Thursday, November 30, 2006
So it is Thursday now and I have avoided including some specific developments because the processes had not gotten far enough and pertinent people had not been informed or brought up to speed on some of it. Now, those folks are informed and we are in a place of needing prayer. On Monday we turned in the necessary paperwork for disability. It is effective from mid-November through mid-February. We are trying to expedite the paperwork process so we can see the payments as soon as possible due to the reality that once the disability process is begun, your normal work paychecks cease. My checks have been the primary coverage of the mortgage and with that stopping now, we need the disability to kick-in soon.
My request of anyone reading this is to be praying for a supernatural uninterrupted flow of paperwork so that our claim for disability will be accepted and appropriate payments begin. I’m nervous about this piece of the puzzle, which I think is understandable under the circumstances. Your prayers are greatly coveted.
Joshua has asked me each night, since I came home form the hospital, if I am going to work tomorrow and each time I have just answered no, I’m not going in tomorrow. Last night, after fielding the same question again, I shared with both of them that I am healing right now and cannot work while I am trying to heal from the attack a few weeks ago. I shared that I would not be going back to work until some time in February. Missy asked if I would still have a job then since I am going to be absent for so long and I explained that I would still have my job when February comes, though both kids didn’t really grasp the whole picture really, just the immediate, tangible picture they see each day and week.
CC and I went to see the Kaiser Nutritionist this morning and that visit was helpful (okay, I was going to write that the visit was fruitful, but thought better of it…Get it? Nutritionist…Fruit-ful…*sigh*) for sure and we learned that I’m not eating ENOUGH carbohydrates...I’m supposed to have a certain number of carbs as well as protein and as it turns out, my normal diet is too low on the carbs currently. So, I get to have a hamburger bun with a hamburger now, which is alright by me, as well as some other salad dressings for salads and even small amounts of regular pasta too. I felt the gal was nice and informed on my situation and helpful as well. She gave us her number and her email address and said to call/contact her any time we need assistance.
I forgot to include in yesterday’s post that we had Missy’s Parent/Teacher conference yesterday and that we had Joshua’s today. I’m concerned about Missy’s situation regarding the teacher and how Missy’s learning is impacted by particular approaches within the classroom. Not much I’m comfortable writing on this one; suffice to say that I’m not happy, I guess. Joshua’s went pretty well, except when he walked in to the classroom with us, he clammed up and had to be prodded by me or the teacher to answer some simple questions and to show us some of his work. After the 45 minute meeting, once we had gotten outside, he leaned into me and tried to cuddle up, to I sat down on a bench and held him as he began to cry and say that he had gotten embarrassed when we walked in and then fearful that he might answer the teacher’s questions incorrectly, so he just shut down, more or less. Talk about a heart-breaker…I just held him for a while and CC talked to him and consoled him as well.
Shortly thereafter, CC suggested that we go to Dairy Queen to celebrate both kids efforts and successes in the first trimester of school, so of to Dairy Queen we went where the kids ordered blizzards, CC ordered the Hot Fudge Sunday and…I ordered a SMALL Butterfinger blizzard, of which I ate about a third. We all brought some home with us because we didn’t finish there. It’s nice being allowed to have MORE carbs than what I’ve been eating…yay.
I went by work and saw some of my folks there and was warmly greeted, which was certainly cool. While I was there I picked up 3 of my guitars and my guitar processor and various other pieces of my music gear and brought them home so I can begin to check that out again, though our real estate within the home is pretty crowded already WITHOUT my guitars and gear. In fact, I took the majority of it to my office because my office has enough space to hold the equipment and the house didn’t…so this will prove interesting for sure. It’s all in the living room now, next to where I normally sit and work on the laptop, and since I’LL be the one HOME all the time, it will then be MY job to find an acceptable location for the gear so no “gaskets” are blown at home, including mine.
Wow. CC just put to paper what had been only in our collective minds and memory, but seeing it in black and white is thought provoking; since March of this year, I have been to the ER in March, May, July, August, (twice in) September, October, and November. I have been admitted in May, July, September and November. Do ya think maybe there’s something wrong with me? Um…I think so. I was diagnosed with HKPP in my August visit to the folks in the blue scrubs.
A few days ago I was reading some of the experiences on the HKPP list serve I’m on and I was motivated to recount my July adventure and thought it would be worth putting on here too since it’s part of my history and a definitive piece of this medical puzzle I’m currently working on. Here it is:
Back in July of this year, BEFORE I WAS DIAGNOSED, I was attending/speaking at a conference in Long Beach, CA and being that I live in the Sacramento Area, my drive time was around 8 hours down there with some stops for gas or food included. I drove down pretty pumped up and anxious since I was speaking at the convention and I did get through the long drive down and the 2 days of lecturing without noticeable incident.
I was planning on coming back the following day (Saturday) and making it a leisurely trip until I spoke to my daughter (11at the time) who reminded me that the following morning was the grand finale of a week-long Fire Camp she was participating in. So you’ll know, Fire Camp is sponsored by SacMet Fire department and it welcomed a certain number of kids from the neighborhood to come for a week long camp where they would spend almost 8 hours a day for 5 days learning the basics of fire and water safety, i.e. putting out controlled fires , climbing ladders, learning how to carry injured people as well as competing in a series of exercises. So, Saturday was the finale and the day of competition between the different smaller groups of would-be firefighters and was being held out at McClelland Field Air Force Base, which has been closed for some time. They were going to use a tarmac beside a big open hanger for the competitions and then have everyone go into the hanger for the awards and then food, so we could be in the shade.
So, Wade thinks, “Wouldn’t it be cool to tell Missy I won’t make it and then leave late tonight and get there in time for the events and surprise her! It’s less than an 8 hour trip if I don’t stop much and cruise at a ’reasonable’ speed.”
So, with “thinking” not really being my strongest suit at that moment, I decided that I would drive back to be there in time for her competition…7 hours straight with a single stop for caffeine ½ way there. I drove starting at midnight and was drinking Snapple lemon Iced Teas (tons of them) and eating salty chips/pretzels. I then picked up a Chai Crème Frappuccino from Starbucks half way home to keep me awake. Here’s the link if you want to see what’s actually in one and the nutritional facts for it:
http://www.starbucks.com/retail/nutrition_beverage_detail.asp?selProducts=40&strAction=GETDEFAULT&cookie%5Ftest=1
(108 grams of carbs in just 20 oz.).
So, I arrived in almost 7 hours exactly and made it to the house as they were loading up to leave for the finale, so I joined them in their car and away we went.
Now, I was starting to feel as though maybe I made an error in judgment at this point since my stomach was not pleased and I was feeling a little weak and light-headed. We were there with my Aunt and Uncle, I think he came later, and were sitting under a couple big yard umbrellas because of the sun and heat of the morning and day. I made it through the out-door competitions and Missy was thrilled I came back for her big day to see her compete. She didn’t know I was going to come back, so I surprised her by returning. After the competitions, all the kids, their families and the firefighters/EMT and ambulance personnel went into a hanger set up with tables and chairs for the celebratory BBQ. I went in and remember watching her receive her award and then things got really fuzzy and I started loosing vision. My wife, who’s very observant to begin with, saw that I didn’t “look right” and asked if I was alright. I apparently didn’t answer, though I thought I did, and in no time, I had 2 EMTs who arrived very quietly, on either side of me and they picked me up and helped me (kinda dragged me since I couldn’t walk) out of the crowd and brought me to a truck and laid me in it so they could assess what was happening. They also had 5 or 6 other personnel stand around the truck where I was to obscure the view of the crowd inside and made it look like they were just hanging out talking together. They were minimizing the distraction and my daughter’s potential panic should she see what was going on, which I thought after the fact was so very cool and caring of them to intentionally do. My blood sugar was 400+ and I was unable to speak or communicate and they quickly moved me to one of the ambulances that had been present for the finale, and away I went to the ER, rapid transit style. I could hear and do remember some of it, but couldn’t see or talk.
Next is the hospital experience, but before getting into that, what a blessing in disguise to find myself having medical issues while SURROUNDED by EMTs and firefighters. I felt as safe as I could be, though scared by what was happening to me. It was a strange combination of feelings; panic and yet confidence that I’ll be taken care of. CC said they were so caring and kind and one of them spoke to my daughter to explain what was happening to her daddy and how I was being taken care of by the best of the best.
Turns out that one of the EMTs who was triaging me was the mother of a girl in Missy’s squad of would-be firefighters, so she was the one who spoke to Missy, I understand.
During transit, it turned out that the ambulance was told that Kaiser Roseville was closed due to being packed so I was taken to Sutter General, a little further away from the intended destination. I was brought in and labs were taken immediately and an EKG started as well. CC and my aunt arrived and explained that I’ve had similar symptoms and situations to this and that we don’t know what the problem is. The nursing staff and a ER doc came in fairly quickly and in haste, hooked a small bag to my IV pole and began introducing that liquid at a fairly rapid pace. In no time at all I was writhing in pain from the potassium going into my arm and just wanted them to cut it off, it was hurting so bad. While I was being hooked up for the K+, my wife asked them what was going on; what’s wrong? They said my potassium came back at 2.5 and my heart was crashing. She asked them to give me something for the pain and the first medicine they gave did nothing, so they came back with a pain killer I’d never had called Dilauded and it knocked me down and numbed me from 2/3rds of the pain I was enduring. FYI: IV potassium BURNS the inside of your veins when it is being infused and causes unbelievable and unbearable pain. It is normally combined with a painkiller called lignocaine, which unfortunately for me doesn’t work on me, so when they put the potassium in, I experienced a new kind of pain, unlike any I could remember and it was in my arm and traveling up into my shoulder as the potassium burned its way into my system. That’s an experience that has been repeated a couple times now, but they didn’t lose me, so I’m not going to complain much more.
Anyway, the rest of the story is that I spent a total of 26 hours total on a gurney, split between two emergency rooms and was admitted into Kaiser after the 26th hour and just as my wife had loudly stated near the ER nurse’s station, that she was heading to Member Services because of the situation. Within minutes of her departure down the hall, I was whisked away to a room on a different floor. Don’t piss off a wife…that my friends, is good advice (…uh…even for husbands too…)
They did not diagnose my disease then; it was the next attack and ER visit that an ER doc suspected the rare disease/disorder called HKPP and called a neurologist to consult with.
Knowing what I do now, I set myself up for a nasty attack during that ride home and I’m thankful I made it home before it hit. What a HUGE blessing. Interstate 5 between LA and Sacramento is NOT the place I would want to have problems.
~Fini~
Oh, I forgot to mention earlier that, arriving today, was my DVD and CD of Journey Live Escape Tour in Houston, TX in ’81. A pretty cool video with somewhat questionable audio, at least through the TV anyway. I’ll see if I can check it out more thoroughly tomorrow. It’s worth noting that music is the conduit to my emotions, my spirit (in many ways) and my release, so having the concert videos allows me the opportunity to be inspired, to get away (mentally) while I get into the video, to relax and to appreciate many of the artistic contributions that I missed in the past 40+ years due to my simply not knowing what to look for or be sensitive to. It’s like “Okay…I get it now. Can I see that again, please?” and being able to check it out again and sincerely appreciate it. Journey, Def Leppard, Kenny Loggins, 38 Special, Rush, Dream Theater (hopefully I’ll find the elusive “Rippingtons Live From LA” video for less then $30.00…not that I can afford it now, that’s for sure), Satriani, Vai, G3, Genesis, Phil Collins, The Police, Peter Gabriel, The Eagles, Rescue…I’ve got a huge amount of music to appreciate and look forward to checking them out, some again and some for the first time.
Well, it’s my bedtime now, so we’ll see what tomorrow holds…
Peace.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday thoughts...Addendum pt.2
So I spent the last 30 to 40 minutes composing a write within the Blogspot edit window and will never do it again. Everything will be composed in Word FIRST, then copy/pasted over to it. Wow. I think I’m angry. Grrrr.
What I was writing about was that I had planned to go to bed long ago and decided to check a folder first and noticed a new file and spent the next hour watching Def Leppard live in Sheffield, England from ’93. The concert was excellently done and the boys put on as good a show as they did when CC and I saw them in ’89 or ’90, prior to the change in band members when original guitarist Steve Clark died on January 9th of ’91 from an overdose of prescription meds and alcohol. He was replaced by long time axeman and veteran Vivian Campbell, who fit in very well to the band chemistry, though they were still mourning the loss of Steve when Vivian joined. Most of CC’s and my mutual friends all liked Def Leppard, though my interest went deeper because of the band musicianship, chemistry, production and style. Being a guitarist, you listen and try to learn from those you can access whether they’re famous and you’re seeing them on stage or if they are leaders of a youth group playing for 20 kids; you watch and learn the things you like or you feel with challenge you. The band members are essentially my age; they formed in 1977 at the age of 15 and 16 and have never looked back or quit. Here’s a brief unsolicited summary of the boys from Sheffield taken from http://www.defleppard.com/diaries/index.html:
- The band got their name from lead vocalist Joe Elliott. He came up with the name DEAF LEOPARD for his imaginary band when he was still in school. When he joined the band that was called ATOMIC MASS at the time, they decided to change it into DEAF LEOPARD, and then later changed the spelling to DEF LEPPARD.
- As for the band formation, Def Leppard started out with Joe Elliott (lead vocals), Steve Clark (guitars), Pete Willis (guitars), Rick "Sav" Savage (bass) and Tony Kenning (drums). For the recordings of the band's first EP, "THE DEF LEPPARD EP" in 1979, Tony was replaced by temp Frank Noon. By the time the band recorded their first album, "ON THROUGH THE NIGHT", Rick Allen occupied the drum stool. Pete Willis left the band in 1982 during the recordings of the band's third album, "PYROMANIA", and was replaced by Phil Collen. Steve Clark died from an overdose of prescription drugs and alcohol on January 8, 1991. He was replaced by Vivian Campbell, who joined in 1992.
I’ve followed the band since their “On Through The Night” album. Yes, album…and yes, I AM that old. Get over it.
This video reminded me how much I enjoyed and do still enjoy their work and it was a great way to close the night…not having EVERYTHING deleted!!! Okay. Pause. Breathe deep...Moving on...
Certainly worthy of note is that the drummer, Rick Allen, lost his left arm in a convertible roll-over accident in the late ‘80’s some time...I don’t remember when exactly. The band rallied behind him and he sat down with Simmons Electric drums and they specially made a kit for him that he could use and it would compensate for his missing arm while he played, in that the kit was equipped with additional kick pedals and some extra triggers that he could strike with his right hand or trigger with his feet to cover hi hat, some cymbal and snare and you cannot distinguish from listening to the recording or watching him live that he is a one handed drummer. Incredible story of support, dedication, love, camaraderie, faith and determination to persevere where most all others would surely have quit. He’s still the drummer, nearly 30 years (that’s THIRTY YEARS) later.
The show used a very large two tiered stage and the band ran over most of that real estate. It was cool to see the “big stage” not just big fro “big” sake, but actually used for the benefit of the up front crowd. Also, the bassist play a keyboard for the tunes they recorded with keyboard bass, which is uncommon. I was pleased to see them take that approach. Also quite obvious was the band’s trade marked “gang vocal” that most rock and heavy metal bands pay homage to when possible. It was the brainchild of producer Mutt Lang and it gave the band a unmistakable sound, but a sound they learned to pull off live with minimal use of electronic embellishment, with the exception of an occasional harmonizer on Joe for some harmony overdubs done in the recording.
The band used Shure Beta 58’s for the two guitarist’ BGVs and I could not tell what the headword mic was that the bassist used throughout the show or the same mic on a boom stand for the drummer. Joe was using a wireless mic I couldn’t identify that was black, including the grill, SM87 capsule look-a-like with a short, small wire antenna on the bottom of it. I would have thought Shure U series except the antenna was completely different.
Everyone was on In Ears; no wedges appeared to be used, though they were ready to go, I’m sure. The lighting was pretty good but not featured well in the footage. What WAS featured very well in the footage was the band as expected, but also the audience 40,000 strong since they were playing their home town of Sheffield. It was their first time playing for their home town since they had played their last gig there to 40+ people in a club. In the very beginning of the footage Joe comments how they were nervous to play in front of their home crowd for the first time until they got on stage and heard and saw the reaction and it is ON from there on out. Watching the crowd was captivating as well, watching 40,000 hands in the air upon Joe’s command and seeing just a see of arms and hands pointing forward in rhythm with the song or hands over their heads clapping in rhythm to the songs. Just amazing. I could see how that sight would be addicting to someone who thrives on attention and finds their self worth in the acceptance or excitement of fans or others. A horrible risk and lethal pressure to try to maintain once you’re there as we already know by the many deaths in rock and roll from folks who gave in to the pressures of the industry and it’s minions, so to speak. I’m not saying they were weak, not whatsoever. I’m saying that I believe the pressures can be lethal, that’s all. It only takes one ill-fated attempt to escape via any number of methods, and life can be gone just like that. I know how quickly it can go…I wish I didn’t in some ways, but I’m stronger and wiser for the knowledge.
It’s 1:17 and slightly past my target of 10:30 bed time…
Peace-
What I was writing about was that I had planned to go to bed long ago and decided to check a folder first and noticed a new file and spent the next hour watching Def Leppard live in Sheffield, England from ’93. The concert was excellently done and the boys put on as good a show as they did when CC and I saw them in ’89 or ’90, prior to the change in band members when original guitarist Steve Clark died on January 9th of ’91 from an overdose of prescription meds and alcohol. He was replaced by long time axeman and veteran Vivian Campbell, who fit in very well to the band chemistry, though they were still mourning the loss of Steve when Vivian joined. Most of CC’s and my mutual friends all liked Def Leppard, though my interest went deeper because of the band musicianship, chemistry, production and style. Being a guitarist, you listen and try to learn from those you can access whether they’re famous and you’re seeing them on stage or if they are leaders of a youth group playing for 20 kids; you watch and learn the things you like or you feel with challenge you. The band members are essentially my age; they formed in 1977 at the age of 15 and 16 and have never looked back or quit. Here’s a brief unsolicited summary of the boys from Sheffield taken from http://www.defleppard.com/diaries/index.html:
- The band got their name from lead vocalist Joe Elliott. He came up with the name DEAF LEOPARD for his imaginary band when he was still in school. When he joined the band that was called ATOMIC MASS at the time, they decided to change it into DEAF LEOPARD, and then later changed the spelling to DEF LEPPARD.
- As for the band formation, Def Leppard started out with Joe Elliott (lead vocals), Steve Clark (guitars), Pete Willis (guitars), Rick "Sav" Savage (bass) and Tony Kenning (drums). For the recordings of the band's first EP, "THE DEF LEPPARD EP" in 1979, Tony was replaced by temp Frank Noon. By the time the band recorded their first album, "ON THROUGH THE NIGHT", Rick Allen occupied the drum stool. Pete Willis left the band in 1982 during the recordings of the band's third album, "PYROMANIA", and was replaced by Phil Collen. Steve Clark died from an overdose of prescription drugs and alcohol on January 8, 1991. He was replaced by Vivian Campbell, who joined in 1992.
I’ve followed the band since their “On Through The Night” album. Yes, album…and yes, I AM that old. Get over it.
This video reminded me how much I enjoyed and do still enjoy their work and it was a great way to close the night…not having EVERYTHING deleted!!! Okay. Pause. Breathe deep...Moving on...
Certainly worthy of note is that the drummer, Rick Allen, lost his left arm in a convertible roll-over accident in the late ‘80’s some time...I don’t remember when exactly. The band rallied behind him and he sat down with Simmons Electric drums and they specially made a kit for him that he could use and it would compensate for his missing arm while he played, in that the kit was equipped with additional kick pedals and some extra triggers that he could strike with his right hand or trigger with his feet to cover hi hat, some cymbal and snare and you cannot distinguish from listening to the recording or watching him live that he is a one handed drummer. Incredible story of support, dedication, love, camaraderie, faith and determination to persevere where most all others would surely have quit. He’s still the drummer, nearly 30 years (that’s THIRTY YEARS) later.
The show used a very large two tiered stage and the band ran over most of that real estate. It was cool to see the “big stage” not just big fro “big” sake, but actually used for the benefit of the up front crowd. Also, the bassist play a keyboard for the tunes they recorded with keyboard bass, which is uncommon. I was pleased to see them take that approach. Also quite obvious was the band’s trade marked “gang vocal” that most rock and heavy metal bands pay homage to when possible. It was the brainchild of producer Mutt Lang and it gave the band a unmistakable sound, but a sound they learned to pull off live with minimal use of electronic embellishment, with the exception of an occasional harmonizer on Joe for some harmony overdubs done in the recording.
The band used Shure Beta 58’s for the two guitarist’ BGVs and I could not tell what the headword mic was that the bassist used throughout the show or the same mic on a boom stand for the drummer. Joe was using a wireless mic I couldn’t identify that was black, including the grill, SM87 capsule look-a-like with a short, small wire antenna on the bottom of it. I would have thought Shure U series except the antenna was completely different.
Everyone was on In Ears; no wedges appeared to be used, though they were ready to go, I’m sure. The lighting was pretty good but not featured well in the footage. What WAS featured very well in the footage was the band as expected, but also the audience 40,000 strong since they were playing their home town of Sheffield. It was their first time playing for their home town since they had played their last gig there to 40+ people in a club. In the very beginning of the footage Joe comments how they were nervous to play in front of their home crowd for the first time until they got on stage and heard and saw the reaction and it is ON from there on out. Watching the crowd was captivating as well, watching 40,000 hands in the air upon Joe’s command and seeing just a see of arms and hands pointing forward in rhythm with the song or hands over their heads clapping in rhythm to the songs. Just amazing. I could see how that sight would be addicting to someone who thrives on attention and finds their self worth in the acceptance or excitement of fans or others. A horrible risk and lethal pressure to try to maintain once you’re there as we already know by the many deaths in rock and roll from folks who gave in to the pressures of the industry and it’s minions, so to speak. I’m not saying they were weak, not whatsoever. I’m saying that I believe the pressures can be lethal, that’s all. It only takes one ill-fated attempt to escape via any number of methods, and life can be gone just like that. I know how quickly it can go…I wish I didn’t in some ways, but I’m stronger and wiser for the knowledge.
It’s 1:17 and slightly past my target of 10:30 bed time…
Peace-
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Wednesday thoughts...Addendum
This one's frustrating to write because I just spent 30 minutes composing an addendum to today's post only to have some Blogspot glitch and I lost it all.
Stand by...we'll see if I want to write it all again or not.
Stand by...we'll see if I want to write it all again or not.
Wednesday thoughts...
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Well, the price was less than I expected for yesterday’s cane-less ventures; I was in good shape for the morning and didn’t need it until lunch time, but I did need it from and after lunch through the evening. So, ultimately, I think that’s good news. Each day has proven to be progress from the day before, though it is FAR slower progress than I want it to be.
I had lunch with a good buddy today and really enjoyed my time with him, as I always do. It was a very good time not spent dwelling on my issues but good sharing of each other.
My buddy Rob, from FOPC, came to our house for dinner tonight and we were able to catch up since I haven’t been at work since Nov. 8th. He’s my Chief Engineer and now flying solo at work due to my medical absence. I know Rob reads this (Hi Rob :-o) ) so I won’t tell any stories about him…. Anyway, he knows he’s my very good friend and knows that I would trust my job and workplace with only a very few folks, and he’s top on that list. We had a good dinner and the kids enjoyed his visiting, even Annie wouldn’t leave him alone; she kept bringing her toys to him, dropping them on his knee and she has this thing of moving her nose under your hand or arm and then knocking up and into the air to kind of force your attention her way. She did this a lot to him while we kicked back on the couches. Thanks for coming over, sir.
My bracelet came today and it looks great. I put it on and plan on getting used to it being there all the time. I feel better just having it, like I’m protected now, more-so than I was yesterday. I hope that makes sense.
It’s 10:00 and I’m more tired than motivated to continue writing, so it will have to be tomorrow before I continue.
Peace -
Well, the price was less than I expected for yesterday’s cane-less ventures; I was in good shape for the morning and didn’t need it until lunch time, but I did need it from and after lunch through the evening. So, ultimately, I think that’s good news. Each day has proven to be progress from the day before, though it is FAR slower progress than I want it to be.
I had lunch with a good buddy today and really enjoyed my time with him, as I always do. It was a very good time not spent dwelling on my issues but good sharing of each other.
My buddy Rob, from FOPC, came to our house for dinner tonight and we were able to catch up since I haven’t been at work since Nov. 8th. He’s my Chief Engineer and now flying solo at work due to my medical absence. I know Rob reads this (Hi Rob :-o) ) so I won’t tell any stories about him…
My bracelet came today and it looks great. I put it on and plan on getting used to it being there all the time. I feel better just having it, like I’m protected now, more-so than I was yesterday. I hope that makes sense.
It’s 10:00 and I’m more tired than motivated to continue writing, so it will have to be tomorrow before I continue.
Peace -
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tuesday is Change Day
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Well, yesterday seems in retrospect to have been a very down day and fortunately, one of a kind at this point, or at least today isn’t as dark as yesterday was. It’s clear that the cons outweighed the pros, in my mind.
Today has been good so far; it’s 3:00 PM and I still feel pretty good and have not needed the cane yet. I have done all the laundry (4 full loads complete), a small amount of vacuuming, 2 loads of dishes and kept Annie entertained periodically. These may not seem like much, but each one was a risk worth taking to see how my muscles would react to the more complex use than just sit, walk, stand and lay down. Tomorrow will be the full grade of the test; either I passed and my muscles are progressing in healing or I’ll hurt and know that I’m pushing further than my body can handle, minor as those activities may be.
Some significant decisions were made yesterday and perhaps tonight I can write of them and their ramifications. That was part of the stress and trial I was feeling from yesterday.
I received two packages today; one from Amazon.com which contained the VHS video “Journey: Frontiers and Beyond” which is a film of Journey’s 1983 tour and it chronicles the tour from its very beginning to its end with a good portion of their JFK show for 90,000+ crowd. I have watched this video/movie a number of times since it was released and I have learned quite a bit from it each time I’ve viewed it. It takes the tour apart, section by section, showing the office work, the actual set up and set design in the build and then the many shows they did. Their ’83 tour was 100 shows within the year and you can see the wear and tear on them as the tour progresses and it paints what appears to be a very realistic picture of what tour life is like on the road. One of the concerts takes place during a tornado watch and the storm they wait out is amazing and the crowd stayed it out as well. It was during their prime. In my opinion, the video was and is a “must see” for wannabe rock stars, even now.
The second package was totally unexpected from my buddy Brian in Portola Valley. He sent some of his favorite concert/music DVDs for me to check out for a while. Seriously cool. “Rush” and “Dream Theater”. I’m truly looking forward to viewing these. I’ve never seen a Dream Theater show (since they became Dream Theater; I saw them when they were calling themselves “Majestic” back in the late 80’s, when we opened for them at Goodies in Orange County) and am looking forward to seeing the band in motion. Rush was a band that I had opportunity to see but wasn’t as interested in their music at the time as I am now. I think it is more of a respect issue that I have gained for them over time and I am interested in the intricate musicianship they display and use. Geddy Lee is the bassist, Neil Pert is the drummer/percussionist and the guitarist is Alex Lifeson. Alex took me time to appreciate, be a guitarist as well, I felt the major contributors in the band were Neil and Geddy, more so than Alex. I don’t think that way anymore, but it was a real block for a number of years.
Nana comes back this afternoon/evening from having spent 4 ½ days at CC’s brother’s home. A familiar living dynamic will return and we will adjust back to it. Also, we are heading back to karate tonight; the kids have been absent for nearly a month due to my situation. It will be good to see Sensei again and possibly begin a very controlled and light work-out regiment with him. I’m looking forward to that cautiously so that I don’t continue to end up disappointed week after week, constantly having to postpone any training because I’m suffering.
I just spoke to Chris, my boss, and shared with him some of the changes and decisions from yesterday. More on that later.
I can tell now that it will be a cane night, but I made to through the day without it, anyway. CC and the kids met me at red Robin for a lunch, something we haven’t done in several weeks now, and it was fun to be just the four of us out to lunch together. We enjoy each other.
…Part two…
It’s now 5:30 PM and I’m with Joshua at his Karate lesson and able to continue because Sensei installed a wireless internet in the Dojo. Very cool, though I haven’t used it until now. It’s convenient under the circumstances. I spent a good 10 minutes talking with Sensei at the beginning of Josh’s lesson while one of Sensei’s student teachers, Mark, taught the class. He shows a great amount of caring for our family and it’s very cool to call him friend as well as teacher. He brought up an interesting question; He asked about transfusions if the issue is potassium in the blood. Hhmmm…I hadn’t thought about that at all nor did my neurologist. I’m guessing since my neurologist didn’t broach the subject, that it is not a viable option or solution. Right now, I have to jump through another necessary hoop to progress in the Kaiser system, which is to get an official second opinion confirming the diagnosis of Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis from another Kaiser neurologist, and my neurologist has set me up with an appointment with one of his colleagues in Walnut Creek. He speaks very highly of him and my hopes are that we can expedite the process, get the second diagnosis and be able to move freely within the medical field, searching out proper care since our current medical system knows nearly nothing of HKPP; to an extent, they know more now from me than they did 6 months ago.
Missy’s class is about to end; it is nearly 6:45 and we are about to head back home, so I’ll post this now and then may add on to it tonight.
peace
Well, yesterday seems in retrospect to have been a very down day and fortunately, one of a kind at this point, or at least today isn’t as dark as yesterday was. It’s clear that the cons outweighed the pros, in my mind.
Today has been good so far; it’s 3:00 PM and I still feel pretty good and have not needed the cane yet. I have done all the laundry (4 full loads complete), a small amount of vacuuming, 2 loads of dishes and kept Annie entertained periodically. These may not seem like much, but each one was a risk worth taking to see how my muscles would react to the more complex use than just sit, walk, stand and lay down. Tomorrow will be the full grade of the test; either I passed and my muscles are progressing in healing or I’ll hurt and know that I’m pushing further than my body can handle, minor as those activities may be.
Some significant decisions were made yesterday and perhaps tonight I can write of them and their ramifications. That was part of the stress and trial I was feeling from yesterday.
I received two packages today; one from Amazon.com which contained the VHS video “Journey: Frontiers and Beyond” which is a film of Journey’s 1983 tour and it chronicles the tour from its very beginning to its end with a good portion of their JFK show for 90,000+ crowd. I have watched this video/movie a number of times since it was released and I have learned quite a bit from it each time I’ve viewed it. It takes the tour apart, section by section, showing the office work, the actual set up and set design in the build and then the many shows they did. Their ’83 tour was 100 shows within the year and you can see the wear and tear on them as the tour progresses and it paints what appears to be a very realistic picture of what tour life is like on the road. One of the concerts takes place during a tornado watch and the storm they wait out is amazing and the crowd stayed it out as well. It was during their prime. In my opinion, the video was and is a “must see” for wannabe rock stars, even now.
The second package was totally unexpected from my buddy Brian in Portola Valley. He sent some of his favorite concert/music DVDs for me to check out for a while. Seriously cool. “Rush” and “Dream Theater”. I’m truly looking forward to viewing these. I’ve never seen a Dream Theater show (since they became Dream Theater; I saw them when they were calling themselves “Majestic” back in the late 80’s, when we opened for them at Goodies in Orange County) and am looking forward to seeing the band in motion. Rush was a band that I had opportunity to see but wasn’t as interested in their music at the time as I am now. I think it is more of a respect issue that I have gained for them over time and I am interested in the intricate musicianship they display and use. Geddy Lee is the bassist, Neil Pert is the drummer/percussionist and the guitarist is Alex Lifeson. Alex took me time to appreciate, be a guitarist as well, I felt the major contributors in the band were Neil and Geddy, more so than Alex. I don’t think that way anymore, but it was a real block for a number of years.
Nana comes back this afternoon/evening from having spent 4 ½ days at CC’s brother’s home. A familiar living dynamic will return and we will adjust back to it. Also, we are heading back to karate tonight; the kids have been absent for nearly a month due to my situation. It will be good to see Sensei again and possibly begin a very controlled and light work-out regiment with him. I’m looking forward to that cautiously so that I don’t continue to end up disappointed week after week, constantly having to postpone any training because I’m suffering.
I just spoke to Chris, my boss, and shared with him some of the changes and decisions from yesterday. More on that later.
I can tell now that it will be a cane night, but I made to through the day without it, anyway. CC and the kids met me at red Robin for a lunch, something we haven’t done in several weeks now, and it was fun to be just the four of us out to lunch together. We enjoy each other.
…Part two…
It’s now 5:30 PM and I’m with Joshua at his Karate lesson and able to continue because Sensei installed a wireless internet in the Dojo. Very cool, though I haven’t used it until now. It’s convenient under the circumstances. I spent a good 10 minutes talking with Sensei at the beginning of Josh’s lesson while one of Sensei’s student teachers, Mark, taught the class. He shows a great amount of caring for our family and it’s very cool to call him friend as well as teacher. He brought up an interesting question; He asked about transfusions if the issue is potassium in the blood. Hhmmm…I hadn’t thought about that at all nor did my neurologist. I’m guessing since my neurologist didn’t broach the subject, that it is not a viable option or solution. Right now, I have to jump through another necessary hoop to progress in the Kaiser system, which is to get an official second opinion confirming the diagnosis of Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis from another Kaiser neurologist, and my neurologist has set me up with an appointment with one of his colleagues in Walnut Creek. He speaks very highly of him and my hopes are that we can expedite the process, get the second diagnosis and be able to move freely within the medical field, searching out proper care since our current medical system knows nearly nothing of HKPP; to an extent, they know more now from me than they did 6 months ago.
Missy’s class is about to end; it is nearly 6:45 and we are about to head back home, so I’ll post this now and then may add on to it tonight.
peace
Monday, November 27, 2006
Monday, The New Day
Monday, November 27, 2006
Today was a productive day, though it was filled with reasonable highs and pretty tough lows, at least internally anyway.
Yesterday was spent mostly on the couch because I was too weak to do much else and had to use the cane everywhere I went, starting in the morning. That sucks. Yesterday was the price for Saturday, I guess. I’m wiser for it now, but am frustrated that a good day has now to be paid for in pain the following day. It does not bode well for considerations of being very active very often at this point. Growl and sigh.
The G3 videos came today and I’m listening to John Petrucci at the moment. I listened to some of one of the videos earlier and learned that Vai and Satriani were grade school friends and grew up together in Long Island. Satriani was the only guitar teacher in Vai’s part of town, so Vai took lessons from Satriani way early on. That piece of history explained the visible connection between the two of them when they jam together and how Vai looks to him and responds to his playing. Somewhat a missing puzzle piece that I now have. Cool info.
Mom and dad went back home today after staying from Friday and helping us in many ways. Much progress was made in house work, yard work and some home repair that I have been unable to manage for obvious reasons and CC has been alone in most ways in her efforts on the home front since I’m currently limited in my abilities and the kids can be only “so” productive before their efforts actually create a reverse effect as they begin to play instead of clean…
We spoke to MedicAlert today and they confirmed the changes on the bracelet and will be turning it around shortly, so that’s a good thing.
We also saw my Neurologist today and both CC and I feel confident he is truly in our corner and is trying to expedite my care. He has asked me to begin a different, new medication for nerve pain called Lyrica (Pregabalin). He wants to see if it helps with the invading pain. If not that, then he wants me to try Gabipenton (sp) also called Neurontin (sp), which is the pain med Nana is on, via patch. I can’t be certain of the spelling of the last two names, oh well. I’m hopeful the new med will be more aggressive in helping me sleep and not be distracted throughout the day by pain hits in the various battle-zones already hit (shoulder, neck, lower back, right leg, hips, etc.)
The new med’s a good thing but another dose of reality that this all is really happening and that I really am struggling with a real issue, real disease and that it isn’t going away after a good night’s sleep. Depression kicked back-in, part way through the appt. as I saw the picture again that there really is an issue at hand again. No sooner had we begun to drive home from the appointment and I felt like I could only bow my head in acceptance that another emotional battle was lost against this invisible physiological foe, when I feel the soothing hand of my wife upon my head and neck, and her words of encouragement reminding me of the victories from the doctor appointment and the opportunity to actually stop trying to get better, so to speak and let my body rest now that the clock is no longer ticking against me, as it has been for a couple weeks. I could hear its ticking in my head as I laid awake at night in the hospital bed and even when I was at home on my couch and in my bed. My mind’s drive to be producing is relentless, apparently, and I feel like I’m slacking when I’m resting, like I should be “doing something”. I guess my heart understands but my mind refuses to accept it…or the other way around. This is harder than when my back broke because at least then I could see the X-ray and the CT scan film and see the broken bones and logic was dominant in my acceptance of the malady facing me. This fight is with something I can’t see, I can’t touch, hold or kick, but instead, it can strike me in my sleep, when I stand, sit or walk. It can strike when I’m on stage playing guitar (which happened during summer camp) and it seems to win each battle it wages. We are able to stop it after it strikes, but we cannot prevent it from terrorizing my children and wife. I find myself furious with this and yet, what does that yield? More muscle pain and a headache.
I don’t see dead people (quote backhanded/reversed from a movie)…I just see darkness a lot. Light seems to have to be pursued more than not.
Another victory was in our back yard in that SeanO, a very good buddy of mine for many, many years came by with his bride and they helped clear out the back yard of the debris and branches that have sat, untouched for weeks, needing to be taken to the dump in a series of trips with a trailer of sorts. Thanks to Sean and Tiffany, most of the remaining debris is gone. My dad took the majority of it away while he was here, using my cousin’s trailer.
I’ve been corresponding with a very good friend from the Bay Area who is a superb guitarist and checking out his work he’s been creating at home. That’s been a really good focus for me and has proven to be a stoking force on my musical embers, so to speak. I’m hopeful to go by work tomorrow and pick up my guitars and pedal control (even if I can only carry one at a time) and bring them home and set them up so I can play more. Our house doesn’t offer much in the way of space for the music work, but perhaps I can be creative. If I can begin to get creative in music again, then I can vent on a completely different level than simple writing will allow.
Thanks for being there (here).
Today was a productive day, though it was filled with reasonable highs and pretty tough lows, at least internally anyway.
Yesterday was spent mostly on the couch because I was too weak to do much else and had to use the cane everywhere I went, starting in the morning. That sucks. Yesterday was the price for Saturday, I guess. I’m wiser for it now, but am frustrated that a good day has now to be paid for in pain the following day. It does not bode well for considerations of being very active very often at this point. Growl and sigh.
The G3 videos came today and I’m listening to John Petrucci at the moment. I listened to some of one of the videos earlier and learned that Vai and Satriani were grade school friends and grew up together in Long Island. Satriani was the only guitar teacher in Vai’s part of town, so Vai took lessons from Satriani way early on. That piece of history explained the visible connection between the two of them when they jam together and how Vai looks to him and responds to his playing. Somewhat a missing puzzle piece that I now have. Cool info.
Mom and dad went back home today after staying from Friday and helping us in many ways. Much progress was made in house work, yard work and some home repair that I have been unable to manage for obvious reasons and CC has been alone in most ways in her efforts on the home front since I’m currently limited in my abilities and the kids can be only “so” productive before their efforts actually create a reverse effect as they begin to play instead of clean…
We spoke to MedicAlert today and they confirmed the changes on the bracelet and will be turning it around shortly, so that’s a good thing.
We also saw my Neurologist today and both CC and I feel confident he is truly in our corner and is trying to expedite my care. He has asked me to begin a different, new medication for nerve pain called Lyrica (Pregabalin). He wants to see if it helps with the invading pain. If not that, then he wants me to try Gabipenton (sp) also called Neurontin (sp), which is the pain med Nana is on, via patch. I can’t be certain of the spelling of the last two names, oh well. I’m hopeful the new med will be more aggressive in helping me sleep and not be distracted throughout the day by pain hits in the various battle-zones already hit (shoulder, neck, lower back, right leg, hips, etc.)
The new med’s a good thing but another dose of reality that this all is really happening and that I really am struggling with a real issue, real disease and that it isn’t going away after a good night’s sleep. Depression kicked back-in, part way through the appt. as I saw the picture again that there really is an issue at hand again. No sooner had we begun to drive home from the appointment and I felt like I could only bow my head in acceptance that another emotional battle was lost against this invisible physiological foe, when I feel the soothing hand of my wife upon my head and neck, and her words of encouragement reminding me of the victories from the doctor appointment and the opportunity to actually stop trying to get better, so to speak and let my body rest now that the clock is no longer ticking against me, as it has been for a couple weeks. I could hear its ticking in my head as I laid awake at night in the hospital bed and even when I was at home on my couch and in my bed. My mind’s drive to be producing is relentless, apparently, and I feel like I’m slacking when I’m resting, like I should be “doing something”. I guess my heart understands but my mind refuses to accept it…or the other way around. This is harder than when my back broke because at least then I could see the X-ray and the CT scan film and see the broken bones and logic was dominant in my acceptance of the malady facing me. This fight is with something I can’t see, I can’t touch, hold or kick, but instead, it can strike me in my sleep, when I stand, sit or walk. It can strike when I’m on stage playing guitar (which happened during summer camp) and it seems to win each battle it wages. We are able to stop it after it strikes, but we cannot prevent it from terrorizing my children and wife. I find myself furious with this and yet, what does that yield? More muscle pain and a headache.
I don’t see dead people (quote backhanded/reversed from a movie)…I just see darkness a lot. Light seems to have to be pursued more than not.
Another victory was in our back yard in that SeanO, a very good buddy of mine for many, many years came by with his bride and they helped clear out the back yard of the debris and branches that have sat, untouched for weeks, needing to be taken to the dump in a series of trips with a trailer of sorts. Thanks to Sean and Tiffany, most of the remaining debris is gone. My dad took the majority of it away while he was here, using my cousin’s trailer.
I’ve been corresponding with a very good friend from the Bay Area who is a superb guitarist and checking out his work he’s been creating at home. That’s been a really good focus for me and has proven to be a stoking force on my musical embers, so to speak. I’m hopeful to go by work tomorrow and pick up my guitars and pedal control (even if I can only carry one at a time) and bring them home and set them up so I can play more. Our house doesn’t offer much in the way of space for the music work, but perhaps I can be creative. If I can begin to get creative in music again, then I can vent on a completely different level than simple writing will allow.
Thanks for being there (here).
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Addendum to Sunday the 26th
I forgot to add in to my last entry that my nephew, Sterling, had shared a music video with me yesterday of a band called DragonForce which is a band bringing back speed metal with a fine, articulate dual guitar approach and clean, solid melodic vocals. I had shared G3 with him and he wanted to show me a clip from DragonForce. These guys from DragonForce, Herman Li & Sam Totman, are well within the league of the forerunners; Via, Satriani & Petrucci, though it is worthy of noting that the three aforementioned axemen were creating and refining the speed technique and possibly creating it while players like the guys from DragonForce are likely skilled learners with excellent skill and ability. Worthy of note, without a doubt, is the drummer David Mackintosh who is, more often than not, showing off a ferocious ability to double kick with the best of any band.
I'm not dogging the guys from DragonForce at all; I believe that they are just too young to be carrying the original speed metal mantle, if that makes sense, being that they formed in later '99. Certainly there were bands from the 80's like Pantera, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Testament, Megadeth and NUMEROUS other bands which were clubbing with amazing speed on maple and rosewood fretboards long before 1999.
I'm not dogging the guys from DragonForce at all; I believe that they are just too young to be carrying the original speed metal mantle, if that makes sense, being that they formed in later '99. Certainly there were bands from the 80's like Pantera, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Testament, Megadeth and NUMEROUS other bands which were clubbing with amazing speed on maple and rosewood fretboards long before 1999.
Sunday is Birthday
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Well, it’s 43 today. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m 30 years older than that. I woke up in pain, sore and still tired from the inside out. We are postponing a small gathering CC was putting together for this afternoon, but not just because of me and my state, but also because Missy tested positive for STREP. She’s been in terrible pain, throat-wise, for the last couple days.
It’s frustrating to postpone the gathering, but I believe it was ill-fated should we have pursued it.
My sister and family came up yesterday for a few hours so we got to have a small celebration with them. I haven’t seen my sister, brother-in-law and nephews for quite some time. My niece is in Hungary with AFS, living there for 6 months. She comes home in February. We were unable to see her off at the airport, so our goal is to be at the airport when she returns, for sure. I, and we, miss her dearly. Mom and dad came up on Friday and have been helping with chores and yard work, which has been real blessing for us.
With the family here, I spent all my energy on their visit and was unable to consider writing last night for the blog, so that’s why I’m writing today instead.
I’m still frustrated that my videos did not come on Friday as they were supposed to. I emailed AMAZON.COM and wrote of my sincere frustration with the skipped delivery and they replied within the hour and credited my card for the full cost of the shipping, which I felt was a fair response to my frustration.
Well, it is close to 12:40 PM and I’m going to rest for a while. I just checked my potassium and I’m at 4.6, which is a solid number to have. The range is 3.5 to 5.3 and though 4.6 is a good number to have, the issue is often not the level, but it’s the drop from one level to another level that can be the issue. The prayers for each day are to keep the K+ levels stable and not suffer a drop.
Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all-
Peace
w
Well, it’s 43 today. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m 30 years older than that. I woke up in pain, sore and still tired from the inside out. We are postponing a small gathering CC was putting together for this afternoon, but not just because of me and my state, but also because Missy tested positive for STREP. She’s been in terrible pain, throat-wise, for the last couple days.
It’s frustrating to postpone the gathering, but I believe it was ill-fated should we have pursued it.
My sister and family came up yesterday for a few hours so we got to have a small celebration with them. I haven’t seen my sister, brother-in-law and nephews for quite some time. My niece is in Hungary with AFS, living there for 6 months. She comes home in February. We were unable to see her off at the airport, so our goal is to be at the airport when she returns, for sure. I, and we, miss her dearly. Mom and dad came up on Friday and have been helping with chores and yard work, which has been real blessing for us.
With the family here, I spent all my energy on their visit and was unable to consider writing last night for the blog, so that’s why I’m writing today instead.
I’m still frustrated that my videos did not come on Friday as they were supposed to. I emailed AMAZON.COM and wrote of my sincere frustration with the skipped delivery and they replied within the hour and credited my card for the full cost of the shipping, which I felt was a fair response to my frustration.
Well, it is close to 12:40 PM and I’m going to rest for a while. I just checked my potassium and I’m at 4.6, which is a solid number to have. The range is 3.5 to 5.3 and though 4.6 is a good number to have, the issue is often not the level, but it’s the drop from one level to another level that can be the issue. The prayers for each day are to keep the K+ levels stable and not suffer a drop.
Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all-
Peace
w
Friday, November 24, 2006
Friday Evening Closing
Friday, November 24, 2006
Today was more of a work day, while CC was at work herself, the kids and I cleaned house pretty well. There’s not much to today, really.
My parents arrived after a very long ride up from the Bay Area. Over 3 hours of travel time, I think.
The G3 videos were to arrive today UPS, but it’s now 9:40 PM and I kinda doubt I’ll see it tonight, so I’ll call UPS tomorrow to see if it will be delivered or if I can go pick it up from their distro house in Sacramento.
I was hoping to have the DVDs for Sunday but maybe it will be the laptop instead.
I heard more from by buddy of many years, Dan, who lives in the Bay Area. He’s a fine guitarist, always has been, and is doing some guitar recording currently. I’m hopeful to keep up with him and check out his work. Truly, he’s a fine player.
My potassium was somewhat low tonight so I’ll check it again before I go to sleep.
Looking towards tomorrow-
Peace
Today was more of a work day, while CC was at work herself, the kids and I cleaned house pretty well. There’s not much to today, really.
My parents arrived after a very long ride up from the Bay Area. Over 3 hours of travel time, I think.
The G3 videos were to arrive today UPS, but it’s now 9:40 PM and I kinda doubt I’ll see it tonight, so I’ll call UPS tomorrow to see if it will be delivered or if I can go pick it up from their distro house in Sacramento.
I was hoping to have the DVDs for Sunday but maybe it will be the laptop instead.
I heard more from by buddy of many years, Dan, who lives in the Bay Area. He’s a fine guitarist, always has been, and is doing some guitar recording currently. I’m hopeful to keep up with him and check out his work. Truly, he’s a fine player.
My potassium was somewhat low tonight so I’ll check it again before I go to sleep.
Looking towards tomorrow-
Peace
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Thanksgiving Evening
Thursday, November 23, 2006
It’s 10:18 PM and I’m being serenaded by Josh’s pick of music videos; “Men in Black” by Will Smith and the song before that was “Nod Your Head” (also by Will Smith). That’s my kid. “Monkey Business” by Skid Row, back to back with Will Smith. We like a variety. Both Missy and Josh like everything from Elvis to Everly Brothers to Queen to Scorpions to Ace of Bass to Skid Row to Frank Sinatra. I’m stoked that they love all kinds and styles of music equally. Different day, different vibe...
We spent the afternoon and evening over at CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs with our family, Nana, Chris and Brooke and their boys and Brooke’s Step Brother and his wife and baby girl, and Brooke’s mom and Dennis. It was a fairly full house but certainly kick back; we watched a couple football games and the kids and adults played some game where you have to get four checkers in a row (red or black)…I thinks it’s called Connect Four. Anyway, Nana will be staying there with Chris and Brooke until the beginning of next week for a change of pace for all of us. The next few days will be nice to have a different dynamic in the house and I’m sure that it will be good for Nana to spend time with her other grand children too.
Also tonight, there were 3 turkeys; Roasted, Barbequed and Fried. In my mind, there was no competition to the fried turkey, which ironically was NOT what I thought would be the better tasting preparation. It was VERY juicy and moist and flavorful, more-so than the BBQ an Roasted. I think we will plan on trying that for next year, depending on how much a deep fryer costs. It was excellent. Then was apple pie and pumpkin pie, which I had a very small slices of.
My potassium was 3.7 when we go there, which had my attention and I was feeling poorly at the time. A few hours later I tested again and I was up to 4.3 and subsequently feeling a little better as well. My right leg was sore today and tonight as was my hip, so it was mostly a cane day. Bummer.
I’m really thankful to have the Cardy now and though I don’t want to live by it, I do want to be mindful of my feeling and begin to correlate the numbers with the feeling.
Tomorrow brings my parents up for a visit and then Saturday brings the Haldens up for the day and then Sunday (my birthday) is a planned kick-back day of socializing and music. Actually, early Sunday afternoon, we plan to go back down to the Sacramento Library for a puppet show at 2:00 and then home before 3:30.
Well, it’s my hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that the weekend will be restful. Time to put the kids to bed (10:56 PM) and call it a night too.
(Do you like the new look for the Blog? I feel better about it now.)
Peace
It’s 10:18 PM and I’m being serenaded by Josh’s pick of music videos; “Men in Black” by Will Smith and the song before that was “Nod Your Head” (also by Will Smith). That’s my kid. “Monkey Business” by Skid Row, back to back with Will Smith. We like a variety. Both Missy and Josh like everything from Elvis to Everly Brothers to Queen to Scorpions to Ace of Bass to Skid Row to Frank Sinatra. I’m stoked that they love all kinds and styles of music equally. Different day, different vibe...
We spent the afternoon and evening over at CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs with our family, Nana, Chris and Brooke and their boys and Brooke’s Step Brother and his wife and baby girl, and Brooke’s mom and Dennis. It was a fairly full house but certainly kick back; we watched a couple football games and the kids and adults played some game where you have to get four checkers in a row (red or black)…I thinks it’s called Connect Four. Anyway, Nana will be staying there with Chris and Brooke until the beginning of next week for a change of pace for all of us. The next few days will be nice to have a different dynamic in the house and I’m sure that it will be good for Nana to spend time with her other grand children too.
Also tonight, there were 3 turkeys; Roasted, Barbequed and Fried. In my mind, there was no competition to the fried turkey, which ironically was NOT what I thought would be the better tasting preparation. It was VERY juicy and moist and flavorful, more-so than the BBQ an Roasted. I think we will plan on trying that for next year, depending on how much a deep fryer costs. It was excellent. Then was apple pie and pumpkin pie, which I had a very small slices of.
My potassium was 3.7 when we go there, which had my attention and I was feeling poorly at the time. A few hours later I tested again and I was up to 4.3 and subsequently feeling a little better as well. My right leg was sore today and tonight as was my hip, so it was mostly a cane day. Bummer.
I’m really thankful to have the Cardy now and though I don’t want to live by it, I do want to be mindful of my feeling and begin to correlate the numbers with the feeling.
Tomorrow brings my parents up for a visit and then Saturday brings the Haldens up for the day and then Sunday (my birthday) is a planned kick-back day of socializing and music. Actually, early Sunday afternoon, we plan to go back down to the Sacramento Library for a puppet show at 2:00 and then home before 3:30.
Well, it’s my hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that the weekend will be restful. Time to put the kids to bed (10:56 PM) and call it a night too.
(Do you like the new look for the Blog? I feel better about it now.)
Peace
It's OFFICIALLY Thanksgiving 2006
Happy Thanksgiving all-
It's 12:37 AM and I just finished the Zambia Chronicles Blog.
If you are interested, it is HERE (left click on the word HERE and it will take you to it)
It's a little under 16,000 words total, from start to finish, so take your time.
peace all-
w
It's 12:37 AM and I just finished the Zambia Chronicles Blog.
If you are interested, it is HERE (left click on the word HERE and it will take you to it)
It's a little under 16,000 words total, from start to finish, so take your time.
peace all-
w
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Wednesday thoughts before Thanksgiving
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Today’s been pretty chill, all things considered. Missy had a play-date yesterday with her friends Leah and Jacie and Jacie spent the night after CC took all three (and Josh) to a place called Pump It Up (a warehouse filled with Bounce Houses). The Route 56 group from our church went there last night as off campus activity. The kids said they had a great time, though they came back with some small, minor rubber burns from sliding on the vinyl.
CC got me up in time to go to the doctor appt. this morning which was a follow up appt. to my release from the hospital and since my regular doc is on vacation, I saw his colleague instead. Not much came from the appt. except that we learned that it is possible that the methadone may be contributing to my sweats I get throughout the day, though we still don’t really know. The methadone has done me pretty well, but it may serve me to increase the amount I take to see if it will be of further assistance in my managing the day with pain under control.
We took Joshy with us to the doctor appt. since he’s still having a real challenge with separating from CC. Ever since I went into the hospital, Joshy falls to pieces at CC’s even mentioning that she’s going to go on an errand, let alone going to work or otherwise.
We’re (the kids and me) watching The Adventures of Wallace and Gromit on DVD, thanks to my good friend George from L.A. He sent it up with some other videos for me to watch. Good fun.
Prior to Wallace and Gromit was listening to G3 on the computer again. I found their DVDs on sale on Amazon.com for $13.00 each!! I should have them by Friday. They are my birthday present to me. :-o) I’m also hoping for the out of circulation “Rippington’s Live from LA” video, currently up for sale on EBay. I’ve been waiting to find that video for years and the last time it was up for bid was this year a few weeks ago and I went in the hospital and lost the bid. I’m very hopeful to win it this time. I had owned the video a long time ago, but loaned it to a friend and forgot who I gave it to and never saw it again with no way to find it. I’ve been looking ever since ’97 when I loaned it and I was pretty dosed at the time (recovering from back surgery and taking a silly amount of narcotic). Here’s to hoping. The video truly captures the band’s live experience and is a real gem.
Grrrrrrr…Rats. It’s a few hours after I wrote the above paragraph and I was just outbid and money’s FAR to tight to continue. It was a tough justification to begin with, but I was coming at it from the “birthday present” approach, hoping it would stay in the very low figures. No such luck. Better luck next time, I ‘spose.
It’s been a very low key day and that’s been helpful. I’ve been able to relax and rest to the point of nodding off while typing a while ago. I’ve been considering what to do with my Zambia Diary from 2001 and am thinking that I will create a separate blog for it and create it with each day in the journal being a different blog entry. Same kind of deal as this blog, in that I don’t know who or how many would be interested in it but it would be fun to put it out there for folks to read if they want to. It is essentially my writings while on the trip to and from Lusaka, Zambia. I wrote the diary more as separate letters to CC and kids while I was gone, so many entries are clearly to her and referenced in missing her while away. When I put it together and post it, I will post the link in this blog.
I didn’t watch Mission Impossible III last night, too tired. Perhaps I’ll manage to view it tonight before I go to bed. I realized a big part of the reason that the movie last night depressed me and had such an affect is that it was based on truth and a real storyline, not a fictitious plot. The movie effectively and brutally portrayed humanity’s fallen nature on video and reminded me how vicious “we” can be without Him.
I’d like to ask all of you who pray to please be praying for CC and I as we near and reach the weekend which will present us with a decision regarding my work at FOP and my current condition. With the methadone, my pain is pretty much manageable throughout the day and, depending on the degree, I can walk without the use of a cane, however, the possibility of another attack is anything but removed and controlled at this point and my last two attacks were while I was at work. This decision is more than significant; it will likely determine the next several years of my life.
Confession: In honesty, I’ve been existing far more than actively praying although I DO know the importance of seeking God’s will and direction, especially now. Those inclined to intercede on our behalf prayerfully are sincerely appreciated, and besides, only God will know who you are anyway.
It’s the end of the night for me. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will be observing it while at CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs. I hope your day tomorrow is filled with joy, relaxation and good company.
Blessings-
w
Today’s been pretty chill, all things considered. Missy had a play-date yesterday with her friends Leah and Jacie and Jacie spent the night after CC took all three (and Josh) to a place called Pump It Up (a warehouse filled with Bounce Houses). The Route 56 group from our church went there last night as off campus activity. The kids said they had a great time, though they came back with some small, minor rubber burns from sliding on the vinyl.
CC got me up in time to go to the doctor appt. this morning which was a follow up appt. to my release from the hospital and since my regular doc is on vacation, I saw his colleague instead. Not much came from the appt. except that we learned that it is possible that the methadone may be contributing to my sweats I get throughout the day, though we still don’t really know. The methadone has done me pretty well, but it may serve me to increase the amount I take to see if it will be of further assistance in my managing the day with pain under control.
We took Joshy with us to the doctor appt. since he’s still having a real challenge with separating from CC. Ever since I went into the hospital, Joshy falls to pieces at CC’s even mentioning that she’s going to go on an errand, let alone going to work or otherwise.
We’re (the kids and me) watching The Adventures of Wallace and Gromit on DVD, thanks to my good friend George from L.A. He sent it up with some other videos for me to watch. Good fun.
Prior to Wallace and Gromit was listening to G3 on the computer again. I found their DVDs on sale on Amazon.com for $13.00 each!! I should have them by Friday. They are my birthday present to me. :-o) I’m also hoping for the out of circulation “Rippington’s Live from LA” video, currently up for sale on EBay. I’ve been waiting to find that video for years and the last time it was up for bid was this year a few weeks ago and I went in the hospital and lost the bid. I’m very hopeful to win it this time. I had owned the video a long time ago, but loaned it to a friend and forgot who I gave it to and never saw it again with no way to find it. I’ve been looking ever since ’97 when I loaned it and I was pretty dosed at the time (recovering from back surgery and taking a silly amount of narcotic). Here’s to hoping. The video truly captures the band’s live experience and is a real gem.
Grrrrrrr…Rats. It’s a few hours after I wrote the above paragraph and I was just outbid and money’s FAR to tight to continue. It was a tough justification to begin with, but I was coming at it from the “birthday present” approach, hoping it would stay in the very low figures. No such luck. Better luck next time, I ‘spose.
It’s been a very low key day and that’s been helpful. I’ve been able to relax and rest to the point of nodding off while typing a while ago. I’ve been considering what to do with my Zambia Diary from 2001 and am thinking that I will create a separate blog for it and create it with each day in the journal being a different blog entry. Same kind of deal as this blog, in that I don’t know who or how many would be interested in it but it would be fun to put it out there for folks to read if they want to. It is essentially my writings while on the trip to and from Lusaka, Zambia. I wrote the diary more as separate letters to CC and kids while I was gone, so many entries are clearly to her and referenced in missing her while away. When I put it together and post it, I will post the link in this blog.
I didn’t watch Mission Impossible III last night, too tired. Perhaps I’ll manage to view it tonight before I go to bed. I realized a big part of the reason that the movie last night depressed me and had such an affect is that it was based on truth and a real storyline, not a fictitious plot. The movie effectively and brutally portrayed humanity’s fallen nature on video and reminded me how vicious “we” can be without Him.
I’d like to ask all of you who pray to please be praying for CC and I as we near and reach the weekend which will present us with a decision regarding my work at FOP and my current condition. With the methadone, my pain is pretty much manageable throughout the day and, depending on the degree, I can walk without the use of a cane, however, the possibility of another attack is anything but removed and controlled at this point and my last two attacks were while I was at work. This decision is more than significant; it will likely determine the next several years of my life.
Confession: In honesty, I’ve been existing far more than actively praying although I DO know the importance of seeking God’s will and direction, especially now. Those inclined to intercede on our behalf prayerfully are sincerely appreciated, and besides, only God will know who you are anyway.
It’s the end of the night for me. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will be observing it while at CC’s brother’s place in Shingle Springs. I hope your day tomorrow is filled with joy, relaxation and good company.
Blessings-
w
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Tuesday Forward
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Today has been a pretty good day over-all and the high point so far is the Cardy meter arrived today! It's far smaller than I thought it would be, a little larger than a cell phone. I received the extra supplies as well and will just need to order more of the testing strips, but these strips should last for quite a while. The calibration has to be done around once a month and I hope to check my levels three times a day for a while, until I feel I have a pretty good handle on what my “normal” range is. I checked it with the meter and I was 4.4 K+. How cool.
To be continued… 4:58 PM
It’s 9:26 PM and I just finished watching what I thought was to be a very good movie called “Lord of War” with Nicholas Cage. It was a very depressing movie as opposed to very good and was far from the mood-setter I was hoping for. All I can do in response to seeing the movie is not to suggest it. My mood has sunk and hopefully will be only for a short time.
Once the movie ended, I checked email and noticed that my lab results from today’s lab draw was in and check it out; my potassium was 4.4 at the lab and it was 4.4 when I checked it here at the house. How cool is that? CC and I just talked about how to make the meter a practical tool for me since I will need to make it as portable as me. I may have to get back into wearing a waist-pack in order to carry it with me all the time.
Bri left a few hours ago to head to his cousin’s place and then for home. I was fading in energy and had to go lay down before he actually left. It was really good to have him visit and hang out. He took me to Kaiser to get my labs done this afternoon as well. He’s like the fusion of a good friend and younger brother as well. Years ago he went through Hell and hung out there for a while medically speaking, while fighting for his life in Stanford’s ICU, during the time I was working for Menlo. It was good to be there with him then and to see his recovery and, though my situation is not as his was, praise God, the ball seems to be on the other foot to some degree and his visits have been very heartwarming and enjoyable. Add to that, the kids love him…heck, even Annie has taken a real liking to him. It was a good visit.
Well, my pursuit of mental distraction has brought me to the “Mission Impossible III” DVD, which I hope will be a better suit for me than furthering a negative mindset such as “Lord of War”, granted a creatively done negative mindset, but a negative one, none the less.
Well, either way, the evening is coming to a close, so Wednesday is up next…Good things came from today; God was in them I think. My heart is thankful for the meter. I’m blessed.
peace
-me
Today has been a pretty good day over-all and the high point so far is the Cardy meter arrived today! It's far smaller than I thought it would be, a little larger than a cell phone. I received the extra supplies as well and will just need to order more of the testing strips, but these strips should last for quite a while. The calibration has to be done around once a month and I hope to check my levels three times a day for a while, until I feel I have a pretty good handle on what my “normal” range is. I checked it with the meter and I was 4.4 K+. How cool.
To be continued… 4:58 PM
It’s 9:26 PM and I just finished watching what I thought was to be a very good movie called “Lord of War” with Nicholas Cage. It was a very depressing movie as opposed to very good and was far from the mood-setter I was hoping for. All I can do in response to seeing the movie is not to suggest it. My mood has sunk and hopefully will be only for a short time.
Once the movie ended, I checked email and noticed that my lab results from today’s lab draw was in and check it out; my potassium was 4.4 at the lab and it was 4.4 when I checked it here at the house. How cool is that? CC and I just talked about how to make the meter a practical tool for me since I will need to make it as portable as me. I may have to get back into wearing a waist-pack in order to carry it with me all the time.
Bri left a few hours ago to head to his cousin’s place and then for home. I was fading in energy and had to go lay down before he actually left. It was really good to have him visit and hang out. He took me to Kaiser to get my labs done this afternoon as well. He’s like the fusion of a good friend and younger brother as well. Years ago he went through Hell and hung out there for a while medically speaking, while fighting for his life in Stanford’s ICU, during the time I was working for Menlo. It was good to be there with him then and to see his recovery and, though my situation is not as his was, praise God, the ball seems to be on the other foot to some degree and his visits have been very heartwarming and enjoyable. Add to that, the kids love him…heck, even Annie has taken a real liking to him. It was a good visit.
Well, my pursuit of mental distraction has brought me to the “Mission Impossible III” DVD, which I hope will be a better suit for me than furthering a negative mindset such as “Lord of War”, granted a creatively done negative mindset, but a negative one, none the less.
Well, either way, the evening is coming to a close, so Wednesday is up next…Good things came from today; God was in them I think. My heart is thankful for the meter. I’m blessed.
peace
-me
Monday, November 20, 2006
Monday Was Here
Monday, November 20, 2006
Well, it’s Monday evening and it’s been a fairly productive day.
Today’s accomplishments included getting some appointments cancelled and making some others. We’re making headway on the UCSF referral but are far from handled. The following is undoubtedly mundane and abore, but it is record of today's progress through the use of the phone.
Call and cancel the CT scan: Since I already had the CT scan while I was admitted this past time, there is no need for another scan. I called and left the message for them on the cancellation line. Theoretically they should receive it and cancel the appt.
Call to schedule an appt. with my primary physician or his covering physician: I scheduled an appt. with a doctor from his group this coming Wednesday. I was to have had a follow up with my primary following my release from the hospital, but he's on vacation and I gues the departmenal ball got droped on scheduling me with someone else, so we are following up on something they should have done. Sound familiar?
Call for an appt. with Nutritionist, Kirsten: I called and left a message for her on her line and got a call from CC that she had spoken to her and scheduled a meeting for next week, though I do not recall the day and time. She told CC that I should be eating more carbs than I am currently, but eating more often as well; the smaller meals approach we have tried to keep up from time to time. I'm looking forward to that meeting/appt.
Call UCSF regarding appt. time-frame: I called them and CC called them and determined that once we have the referral from Kaiser, they will double book me for the doctor as soon as possible to get me in ASAP. This has incredible potential to be a huge ball of red tape with a custom fringe of bickering, but I'm hopeful we will get what we need without too much more issue. I sent an email to Member Services at Kaiser stating that we want the referral now and do not believe we should wait until January (which is when the referral doc within Kaiser will see me for Kaiser's official Second Opinion) to get this done. My email left nothing to the imagination, and though you'll find it hard to believe, I wasn't wordy either.
Bracelet Information: I re-wrote the fax and bracelet information and sent and we need to fax it back to them and mail the bracelet to them for replacement. I will rest more securly once the bracelet has been fixed and I have it returned to me. This causes me some stress until it is completed. We'll try to get it off tomorrow.
Brian made it up safely and we had dinner brought to us by a family in the church. We have been truly blessed by the outpouring of love from different families within the church and we are humbled by it. It is so hard to receive, but such a blessing. Some who have given to us and some who have tried to give to us have shared with me that it is as important if not more important for them to give and us receive than not, in that, God is working with and through them and we are to receive when the gift is offered as an obedient act to help them as they help us.
Also, a good friend, George, returned a couple DVDs I had sent him and in return, sent me some DVDs to watch while convalescing, which is very cool. I watched Genesis Live at Wembley this afternoon with Bri.
Killer show.
Well, I’m tired and it’s time to call this a night. Let’s check out tomorrow, shall we?
peace
w
Well, it’s Monday evening and it’s been a fairly productive day.
Today’s accomplishments included getting some appointments cancelled and making some others. We’re making headway on the UCSF referral but are far from handled. The following is undoubtedly mundane and abore, but it is record of today's progress through the use of the phone.
Call and cancel the CT scan: Since I already had the CT scan while I was admitted this past time, there is no need for another scan. I called and left the message for them on the cancellation line. Theoretically they should receive it and cancel the appt.
Call to schedule an appt. with my primary physician or his covering physician: I scheduled an appt. with a doctor from his group this coming Wednesday. I was to have had a follow up with my primary following my release from the hospital, but he's on vacation and I gues the departmenal ball got droped on scheduling me with someone else, so we are following up on something they should have done. Sound familiar?
Call for an appt. with Nutritionist, Kirsten: I called and left a message for her on her line and got a call from CC that she had spoken to her and scheduled a meeting for next week, though I do not recall the day and time. She told CC that I should be eating more carbs than I am currently, but eating more often as well; the smaller meals approach we have tried to keep up from time to time. I'm looking forward to that meeting/appt.
Call UCSF regarding appt. time-frame: I called them and CC called them and determined that once we have the referral from Kaiser, they will double book me for the doctor as soon as possible to get me in ASAP. This has incredible potential to be a huge ball of red tape with a custom fringe of bickering, but I'm hopeful we will get what we need without too much more issue. I sent an email to Member Services at Kaiser stating that we want the referral now and do not believe we should wait until January (which is when the referral doc within Kaiser will see me for Kaiser's official Second Opinion) to get this done. My email left nothing to the imagination, and though you'll find it hard to believe, I wasn't wordy either.
Bracelet Information: I re-wrote the fax and bracelet information and sent and we need to fax it back to them and mail the bracelet to them for replacement. I will rest more securly once the bracelet has been fixed and I have it returned to me. This causes me some stress until it is completed. We'll try to get it off tomorrow.
Brian made it up safely and we had dinner brought to us by a family in the church. We have been truly blessed by the outpouring of love from different families within the church and we are humbled by it. It is so hard to receive, but such a blessing. Some who have given to us and some who have tried to give to us have shared with me that it is as important if not more important for them to give and us receive than not, in that, God is working with and through them and we are to receive when the gift is offered as an obedient act to help them as they help us.
Also, a good friend, George, returned a couple DVDs I had sent him and in return, sent me some DVDs to watch while convalescing, which is very cool. I watched Genesis Live at Wembley this afternoon with Bri.
Killer show.
Well, I’m tired and it’s time to call this a night. Let’s check out tomorrow, shall we?
peace
w
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sunday Cometh
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It’s Sunday evening and B52’s “Love Shack” is the tune of choice at the moment. Just before it was “The Sign” by Ace of Bass, a pretty vicious write about dumping someone, and not just leaving them but questioning how they could have been foolish enough to have been with them in the first place. That was a nasty inspiration, I’m certain. Anyway, it a tune and band I haven’t heard in quite some time. I liked their debut release but not much after that. Wow, digression so early in the write…
Slept in (again) this morning and have slowly been gaining on my lost sleep. I’m not feeling rested yet, but I’m hopeful I will soon. Angel went home this afternoon after staying with us since Friday. It’s been wonderful having her here and she’s such a help to CC. That was the biggest impact besides the kid’s joy of having her here.
CC wanted to take the family to the Sacramento Library in downtown, so we piled into the van and went down there this afternoon. The library is featuring special events each Sunday afternoon and this afternoon was an A Capella trio representing a 5 person ensemble called “Sovosos” I think…uh oh…memory is fading….oh well. They’re from Oakland and the trio did a great job. Very creative and very fresh. The gent covering the beat-box was exceptional, in my opinion. I really enjoyed their product. Afterwards was a treat for Angel; TCBY yogurt in Arden. I found out that the average smoothie there has from 86 to 116 Grams of Carbs. SERIOUS Carbs. I did not partake. Ya think?
(It’s Prince “When Doves Cry” currently) After yogurt was the trip back home and Missy’s preparation to go to the church tonight for the Agape Feast, which is a church-wide potluck. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been an all-church potluck and this was themed in the “original church”, in the time of the apostles. Sara asked certain folks to dress in old Israel garb and had one person per 3 tables act as host for those tables. She, Don Bowes and a few others played parts and had some lines, but overall, it was just an informal potluck with a theme. At the end of the night Chris directed everyone in communion, which was done separately at each table, and Pastor Henry prayed. 200+ came tonight which is cool on the one and, the hand that looks at the night itself and having a turnout, but it was frustrating on the other hand that the church, FOPC, has over 2000+ members on the roles and a turnout of 200 seems pretty low to me. As the dinner progressed, I began to feel light and started sweating like crazy again, but it mellowed out a little wile later. CC’s amazing; she noticed the sweating and cold hands and asked if I was alright, just after it started. I was pleased to not have to leave the dinner prematurely and by not leaving early I was able to say good evening to my crew who was working the event.
The high point of the night was to see my tech family who I haven’t been able to see since I was hospitalized. These are the folks I miss and love on a weekly-basis. It was so heartwarming to see them and get hugs and handshakes. I try to tell them week in and week out how much I appreciate them and tonight made it very tangible for me, in that I have missed them and not just as colleagues but really as my friends and extended family. Rob, Chris P, Robert P, Scott and Leslie, Madoli and Carl…Blessings to me, each of them. I can write it because I know I’ve said it to them over and over, otherwise I feel writing something like that knowing some of them may or might see it is akin to thanking someone while in prayer to avoid saying in person, on to one, if you understand what I mean. I received a call from Erin Creasey, another of my regular, long suffering tech team, and he said he was calling to see how I am doing. Without a doubt, consider him in the list above as well.
I miss them.
I used the cane most of the day today; I was tired and my right leg still feels weaker and occasionally obnoxious. I don’t like it much but it does make the walking a bit easier and for that, if nothing else, I should shut up. At least I can walk.
(Young MC’s “Bust a Move”) I’ve had my meds now and am typing from the bed. The body is mellowing out as the minutes pass. Last night, this was not the case; I got ready to get into bed and as I was climbing in, I could just feel the vibrations begin within my chest and instantly I was hit with the chills which cause me to become either ridged like a board while I shake almost uncontrollably or I curl into a fetal position to try to maintain some warmth. Last night was ridged and CC was quickly beside me calming me back down and helping me to get warmer. My shirt and sweat pants were soaked through before I knew it and after the chills receded it was very difficult to fall asleep, even though I the chills generally leave me exhausted. I’m pretty sure that those episodes are somehow related to HKPP but I don’t know exactly how. They just destroy me physically when they hit and when they stop, I’m left completely wiped and weak with everything hurting. No fun happening here…
(Paul Revere and the Raiders “Cherokee Nation”…remember that one?) Tomorrow or Tuesday should bring the Cardy! I’m excited to get it and get it into use. It would be great to have in cases like last night, to see if it is potassium related or not.
Also tomorrow, my bud Brian Kunz from Portola Valley is coming for a day to hang, chill at my casa and play with the kids, who are VERY excited to see him, so CC and I can complete some paperwork and get some errands done that would be tough to do with them in tow. Bri was my right hand man when I was at MPPC and is a good and faithful friend of ‘round 8 years now. A very, very good drummer and percussionist with a serious imagination, he is also an exceptional mixing engineer with some skilled live chops. I think he’d refer to himself as “Wacky” on a good day. Bri brings cool, good stuff to the mixing table.
(David Bowie’s “Fame”) Thanksgiving is this week, no it’s no shock, I know, but sometimes I have to be reminded of some of the basic OBVIOUS things, all right? Sheesh. So anyway, before I so rudely interrupted my self, Thanksgiving means my birthday is somewhere nearby. That of course means that, the reason I feel so damn old is, that I am...I ‘spose. Sorry for the brief profane expression…kinda. It was the right word…
I was hoping that 42 was going to be a better year than 41 was, being that 41 began with some major back/muscle/spiritual issues and was tough to get through. 42 looked decent until March when the first of these attacks began. Over half a dozen trips to the ER and 3 hospital admissions since then have rendered this year “unfavorable” at best and my hope is now for 43. Family will be coming next weekend and I’m really looking forward to that, though my niece, Kirsten, is in Hungary and thus the weekend won’t be all it could be, but will be as good as it can without her here. I miss you, hun.
So, on to Monday to see what it holds.
-w
It’s Sunday evening and B52’s “Love Shack” is the tune of choice at the moment. Just before it was “The Sign” by Ace of Bass, a pretty vicious write about dumping someone, and not just leaving them but questioning how they could have been foolish enough to have been with them in the first place. That was a nasty inspiration, I’m certain. Anyway, it a tune and band I haven’t heard in quite some time. I liked their debut release but not much after that. Wow, digression so early in the write…
Slept in (again) this morning and have slowly been gaining on my lost sleep. I’m not feeling rested yet, but I’m hopeful I will soon. Angel went home this afternoon after staying with us since Friday. It’s been wonderful having her here and she’s such a help to CC. That was the biggest impact besides the kid’s joy of having her here.
CC wanted to take the family to the Sacramento Library in downtown, so we piled into the van and went down there this afternoon. The library is featuring special events each Sunday afternoon and this afternoon was an A Capella trio representing a 5 person ensemble called “Sovosos” I think…uh oh…memory is fading….oh well. They’re from Oakland and the trio did a great job. Very creative and very fresh. The gent covering the beat-box was exceptional, in my opinion. I really enjoyed their product. Afterwards was a treat for Angel; TCBY yogurt in Arden. I found out that the average smoothie there has from 86 to 116 Grams of Carbs. SERIOUS Carbs. I did not partake. Ya think?
(It’s Prince “When Doves Cry” currently) After yogurt was the trip back home and Missy’s preparation to go to the church tonight for the Agape Feast, which is a church-wide potluck. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been an all-church potluck and this was themed in the “original church”, in the time of the apostles. Sara asked certain folks to dress in old Israel garb and had one person per 3 tables act as host for those tables. She, Don Bowes and a few others played parts and had some lines, but overall, it was just an informal potluck with a theme. At the end of the night Chris directed everyone in communion, which was done separately at each table, and Pastor Henry prayed. 200+ came tonight which is cool on the one and, the hand that looks at the night itself and having a turnout, but it was frustrating on the other hand that the church, FOPC, has over 2000+ members on the roles and a turnout of 200 seems pretty low to me. As the dinner progressed, I began to feel light and started sweating like crazy again, but it mellowed out a little wile later. CC’s amazing; she noticed the sweating and cold hands and asked if I was alright, just after it started. I was pleased to not have to leave the dinner prematurely and by not leaving early I was able to say good evening to my crew who was working the event.
The high point of the night was to see my tech family who I haven’t been able to see since I was hospitalized. These are the folks I miss and love on a weekly-basis. It was so heartwarming to see them and get hugs and handshakes. I try to tell them week in and week out how much I appreciate them and tonight made it very tangible for me, in that I have missed them and not just as colleagues but really as my friends and extended family. Rob, Chris P, Robert P, Scott and Leslie, Madoli and Carl…Blessings to me, each of them. I can write it because I know I’ve said it to them over and over, otherwise I feel writing something like that knowing some of them may or might see it is akin to thanking someone while in prayer to avoid saying in person, on to one, if you understand what I mean. I received a call from Erin Creasey, another of my regular, long suffering tech team, and he said he was calling to see how I am doing. Without a doubt, consider him in the list above as well.
I miss them.
I used the cane most of the day today; I was tired and my right leg still feels weaker and occasionally obnoxious. I don’t like it much but it does make the walking a bit easier and for that, if nothing else, I should shut up. At least I can walk.
(Young MC’s “Bust a Move”) I’ve had my meds now and am typing from the bed. The body is mellowing out as the minutes pass. Last night, this was not the case; I got ready to get into bed and as I was climbing in, I could just feel the vibrations begin within my chest and instantly I was hit with the chills which cause me to become either ridged like a board while I shake almost uncontrollably or I curl into a fetal position to try to maintain some warmth. Last night was ridged and CC was quickly beside me calming me back down and helping me to get warmer. My shirt and sweat pants were soaked through before I knew it and after the chills receded it was very difficult to fall asleep, even though I the chills generally leave me exhausted. I’m pretty sure that those episodes are somehow related to HKPP but I don’t know exactly how. They just destroy me physically when they hit and when they stop, I’m left completely wiped and weak with everything hurting. No fun happening here…
(Paul Revere and the Raiders “Cherokee Nation”…remember that one?) Tomorrow or Tuesday should bring the Cardy! I’m excited to get it and get it into use. It would be great to have in cases like last night, to see if it is potassium related or not.
Also tomorrow, my bud Brian Kunz from Portola Valley is coming for a day to hang, chill at my casa and play with the kids, who are VERY excited to see him, so CC and I can complete some paperwork and get some errands done that would be tough to do with them in tow. Bri was my right hand man when I was at MPPC and is a good and faithful friend of ‘round 8 years now. A very, very good drummer and percussionist with a serious imagination, he is also an exceptional mixing engineer with some skilled live chops. I think he’d refer to himself as “Wacky” on a good day. Bri brings cool, good stuff to the mixing table.
(David Bowie’s “Fame”) Thanksgiving is this week, no it’s no shock, I know, but sometimes I have to be reminded of some of the basic OBVIOUS things, all right? Sheesh. So anyway, before I so rudely interrupted my self, Thanksgiving means my birthday is somewhere nearby. That of course means that, the reason I feel so damn old is, that I am...I ‘spose. Sorry for the brief profane expression…kinda. It was the right word…
I was hoping that 42 was going to be a better year than 41 was, being that 41 began with some major back/muscle/spiritual issues and was tough to get through. 42 looked decent until March when the first of these attacks began. Over half a dozen trips to the ER and 3 hospital admissions since then have rendered this year “unfavorable” at best and my hope is now for 43. Family will be coming next weekend and I’m really looking forward to that, though my niece, Kirsten, is in Hungary and thus the weekend won’t be all it could be, but will be as good as it can without her here. I miss you, hun.
So, on to Monday to see what it holds.
-w
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
Saturday morning, November 18, 2006
Hi there-
This morning was Joshua’s final soccer game, CC works 6:00 AM to 11:00 AM and Missy has a drama rehearsal for tomorrow night’s Agape Feast…somewhat busy morning.
I got around 9 hours of sleep and feel pretty rested. I got up and woke up Josh, who was sleeping in our bed, apparently after he got up to see CC before she went to work. He’s having a seriously tough time with separation since my hospital stay. CC and I went to dinner last night with a very good friend last night and as we walked down the driveway, Josh kept calling to us from the doorway, telling us goodbye and crying/sobbing that we were leaving him. It was very hard. Our hearts just break for him knowing how real the fear is for him right now. All of that is to explain why he was sleeping in our bed after CC went to work. His thing right now is for her to wake him up before she leaves so he can say goodbye to her. After that, she puts him in our bed for his comfort and to go back to sleep. So that brings us back to this morning, waking up Josh and making breakfast for me and him while Angel does her morning treatments (for living with CF). After breakfast, she drove us to Josh’s soccer game at 9:00 and we hung out there while he played. The game ended in a tie, which is a pretty good way to close the season. Would have been cooler to win, but it’s better than losing. Missy had a rehearsal at 10:00 and Aunt Judy picked her up and took her there for that. Angel, Joshy and I arrived back at the house just before Missy did. Somewhat hectic morning.
CC has now taken Josh to the team party at Round Table Pizza and Angel, Missy and Nana are working on house work. My job was to keep Annie distracted for a bit and to work on computer stuff for the bracelet and a couple other computer items.
While I was tossing the ball for Annie, CC came outside and brought me the phone and to my wonderful surprise, Kirsten was on the line!!! How wonderful! I haven’t gotten to speak to her since she left for Hungary on her AFS excursion. That call TOTALLY made my day and week! She’s doing great, it sounds like, and she’s keeping the Hungarians on their toes I’d bet. I feel so much better having heard her voice. I brought the phone to Missy and she was quite elated to speak to her as well.
I’ve had some good time talking with Angel today as well. She’s such the sweetheart and also a very independent thinker; I love to listen to her and hear what she has to say and what she thinks. I was around when she was still an infant in a car seat, so it’s been wonderful to watch her grow up and become the beautiful young lady that she is.
Well, it’s back to research for the bracelet so we can get that back to them and returned to us as soon as possible. The Cardy meter has been ordered (last night) so we should see it Monday or Tuesday.
If you would, please be praying for CC and me right now as we face some huge decisions for us, ones on a global scale. Your thoughts and prayers are truly coveted.
Talk to you later-
peace
w
Hi there-
This morning was Joshua’s final soccer game, CC works 6:00 AM to 11:00 AM and Missy has a drama rehearsal for tomorrow night’s Agape Feast…somewhat busy morning.
I got around 9 hours of sleep and feel pretty rested. I got up and woke up Josh, who was sleeping in our bed, apparently after he got up to see CC before she went to work. He’s having a seriously tough time with separation since my hospital stay. CC and I went to dinner last night with a very good friend last night and as we walked down the driveway, Josh kept calling to us from the doorway, telling us goodbye and crying/sobbing that we were leaving him. It was very hard. Our hearts just break for him knowing how real the fear is for him right now. All of that is to explain why he was sleeping in our bed after CC went to work. His thing right now is for her to wake him up before she leaves so he can say goodbye to her. After that, she puts him in our bed for his comfort and to go back to sleep. So that brings us back to this morning, waking up Josh and making breakfast for me and him while Angel does her morning treatments (for living with CF). After breakfast, she drove us to Josh’s soccer game at 9:00 and we hung out there while he played. The game ended in a tie, which is a pretty good way to close the season. Would have been cooler to win, but it’s better than losing. Missy had a rehearsal at 10:00 and Aunt Judy picked her up and took her there for that. Angel, Joshy and I arrived back at the house just before Missy did. Somewhat hectic morning.
CC has now taken Josh to the team party at Round Table Pizza and Angel, Missy and Nana are working on house work. My job was to keep Annie distracted for a bit and to work on computer stuff for the bracelet and a couple other computer items.
While I was tossing the ball for Annie, CC came outside and brought me the phone and to my wonderful surprise, Kirsten was on the line!!! How wonderful! I haven’t gotten to speak to her since she left for Hungary on her AFS excursion. That call TOTALLY made my day and week! She’s doing great, it sounds like, and she’s keeping the Hungarians on their toes I’d bet. I feel so much better having heard her voice. I brought the phone to Missy and she was quite elated to speak to her as well.
I’ve had some good time talking with Angel today as well. She’s such the sweetheart and also a very independent thinker; I love to listen to her and hear what she has to say and what she thinks. I was around when she was still an infant in a car seat, so it’s been wonderful to watch her grow up and become the beautiful young lady that she is.
Well, it’s back to research for the bracelet so we can get that back to them and returned to us as soon as possible. The Cardy meter has been ordered (last night) so we should see it Monday or Tuesday.
If you would, please be praying for CC and me right now as we face some huge decisions for us, ones on a global scale. Your thoughts and prayers are truly coveted.
Talk to you later-
peace
w
Friday, November 17, 2006
Friday morning, November 17, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
So the morning started out fairly well, I slept another 11 hours again so I feel like I’m making up for lost time. I’m still able to walk around the house without the cane and am very thankful and encouraged.
After reading an email from a good friend, I re-read my morning email from yesterday and feel that I did not portray my thought very well, as they pertained to me and the kids and discipline, so without getting to far into a proverbial “hole”, I’d like to clarify my thoughts of yesterday.
Our home is the farthest from some kind of rogue military camp/school where the kids obey or are punished. CC also has their complete respect as well as mine and all of us operate very well as a family and CC and I as a team. Since the births of Missy and Joshua, my role has increasingly been the secondary and final stop in the response avenue of communications, in that I seldom interject into conversations that I was not a part of unless I heard phrasing, tone of voice or what I felt to be inappropriate inflection on the part of the children speaking to each other or to CC. I feel that today’s culture and society are increasingly breeding disrespect and creating an environment of desensitization in regards to respect and honor of parents and adults; from schools to family structures.
So with all that being said, my thoughts on the homestead are that our children and children who visit must abide by the respect and honor directed by biblical principles as I know them. I don’t necessarily expect “Sir and Ma’am” but “Mr. and Mrs. or Miss” for visiting adults and such. I do keep in mind that this is not enforced at school where the teachers prefer to be addressed by their first name, which I think is helping to break down the established structures of respect built by preceding generations. I prefer my children to speak to adults as I used to and was brought up to. When kids are visiting I strive for a level of respect but I do understand that their families may not be on the same page as me and thus my expectations can be deemed unreasonable. Some of the kids closest to our family already are used to calling us by our first names and in respect to them, I am watchful of the tone of voice, inflections and the common questioning of “why not?” or “How come” or “Why can’t we” and such like that. I’m a believer in obedience/compliance first then I’m happy to explain my reasoning and intent, but I am not alright with a child not doing something asked of them until they hear the reason why. I hope that makes sense in regards to what I wrote from yesterday and gives better understanding as to my frame of mind. I’m not sitting around waiting for the kids to make a mistake or something like that. I do correct what I feel is out of line or in appropriate and strive to be fair and correctable as well.
Well, I hope that covers that. I feel better about having written it down as well, so that should close that topic.
Our niece, Angel, just arrived and will be here for the weekend to get out of her surroundings for a weekend and help with the house and such for CC. She’s an amazing young lady who was born with Cystic Fibrosis and has chosen life over succumbing to the baggage of the disease. She’s a beautiful young lady who now engaged to a gentleman from her town, wonderfully in love with each other. It will be great to have her here for the few days.
Well, more work needs to be done on the bracelet and Cardy, so I’m off to work on those instead of type my thoughts any more.
peace
w
So the morning started out fairly well, I slept another 11 hours again so I feel like I’m making up for lost time. I’m still able to walk around the house without the cane and am very thankful and encouraged.
After reading an email from a good friend, I re-read my morning email from yesterday and feel that I did not portray my thought very well, as they pertained to me and the kids and discipline, so without getting to far into a proverbial “hole”, I’d like to clarify my thoughts of yesterday.
Our home is the farthest from some kind of rogue military camp/school where the kids obey or are punished. CC also has their complete respect as well as mine and all of us operate very well as a family and CC and I as a team. Since the births of Missy and Joshua, my role has increasingly been the secondary and final stop in the response avenue of communications, in that I seldom interject into conversations that I was not a part of unless I heard phrasing, tone of voice or what I felt to be inappropriate inflection on the part of the children speaking to each other or to CC. I feel that today’s culture and society are increasingly breeding disrespect and creating an environment of desensitization in regards to respect and honor of parents and adults; from schools to family structures.
So with all that being said, my thoughts on the homestead are that our children and children who visit must abide by the respect and honor directed by biblical principles as I know them. I don’t necessarily expect “Sir and Ma’am” but “Mr. and Mrs. or Miss” for visiting adults and such. I do keep in mind that this is not enforced at school where the teachers prefer to be addressed by their first name, which I think is helping to break down the established structures of respect built by preceding generations. I prefer my children to speak to adults as I used to and was brought up to. When kids are visiting I strive for a level of respect but I do understand that their families may not be on the same page as me and thus my expectations can be deemed unreasonable. Some of the kids closest to our family already are used to calling us by our first names and in respect to them, I am watchful of the tone of voice, inflections and the common questioning of “why not?” or “How come” or “Why can’t we” and such like that. I’m a believer in obedience/compliance first then I’m happy to explain my reasoning and intent, but I am not alright with a child not doing something asked of them until they hear the reason why. I hope that makes sense in regards to what I wrote from yesterday and gives better understanding as to my frame of mind. I’m not sitting around waiting for the kids to make a mistake or something like that. I do correct what I feel is out of line or in appropriate and strive to be fair and correctable as well.
Well, I hope that covers that. I feel better about having written it down as well, so that should close that topic.
Our niece, Angel, just arrived and will be here for the weekend to get out of her surroundings for a weekend and help with the house and such for CC. She’s an amazing young lady who was born with Cystic Fibrosis and has chosen life over succumbing to the baggage of the disease. She’s a beautiful young lady who now engaged to a gentleman from her town, wonderfully in love with each other. It will be great to have her here for the few days.
Well, more work needs to be done on the bracelet and Cardy, so I’m off to work on those instead of type my thoughts any more.
peace
w
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Thursday Evening
Thursday, November 16, 2006
So we’ve come to the close of another day and ANY day that is a day away from the hospital is a GRAND day! At least that’s what I think, anyway.
I went with CC to go get the kids from school and then to the medical center to get some labs drawn for my potassium count. That’s another thing we just have to accept until we get the Cardy, which is trips to the lab every 2 days to keep track of my levels. The Cardy will hopefully prove to be a gas saver as well as peace of mind benefit.
While we were out I got hungry, having skipped lunch, and asked if we might stop somewhere to pick up something to eat on our way home, so we went by McDonalds and I found out about 15 minutes later that I had made an error in judgment as to cuisine…I felt pretty sick. We had a couple more places to go then we came back home and I got back on the couch and laid still for the better part of an hour and my system seemed to forgive my idiocy. Lesson learned.
I got up when it was time for dinner and decided to try mobility without the cane and did well, so…maybe no more regular cane use…? We’ll see.
I also got my first shower in several days and that felt great, to say the least.
I’ve been working on my mood, which has been less than fair due to impromptu pity parties and things similar, so I’m trying to maintain a good musical base. Currently is “Stevie Ray Vaughn Live at Austin City Limits”. He’s the epitome of “the other side of the fence” from the boys of G3, which I was listening to just before dinner tonight. Stevie just mesmerizes me in no time at all. He’s got a wealth of chops that I would love to have, more-so than my desire to play like one of the G3 boys. I’m in awe of them and LOVE to listen to them but don’t have the drive to try to learn how to fly like they do on the fret board. John Petrucci from Dream Theater is on their “Live from Tokyo” video and just watching his right hand blows me away; the discipline it takes to move so fast on one string and maintain rhythm at that speed is just beyond me. Also in that concert you have Steve Vai with Tony MacAlpine on rhythm and keys and the seriously incredible bass playing of Billy Sheehan. The ending jam for that show was Hendrix’ “Foxy Lady”, ZZ Top’s La Grange and Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”. As if their sets weren’t incredible enough, they close their show with 3 tunes which stand wonderfully on their own and each player solos in each tune. Billy Sheehan sings “La Grange”; very cool. If you dig guitar, you MUST check one or more of these shows out. I know of three videos of G3; each have Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and the third guitarist is different for each show/concert. 2001 Tokyo has John Petrucci, 2003 Denver has Yngwie Malmsteen and 1996 Minnesota has Eric Johnson (with Satriani’s bassist being the amazing and inspiring Stu Hamm). According to their website, G3, they've toured 6 years so far and are currently in Australia…Hey Neil, DON’T MISS THIS if you can possible help, bro. They've had several guitarists with Satriani, mostly Vai and others but the list of players is a vurtual "who's who" of axe men. The show with Yngwie is very good but Yngwie seems as arrogant as I remember him to be, but the boy has some lethal chops, no doubt.
Wow, I digressed…but then, I guess I can, huh? :-o)
I’ve also been looking at some MPEG clips from Live Aid 1985 (Dire Straights w/Sting, Led Zeppelin reunion) and some other live Zeppelin clips.
We have been checking into the possibility of being seen at San Francisco Medical thanks to my family having taken the initiative and made some calls and we found out tonight that I have to be seen by another Kaiser MD and get the same diagnosis before they will refer me to another medical center other than a Kaiser facility. So we will begin that process as soon as we can. It looks like we will go to Kaiser of Walnut Creek where our Neurologist normally refers his patients for second opinions. Once that’s done we can hopefully receive our referral.
I don’t know what God has in store for me at this point and that uncertainty causes friction within me and un-ease, but I guess I just have to learn to shut up and listen. As most of you know, I don’t shut up well… *sigh*.
So the specific praise for the day appears to be that I can move without the consistent need of the cane and that we know what our next step has to be with Kaiser to move forward. Let’s see what Friday holds…
Peace all
w
So we’ve come to the close of another day and ANY day that is a day away from the hospital is a GRAND day! At least that’s what I think, anyway.
I went with CC to go get the kids from school and then to the medical center to get some labs drawn for my potassium count. That’s another thing we just have to accept until we get the Cardy, which is trips to the lab every 2 days to keep track of my levels. The Cardy will hopefully prove to be a gas saver as well as peace of mind benefit.
While we were out I got hungry, having skipped lunch, and asked if we might stop somewhere to pick up something to eat on our way home, so we went by McDonalds and I found out about 15 minutes later that I had made an error in judgment as to cuisine…I felt pretty sick. We had a couple more places to go then we came back home and I got back on the couch and laid still for the better part of an hour and my system seemed to forgive my idiocy. Lesson learned.
I got up when it was time for dinner and decided to try mobility without the cane and did well, so…maybe no more regular cane use…? We’ll see.
I also got my first shower in several days and that felt great, to say the least.
I’ve been working on my mood, which has been less than fair due to impromptu pity parties and things similar, so I’m trying to maintain a good musical base. Currently is “Stevie Ray Vaughn Live at Austin City Limits”. He’s the epitome of “the other side of the fence” from the boys of G3, which I was listening to just before dinner tonight. Stevie just mesmerizes me in no time at all. He’s got a wealth of chops that I would love to have, more-so than my desire to play like one of the G3 boys. I’m in awe of them and LOVE to listen to them but don’t have the drive to try to learn how to fly like they do on the fret board. John Petrucci from Dream Theater is on their “Live from Tokyo” video and just watching his right hand blows me away; the discipline it takes to move so fast on one string and maintain rhythm at that speed is just beyond me. Also in that concert you have Steve Vai with Tony MacAlpine on rhythm and keys and the seriously incredible bass playing of Billy Sheehan. The ending jam for that show was Hendrix’ “Foxy Lady”, ZZ Top’s La Grange and Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”. As if their sets weren’t incredible enough, they close their show with 3 tunes which stand wonderfully on their own and each player solos in each tune. Billy Sheehan sings “La Grange”; very cool. If you dig guitar, you MUST check one or more of these shows out. I know of three videos of G3; each have Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and the third guitarist is different for each show/concert. 2001 Tokyo has John Petrucci, 2003 Denver has Yngwie Malmsteen and 1996 Minnesota has Eric Johnson (with Satriani’s bassist being the amazing and inspiring Stu Hamm). According to their website, G3, they've toured 6 years so far and are currently in Australia…Hey Neil, DON’T MISS THIS if you can possible help, bro. They've had several guitarists with Satriani, mostly Vai and others but the list of players is a vurtual "who's who" of axe men. The show with Yngwie is very good but Yngwie seems as arrogant as I remember him to be, but the boy has some lethal chops, no doubt.
Wow, I digressed…but then, I guess I can, huh? :-o)
I’ve also been looking at some MPEG clips from Live Aid 1985 (Dire Straights w/Sting, Led Zeppelin reunion) and some other live Zeppelin clips.
We have been checking into the possibility of being seen at San Francisco Medical thanks to my family having taken the initiative and made some calls and we found out tonight that I have to be seen by another Kaiser MD and get the same diagnosis before they will refer me to another medical center other than a Kaiser facility. So we will begin that process as soon as we can. It looks like we will go to Kaiser of Walnut Creek where our Neurologist normally refers his patients for second opinions. Once that’s done we can hopefully receive our referral.
I don’t know what God has in store for me at this point and that uncertainty causes friction within me and un-ease, but I guess I just have to learn to shut up and listen. As most of you know, I don’t shut up well… *sigh*.
So the specific praise for the day appears to be that I can move without the consistent need of the cane and that we know what our next step has to be with Kaiser to move forward. Let’s see what Friday holds…
Peace all
w
Thursday morning
Thursday, November 16, 2006
It’s 11:25 and I slept about 11 hours last night, so I’m catching up night by night. It was harder to go to sleep last night for some reason, plus the muscle jerks are still happening once I get truly relaxed. I’m going to have to do some more research on that aspect, they are alarming and frustrating as well, but at least I know they are coming now, so they don’t catch me completely off guard.
I’m again blessed by the emails coming through; they bring a peace to my heart.
I’m going to pursue ordering the Cardy meter today and have been reading up on its use and calibration technique, which apparently takes some getting used to. Also, we are re-faxing our instructions for the Medic Alert bracelet today as well so we can get that back ASAP. I think I mentioned that it came but that it omitted a significant warning on the engraving so we asked them to re-do it.
I was thinking my parents were coming up today, but CC said they had talked with her this morning and that it makes more sense for them to come when they will have more time instead of today, so, if you guys are reading this, I love you and am looking forward to seeing you in a week or so. I’ll plan to call today as well.
I talked to my sis last night and that was reassuring and a blessing. I found after the fact, that I was starving for certain things while in the hospital and one of those things was family so it was very cool to hear her voice last night.
CC’s (and my) niece Angel is coming up tomorrow to help her with the house and stuff, which is HUGE for CC, since she has not been able to get to much of it at all and now especially with me home she wants it cleaned and such but hasn’t had time to do it, so they both will go after it tomorrow and she’ll feel far better.
We’ve got labs to do today so a trip back up the Kaiser is coming soon. It will be good to get back out and about, even if it is just to do an errand or two.
Since being home, though I’m stuck on the couch to a great extent, the disciplinarian seems to be back at home…the kids have been used to pushing the bar to the max or Joshy having a melt down and such and bringing CC to the point of locking it down or letting it go depending on her energy. It seems when I’m home, it always gets locked down so the kids are also acclimating back to that familiar territory. I’ve grown up caring about the tone of voice, the phrasing and inflection when a child speaks to an adult or parent and that matters to me, so the kids are learning that it will have to matter to them too.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ll check in later-
peace
w
It’s 11:25 and I slept about 11 hours last night, so I’m catching up night by night. It was harder to go to sleep last night for some reason, plus the muscle jerks are still happening once I get truly relaxed. I’m going to have to do some more research on that aspect, they are alarming and frustrating as well, but at least I know they are coming now, so they don’t catch me completely off guard.
I’m again blessed by the emails coming through; they bring a peace to my heart.
I’m going to pursue ordering the Cardy meter today and have been reading up on its use and calibration technique, which apparently takes some getting used to. Also, we are re-faxing our instructions for the Medic Alert bracelet today as well so we can get that back ASAP. I think I mentioned that it came but that it omitted a significant warning on the engraving so we asked them to re-do it.
I was thinking my parents were coming up today, but CC said they had talked with her this morning and that it makes more sense for them to come when they will have more time instead of today, so, if you guys are reading this, I love you and am looking forward to seeing you in a week or so. I’ll plan to call today as well.
I talked to my sis last night and that was reassuring and a blessing. I found after the fact, that I was starving for certain things while in the hospital and one of those things was family so it was very cool to hear her voice last night.
CC’s (and my) niece Angel is coming up tomorrow to help her with the house and stuff, which is HUGE for CC, since she has not been able to get to much of it at all and now especially with me home she wants it cleaned and such but hasn’t had time to do it, so they both will go after it tomorrow and she’ll feel far better.
We’ve got labs to do today so a trip back up the Kaiser is coming soon. It will be good to get back out and about, even if it is just to do an errand or two.
Since being home, though I’m stuck on the couch to a great extent, the disciplinarian seems to be back at home…the kids have been used to pushing the bar to the max or Joshy having a melt down and such and bringing CC to the point of locking it down or letting it go depending on her energy. It seems when I’m home, it always gets locked down so the kids are also acclimating back to that familiar territory. I’ve grown up caring about the tone of voice, the phrasing and inflection when a child speaks to an adult or parent and that matters to me, so the kids are learning that it will have to matter to them too.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ll check in later-
peace
w
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Who are you?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
This one's brief; I just received an email a few minutes ago from an anonymous sender who I guess emailed me through the blog site. It didn't give me any info except "Anonymous user" and I'd really like to know who was saying hi so I can say hi back.
Whoever you are, please email me again, same way if you wish, but include your name and a way to contact you, if you're willing.
Hope to hear back from you-
peace
w
This one's brief; I just received an email a few minutes ago from an anonymous sender who I guess emailed me through the blog site. It didn't give me any info except "Anonymous user" and I'd really like to know who was saying hi so I can say hi back.
Whoever you are, please email me again, same way if you wish, but include your name and a way to contact you, if you're willing.
Hope to hear back from you-
peace
w
Wednesday mornin'
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Good morning-
I slept for 12 hours last night...Go figure. It's hard to describe how it feels to sleep back in familiar surroundings and not be woken up every 3 hours for another poke in the arm or medicine due. It is SO GOOD to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie completely freaked out when she saw me. I had come in from the van and gotten onto the couch while Annie was outside and CC came to the patio doorway and Annie came to greet her and CC said "Where's daddy?" and she said that Annie cocked her head, and BOLTED into the living room where she couldn't control her excitement, licked me, then ran in a couple circles, licked me again ran some more circles and then ran outside to the back yard and ran laps around the hedge, full speed, which is something she does when she's excited. At close to 90lbs, I'm thankful the patio door was Open when she bolted outside. She spent the next number of hours coming and and checking on me, lying down beside the couch, often where I could lower my hand and touch her head. It's so cool to have the love of a pet.
Speechless. A very good and long time friend came by last night and brought us a gift to enable us to afford the Cardy meter. I haven't gotten to see him much just due to life schedules, mostly on my side, and our friendship goes back to my college days where we began a very cool and long lasting friendship. His visit last night just blew me away. He and I will always have a depth to our friendship which will be unlike any other, which is undoubtedly a God-thing and blessing. I'm still humbled to bottom of my heart.
Life for a life, bro.
My job for the next several days is to remember that I cannot do and move like I used to right now and to choose not to be angry and frustrated by that. I don't want to use a cane. I don't want to walk slowly. I don't want to have to ask for help. I know this isn't necessarily forever, but it always feels like it at the time. I have to accept that I cannot be alone for long periods of time or be places that people don't know about, in that I have to let people know where I am going to be so I'm not stuck in a situation where I've got no one knowing where I am. I have to keep my cell phone charged and likely change my quick-dial numbers to include 911, something that makes all kinds of sense, even if you aren't sick or at risk. I don't want my kids or wife scared anymore. Missy and Josh were scared that I wouldn't come home from the hospital, and I know it's not my fault, but I DO feel responsible for their fear of it. Case in point, CC just called and said she had visited Josh at school during lunch time today and had to bring Joshy into his classroom before lunch ended because he would not let her leave without tears and cries that she can't leave him. Much of it is due to age and emotions par for that course, but this has become intense since my attack last Wednesday. It is so hard on them. I don't want my family or friends feeling helpless to do something . I'll get through all this, I know it, but right now it's hard to do.
*Bleh*
Well, that's it for the morning, I guess.
Thank you for your emails; they are healing notes in this time of life.
We shall see what the afternoon holds in store...
peace all-
w
Good morning-
I slept for 12 hours last night...Go figure. It's hard to describe how it feels to sleep back in familiar surroundings and not be woken up every 3 hours for another poke in the arm or medicine due. It is SO GOOD to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie completely freaked out when she saw me. I had come in from the van and gotten onto the couch while Annie was outside and CC came to the patio doorway and Annie came to greet her and CC said "Where's daddy?" and she said that Annie cocked her head, and BOLTED into the living room where she couldn't control her excitement, licked me, then ran in a couple circles, licked me again ran some more circles and then ran outside to the back yard and ran laps around the hedge, full speed, which is something she does when she's excited. At close to 90lbs, I'm thankful the patio door was Open when she bolted outside. She spent the next number of hours coming and and checking on me, lying down beside the couch, often where I could lower my hand and touch her head. It's so cool to have the love of a pet.
Speechless. A very good and long time friend came by last night and brought us a gift to enable us to afford the Cardy meter. I haven't gotten to see him much just due to life schedules, mostly on my side, and our friendship goes back to my college days where we began a very cool and long lasting friendship. His visit last night just blew me away. He and I will always have a depth to our friendship which will be unlike any other, which is undoubtedly a God-thing and blessing. I'm still humbled to bottom of my heart.
Life for a life, bro.
My job for the next several days is to remember that I cannot do and move like I used to right now and to choose not to be angry and frustrated by that. I don't want to use a cane. I don't want to walk slowly. I don't want to have to ask for help. I know this isn't necessarily forever, but it always feels like it at the time. I have to accept that I cannot be alone for long periods of time or be places that people don't know about, in that I have to let people know where I am going to be so I'm not stuck in a situation where I've got no one knowing where I am. I have to keep my cell phone charged and likely change my quick-dial numbers to include 911, something that makes all kinds of sense, even if you aren't sick or at risk. I don't want my kids or wife scared anymore. Missy and Josh were scared that I wouldn't come home from the hospital, and I know it's not my fault, but I DO feel responsible for their fear of it. Case in point, CC just called and said she had visited Josh at school during lunch time today and had to bring Joshy into his classroom before lunch ended because he would not let her leave without tears and cries that she can't leave him. Much of it is due to age and emotions par for that course, but this has become intense since my attack last Wednesday. It is so hard on them. I don't want my family or friends feeling helpless to do something . I'll get through all this, I know it, but right now it's hard to do.
*Bleh*
Well, that's it for the morning, I guess.
Thank you for your emails; they are healing notes in this time of life.
We shall see what the afternoon holds in store...
peace all-
w
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
So where I am now
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 3:17 PM
I realized that I didn't include a note to say that email is the best method to communicate right now or by leaving comments on this blog. I'm shying away from the phone for the time being while I come back around and get all the meds and rest stuff figured out and such.
I hope you understand and know that I'd love to get a comment on the blog or an email (v12.pilot@comcast.net) from you when you have a chance. It's cool if time doesn't permit, I totally understand. I look forward to hearing from you when time DOES permit.
Peace and blessings all-
w
I realized that I didn't include a note to say that email is the best method to communicate right now or by leaving comments on this blog. I'm shying away from the phone for the time being while I come back around and get all the meds and rest stuff figured out and such.
I hope you understand and know that I'd love to get a comment on the blog or an email (v12.pilot@comcast.net) from you when you have a chance. It's cool if time doesn't permit, I totally understand. I look forward to hearing from you when time DOES permit.
Peace and blessings all-
w
I'm back.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Hi all-
Well, another unwanted chapter has come to a fortunate close. CC came and picked me up today and brought me home. I'm THE most blessed and fortunate husband without question. I'm so thankful, it's hard to write.
CC has shared with me the love and care from so many of you, it is hard to think of how to thank you for your caring and support. I guess it's easiest to say that I know I'm better because of your prayers and support and love and I'm indebted to God for the large, extended family he has given and built for me and us over the years. It's so good to be home.
To keep my head together while I was in the hospital, I decided to write and keep my mind on the here and now so I wrote about what happened and kept a daily journal as best I could. I'm pasting that below and you are welcome to read it or blow it off; it was necessary for me to do to remind myself of what reality is and was. I was telling CC on the way home that because I'm feeling better that I am having to accept that feeling better does not equate to healed and that a new chapter of our lives has begun and I just have to accept it and eventually embrace it so I can move forward.
So, below is the hospital journal. It's a LONG one so don't bother reading if you bore easily.
From here out, I will keep up as much as possible on a daily basis.
Peace all-
love, wade
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is moving along at an unremarkable pace and then, all of a sudden, life changes and changes dramatically and as if that isn’t enough of a challenge, it changes without you blessing or foreknowledge. Who would have thought I would be writing this on a laptop from a bed in the Telemetry Unit in Kaiser Hospital. I sure didn’t.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
This last one began at work, in a staff meeting regarding benefits updates and changes. Fortunately for me, work allowed spouses to attend this particular meeting, not just because I don’t do well in retaining that type of information to share with my wife afterwards, but fortunate because she was with me when this attack happened. I had been sitting through the meeting, next to CC (my wife), and taking pathetic notes and watching my wife take all the info in, when I began to sweat like crazy again (this sweating has happened before) and just like that I was irritated. Earlier, just prior to the meeting beginning, my boss walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder and noticed it was cold and then put his hand on my head and remarked I was “cold as death” and asked another co-worker to feel my head and he remarked similar. Shortly thereafter the meeting started and my wife arrived. As the meeting concluded I was feeling somewhat light-headed and as I pushed my chair away from the table, I realized I was pushing harder with my hands and arms then my legs and thought “uh oh…”. When I stood up I had to hold the table for balance and could tell that I had lost most of the feeling in my feet and my lower legs. It had started again.
CC took hold of my hand and we walked, or better said she walked and I leaned, towards my office. As I moved, I was aware of decreased sensations in my legs and feet, so much so that I felt as though I was walking with someone else’s feet and legs. It was very difficult to walk. I was having to shift my hips in such a way as to propel them forward in kind of a swinging motion. Very strange and foreign feeling accompanying my underlying panic.
Once we got to my office I remained standing while leaning against the desk until CC brought my chair around from the other side of my desk and I sat. She gave me the dose of liquid potassium I had in my office but it didn’t make any difference, though granted, it was only a half dose. She left me to go get the van and in what I think was just a matter of a minute or two, she returned to help me to the car and I was having great difficulty in seeing at that point and she literally carried me (my arm over her shoulder) and got me to the van. She later told me that some of my colleagues were outside and saw her carrying me and came to help, one of them offering to drive my truck back our house while she drove me in the van, an offer she accepted. I have had some attacks in the past where my truck remained at the office and we had to ask for help to get it home or in one case she road her bike to work that night and brought the truck back home. I was and am very grateful that this was not going to be the case in this scenario.
When we got to the house, CC went in and grabbed the secondary dose of potassium and gave it to me but my condition didn’t change for the better. Very shortly thereafter the symptoms had progressed and I was having difficulty breathing and swallowing and couldn’t hold my head up or keep it still. I could hear but not see much except the dashboard as my head moved forward to back as we stopped and started at stoplights and stop signs. CC said she felt she could get me to the hospital in faster time than it would take and ambulance to be called, arrive and leave with me. I don’t know how long it took us to get to the ER, but she said she kept me talking to her throughout the ride; asking me questions and such. Once we got to the ER docking bay, she saw and asked two paramedics who were standing outside the ER top help get me into the ER itself. They grabbed a wheelchair and then got me from the car and into the chair and wheeled into the ER check in. I’m guessing we got fast-tracked but don’t know for sure, either way, I was wheeled in to the triage nurse who asked CC a couple questions and asked me a question and I couldn’t answer. She then felt my arm and then head and said I needed immediate attention. CC said we were quickly moved into one of the ER “rooms” and I have recollection of a bunch of movement all around, a huge oxygen mask being placed on my face, and CC said a doctor came in very shortly thereafter and checked me out and read the paperwork she’d brought explaining what HKPP is and what has taken place.
The next several hours are a blur to me which is probably just as well; it’s not necessarily the memory I want to keep.
Once again, my aunt and uncle showed up and came to my bedside to let me know they were their and to give their love. I think my uncle ended up spending the bulk of the 6 hours they stayed in the waiting room while my aunt stayed with CC and watched me like a hawk. I have only some blurred memories of her there and I can remember hearing my uncle’s voice saying “we’re here with you”. I wonder if they will ever know the level of investment that makes in me.
CC said that they hooked me up for an ongoing EKG and began to watch the heart rhythms carefully and got some labs sent off pretty quick and at some point before getting the labs back, gave me some IV potassium combined with a pain killer that was ineffective. She said I began to have a very difficult time with the pain in my arm due to the IV and she had them shut it off. Shortly after that I she said she spoke to me and asked me questions but that I didn’t answer her and was staring past her so she ran and got a nurse who came back and initially thought I was fine since my eyes were open but she told him otherwise and someone else came in with the lab result that my potassium was 7.5. I was told that things become dangerouse when the level is 5.5 or higher. Judging by their reaction, this was a battle I was quite apparently loosing. The excessive potassium will cause a stroke or heart attack. One of the nurses came in quickly with insulin and glucose and got them into the IV to counter-act the high potassium and after a while I was able to speak and can remember seeing CC and the nurses and feeling as though a truck had run me over. Apparently, insulin and glucose when used in a particular way can cause the body to “dump” potassium fairly quickly and since I was already neck deep in an attack, they had nothing to lose by this tactic.
Also during this time in the ER, my blood pressure was remaining low as it had been a number of times in the previous few days and that condition combined with the potassium got me admitted to Hotel Kaiser, once again.
Thursday morning, November 9, 2006
Somewhere in the midnight to 2:00 AM time frame I was moved from the ER to the ICU where they could monitor my heart more directly. Every three hours I was visited by someone in a smock or scrubs either bringing something in a syringe or taking something from me in a syringe, or so it seemed. The ICU room was fairly large in size and the wall that faced the nurse’s station was just a huge glass partition with a large sliding glass “patio door”, more or less. Their rule was that if you had a question you were to buzz them by intercom and not go out to the nurse’s station. Very controlled atmosphere. I don’t remember much at all from that room. CC was there until around 2ish in the morning and then she went home. I believe my bro Kev (Kern) came to see me in there but I can only recall his clothing was all black, I think. He stayed for a while with CC and me and then had to take off. I vaguely recall CC bringing the kids to see me in there. I don’t recall seeing anyone in there but the admitting doctor, CC (and the kids once) and Kev.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Around 3 AM this morning the nurse came in to let me know that they had opened a bed up in the Telemetry unit and that I would then be moved there. Around 5:30 AM the male nurse came in and got me into a wheelchair and moved me over into the Telemetry unit. They called and left a message for CC on her cell to let her know I’d been moved. A new doctor came to see me today, Dr. Hussa, who took a very distinct interest in my situation and condition. He agreed with the diagnosis of Hyperaldosteronism and though he hadn’t seen an HKPP patient prior, he felt I matched the criteria. Prior to seeing Dr. Hussa I had seen CC and during her visit, she had reminded me that Dr. Stewart had scheduled a CT scan for the end of the month to ascertain whether or not there was a tumor on my one of adrenal glands and asked me to ask the doctor to move the CT scan up to this visit. When the doctor and I spoke this morning I asked him if he would move the scan time frame up to today or tomorrow, if I’m still in that long, and he said he’d see what he cold do.
I tried to walk and found my legs not so cooperative or supportive, so I used a walker for the day and will likely use one tomorrow as well. It is so frustrating; I feel betrayed by my body. After my surgeries in ’96 and ’97, the walker was the means to being able to walk again, so pride had no place in the recovery and in this case it is the same; pride has no place in the recovery and I have to do what I have to do to get better, with or without a walker.
In the later afternoon, the nurse came in to say that I have a CT scan scheduled for 7 PM tonight and not to eat or drink anything else until after the scan. So that’s a mixed blessing; I get to have the scan moved up but cannot eat or drink until after the scan. While Cc and the kids were there, the nurse brought in the liquid I was to drink; 1½ cup at 5, 6 and then at 6:30. I made it through the first two hours but could not do the 6:30…This stuff tasted like luke warm, room temperature radio active old faucet water. It was WORSE than liquid potassium. When it was 6:45, a nurse came in to take me to Radiology for the CT scan. After getting into the room, I was asked to get onto the table, which I managed, and laid on my back the technician came over, raised up the table to machine height and put what I thought was the iodine in my IV, since the CT has to be done with iodine in your system mixed with the liquid yuck you have to drink prior. When I asked what it was, he said, “Just a regular saline flush to get the process started.” I had a brief moment of panic and asked him how much saline did he use and he told me the minimal amount and I quickly explained me reason for the concern and he felt badly but said he didn’t see anything in my chart saying anything about no saline (this is a moot point since the saline was used, now it is just a prayer and hope that it does not trigger another episode, which praise God, it did not.)
We did the test and came back to the room where CC had just returned to bringing dinner! I told her of the saline and we just hoped together that nothing would come of it. Sometimes an episode can happen up to 72 hours after the trigger itself, so it’s a waiting game now. The true highlight of my day was to see CC and the kids (Big Kev came by too and he is/was a blessing as well. He’s family)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I’ve managed to walk now with the use of a cane to help my right side which seems to be losing the battle of muscle in this fight. The Physical Therapist came in today to help me start getting back into mobile shape. She gave me some tiring exercises to do on my legs and on my right shoulder. Tiring, but cool. Now I can walk the halls with the use of the cane and strengthen my legs and shoulder while I’m in bed. Hopefully I will be walking without the cane soon and can eventually get back to some degree of normalcy.
My boss, Pastor Chris Alford, came by to talk a bit and pray with me. He shared his heart and concern for me, in particular as it pertained to my working and such. He felt I returned too early to work the last time I had to deal with an attack, and I hesitantly agreed. It is worthy of note though, that the pressures of work build quickly and with great measure because my staff consists of just Rob (Fisher) and me and when one is gone it leaves much work on the shoulders of the other and I was made aware of those stresses while I was convalescing and felt the faster I return, the sooner Rob receives relief. Perhaps the outcome of this will somehow bless the church and Rob, though I cannot see immediately how as of yet.
We are praying for God’s complete healing in me, but that is impressively NOT up to me and God knows and has reminded me of His hand in my life; the miracles upon miracles, the moments of Divine insight and direction, Angelic protection, Holy patience and undeserved grace, mercy and compassion which have all been the building stones in my life. I can, and perhaps at some point will, recount the number of times He saved me from certain death and logical harm. When He placed his Touch upon my head and healed me of my back pain on May 4, 1998. He owed me nothing, just as He owes no one, yet he chose to pity me in my painful and pathetic state. It somewhat makes me want to simply say, “I’m all out of miracles…I’ve used them all up” as if I had any stored up somewhere. I don’t want this, but who am I to say it is not mine to have?
Okay, I wipe my eyes and continue. Back to the “here and now” and leave the “what will be” to Him.
I love what I do for a living. I especially love my co-workers and especially those I work with so closely. I fear the uncertainty of having a solid handle on my disease; if I work in a building alone or I suffer an attack, I’ll be hard pressed to get help in time and will put someone I work with in the very hard and terrible position of having to summon help for me and feel some responsibility for that which they have no control over. Now, I realize that reads rather dramatic, but consider what Mark from Facilities had to deal with when I collapsed in the Rec Hall and what possible baggage it offers to his memory. Though I’m so very grateful for his friendship and help that afternoon, I don’t feel that I gave him a choice. All that is to say that I have to be more responsible and accepting of my circumstances and conditions, which has to include the possibility of suffering an attack at a very inopportune time.
Okay, so with all that being said, there’s not much more to the day; no more drama or pain.
After CC and the kids left, I asked for my pain medicine and planned to go to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind had some unrelenting fears it wanted to court but not divulge, so I have spent the next several hours wondering if I would see my wife and kids again, “will I die tonight” and other wonderful topics worthy of a sensational pity/fear party for one.
Morning cannot come too soon.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
I woke up in a better frame of mind today; less stressed and worried. I don’t know the cause of my fears from last night, but at least they aren’t present today.
CC came this morning and sat with me while we waited for the doctor to come by. During the time we waited we talked quite a bit, discussed our current situation with my work, her work, insurance and stuff like that. We got out for a couple of walks around the unit floor which is relaxing for me; just being with her changes my mind-frame and my spirit and joy comes back into my heart. While we continued to wait, she encouraged me to take a nap and I slept for a good 2 hours. I had no idea I’d sleep like that. While I was falling asleep I suffered several body jerks/muscle spasms which can be very disturbing, like a jolt or how’d you’d jump if startled. My issues with them besides the uncomforting of the jolt and the quick, snapping to consciousness, are that they often hurt my shoulder, arm and/or neck when they strike. They seem to hit each time I go to sleep no matter where I am, whether it’s a nap or a night’s sleep.
Anyway, after waking from the nap, we asked the nurse to page the doctor and shortly thereafter he came in and spent a good 15 to 20 minutes with us explaining what he believes has gone on and where we are now. I’ll try to bullet-point these, though CC probably has the more accurate recount of that conversation:
It is probable that I will be hospitalized until Tuesday or Wednesday
My blood pressure is becoming less volatile and more controlled
He believes that the Spironolactone has made a significant difference in my BP and what is being attempted is a rapid change-over from my “normal” blood pressure medicine to more calculated amounts of the Spironolactone.
He believes (as CC has from the beginning) that the blood pressure is directly related to the Hypokalemia and he explains that when the blood pressure is low, the body tries to kick up the pressure by pushing sodium and such into the blood and pushing out the potassium
He believes that even the slightest amount of saline could certainly trigger an attack duo to the evident fragile balance with my system.
The CT scan shows no tumors, which is good, though it has little to do with the adrenal glands continuing to screw up in my system, meaning that a tumor would have immediately explained the hyperaldosteronism but the lack of seeing one simply means that the adrenal glands are malfunctioning for other reasons, genetic or otherwise and still have to be controlled medically.
He anticipates and is recommending that more invasive tests be done to ascertain more specifically how the adrenal glands are functioning, one of which is running a very small tube into the adrenal vein and taking a direct sample of its production to determine the level of imbalance that they are responsible for.
After meeting with him, CC left to go pick up the kids and a few movies for us to watch as a family (Joshy or Missy sits beside me on the bed and cuddles up pretty close while we watch the movies. Missy seems to be very much the “Daddy’s girl” at this point and the cuddling helps her to relax from her current fears that I won’t be coming back from my stay here.) And CC got a couple for me to watch on my alone time.
Oh yeah, CC got an email from the neurologist we have been working with and he plans to come visit me tomorrow. That should be a good and hopefully informative meeting.
So that’s today, Sunday day and evening…
Sunday night/Monday morning
It’s now Monday morning, November 13, 2006 at 12:41 AM. About 11:00PM I asked the nurse for a sleeping pill since I had just previously taken some pain pills for the shoulder and lower back pain, and I wanted to go right to sleep…Well, I went right to sleep alright, right straight into a dream that was eerily familiar but moving in fast motion and no matter what I did in the dream, I could not slow my vision down or mellow out my mind. It was nearly hallucination in it’s realism. Everything felt like it was unstoppable and I tried to wake up a few times but couldn’t get out of the dream. Somehow, on one more attempt, my eyes opened and I saw the window blinds that face the hallway in the unit and I snapped back to reality that I was in the hospital and not in that horror-land that I couldn’t get away from, but I also realized instantly that it was the sleeping pill that brought it on and that I cannot go back to sleep until the pill has left most of my system. So, what am I doing now? I’m typing this at 12:57 AM, watching American Idol Rewind and just finished eating a banana, an apple and 2 mozzarella cheese sticks.
I believe that “regular” or un-induced nightmares are fairly easy to exit in most cases, meaning, I can identify them as a dream and can close them out, BUT nightmares that come after taking some kind of medicine or sleeping pill are painfully hard to close out or wake up from. This one I just had contained so many familiar faces and people that it blurred reality and fiction as quickly as it started and I couldn’t tell is I was awake or asleep most of the time. Wow. It was so hard to exit. I’m going to try the whole “sleep-thing” again now that it is 2:00 AM and see what happens.
Monday, November 13, 2006
This morning came with no after effects of this morning’s mind-games, thank God (truly).
CC came right after work this morning. It is remarkable to me how she brings light with her wherever she goes and coming to me brings me peace and rest, just seeing her.
We talked more and made some phone calls for hooking up with Kaiser’s Nutrition Department and Member Services. We also put a call in to Aflac regarding my disability. While she was here my neurologist came in to see me and it was a very helpful meeting with him. He is certain that I have two very rare conditions (Hyperaldosteronism and HKPP) and feels it is likely that I may have issues with Hyperkalemia as well as Hypokalemia, in that I suffered from excessive potassium in my system as well. He feels that my system is fairly unstable versus a normal body which manages itself chemically and such internally. Mine does not manage itself and has become increasingly unstable requiring closer attention to my wellbeing. He completely agrees that I must get the Cardy meter even if Kaiser won’t purchase it. He feels it will be a critical part of our puzzle in keeping me in balance. He was also concerned at my excessive sweating (I now have had to have my bed sheets changed 3 to 4 times a day due to my sweating through the linens. I have had to change gowns 3 to 5 times a day as well since I have been getting up and around on my own) and cold limbs, but doesn’t know what that is at this point. He also let us know he had a lengthy conversation with my Nephrologist, Dr. Stewart, who has been managing my BP meds. We are very encouraged by this because we believe one of the real keys for getting through this faster than not, is to have the doctors in communication with each other and trying to work together.
Shortly after he left my new doctor, Dr. Mitchell, came in who took over my care from Dr. Hussa, who worked the weekend. We got caught up with him and he noted that I’m now one just TWO BP meds; Spironolactone and Atenolol. I came in taking, like 5 or something like that. Anyway, he expects me to be able to leave tomorrow or Wednesday if my BP remains in the “normal” range. Light at the end of this particular tunnel! The meeting and introduction was very cool for both CC and me. We are making progress.
After he left, CC left to go and pick up the kids and grab dinner and bring them all back to see me. While she was gone, my Physical Therapist came back and we did some exercises and went for a walk, WITHOUT the use of the cane, thank you very much. When we returned, Sara Dills was at my room door and she and I talked for 15 minutes or so before she had to leave. It was SO good to see her and have a visitor. She’s one of my colleagues at work, with whom I work with each weekend and for all dramatic events and such (being that she’d the Director for Worship Arts). It was great to see her. She was unaware of what happened on Wednesday even though she attended the same meeting that CC and I were attending when this whole thing began.
When CC returned with the kids, she brought me a couple more movies and what Missy had said she wanted to bring me today; a frozen yogurt. I enjoyed about a third of the yogurt and began to get cold so I stopped eating it and decided to go for a walk to warm up…Wrong call. Though nothing substantial came of it, due to my sweating and remaining in bed, my gown was again wet and the combination of having eaten the frozen yogurt with the cool air on the gown began to give me shivers. I took the blanket CC had brought me from home and she helped me put it over my shoulders and we began to walk and I made it a short distance when I knew I was going to have chills shortly, so we returned to the room and I put the blanket around me and a nurse came in to change my bedding. Once the bedding was changed, I got back into bed and had the blanket still around me and in a matter of a minute or two, my body temp was back to normal and rising again. I’m like my own microwave oven…
I watched one of the movies she brought the day before, “Click”, which ended just as she and the kids arrived today. The second movie she brought “Underworld: Evolution”, was one I had asked for and though most of my friends now wouldn’t watch it and I KNOW CC would never watch it (it’s about vampires and lycans i.e. werewolves), it touches that part of me from my youth that really enjoyed D&D and fantasy role play. The movie is shot incredibly and it is impressively produced and directed. I was going to watch it tonight, but thought better of it since I had so much fun with the nightmare from a previous evening.
It was a quiet night after the family left and I called it a night after watching some more TV.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I just finished watching “Underworld” and the doctor came in to let me know that my potassium has remained between 4.5 and 4.7 and that I am taking 50mg of Atenolol morning and night and now on 100mg of Spironolactone morning and night and THAT’S IT! How COOL! He said that I can go home today! I asked for the caution light numbers for the BP and he said if it goes into the low 100’s or above the 140’s. Also that if it does go there, to just head in to Emergency because it is very likely that I will end up there shortly thereafter. We MUST get the potassium meter ASAP to avoid as much of this as possible. With it, we can monitor my potassium and better know when to administer it and when not to take it. If an attack begins, theoretically, CC can get a reading from me and know within a minute or so as to my K+ level.
I’m so pleased to close this chapter of “medical visitation”.
It’s my intent to post this on the Blog site that I know has been vacant now for a week, so that folks can learn of what has gone on these last 6 days and I won’t have to email everyone the same thing or bother folks with it who don’t necessarily want to know.
Hi all-
Well, another unwanted chapter has come to a fortunate close. CC came and picked me up today and brought me home. I'm THE most blessed and fortunate husband without question. I'm so thankful, it's hard to write.
CC has shared with me the love and care from so many of you, it is hard to think of how to thank you for your caring and support. I guess it's easiest to say that I know I'm better because of your prayers and support and love and I'm indebted to God for the large, extended family he has given and built for me and us over the years. It's so good to be home.
To keep my head together while I was in the hospital, I decided to write and keep my mind on the here and now so I wrote about what happened and kept a daily journal as best I could. I'm pasting that below and you are welcome to read it or blow it off; it was necessary for me to do to remind myself of what reality is and was. I was telling CC on the way home that because I'm feeling better that I am having to accept that feeling better does not equate to healed and that a new chapter of our lives has begun and I just have to accept it and eventually embrace it so I can move forward.
So, below is the hospital journal. It's a LONG one so don't bother reading if you bore easily.
From here out, I will keep up as much as possible on a daily basis.
Peace all-
love, wade
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Life is moving along at an unremarkable pace and then, all of a sudden, life changes and changes dramatically and as if that isn’t enough of a challenge, it changes without you blessing or foreknowledge. Who would have thought I would be writing this on a laptop from a bed in the Telemetry Unit in Kaiser Hospital. I sure didn’t.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
This last one began at work, in a staff meeting regarding benefits updates and changes. Fortunately for me, work allowed spouses to attend this particular meeting, not just because I don’t do well in retaining that type of information to share with my wife afterwards, but fortunate because she was with me when this attack happened. I had been sitting through the meeting, next to CC (my wife), and taking pathetic notes and watching my wife take all the info in, when I began to sweat like crazy again (this sweating has happened before) and just like that I was irritated. Earlier, just prior to the meeting beginning, my boss walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder and noticed it was cold and then put his hand on my head and remarked I was “cold as death” and asked another co-worker to feel my head and he remarked similar. Shortly thereafter the meeting started and my wife arrived. As the meeting concluded I was feeling somewhat light-headed and as I pushed my chair away from the table, I realized I was pushing harder with my hands and arms then my legs and thought “uh oh…”. When I stood up I had to hold the table for balance and could tell that I had lost most of the feeling in my feet and my lower legs. It had started again.
CC took hold of my hand and we walked, or better said she walked and I leaned, towards my office. As I moved, I was aware of decreased sensations in my legs and feet, so much so that I felt as though I was walking with someone else’s feet and legs. It was very difficult to walk. I was having to shift my hips in such a way as to propel them forward in kind of a swinging motion. Very strange and foreign feeling accompanying my underlying panic.
Once we got to my office I remained standing while leaning against the desk until CC brought my chair around from the other side of my desk and I sat. She gave me the dose of liquid potassium I had in my office but it didn’t make any difference, though granted, it was only a half dose. She left me to go get the van and in what I think was just a matter of a minute or two, she returned to help me to the car and I was having great difficulty in seeing at that point and she literally carried me (my arm over her shoulder) and got me to the van. She later told me that some of my colleagues were outside and saw her carrying me and came to help, one of them offering to drive my truck back our house while she drove me in the van, an offer she accepted. I have had some attacks in the past where my truck remained at the office and we had to ask for help to get it home or in one case she road her bike to work that night and brought the truck back home. I was and am very grateful that this was not going to be the case in this scenario.
When we got to the house, CC went in and grabbed the secondary dose of potassium and gave it to me but my condition didn’t change for the better. Very shortly thereafter the symptoms had progressed and I was having difficulty breathing and swallowing and couldn’t hold my head up or keep it still. I could hear but not see much except the dashboard as my head moved forward to back as we stopped and started at stoplights and stop signs. CC said she felt she could get me to the hospital in faster time than it would take and ambulance to be called, arrive and leave with me. I don’t know how long it took us to get to the ER, but she said she kept me talking to her throughout the ride; asking me questions and such. Once we got to the ER docking bay, she saw and asked two paramedics who were standing outside the ER top help get me into the ER itself. They grabbed a wheelchair and then got me from the car and into the chair and wheeled into the ER check in. I’m guessing we got fast-tracked but don’t know for sure, either way, I was wheeled in to the triage nurse who asked CC a couple questions and asked me a question and I couldn’t answer. She then felt my arm and then head and said I needed immediate attention. CC said we were quickly moved into one of the ER “rooms” and I have recollection of a bunch of movement all around, a huge oxygen mask being placed on my face, and CC said a doctor came in very shortly thereafter and checked me out and read the paperwork she’d brought explaining what HKPP is and what has taken place.
The next several hours are a blur to me which is probably just as well; it’s not necessarily the memory I want to keep.
Once again, my aunt and uncle showed up and came to my bedside to let me know they were their and to give their love. I think my uncle ended up spending the bulk of the 6 hours they stayed in the waiting room while my aunt stayed with CC and watched me like a hawk. I have only some blurred memories of her there and I can remember hearing my uncle’s voice saying “we’re here with you”. I wonder if they will ever know the level of investment that makes in me.
CC said that they hooked me up for an ongoing EKG and began to watch the heart rhythms carefully and got some labs sent off pretty quick and at some point before getting the labs back, gave me some IV potassium combined with a pain killer that was ineffective. She said I began to have a very difficult time with the pain in my arm due to the IV and she had them shut it off. Shortly after that I she said she spoke to me and asked me questions but that I didn’t answer her and was staring past her so she ran and got a nurse who came back and initially thought I was fine since my eyes were open but she told him otherwise and someone else came in with the lab result that my potassium was 7.5. I was told that things become dangerouse when the level is 5.5 or higher. Judging by their reaction, this was a battle I was quite apparently loosing. The excessive potassium will cause a stroke or heart attack. One of the nurses came in quickly with insulin and glucose and got them into the IV to counter-act the high potassium and after a while I was able to speak and can remember seeing CC and the nurses and feeling as though a truck had run me over. Apparently, insulin and glucose when used in a particular way can cause the body to “dump” potassium fairly quickly and since I was already neck deep in an attack, they had nothing to lose by this tactic.
Also during this time in the ER, my blood pressure was remaining low as it had been a number of times in the previous few days and that condition combined with the potassium got me admitted to Hotel Kaiser, once again.
Thursday morning, November 9, 2006
Somewhere in the midnight to 2:00 AM time frame I was moved from the ER to the ICU where they could monitor my heart more directly. Every three hours I was visited by someone in a smock or scrubs either bringing something in a syringe or taking something from me in a syringe, or so it seemed. The ICU room was fairly large in size and the wall that faced the nurse’s station was just a huge glass partition with a large sliding glass “patio door”, more or less. Their rule was that if you had a question you were to buzz them by intercom and not go out to the nurse’s station. Very controlled atmosphere. I don’t remember much at all from that room. CC was there until around 2ish in the morning and then she went home. I believe my bro Kev (Kern) came to see me in there but I can only recall his clothing was all black, I think. He stayed for a while with CC and me and then had to take off. I vaguely recall CC bringing the kids to see me in there. I don’t recall seeing anyone in there but the admitting doctor, CC (and the kids once) and Kev.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Around 3 AM this morning the nurse came in to let me know that they had opened a bed up in the Telemetry unit and that I would then be moved there. Around 5:30 AM the male nurse came in and got me into a wheelchair and moved me over into the Telemetry unit. They called and left a message for CC on her cell to let her know I’d been moved. A new doctor came to see me today, Dr. Hussa, who took a very distinct interest in my situation and condition. He agreed with the diagnosis of Hyperaldosteronism and though he hadn’t seen an HKPP patient prior, he felt I matched the criteria. Prior to seeing Dr. Hussa I had seen CC and during her visit, she had reminded me that Dr. Stewart had scheduled a CT scan for the end of the month to ascertain whether or not there was a tumor on my one of adrenal glands and asked me to ask the doctor to move the CT scan up to this visit. When the doctor and I spoke this morning I asked him if he would move the scan time frame up to today or tomorrow, if I’m still in that long, and he said he’d see what he cold do.
I tried to walk and found my legs not so cooperative or supportive, so I used a walker for the day and will likely use one tomorrow as well. It is so frustrating; I feel betrayed by my body. After my surgeries in ’96 and ’97, the walker was the means to being able to walk again, so pride had no place in the recovery and in this case it is the same; pride has no place in the recovery and I have to do what I have to do to get better, with or without a walker.
In the later afternoon, the nurse came in to say that I have a CT scan scheduled for 7 PM tonight and not to eat or drink anything else until after the scan. So that’s a mixed blessing; I get to have the scan moved up but cannot eat or drink until after the scan. While Cc and the kids were there, the nurse brought in the liquid I was to drink; 1½ cup at 5, 6 and then at 6:30. I made it through the first two hours but could not do the 6:30…This stuff tasted like luke warm, room temperature radio active old faucet water. It was WORSE than liquid potassium. When it was 6:45, a nurse came in to take me to Radiology for the CT scan. After getting into the room, I was asked to get onto the table, which I managed, and laid on my back the technician came over, raised up the table to machine height and put what I thought was the iodine in my IV, since the CT has to be done with iodine in your system mixed with the liquid yuck you have to drink prior. When I asked what it was, he said, “Just a regular saline flush to get the process started.” I had a brief moment of panic and asked him how much saline did he use and he told me the minimal amount and I quickly explained me reason for the concern and he felt badly but said he didn’t see anything in my chart saying anything about no saline (this is a moot point since the saline was used, now it is just a prayer and hope that it does not trigger another episode, which praise God, it did not.)
We did the test and came back to the room where CC had just returned to bringing dinner! I told her of the saline and we just hoped together that nothing would come of it. Sometimes an episode can happen up to 72 hours after the trigger itself, so it’s a waiting game now. The true highlight of my day was to see CC and the kids (Big Kev came by too and he is/was a blessing as well. He’s family)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I’ve managed to walk now with the use of a cane to help my right side which seems to be losing the battle of muscle in this fight. The Physical Therapist came in today to help me start getting back into mobile shape. She gave me some tiring exercises to do on my legs and on my right shoulder. Tiring, but cool. Now I can walk the halls with the use of the cane and strengthen my legs and shoulder while I’m in bed. Hopefully I will be walking without the cane soon and can eventually get back to some degree of normalcy.
My boss, Pastor Chris Alford, came by to talk a bit and pray with me. He shared his heart and concern for me, in particular as it pertained to my working and such. He felt I returned too early to work the last time I had to deal with an attack, and I hesitantly agreed. It is worthy of note though, that the pressures of work build quickly and with great measure because my staff consists of just Rob (Fisher) and me and when one is gone it leaves much work on the shoulders of the other and I was made aware of those stresses while I was convalescing and felt the faster I return, the sooner Rob receives relief. Perhaps the outcome of this will somehow bless the church and Rob, though I cannot see immediately how as of yet.
We are praying for God’s complete healing in me, but that is impressively NOT up to me and God knows and has reminded me of His hand in my life; the miracles upon miracles, the moments of Divine insight and direction, Angelic protection, Holy patience and undeserved grace, mercy and compassion which have all been the building stones in my life. I can, and perhaps at some point will, recount the number of times He saved me from certain death and logical harm. When He placed his Touch upon my head and healed me of my back pain on May 4, 1998. He owed me nothing, just as He owes no one, yet he chose to pity me in my painful and pathetic state. It somewhat makes me want to simply say, “I’m all out of miracles…I’ve used them all up” as if I had any stored up somewhere. I don’t want this, but who am I to say it is not mine to have?
Okay, I wipe my eyes and continue. Back to the “here and now” and leave the “what will be” to Him.
I love what I do for a living. I especially love my co-workers and especially those I work with so closely. I fear the uncertainty of having a solid handle on my disease; if I work in a building alone or I suffer an attack, I’ll be hard pressed to get help in time and will put someone I work with in the very hard and terrible position of having to summon help for me and feel some responsibility for that which they have no control over. Now, I realize that reads rather dramatic, but consider what Mark from Facilities had to deal with when I collapsed in the Rec Hall and what possible baggage it offers to his memory. Though I’m so very grateful for his friendship and help that afternoon, I don’t feel that I gave him a choice. All that is to say that I have to be more responsible and accepting of my circumstances and conditions, which has to include the possibility of suffering an attack at a very inopportune time.
Okay, so with all that being said, there’s not much more to the day; no more drama or pain.
After CC and the kids left, I asked for my pain medicine and planned to go to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind had some unrelenting fears it wanted to court but not divulge, so I have spent the next several hours wondering if I would see my wife and kids again, “will I die tonight” and other wonderful topics worthy of a sensational pity/fear party for one.
Morning cannot come too soon.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
I woke up in a better frame of mind today; less stressed and worried. I don’t know the cause of my fears from last night, but at least they aren’t present today.
CC came this morning and sat with me while we waited for the doctor to come by. During the time we waited we talked quite a bit, discussed our current situation with my work, her work, insurance and stuff like that. We got out for a couple of walks around the unit floor which is relaxing for me; just being with her changes my mind-frame and my spirit and joy comes back into my heart. While we continued to wait, she encouraged me to take a nap and I slept for a good 2 hours. I had no idea I’d sleep like that. While I was falling asleep I suffered several body jerks/muscle spasms which can be very disturbing, like a jolt or how’d you’d jump if startled. My issues with them besides the uncomforting of the jolt and the quick, snapping to consciousness, are that they often hurt my shoulder, arm and/or neck when they strike. They seem to hit each time I go to sleep no matter where I am, whether it’s a nap or a night’s sleep.
Anyway, after waking from the nap, we asked the nurse to page the doctor and shortly thereafter he came in and spent a good 15 to 20 minutes with us explaining what he believes has gone on and where we are now. I’ll try to bullet-point these, though CC probably has the more accurate recount of that conversation:
It is probable that I will be hospitalized until Tuesday or Wednesday
My blood pressure is becoming less volatile and more controlled
He believes that the Spironolactone has made a significant difference in my BP and what is being attempted is a rapid change-over from my “normal” blood pressure medicine to more calculated amounts of the Spironolactone.
He believes (as CC has from the beginning) that the blood pressure is directly related to the Hypokalemia and he explains that when the blood pressure is low, the body tries to kick up the pressure by pushing sodium and such into the blood and pushing out the potassium
He believes that even the slightest amount of saline could certainly trigger an attack duo to the evident fragile balance with my system.
The CT scan shows no tumors, which is good, though it has little to do with the adrenal glands continuing to screw up in my system, meaning that a tumor would have immediately explained the hyperaldosteronism but the lack of seeing one simply means that the adrenal glands are malfunctioning for other reasons, genetic or otherwise and still have to be controlled medically.
He anticipates and is recommending that more invasive tests be done to ascertain more specifically how the adrenal glands are functioning, one of which is running a very small tube into the adrenal vein and taking a direct sample of its production to determine the level of imbalance that they are responsible for.
After meeting with him, CC left to go pick up the kids and a few movies for us to watch as a family (Joshy or Missy sits beside me on the bed and cuddles up pretty close while we watch the movies. Missy seems to be very much the “Daddy’s girl” at this point and the cuddling helps her to relax from her current fears that I won’t be coming back from my stay here.) And CC got a couple for me to watch on my alone time.
Oh yeah, CC got an email from the neurologist we have been working with and he plans to come visit me tomorrow. That should be a good and hopefully informative meeting.
So that’s today, Sunday day and evening…
Sunday night/Monday morning
It’s now Monday morning, November 13, 2006 at 12:41 AM. About 11:00PM I asked the nurse for a sleeping pill since I had just previously taken some pain pills for the shoulder and lower back pain, and I wanted to go right to sleep…Well, I went right to sleep alright, right straight into a dream that was eerily familiar but moving in fast motion and no matter what I did in the dream, I could not slow my vision down or mellow out my mind. It was nearly hallucination in it’s realism. Everything felt like it was unstoppable and I tried to wake up a few times but couldn’t get out of the dream. Somehow, on one more attempt, my eyes opened and I saw the window blinds that face the hallway in the unit and I snapped back to reality that I was in the hospital and not in that horror-land that I couldn’t get away from, but I also realized instantly that it was the sleeping pill that brought it on and that I cannot go back to sleep until the pill has left most of my system. So, what am I doing now? I’m typing this at 12:57 AM, watching American Idol Rewind and just finished eating a banana, an apple and 2 mozzarella cheese sticks.
I believe that “regular” or un-induced nightmares are fairly easy to exit in most cases, meaning, I can identify them as a dream and can close them out, BUT nightmares that come after taking some kind of medicine or sleeping pill are painfully hard to close out or wake up from. This one I just had contained so many familiar faces and people that it blurred reality and fiction as quickly as it started and I couldn’t tell is I was awake or asleep most of the time. Wow. It was so hard to exit. I’m going to try the whole “sleep-thing” again now that it is 2:00 AM and see what happens.
Monday, November 13, 2006
This morning came with no after effects of this morning’s mind-games, thank God (truly).
CC came right after work this morning. It is remarkable to me how she brings light with her wherever she goes and coming to me brings me peace and rest, just seeing her.
We talked more and made some phone calls for hooking up with Kaiser’s Nutrition Department and Member Services. We also put a call in to Aflac regarding my disability. While she was here my neurologist came in to see me and it was a very helpful meeting with him. He is certain that I have two very rare conditions (Hyperaldosteronism and HKPP) and feels it is likely that I may have issues with Hyperkalemia as well as Hypokalemia, in that I suffered from excessive potassium in my system as well. He feels that my system is fairly unstable versus a normal body which manages itself chemically and such internally. Mine does not manage itself and has become increasingly unstable requiring closer attention to my wellbeing. He completely agrees that I must get the Cardy meter even if Kaiser won’t purchase it. He feels it will be a critical part of our puzzle in keeping me in balance. He was also concerned at my excessive sweating (I now have had to have my bed sheets changed 3 to 4 times a day due to my sweating through the linens. I have had to change gowns 3 to 5 times a day as well since I have been getting up and around on my own) and cold limbs, but doesn’t know what that is at this point. He also let us know he had a lengthy conversation with my Nephrologist, Dr. Stewart, who has been managing my BP meds. We are very encouraged by this because we believe one of the real keys for getting through this faster than not, is to have the doctors in communication with each other and trying to work together.
Shortly after he left my new doctor, Dr. Mitchell, came in who took over my care from Dr. Hussa, who worked the weekend. We got caught up with him and he noted that I’m now one just TWO BP meds; Spironolactone and Atenolol. I came in taking, like 5 or something like that. Anyway, he expects me to be able to leave tomorrow or Wednesday if my BP remains in the “normal” range. Light at the end of this particular tunnel! The meeting and introduction was very cool for both CC and me. We are making progress.
After he left, CC left to go and pick up the kids and grab dinner and bring them all back to see me. While she was gone, my Physical Therapist came back and we did some exercises and went for a walk, WITHOUT the use of the cane, thank you very much. When we returned, Sara Dills was at my room door and she and I talked for 15 minutes or so before she had to leave. It was SO good to see her and have a visitor. She’s one of my colleagues at work, with whom I work with each weekend and for all dramatic events and such (being that she’d the Director for Worship Arts). It was great to see her. She was unaware of what happened on Wednesday even though she attended the same meeting that CC and I were attending when this whole thing began.
When CC returned with the kids, she brought me a couple more movies and what Missy had said she wanted to bring me today; a frozen yogurt. I enjoyed about a third of the yogurt and began to get cold so I stopped eating it and decided to go for a walk to warm up…Wrong call. Though nothing substantial came of it, due to my sweating and remaining in bed, my gown was again wet and the combination of having eaten the frozen yogurt with the cool air on the gown began to give me shivers. I took the blanket CC had brought me from home and she helped me put it over my shoulders and we began to walk and I made it a short distance when I knew I was going to have chills shortly, so we returned to the room and I put the blanket around me and a nurse came in to change my bedding. Once the bedding was changed, I got back into bed and had the blanket still around me and in a matter of a minute or two, my body temp was back to normal and rising again. I’m like my own microwave oven…
I watched one of the movies she brought the day before, “Click”, which ended just as she and the kids arrived today. The second movie she brought “Underworld: Evolution”, was one I had asked for and though most of my friends now wouldn’t watch it and I KNOW CC would never watch it (it’s about vampires and lycans i.e. werewolves), it touches that part of me from my youth that really enjoyed D&D and fantasy role play. The movie is shot incredibly and it is impressively produced and directed. I was going to watch it tonight, but thought better of it since I had so much fun with the nightmare from a previous evening.
It was a quiet night after the family left and I called it a night after watching some more TV.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I just finished watching “Underworld” and the doctor came in to let me know that my potassium has remained between 4.5 and 4.7 and that I am taking 50mg of Atenolol morning and night and now on 100mg of Spironolactone morning and night and THAT’S IT! How COOL! He said that I can go home today! I asked for the caution light numbers for the BP and he said if it goes into the low 100’s or above the 140’s. Also that if it does go there, to just head in to Emergency because it is very likely that I will end up there shortly thereafter. We MUST get the potassium meter ASAP to avoid as much of this as possible. With it, we can monitor my potassium and better know when to administer it and when not to take it. If an attack begins, theoretically, CC can get a reading from me and know within a minute or so as to my K+ level.
I’m so pleased to close this chapter of “medical visitation”.
It’s my intent to post this on the Blog site that I know has been vacant now for a week, so that folks can learn of what has gone on these last 6 days and I won’t have to email everyone the same thing or bother folks with it who don’t necessarily want to know.
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