my memories of yesterday...could be a song in there somewhere...but I'm tired, so I guess not now.
Oh, but I did do something for the first time tonight; I oven-fried some fish fillets. Way cool. Never did it before tonight and always wanted to.
So there you go-
peace
This will be very brief. I chose to email some family instead of writing my thoughts here. I will probably review that for tomrrow (which is actually now, Tuesday, since it is 12:33 AM Tuesday morning) and see about entering my thoughts of tomorrow combined with my memories of yesterday...could be a song in there somewhere...but I'm tired, so I guess not now.
Oh, but I did do something for the first time tonight; I oven-fried some fish fillets. Way cool. Never did it before tonight and always wanted to.
So there you go-
peace
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Pause for prayer
I'm not dating this post, but just keeping it out for folks to read and consider.
Here is a link to a Comcast News article which nails a point of where the church is SUPPOSED to be and yet when it is there, it finds itself outside its comfort zone and at risk.
Is the Church called to take risks?
Here's the link: http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2007/03/03/601791.html&cvqh=itn_sexoffender
It states that it is Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
So in keeping with the statement not to copy it, I'm asking you to follow the link instead of my just copy/paste it into here.
This is one that I'd like some feedback on in the way of "Comments" so we can read one another's thoughts and opinions, so, after reading the story, please leave a comment sharing what you think.
Here is a link to a Comcast News article which nails a point of where the church is SUPPOSED to be and yet when it is there, it finds itself outside its comfort zone and at risk.
Is the Church called to take risks?
Here's the link: http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2007/03/03/601791.html&cvqh=itn_sexoffender
It states that it is Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
So in keeping with the statement not to copy it, I'm asking you to follow the link instead of my just copy/paste it into here.
This is one that I'd like some feedback on in the way of "Comments" so we can read one another's thoughts and opinions, so, after reading the story, please leave a comment sharing what you think.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Saturday, March 3, 2007
It’s Saturday morning and I’m up at 8:39 writing in a blog. So what went wrong? Why am I awake now? Issue is that I didn’t sleep for anything last night and spent most the whole night awake, listening to the sounds of the house after dark. Shadow meowed several times last night, very loudly; makes me wonder if she’s in pain now, more so than in the past. CC even got up once to check on her and it didn’t stop her.
I was tempted to simply get up and begin writing around 3:00 AM but chose to remain horizontal in case I might actually succeed in “falling” asleep. Obviously, no such luck.
CC and her mom are heading down to Angel’s place in Hollister this morning to be there for Angel’s bridal shower tonight and then they will spend the night and come back up tomorrow sometime and Missy is going to have a play-date at a friend’s house this afternoon, so tonight will be a “Joshy and Daddy Date Night” which should be lots of fun if I can stay awake for most of it. Maybe I’ll score a nap this afternoon.
I enjoyed a fun and relaxing lunch with Rob yesterday, something we often did midweek during work in order to stay connected and on the same page work-wise. Yesterday was cool just catching up and getting up to date.
When I came home from my outing, I found that CC had picked up the 935 page medical chart from the Kaiser Medical offices, to the tune of $233.75! I feel like I’ve been robbed in most senses, but we absolutely must have a copy of the medical records at this point, given the positioning which seems to be taking place and the possible ramifications from our recent trip to the Bay Area’s Redwood City Kaiser ER.
Speaking of, here’s what I understand, remember and pretty much know to have taken place a week ago last Thursday...
Thursday, I woke up and stated that I wasn’t feeling good or “right” which is a usual alarm. We had plans for the days which included lunch with our good friends in San Francisco as well as a phone interview for me for a magazine interview.
The interview was scheduled for 10:00 AM and it was 9:45 AM when this attack kicked in. This attack was different in that I did not feel the paralysis as usual, but was in considerable pain, spasms and cold/clammy. I was losing control of speaking due to the spasms though my jaw and the pain which was taking all of my concentration to overcome and keep from screaming or yelling out.
The kids were here this time and I couldn’t hide it from them. CC did a great job of keeping them focused in some other direction for the most part. I remember Missy coming over and shakily asking if I was OK and then saying “You’ll be alright, daddy. I just know you will, you’ll see.” Just like out of a movie and that brought as much tears as did the physical pain I was handling.
CC and my dad carried me out to the van and got me into the front seat and took off for the hospital. I remember lots of turns left and right as I was more or less leaning on her lap as she drove.
Once at the door to the ER, they got me into a wheel chair somehow and took me inside. The cold air from going from the inside of the car to the wheelchair outside caused another round of nastiness in the way of chills.
CC said I was hunched over in the chair; All I knew was that I was in severe pain and unable to verbally communicate or physically move, intentionally. CC told the two receptionists in the ER reception area that I was in need of immediate attention due to the fact that my potassium was either too low or too high and that because of my diagnosis of HKPP, I am unable to tolerate saline, something we know is normally one of the first medicines used. CC was told to have us “take a seat and we’ll be with you when we can.” We waiting in a state of pain and suspension for like 10 minutes in the lobby before I was taken to the triage nurse who CC said took one look at me and moved immediately for a gurney and had me put on one. CC handed the triage nurse the printed ER Treatment Notes that we keep with us now all the time and told her that I could not tolerate saline and that I had a Medic Alert Bracelet on my left wrist as well. She apparently asked CC to help transport me to another location in the ER, which she did. At this point they forbid CC to stay with me. A nurse, who CC got the name of, stood in front of her, to block her, and stated “You (referring to CC) are not allowed back here, you must wait outside.” She told the prohibitive nurse that I was unable to communicate with them and she needed to stay with me to be able to answer their questions on my behalf and to make sure that I am not administered any saline. This time, in a firmer voice, the nurse stated to CC “You are not allowed back here, let our staff do their job and we will let you know when you can visit him!” And with that, I was wheeled away into gurney isolation and CC was effectively prohibited from staying with him. I was not aware she wasn’t with me until I came-to enough to see that she wasn’t next to me and that no one was next to me, however, there was an IV in the back of my left hand, just below my Medic Alert bracelet and that the spasms had kicked into overdrive for some reason.
It felt like forever that I was alone and I was truly scared. I definitely came to an new comprehension of fear when I understood that CC was NOT with me anymore and that I was by myself and couldn’t speak well enough to say my name let alone what was wrong with me.
CC said it took literally about 30 minutes before she was allowed back to see me during which time she had asked every ten minutes if they would please let her back to me and she expressed her sincere concern that a mistake could happen since I couldn’t communicate with them. Each time she was refused until after or on her third attempt when she was allowed back.
In her words, taken from a letter that she has written to the Member Services of that hospital (can we catch a break here!?) “When I saw my husband, he was lying on a gurney, clearly experiencing violent muscle spasms and obviously in a great deal of pain. The muscle spasms were attacking him all over his body and after I was able to get his attention, he was able to say he was hurting badly. Quickly looking him over, I saw that an IV had been put into his left wrist, directly above his Medic Alert Bracelet. I immediately asked who had administered the IV and an RN said she did. I asked if she flushed the IV with saline and she said “Yes, we always do”. I stated that I informed them verbally and in writing that he cannot tolerate saline, but she simply replied that no one told her and any paperwork that I gave to them was up front with the receptionist who was putting his chart together. When I then showed her that the IV was put in next to the Medic Alert Bracelet which states “Allergic to Sulfa, Glucose and Saline.” she stated again, “Well no one told me and your husband was unable to talk to us, so we didn’t know.” What I had feared could happen if I was not allowed to stay with him DID, in fact happen which was exactly the reason I was so insistent on staying with him in the first place. The nurse came across defiant, unapologetic and completely unconcerned with my husband’s very evident increasing state of muscle pain; Not only did she not offer to help treat his pain, she didn’t even call a doctor in to evaluate him. She just left him there in pain.
I told her that this needed to be reported and that I wanted to have a patient advocate called in, to which she rudely replied something to the effect of “You can do whatever I want to.” Once another family member arrived (my sister, I think. -w), to stay by my husband’s side, I went directly to Member Services and spoke to them to immediately report the incident.
The first ER MD who saw my husband ordered Percocet in pill form for his pain even though we explained that it would not be the least bit effective. After several minutes, there was no change in my husband’s condition. It was not until Dr. Kreitzer eventually arrived that Wade’s condition began to improve. When Dr. Kreitzer saw my husband, he said that he could not effectively evaluate my husband in the condition that he was in due to the obvious severe pain, and muscle spasms that were still happening to him. To complicate matters further, Wade (my husband) had begun hyperventilating due to the severe pain. Dr. Kreitzer said that he would have to wait until the IV pain meds begin to start working before he could start his evaluation. When we told him that Wade had yet to even receive ANY IV pain medicine, even though we had requested them and up to this point was only allowed to have Percocet, Dr. Kreitzer immediately went to the RN in question and instructed her to give my husband adequate pain medication. Dr. Kreitzer was also very surprised when we told him that the ER staff had administered saline Wade, an HKPP patient.
It was clear that no one on or associated with the ER staff apparently called the 800 number on the Medic Alert Bracelet because none of the Medic Alert emergency information protocol was followed in any way, from suggested pain control to prohibiting the use of saline. We have been assured that once an ER calls the 800 number specific instructions would be immediately verbally explained and also faxed to them which would immediately confirm his current meds, allergies, medical conditions, etc. If for any reason my husband should be taken to the ER without a family member to represent him, and/or he was unconscious, this is the only way for staff to be aware of his acute medical needs. It is clear to me that this protocol was not considered, let alone followed."
She paints a pretty clear picture, no? Reading her account helped me put the fragmented memories and images back into place and explained a lot of the definitive pain I was going through. I was admitted by Dr. Kreitzer to the hospital for observation and subsequent pain control and to level; out the phosphorus in my system. It turns out that my potassium was high this time and my phosphorus was abnormally low and that when one’s phosphorus is low, muscle aches and pain are a naturally common occurrence, as well as weakness.
The rest of the time in the hospital is a blur but I know that I had at least one visitor who was (is) a very, very dear family friend who’s been following our plight via my parents and is also a retired OB/GYN from Kaiser. As a result of seeing me and the situation first hand, he wrote a pointed but very kind pleading letter to the neurologists and my regular doc, asking for my care to be stepped up and for me to be given the opportunity to be taken care of via UCSF’s Neurology Department who are actively treating patients who are suffering from similar and identical symptoms as me.
Friday morning came and I was anxious to go home with CC and the kids, back to Sacramento. After some morning time spent with the physical therapist, I was released from the hospital and we went for the long drive back home. I don’t remember the drive but do remember CC having to help me walk into the house to my bed. I’m blessed and lucky she is as strong as she is and knows how to support someone bigger than her because after these attacks, I can hardly walk whatsoever. Per usual, I could barely walk Saturday, though I tried and Sunday wasn’t much better. Then after Sunday, each day brought better strength and less pain and now, a week later, I’m back to being good for about ½ a day before I have to really slow down and sit most of the rest of the day.
So it’s now Saturday and Missy’s soon to be off for her play date and my back is killing me from being up. Have to sit or lay down for a while. I hate being weak.
Maybe more tonight or some tomorrow.
Sorry for the lag time between days.
peace
It’s Saturday morning and I’m up at 8:39 writing in a blog. So what went wrong? Why am I awake now? Issue is that I didn’t sleep for anything last night and spent most the whole night awake, listening to the sounds of the house after dark. Shadow meowed several times last night, very loudly; makes me wonder if she’s in pain now, more so than in the past. CC even got up once to check on her and it didn’t stop her.
I was tempted to simply get up and begin writing around 3:00 AM but chose to remain horizontal in case I might actually succeed in “falling” asleep. Obviously, no such luck.
CC and her mom are heading down to Angel’s place in Hollister this morning to be there for Angel’s bridal shower tonight and then they will spend the night and come back up tomorrow sometime and Missy is going to have a play-date at a friend’s house this afternoon, so tonight will be a “Joshy and Daddy Date Night” which should be lots of fun if I can stay awake for most of it. Maybe I’ll score a nap this afternoon.
I enjoyed a fun and relaxing lunch with Rob yesterday, something we often did midweek during work in order to stay connected and on the same page work-wise. Yesterday was cool just catching up and getting up to date.
When I came home from my outing, I found that CC had picked up the 935 page medical chart from the Kaiser Medical offices, to the tune of $233.75! I feel like I’ve been robbed in most senses, but we absolutely must have a copy of the medical records at this point, given the positioning which seems to be taking place and the possible ramifications from our recent trip to the Bay Area’s Redwood City Kaiser ER.
Speaking of, here’s what I understand, remember and pretty much know to have taken place a week ago last Thursday...
Thursday, I woke up and stated that I wasn’t feeling good or “right” which is a usual alarm. We had plans for the days which included lunch with our good friends in San Francisco as well as a phone interview for me for a magazine interview.
The interview was scheduled for 10:00 AM and it was 9:45 AM when this attack kicked in. This attack was different in that I did not feel the paralysis as usual, but was in considerable pain, spasms and cold/clammy. I was losing control of speaking due to the spasms though my jaw and the pain which was taking all of my concentration to overcome and keep from screaming or yelling out.
The kids were here this time and I couldn’t hide it from them. CC did a great job of keeping them focused in some other direction for the most part. I remember Missy coming over and shakily asking if I was OK and then saying “You’ll be alright, daddy. I just know you will, you’ll see.” Just like out of a movie and that brought as much tears as did the physical pain I was handling.
CC and my dad carried me out to the van and got me into the front seat and took off for the hospital. I remember lots of turns left and right as I was more or less leaning on her lap as she drove.
Once at the door to the ER, they got me into a wheel chair somehow and took me inside. The cold air from going from the inside of the car to the wheelchair outside caused another round of nastiness in the way of chills.
CC said I was hunched over in the chair; All I knew was that I was in severe pain and unable to verbally communicate or physically move, intentionally. CC told the two receptionists in the ER reception area that I was in need of immediate attention due to the fact that my potassium was either too low or too high and that because of my diagnosis of HKPP, I am unable to tolerate saline, something we know is normally one of the first medicines used. CC was told to have us “take a seat and we’ll be with you when we can.” We waiting in a state of pain and suspension for like 10 minutes in the lobby before I was taken to the triage nurse who CC said took one look at me and moved immediately for a gurney and had me put on one. CC handed the triage nurse the printed ER Treatment Notes that we keep with us now all the time and told her that I could not tolerate saline and that I had a Medic Alert Bracelet on my left wrist as well. She apparently asked CC to help transport me to another location in the ER, which she did. At this point they forbid CC to stay with me. A nurse, who CC got the name of, stood in front of her, to block her, and stated “You (referring to CC) are not allowed back here, you must wait outside.” She told the prohibitive nurse that I was unable to communicate with them and she needed to stay with me to be able to answer their questions on my behalf and to make sure that I am not administered any saline. This time, in a firmer voice, the nurse stated to CC “You are not allowed back here, let our staff do their job and we will let you know when you can visit him!” And with that, I was wheeled away into gurney isolation and CC was effectively prohibited from staying with him. I was not aware she wasn’t with me until I came-to enough to see that she wasn’t next to me and that no one was next to me, however, there was an IV in the back of my left hand, just below my Medic Alert bracelet and that the spasms had kicked into overdrive for some reason.
It felt like forever that I was alone and I was truly scared. I definitely came to an new comprehension of fear when I understood that CC was NOT with me anymore and that I was by myself and couldn’t speak well enough to say my name let alone what was wrong with me.
CC said it took literally about 30 minutes before she was allowed back to see me during which time she had asked every ten minutes if they would please let her back to me and she expressed her sincere concern that a mistake could happen since I couldn’t communicate with them. Each time she was refused until after or on her third attempt when she was allowed back.
In her words, taken from a letter that she has written to the Member Services of that hospital (can we catch a break here!?) “When I saw my husband, he was lying on a gurney, clearly experiencing violent muscle spasms and obviously in a great deal of pain. The muscle spasms were attacking him all over his body and after I was able to get his attention, he was able to say he was hurting badly. Quickly looking him over, I saw that an IV had been put into his left wrist, directly above his Medic Alert Bracelet. I immediately asked who had administered the IV and an RN said she did. I asked if she flushed the IV with saline and she said “Yes, we always do”. I stated that I informed them verbally and in writing that he cannot tolerate saline, but she simply replied that no one told her and any paperwork that I gave to them was up front with the receptionist who was putting his chart together. When I then showed her that the IV was put in next to the Medic Alert Bracelet which states “Allergic to Sulfa, Glucose and Saline.” she stated again, “Well no one told me and your husband was unable to talk to us, so we didn’t know.” What I had feared could happen if I was not allowed to stay with him DID, in fact happen which was exactly the reason I was so insistent on staying with him in the first place. The nurse came across defiant, unapologetic and completely unconcerned with my husband’s very evident increasing state of muscle pain; Not only did she not offer to help treat his pain, she didn’t even call a doctor in to evaluate him. She just left him there in pain.
I told her that this needed to be reported and that I wanted to have a patient advocate called in, to which she rudely replied something to the effect of “You can do whatever I want to.” Once another family member arrived (my sister, I think. -w), to stay by my husband’s side, I went directly to Member Services and spoke to them to immediately report the incident.
The first ER MD who saw my husband ordered Percocet in pill form for his pain even though we explained that it would not be the least bit effective. After several minutes, there was no change in my husband’s condition. It was not until Dr. Kreitzer eventually arrived that Wade’s condition began to improve. When Dr. Kreitzer saw my husband, he said that he could not effectively evaluate my husband in the condition that he was in due to the obvious severe pain, and muscle spasms that were still happening to him. To complicate matters further, Wade (my husband) had begun hyperventilating due to the severe pain. Dr. Kreitzer said that he would have to wait until the IV pain meds begin to start working before he could start his evaluation. When we told him that Wade had yet to even receive ANY IV pain medicine, even though we had requested them and up to this point was only allowed to have Percocet, Dr. Kreitzer immediately went to the RN in question and instructed her to give my husband adequate pain medication. Dr. Kreitzer was also very surprised when we told him that the ER staff had administered saline Wade, an HKPP patient.
It was clear that no one on or associated with the ER staff apparently called the 800 number on the Medic Alert Bracelet because none of the Medic Alert emergency information protocol was followed in any way, from suggested pain control to prohibiting the use of saline. We have been assured that once an ER calls the 800 number specific instructions would be immediately verbally explained and also faxed to them which would immediately confirm his current meds, allergies, medical conditions, etc. If for any reason my husband should be taken to the ER without a family member to represent him, and/or he was unconscious, this is the only way for staff to be aware of his acute medical needs. It is clear to me that this protocol was not considered, let alone followed."
She paints a pretty clear picture, no? Reading her account helped me put the fragmented memories and images back into place and explained a lot of the definitive pain I was going through. I was admitted by Dr. Kreitzer to the hospital for observation and subsequent pain control and to level; out the phosphorus in my system. It turns out that my potassium was high this time and my phosphorus was abnormally low and that when one’s phosphorus is low, muscle aches and pain are a naturally common occurrence, as well as weakness.
The rest of the time in the hospital is a blur but I know that I had at least one visitor who was (is) a very, very dear family friend who’s been following our plight via my parents and is also a retired OB/GYN from Kaiser. As a result of seeing me and the situation first hand, he wrote a pointed but very kind pleading letter to the neurologists and my regular doc, asking for my care to be stepped up and for me to be given the opportunity to be taken care of via UCSF’s Neurology Department who are actively treating patients who are suffering from similar and identical symptoms as me.
Friday morning came and I was anxious to go home with CC and the kids, back to Sacramento. After some morning time spent with the physical therapist, I was released from the hospital and we went for the long drive back home. I don’t remember the drive but do remember CC having to help me walk into the house to my bed. I’m blessed and lucky she is as strong as she is and knows how to support someone bigger than her because after these attacks, I can hardly walk whatsoever. Per usual, I could barely walk Saturday, though I tried and Sunday wasn’t much better. Then after Sunday, each day brought better strength and less pain and now, a week later, I’m back to being good for about ½ a day before I have to really slow down and sit most of the rest of the day.
So it’s now Saturday and Missy’s soon to be off for her play date and my back is killing me from being up. Have to sit or lay down for a while. I hate being weak.
Maybe more tonight or some tomorrow.
Sorry for the lag time between days.
peace
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