Wednesday mornin'

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Good morning-
I slept for 12 hours last night...Go figure. It's hard to describe how it feels to sleep back in familiar surroundings and not be woken up every 3 hours for another poke in the arm or medicine due. It is SO GOOD to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie completely freaked out when she saw me. I had come in from the van and gotten onto the couch while Annie was outside and CC came to the patio doorway and Annie came to greet her and CC said "Where's daddy?" and she said that Annie cocked her head, and BOLTED into the living room where she couldn't control her excitement, licked me, then ran in a couple circles, licked me again ran some more circles and then ran outside to the back yard and ran laps around the hedge, full speed, which is something she does when she's excited. At close to 90lbs, I'm thankful the patio door was Open when she bolted outside. She spent the next number of hours coming and and checking on me, lying down beside the couch, often where I could lower my hand and touch her head. It's so cool to have the love of a pet.

Speechless. A very good and long time friend came by last night and brought us a gift to enable us to afford the Cardy meter. I haven't gotten to see him much just due to life schedules, mostly on my side, and our friendship goes back to my college days where we began a very cool and long lasting friendship. His visit last night just blew me away. He and I will always have a depth to our friendship which will be unlike any other, which is undoubtedly a God-thing and blessing. I'm still humbled to bottom of my heart.
Life for a life, bro.

My job for the next several days is to remember that I cannot do and move like I used to right now and to choose not to be angry and frustrated by that. I don't want to use a cane. I don't want to walk slowly. I don't want to have to ask for help. I know this isn't necessarily forever, but it always feels like it at the time. I have to accept that I cannot be alone for long periods of time or be places that people don't know about, in that I have to let people know where I am going to be so I'm not stuck in a situation where I've got no one knowing where I am. I have to keep my cell phone charged and likely change my quick-dial numbers to include 911, something that makes all kinds of sense, even if you aren't sick or at risk. I don't want my kids or wife scared anymore. Missy and Josh were scared that I wouldn't come home from the hospital, and I know it's not my fault, but I DO feel responsible for their fear of it. Case in point, CC just called and said she had visited Josh at school during lunch time today and had to bring Joshy into his classroom before lunch ended because he would not let her leave without tears and cries that she can't leave him. Much of it is due to age and emotions par for that course, but this has become intense since my attack last Wednesday. It is so hard on them. I don't want my family or friends feeling helpless to do something . I'll get through all this, I know it, but right now it's hard to do.
*Bleh*
Well, that's it for the morning, I guess.
Thank you for your emails; they are healing notes in this time of life.
We shall see what the afternoon holds in store...

peace all-
w